


Dollhouse

by AZWorld



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-25
Updated: 2018-11-19
Packaged: 2019-02-20 07:03:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 14
Words: 103,773
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13141524
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AZWorld/pseuds/AZWorld
Summary: Five-0 Commander Steve McGarrett did not know what to expect when he first walked into Dr. Sam Harris' office for his psyche evaluation. But would he get more than he bargained for? Could Sam hold the key to his salvation or will Steve's treatment lead him down a dark path from which there is no escape... and no return?





	1. Prologue

**Chapter 1: Prologue**

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**Hi everyone! My name is A-ZWorld, I have shortened it to Az for easy reference:) I am posting my first story here and I hope you like it.**

**Read First:**

**\- This story takes place mostly between Seasons 5 and 6. I have changed the sequence of certain events from the show. I have moved the story arc of Meredith Grey, the serial killer psychiatrist from Season 7 to Season 5 before Steve was captured by Wo Fat and before Steve managed to kill him. As a result, Alicia Brown will feature in this story. I have also kept Chin, Kono and Max in this story. Chin has already adopted Sara by this point.**

**\- The other time period is 2005 which only appears in flashbacks so I will specify when they occur and there may be future sequences later on.**

**Disclaimer:** **I do not own any of the characters or any rights to the show except my OCs. This story carries a warning for language, sex as well as triggers for assault and PTSD (You have been WARNED).**

**If some words look like typos to some readers please do not be alarmed, I use the British spelling not the American.**

**This story has no beta and any and all errors are mine.**

**If you like this story, please review or PM me and please add me to your favourites:) Like I said it's my first story here and I could really use the encouragement:)**

**Great! Now that the boring stuff is out of the way... Let's get on with it...**

* * *

**Prologue**

***Present Day* Santorini, Greece**

A silent moan echoed through the night. The north stars peppered the evening sky and she took a second to admire them before the pain in her insides flamed anew. Her wounds would have to be hidden.  _She_ had to be hidden. She looked out the window, hoping to draw some calm from the normally pearly Aegean Sea but it was pitch black and foreboding outside. The normally crashing waves seemed to fizzle silently, but ominously, and did nothing to override her agonised whimpers. This had been going on all afternoon. She first saw the trail of blood at the same time the crystal blue Santorini sky began to bleed an ombre red and then the sun began its descent for the day. Alana Keo took this as a sign from Mother Nature herself. She was always in tune with her surroundings, natural or otherwise. Her eyes widened as the blood began to stream steadily from her lower body. She could have been at the hospital, sitting in the comfort of a private suite, her wounds being tended to by physicians but for her, the option was no longer possible. She would be facing the CIA before she even made it through the door. She would rather die than be hauled from the hospital by some half-assed coffee-drunk rookie looking to earn a CIA cookie and badge. Lana sighed at this.

Her body began to convulse as she lay on her back on the wooden floor. The pain was excruciating, radiating through her every pore but not a sound left her lips as she bit them to keep the moans suppressed. She tried to keep her breathing even but her breaths were short and laboured and came out like dry heaving.  _Stop it Lana..._  she scolded herself, and just like that, her body began to melt. She still felt every jarring torment in every cell of her body, but her reaction was what had changed. She refused to respond to the pain but she needed it to understand what her body was trying to tell her.  _She_ had to be in control, nothing else.

The once warm towels were now soggy and wet with blood and Lana lamented slightly about the mess as she lifted her hand shakily towards the bowl on the floor next to her. She lifted a sterilised scalpel from the bowl and twisted it in her hand. Its heat however, brought her some comfort even as its sharp tip almost winked at her. Another woman, a lesser woman would be terrified at the idea of what she was about to do. This lesser woman could have been a trained surgeon like Lana but she would never have even a fraction of the courage that she had managed to muster. This made Lana smile, even caused her to let out a light laugh. She was better than these weak women, but like a lot of these weak women, she was also where she was because she had crossed a man. He was man who had not only destroyed her perfect existence but eviscerated her very identity, the name that she had built for herself, the ego that she had taken her entire life to garner.

She took a second to think about the man who had put her in this position, the man who not only wounded her, but isolated her in her suffering. She wondered whether he was suffering as well, whether he looked out to the ocean, on the other side of the world, for the same deep seeded answers to the same unanswerable questions...  _How did we get here? How could we have done this to each other?_ Her small shaking frame relaxed at the thought. She closed her eyes, bit down on a sponge in case she screamed and pictured his face as she brought the scalpel down on her abdomen and sliced steady. Her hands never shook as her body began to tear open. Her blood began seeping through her fingers, warming them, spilling over her thighs and waistline. Small beads of sweat began to form on her forehead but she had to keep going. She had to get this done... And she did. She knew that she would meet him again. It was practically fated. She could not wait to see his face. His name was the only thing she could comprehend as a strained, whimpering cry plucked the thin cords in the atmosphere around her, vibrating the very air she breathed. This very cry was her salvation as she whispered the man's name...  _Steve..._

* * *

**_*At the same time in Hawaii*_ **

On the other side of the world, even with the tropical Hawaiian sun blanketing him in warmth in his office, Commander Steve McGarrett was almost crippled by a heart-stopping chill that froze every cell in his body...

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**What do you think so far? Loved it? Hated it? Should I continue? Please like and review! It would mean the world to me:)**


	2. Chapter 1

**Chapter 2: Chapter 1**

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**Disclaimer:** **Same as before. I don't own H5-0, just my OC's and the non-canon portions of the plot.**

* * *

**Chapter 1**

**_*18 Months Earlier- Hawaii*_ **

Dr. Sam Harris' waiting room was spacious, luxurious even, but entirely cold and empty. One could not call it "sterile" though, no. The walls were a rich marble cream and the furniture was understated yet elegant. The real pop of colour however, came from the framed abstract art pieces that hung like wreaths around the room. There were various splashes of colours on each canvas, oranges mixing with reds and purples, blues and greens swirling into lighter shades creating a dream-like, almost ombre effect. It was understated, classic and expensive. Steve took this time to examine his surroundings. He was alone in the waiting area despite there being a reception. The magazines on the coffee table, all latest issues, also piqued his curiosity. He expected the titles to be more... hmm... what was the word he was looking for? Yes...  _macho..._ Like "Men's Health" or "GQ", maybe even something trashy and mind-numbing such as "Cosmo" but what stared back at him garnered his admiration much to his chagrin... What met his eyes were "Time", "The Economist" and "Classic Architecture Today".  _Dr. Sam Harris is one classy guy_ , Steve huffed in annoyance.

Steve was proud of himself for staying this long. The minute he had walked into the doctor's office the reality of where he was had made his stomach plummet all the way to this knees and the overwhelming urge to flee staggered him like an unfamiliar reflex.  _No!_  He had thought...  _Steve McGarrett is no quitter..._  Besides, if he left now he would never hear the end of it from Danny and Joe. He thought about lying that he had kept this appointment but Joe would have his hide and his partner would wade through his bullshit in a heartbeat, Danny and Joe were two people who always knew.

Steve muttered a small curse under his breath. It was his own fault for being weak. It all began when his former SEAL team Commander Joe White had insisted to Governor Denning that Steve could put off his military psyche evaluations no longer. The entire scene had played out just a week ago at the Governor's office...

* * *

***One week prior***

"I don't see why you are making such a big deal out of this Commander White." Said Governor Denning in an even yet strained tone. Steve stood to attention. His face betrayed nothing but his nerves were running through his body at a thousand miles per minute. He could feel the anger radiating from Governor Denning but the man's hands were tied. Steve was still enlisted on the Reserves with the SEALS. He was practically on loan to the State of Hawaii and to the service of Governor Denning in order to run Five-0. One would think being regarded as a possession would be troubling to a man like Steve but he barely registered it. He was a soldier above all else. He would take his orders and carry on. But that didn't mean he had to be happy about it. He almost felt sorry for Governor Denning while he roasted like an ant under a sunny magnifying glass when Joe fixed his thousand-yard stare on him.

To Denning's credit though, he refused to back down. "Steve has already been passed by an HPD approved psychologist and has been back on active duty with Five-0 ever since!" Joe snorted with derision. Denning's frown deepened and Steve had a sinking feeling that things were about to get a whole lot worse before they got better. "Steve is a SEAL. Not HPD. He has to be subjected to a  **military approved psychiatric evaluation**." Joe enunciated every word as if he were talking to a bratty child. He continued, "He has been assigned to be examined by military psychiatrist Dr. Andrew Liam Holden and until then,  **Governor** , he as well as your task force are to be suspended from operation. These were the conditions for his transfer from the SEALS and you will do well to remember it."

"Don't forget who you are speaking to, I am the Governor of the State of Hawaii!" Denning fumed and shook with rage. Joe smirked arrogantly, "And please remember that you are speaking to Steve's Commander and when I speak, I speak with authority from the US Navy."

Steve could see this was about to escalate and forced himself to step in. "With respect sirs..." He looked at both men. "There is absolutely no reason to take this any further than it should go, it's just a matter of one appointment and the sooner this is over with, the sooner I can get back to work." Denning huffed in annoyance and then his shoulders slumped in consent. Steve exhaled at the diffusion of the situation. "I shall make an appointment with Dr. Holden today, please excuse me." And with that, Steve gave a Joe a small sarcastic salute, nodded at Governor Denning and clicked his boots together before swerving around and marching out of the office, leaving the two surprised men in his wake.

* * *

"You're kidding me right?!" Shot Detective Danny Williams as Steve finished his tale of woe at the Five-0 office. "How in the world are we supposed to send Sang Min under cover to catch that trafficking ring now?" "Danny..." Steve started but that was all he could get out, Hurricane Williams was in full-force, "Don't  _Danny_  me STEVEN! We have been planning this op for weeks! This trafficking shipment is due on the island next week and you're telling me that we are no longer authorised to run this op because you can't translate a few ink blots into a coherent picture? You know you can make up any crap and they will pass you as long as you don't say something disturbing like seeing the Devil, or over-priced coffee or Lindsay Lohan as president right?! I mean did you even try saying that you see bunnies, or koalas or fluffy kittens?!"

"Well in my defence, I didn't fail our psyche eval!" said Steve in exasperation. "Think of this like... Umm... A paid vacation." He tried weakly. He didn't think it was possible but Danny's face turned even redder and he could see his biceps tensing underneath his shirt as he prepared to flail his arm in the air in a full-blown Danny rant á la Rumpelstiltskin.

"Why are they making you re-take the eval anyway?" Asked Chin, attempting to diffuse Danny otherwise they would never be able to get him to stop.

"Some administrative bureaucracy crap about a SEAL needing a military-grade psyche eval from a military psychiatrist" Said Steve, pulling the last two words 'military psychiatrist' in a tone of mocking condescension. "I made an appointment with Dr. Holden for tomorrow, so Danny, chill brother. This will all be over before you know it. So since the day is almost over and we are temporarily disbanded, I was thinking we should knock off early and grab a few beers, I'll buy!" said Steve cheerily. "Oh you most definitely are Bossman!" laughed Kono. She flipped her wrist and encased in her nimble pick-pocketing fingers was Steve's wallet." "Mahalo!" smiled Lou who grabbed the wallet from Kono and lead the way out the door with Jerry. The rest of the gang followed in a fit of laughter, all except Steve of course.

* * *

 _This is ridiculous!_  Fumed Steve as he glared at the young doctor with his shiny new Parker pen and cream textured pad. Dr. Holden looked like he should be in a robotics club, not in the military.  _Has this noob even seen combat?!_ Steve was practically livid.

"So Commander..." Smiled Holden brightly. Steve began to grind his teeth in annoyance. "Is there anything you would like to discuss? Anything you feel comfortable talking to me about? I mean I have read your file and I know you aren't always the most co-operative when it comes to evals."

 _No shit Sherlock! Who wants to have a moron like you inside their head?! And asking me where I wish to start? Really? Where did you get your degree from? Taco Bell?_  Steve practically sneered at him. He was no shrink but even he knew that asking open-ended questions did nothing but hand control over to the patient. This was going to be easier than selling Girl Scout cookies with Sara (With her cute puppy eyes and his boy-next-door charm they were, to date, invincible).

"Well doctor to be honest, things haven't always been easy. After my dad's death and my sudden departure from the Navy, I struggled to cope with returning to civilian life." Holden nearly dropped his pen as he reached for his recorder and fumbled to switch it on. Steve could only look on incredulously.

"Go on Commander." He said like a false sage.

"Well I don't know how I would have been able to cope without my  _ohana_  here and to tell you the truth, saving lives and putting the bad guys away seems to have made all the difference." He watched Holden's enraptured face.

Steve then schooled his features before he went on. His eyes twinkled with intensity, "Doctor Holden I know a man like you would understand how rewarding it is to make a difference in someone's life. To me, Five-0 is not just a job. It is a way for me to cope with the losses I have suffered." The doctor nodded enthusiastically as Steve smiled. "Let me tell you about my team..."

* * *

The next day Five-0 was finalising their paperwork in the common area from their last closed case when Joe stormed into the office looking absolutely livid. He fixed his laser-eyes on Steve. "We need to talk... Alone." He motioned to Steve's office and walked in, not waiting for Steve's invitation.

Steve walked in, closed the door behind him and walked behind his desk. He wondered however, how much privacy they could possibly have with his entire office having being walled off and partitioned with glass.

"What the fuck is this Steve?!" Joe shouted as he flung a folder in front of Steve on his desk. The rest of the gang stopped what they were doing and looked on. Steve picked up the folder and looked inside. "It's the results of my eval. I passed." He shrugged indifferently.

"Like fuck you did!" Shouted Joe. "Don't play me for a fool Commander I read that entire report. I know exactly when you bullshit, I know you better than you know yourself! That diaper fresh shrink Holden may not know you but don't think you can fuck with me for one second! I trained you! Do you understand me?! You don't think I would check on your progress before I signed you off?" Steve had the good grace to look sheepish.

"Do you sleep at night? Do you have a full night's sleep every night?" Joe asked, his voice suddenly desperate. "Tell me you don't see Wo Fat in your dreams, tell me you don't hear the gun salute at your father's funeral, tell me..." He paused in exasperation. "Tell me you don't see Jenna Kaye's empty, unblinking eyes staring into nothingness, what about Randy and Jack huh? Tell me you see none of them when you close your eyes at night and I swear on my life I will sign you off right here, right now Steve... Tell me!"

Steve's downcast eyes told Joe everything he needed to know.

Joe's shoulders slumped, he took Steve by the shoulder and led him the office couch and sat him down next him. "We have lost so many brothers Steve. I can't count on my fingers how many good men I have lost in the field. I carry their sacrifice with me every day, everywhere that I go." Steve looked up at him, his eyes clouding over. The memories began to surface in Steve's mind, memories that he tried too hard to repress when he woke everyday and donned his mask of normalcy before he stepped out of his house to head to work.

"It's devastating when we lose brothers in the field but it is a choice we all make, it is a promise that we all make to our country when we take on the responsibilities of being a SEAL but do you know which loss is most unbearable?" Joe looked at Steve intently. Steve's eyes misted at the realisation.

"We lose everything when our brothers and sons come home safely from the field only to be destroyed in the aftermath, to suffer senselessly because no one can see that they need support, that they need help. No one can deal with the aftermath of war alone Steve, it is not humanly possible." Joe's voice hitched but only slightly. He needed Steve to understand, Steve was the closest thing he had to a son and he would be damned if he saw his son drowning and not support him, not try to get him the help he needed. Joe White would never forgive himself.

"Steve sometimes it is impossible to see it coming, we can't blame ourselves when we don't see the signs because men like us are trained to mask our pain, but do you think you can handle this by yourself? What you are going through does not make you weak, it is inevitable! Every man who has seen continuous combat shall definitely reach a breaking point and if a person in charge like me cannot throw my sons a lifeline in their time of need then I might as well hang it up right here right now."

"I'm sorry Joe." Whispered Steve. "Please don't think that I don't take this seriously, but I am fine, really. I have everything under control and I have been sleeping." Steve looked into Joe's eyes pleading with him to understand. He needed Five-0. With his  _ohana_ by his side he could conquer anything.

"I have made an appointment with Dr. Sam Harris for tomorrow at 09:30 am sharp. Here is the address and the cell number." Joe said simply, handing Steve a piece of paper. "Don't be late." And with that Joe got up and walked out with a hollow smile of farewell and acknowledgement to the others.

Danny looked on at his partner, at his brother. The shock and anguish on his face was evident. The psyche eval was no longer a joke, Steve needed help and Danny Williams would do whatever was necessary to make sure he got it.

* * *

***Dr. Sam Harris' Office- The Next Day***

Steve blew out a breath he did not know he was holding. It was 09:29 am and the minute the dials of the clock hit 09:30 am, a woman opened the door next to reception and stepped out. To say Steve McGarrett was surprised would be an understatement.

The woman that stepped out seemed to have walked off a canvas. She was not tall, maybe 5'3 with cascading dark hair and the most hypnotic eyes that Steve had ever seen in his life. They were not just green or blue or grey or brown but such a combination of colours that one would swear that every hue of nature had been hand-woven into those jewel irises. The light bounced off her dark, earthy, saucer-like pupils in a golden-hazel accentuate, practically setting them on fire which then melted into reflections of fireworks of starburst red and purple. The outer layer of her pupils were rings of twinkling green which faded into a deep cascading water blue further extending out into the most beautiful and prominent misty grey. She walked near towards him, not breaking eye contact. In normal human interactions, one party in an eye lock would always shy away uncomfortably but this woman stared on boldly, not breaking eye contact with him, as if she was deliberately holding Steve under her spell. Her eyes reflected every element in nature, including the intangible element of pure magic. Steve himself was too mesmerised and spell-bound to look away.

His eyes followed her as she walked past him to behind the reception desk, her glowing skin practically absorbing every form of light that dared touch her face. She was an absolute goddess. Steve's heart began to thump in his chest and his adrenaline spiked. He was in shock. He had been around many beautiful women before, swimsuit models, celebrities, even royalty but he had never reacted this strongly to a woman. Not even...  _Catherine..._  Normally the thought of the woman who abandoned him would leave his stomach in knots but this time, while looking at the woman behind the desk, Catherine's memory floated into his mind like a gentle breeze before evaporating into the ether of the magnificence of the woman before him.

She reached on the top of the desk and pulled out a file, her eyes never leaving his. "Steve McGarrett?" She asked. Her voice was soft, barely a whisper, as if she was not used to raising it, as if she spoke specifically to beckon someone closer to her just so they could hear her better. It was as if her soft voice could be used as an excuse to come closer and admire her. Steve remained frozen on the spot, his eyes never leaving her. He didn't even blink.

"Are you Steve?" She tried again and smiled, showing slight dimples on each cheek, the only dents in an otherwise ethereal face. Steve shook his head.  _How does Sammy boy here get any work done with a receptionist like that!_  He wondered. The woman walked around the desk, stood in front of him with her dazzling smile firmly in place and held out her hand, "I am Dr. Samantha Harris. It's a pleasure to meet you my sailor."

* * *

**Author's Note: For this story, Steve and Catherine are definitely broken up. They were in a serious relationship but Steve was not about to propose to her just yet. Oh... and he has never met Lynn... I personally am not a fan of the pairing.**

**So what do you think? Like and review please! Pretty please?**


	3. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

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**Hi everyone! I have another update:) I wish to take this opportunity to thank the guest who gave me my first Kudos:) And to those who read but didn't review or give any feedback I would like to thank you all nonetheless, I really appreciate the traffic and that you took the time to read:D**

**Disclaimer: Same as Chapter 1 and will continue to be the same for the foreseeable future.**

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**Chapter 2**

His years in the SEALS had taught him to be ready for any surprise, any eventuality. Steve however, could not help but mentally backpedal as he shook Sam's soft, supple hands. They were tiny but held a hidden athletic strength. Her hand fit into his like a glove and her grip was sure and confident. She was petite but perky. Her bountiful breasts strained against the rich fabric of her blouse and her luscious curves were accented by her crisp tailored formal pants. She exuded confidence, arrogance even and seemed to revel in Steve's discomfort. Her eyes shone with a hidden intelligence, it was if every twitch of her features were mocking Steve, taunting him. Her eyes told him that she was confident that she had him all figured out, that their session hereafter would be a mere formality. Steve was not used to being on the back burner like this. It made him immediately defensive and despite his promise to Joe to take this seriously, he found himself resolving to make this session as hard on her as possible.

Sam looked into the eyes of who was possibly the most handsome man she had ever seen. She had not only read his file but had heard so much about him, from his superiors and his SEAL brothers as well, many of whom were her patients. Some of them had never even served with Steve but he seemed to be their poster boy hero. When Commander Joe White had approached Sam and advised her of her latest assignment she was delighted. A chance to examine and analyse a man like Steve was a career-making opportunity, one that she desperately needed as a young psychiatrist. As she went through his file, she had been mildly intrigued, not only by his past and his service but his picture as well.  _A picture that may have been good but one that definitely did not do him justice_  she thought.

She had noticed that Steve's pupils had dilated as he locked eyes with her.  _So he is not as immune as he would like me to believe._ The thought made her feel unbelievably smug. She never took her eyes off his, and watched them harden from sapphire to a steel grey as he shook his head. The spell was broken for now, she could see the wariness in his eyes, and she could feel the new charge in the air around him as if his very aura caressed her. His training had kicked in. He was aware that he had given her the upper hand in the first few seconds of their meeting and not only was he regretting it, but he was now looking for a way to gain the upper hand again. Sam could practically see the gears turning in his mind. She was positive he was going to make this session as difficult on her as possible.  _Well my new sailor..._  She smiled impishly, dimples in full effect,  _Game on..._

Shall we? She asked, letting go of his hands as she motioned towards the door of her consulting suite. Steve followed and held the door for her. Sam mentally acknowledged the chivalry but did not thank him. Such manners were commonplace for a military man, Steve was not being deliberately polite, such manners were ingrained into him. She glided in before him and then he closed the door behind him and looked around.

The room was spacious, almost comforting. On his right was a desk with two visiting chairs in front and a leather swivel chair with a medium backrest behind it. The swivel chair was not too large, it would be too ostentatious for a woman as petite as Sam, it would look as if she were trying too hard. Various pieces of art matching the ones in the waiting room lent colour and atmosphere while a number of framed certificates and qualifications hung behind her desk. Steve took a second to examine them. She had graduated  _magna cum laude_ in medicine from Harvard and had served her surgical and psychiatric residency in Johns Hopkins.  _So she is a surgeon as well?!_  Steve was impressed to say the least. To his left was a floor-to-ceiling bookshelf; methodically lined with what he could only assume were various medical books and journals. This display annoyed him and his eyebrow furrowed on their own accord. It seemed too pretentious. He wondered how many of those books she had actually read. There was a small but fancy coffee bar tucked in the corner closest to the door. The divan-like couch in the far end parallel to a French door opened to the most spectacular ocean view and had a matching cream wing-back armchair in front, presumably for her. There was a door in the corner next to her desk which probably lead to a washroom.

The good doctor seemed quite young to have such a swanky office. Between the tasteful furniture, the expensive artwork, the rich Turkish rug and the  _avant-garde_  cream tapestry surrounding the walls, the entire place screamed family money. Perhaps a graduation present from wealthy parents. It spoke nothing of her experience or her success in her field. He was resentful that Joe thought this wide-eyed college graduate would have the grit and skills to analyse him.

 _Joe..._ He remembered wistfully as he automatically took long strides towards the divan couch and made a show of sighing and seating himself without laying back. He sat ramrod straight and to attention. If Sam had noticed, she gave no indication. Steve had no idea whether she was oblivious due to inexperience or whether his defiant posture made no difference to her.

Sam took her seat on the wing-back chair. She had no notepad, no pen and no recorder. She simply folded her slender legs gracefully beneath the seats, placed each hand palm-down resting on the arms of the wing chair, deliberately keeping her posture open and inviting. She looked at Steve and began simply. "So Commander White has filled me in on what had happened with Dr. Holden. Let me be frank from the outset Commander that such a tactic will not get you off the hook that easily, not with me." Her voice was again barely above a whisper, but the lower register sank into Steve more effectively than if she had shouted at him and burst his eardrums.

He looked up at her defiantly, deliberately holding her gaze to prove to her that, contrary to what happened earlier, he would not be intimidated by her.

He realised now that he had not yet spoken a word to her. He refused to clear his throat, specifically to avoid giving her any importance. "I was not trying to be difficult, but it was clear that he didn't know what he was doing." His voice sounded gruff to his own ears. To his own alarm, he realised he had not used it since the night before. Living alone didn't give him any opportunities to sustain long conversations, unless his  _ohana_ ever visited. His eyes blanked for a second as he thought of them wistfully. His focus shifted for a split second as he allowed himself to indulge in thoughts of his team, drawing strength from their memories to help get him through this. He was doing this for them as much as he was doing this for himself.

Sam took this moment to run her eyes over him as well. His voice was exactly how she had imagined it to be, husky with a gentle tinge of male ego. The SEAL before her was all man, from the tips of his dark hair, to his steel eyes, tanned tattooed biceps, lean muscles all the way down to his cargo boots. He was a man used to being in charge, rigid.

"Well Commander, you are a tactician and you are trained to be. I, on the other hand, had to garner this skill and correct me if I am wrong, but from where I am sitting you have one of two options. One, you can do us both a favour and swallow the bitter pill of co-operation so we can both walk out unscathed..."

"And the other?" Steve asked simply, fixing her pointedly with his intimidating thousand-yard stare.

Sam squared her shoulders, straightened her back and puffed out her perky chest in a show of bravado. He was trying to get her to back down but she would have none of it. It was as if he were saying...  _Or else?_ He was trying to gauge her reaction. He hadn't even known her for an hour yet so he was trying to see how far he could push her.  _What will you do about it?_ His eyes mocked her, her diminutive frame and her porcelain features, a face that seemed bereft of the wisdom of hardship and combat.

He knew what the second option was, he would not be cleared for active duty and his team would have to continue without him. He would have to go on a sabbatical, trying to convince an old coot of a therapist that he could fire a gun without having a panic attack, but he wanted to hear her say it.

But Sam didn't just speak, she sneered at him. "Two, you are committed to the Tripler against your will, labelled a danger to yourself and society and believe me when I say that I will take great pleasure in shooting you up with so many drugs you won't even remember your own name. If you aren't crazy now, you will definitely go crazy in there, I would bet my left ventricle on it. You would not know whether you are awake or asleep, whether you are alive or dead and I will tell you why  _Commander..."_ She shot up from her chair, swiftly, silently and deadly, like a cat. She stretched each arm over the couch where he sat, on either side of him, caging him with her arms, forcing him to hold her intense fiery gaze. Her voice lowered menacingly, her right dimple forming a crooked, cruel smirk. "This field of medicine is the ultimate form of devotion to the healing of the human body, soul and psyche. These books you see on the shelves..." She lifted her left arm, gesturing to the books, her hypnotic gaze never leaving his, like a tigress trapping a deer in her stare. "Yes I have read every single one of them. They are our bibles and gospels, this institution is in itself a temple and as for me?  **I...am...God.** " Her voice did not raise an octave as she said this. Not a cell in her body trembled as she made her threats. She believed every word she said. A man three times her size would have flinched when making such a promise but Sam did not falter for a second. She was more than scrappy, she was downright menacing.

"So now it is up to you my dear Commander. Do you want to do this the easy way? Or will you give me an early Christmas present and allow me to haul your ass all the way to the in-patient ward here in the Tripler so I can give you a pharmaceutical lobotomy? I can assure you, either way, I would be delighted."

Steve was not afraid of her, but he was definitely intrigued. His sixth sense however, twitched in warning. This woman was dangerous, she was asserting her dominance in this relationship but for the first time in his life, trapped in the mesmerising gaze of this Goddess, Steve McGarrett ignored his instincts. He decided he respected this fiery woman. She was not to be trifled with.  _She could have made one heck of a SEAL_. He was surprised at how proud he felt.

"Well you certainly have more going for you than Holden." He said, trying to pacify her.

"It is not my place, professionally or otherwise to comment on Dr. Holden's approach" said Sam in a matter-of fact lilt as she straightened her dainty frame to stand before him. She looked down on him as he sat before her but even sitting; he was still formidably tall compared to her.

Steve could not help but smile at that. "So you know him huh..." It wasn't a question; it was a simple but direct observation.

The golden halo in Sam's eyes flared, but her expression was not controlled or neutral as Steve expected. In fact, she seemed downright smug. "We are... unfortunate colleagues, he is... to say the least..." She paused, her nose twitched slightly as she contemplated her next words.

Steve expected that she was trying to find a professional and politically correct way to describe her colleague Holden but her next words threw him a curve ball, "A halfwit..." She finished. Steve could not help but smile.  _Baby Girl's got spunk_  he thought. "That's quite a bold statement to make Dr. Harris." He teased.

"It is not about boldness my sailor I can assure you, I simply cannot bring myself to suffer fools, and I think that you can relate." Her precious eyes twinkled conspiratorially.

"So where do we begin?" Asked Steve, passively going along with her attempts at forming a camaraderie. He was eager to get on with it as well. As delightful as this woman was, he had a job and a family to get back to, and no-one was going to stand in his way. He waited for Sam to take out a recorder or notepad and steeled himself for the back-and-forth of Twenty Questions, but it seemed like this woman was going out of her way to surprise him.

Sam looked down upon him seated on the divan. She crossed her arms under her breasts, cushioning and lifting them higher and stated simply, "We start with a game of one-on-one basketball. There is a court out back; could you wait there for me? I will join you in ten minutes."

* * *

As they stepped out into the waiting area Steve's eyes were drawn once again to the paintings. The colours seemed to be the focal point of the room and they were as beautiful as they were mysterious.

"They were painted by a French artist by the name of Fournier" whispered Sam behind him. "I love that his work is so subjective yet his strokes are so brash, so brazen and almost apathetic. There is a peace in his chaos, a peace we all long for, a smile... even in death."

Steve turned and looked at her.  _Who talks like that?_  He wondered in amazement.

"Don't look so shocked my sailor." She smiled, mocking him. "He was a struggling artist but he always had something passionate and powerful to say. If you think these pieces say a lot, then one day I will show you his last canvas. It is truly magnificent. I had to max out my credit card to buy his collection but I had developed a bit of an obsession with him. You can clearly see why. His work draws you in, enraptures you but the longer you look, the more chances of the rug being pulled out from under you. Now come on, off to the court, you are wearing cargo pants and a t-shirt but I have to change to meet you there."

And with that she breezed back into her office and shut the door. Steve heard the turn of the key and the  _click_  of the lock and was left standing alone looking at Fournier's ' _Chaos'_  with a fresh chill running down his spine as his blood inexplicably froze in his veins.

* * *

The sun beat down on him as he stood in the middle of the court waiting for her. His breath hitched in his throat as he saw her gliding towards him. She had traded her crisp black-and-white tailored attire for a t-shirt and work-out pants. Her high heels were gone; in their stead were black sneakers that made her seem even tinier if that were possible. She had managed to keep her look casual yet professional and still managed to put some distance between them. It was then that the thought hit Steve,  _How could they possibly play one-on-one_? There was no universe in which they were evenly matched and he didn't think Joe would take too kindly to him roughing up his therapist on a basketball court.

"You sure you wanna do this?" He called out to her. She simply grabbed a ball from the edge of the court in response and walked to the middle of the field. She looked up, her eyes blazing at the hoop that stood so high above her. The sun infused her dark brown hair with golden highlights, creating a halo effect. She blinked once and launched the ball high into the air. Her aim was sure and her target held true as it kissed the basket. As the ball bounced back down, she walked forward, caught it mid-air and flung it his chest. "Game on my sailor." She smiled. "First to five wins."

The game had officially begun. Steve himself was not very adept at basketball. Football had always been his sport and he thought about one of his earlier cases with Danny when he played a convict in the prison yard in exchange for information. He had to rough the guy up to hold onto the ball and because he was not used to aiming, he had to take full advantage of his height and dunk the ball in to secure his victory. He realised now that he hadn't gotten much better since then and decided that dunking was the only way to go.

He bounced the ball up and down, effectively blocking Sam before taking it to his side of the court and launched it easily into the basket.

Sam's gaze never left him but seemed unfazed and took the ball for her round. Her focus was entirely on the ball as she bounced it and as Steve watched her watching the ball he realised something, she was just as inexperienced at basketball as he was. He decided not to block her just to see whether he was right and before he knew it, Sam looked up and took the shot from across the court into her basket on the other side.

The ball rolled precariously on the basket rims before it sunk into the net. Despite the point, Steve stuck to his observation. The good doctor was not good at basketball. If she were, she would never have to look at the ball continuously as she bounced it. She only made the baskets because her focus and her aim were good and because he did not block her. He was sure that if he had distracted her, she would not have been able to bounce the ball and make the basket as well.

He had realised her weakness as well as his own. He was bigger than her so he could block her effectively and bounce the ball all the way to his side in order to take advantage of his height and dunk. She, on the other hand had no chance of blocking him and keeping the ball from him so she had no choice but to take the shot from wherever she was on the court.

He took the ball for his round and began his offence.

He had to admire Sam's resilience. She came at him as he advanced to his side of the court and before either of them realised it, her firm, perky breasts smashed into his lower rib. Steve felt the electricity all the way to his manhood but managed to steal the ball at the very last second. Thank goodness for his height as he dunked because his trembling hands would never have made the basket otherwise. If Sam had felt the current between them, she never let it show.

He managed to swipe the ball from Sam in the next round and began picking up on her movements as he sunk another ball. He used this information to form a tactic and managed to sink three more balls to victory and rounded up the game at 5-2.

Sam smiled at him as she tied her long dark locks into a high ponytail as gentle beads of sweat glistened down her neck. "Congrats my sailor." She smiled.

"You keep calling me that. When did I become  _your_ sailor?" Steve smiled.

"No need to get cocky." Sam laughed, putting him in his place once again. "You are  _my_ patient remember? Over here my patients belong to me and as long as you stand in this institution you are  _mine_." She swung her hand in a circular motion over her head. "I am God here remember?"

"Yet you lost to me at basketball." Steve couldn't help it, he had to tease her. This woman was way too arrogant for her own good but given her small stature, her lofty opinions of herself were strangely endearing.

"I couldn't insult you on my home ground, so I l let you sink a few, no big deal." She shrugged her shoulders acting like the bigger person.

Steve laughed at that. They both knew that he had won fair and square and that she was just playing.

"Megalomaniac." He called with a smile as he spun the ball on his finger before catching it. "Boy Scout." She teased right back. "Come on let's head back to my office. There is a shower down the hall if you want to freshen up."

They were walking off the court, the ball still in Steve's hand when a shorter man with huge muscles walked towards them. His bald head, grim expression and huge tattoos made him look incredibly intimidating but Sam smiled at him enthusiastically.

"Hey Mason." She waved happily as the man got closer. "Come on over here."

Steve saw the man's whole face light up as he spotted Sam and Steve realised with some relief but more chagrin that he wasn't the only man under this little doll's spell.

"Sam! I came to play." He called, his child-like demeanour sounding strange with his gruff, booming voice.

Sam panted slightly. She had no idea how hot she sounded. "Well I am all played out, but maybe Steve here wouldn't mind going a few rounds with you? What say Steve?"

 _This is the first time that she actually called me Steve,_  he noticed, but said nothing. He only nodded in the affirmative in response. Mason nodded enthusiastically.

"Mason here volunteers for me. He is a former Marine and is a huge help around here. He is my rock star." Said Sam happily.

Mason blushed furiously, lapping up Sam's attention.

 _Her rock star and her sailor._  Steve fumed silently. It was then that Steve noticed the patient bracelet on Mason's hand. He was an admitted patient here. Sam was trying to make him feel normal and Steve found that he was touched at her thoughtfulness. Suddenly Mason's presence didn't bother him that much. "So first to 5 wins?" asked Steve. "Sure" smiled Mason.

They proceeded onto the court and the game began. Steve had the first ball and while he and Mason were on a more equal footing, the Marine was a much rougher player. That said; he was not a good player. In fact, he was even worse than Steve and Sam. He could steal the ball but not focus long enough on his dribbles so he kept dropping the ball. His aim was also terrible.

Sam could see the gears turning in Steve's head. She knew why Mason was so uncoordinated but she was too focused on the exchange between the two military men and refused to interfere.

It took Steve a few seconds but he eventually figured it out, Mason was probably on some heavy meds, perhaps sleeping pills and anti-anxiety meds. His pupils were extremely dilated and his movements were sluggish. Steve felt a rush of sadness for the man; he felt a strange kinship to this fellow serviceman. Not everyone walked out of war unscathed. He backed-off a bit and gave Mason some space. He even congratulated Mason as he netted a ball.

The minute Sam saw this she smiled. She knew that Steve had figured it out. She could not help but admire Steve as he indulged Mason in his game.

"Next one is mine buddy." Steve ribbed him good-naturedly. Mason also laughed. Steve netted two soon after to make Mason feel the challenge but gave Mason a chance to sink his five points first and gave Mason the win. "We must play again sometime" said Mason as they shook hands after the game. "Will you be coming by again?" He asked Steve.

Sam perked up at this. Steve's evaluation was supposed to be a once-off consult but Steve's response brought her a new hope of seeing him after today. She was elated when she heard Steve say, "We will definitely do this again buddy."

* * *

They got back to Sam's office a few minutes after saying goodbye to Mason, who only left once he had elicited a promise from Sam that he could see her before she knocked off for the day.

Steve didn't know why Mason's crush on Sam filled his throat with acid and at this point, after spending such little time with the woman, the thought was something he was afraid to entertain. She was, for all intents and purposes, his therapist. He still had to finish his evaluation and then he would be free. The idea that he would no longer need to be here however, didn't fill him with as much satisfaction as he had hoped.

He freshened up in the guest bathroom while Sam freshened up in her private washroom in her office. When Steve had got back she was all business in her formal wear and perky breasts except now, her hair was tied back and emphasised her sculpted features. Her skin glowed from her time in the sun.

Steve groaned inwardly. This session was going to be harder than he thought. He walked over, ready to seat himself on the divan when Sam got up to speak to him at the door.

"Thank you for today... For Mason" She whispered. Her fiery eyes shone in appreciation.

"I didn't do anything" said Steve, feigning innocence.

"You know what you have done and why I am thanking you Commander." Sam insisted.

 _Commander..._ Steve thought with a pang of regret...  _so we are back to formalities huh..._  "It was nothing Doctor and please, you can call me Steve."

The beginnings of her dimples were forming on Sam's cheeks and Steve quickly changed the topic, uncomfortable with the sudden emotions that charged the atmosphere between them. "Can I ask you something?" He couldn't help himself; the thought kept niggling away at him from the court.

Sam nodded in assent and waited, her eyes fixed on his, her chin titled up slightly in order to meet his gaze.

"Why did you challenge me to a game of basketball when you don't even play yourself? Why didn't you challenge me in something you are more adept in?"

Sam was not even a bit surprised at his astuteness, she simply shrugged. "I love basketball, the focus, the planning, and the elation when you score. It is like chess that exercises you physically as well as mentally. Well I suppose all sports are the same like that."She shrugged. "But being able to hit net when you are this vertically challenged..." She said waving at herself from head to toe, "It is an empowering feeling like no other. I don't care that I will never be a state champion but sometimes my sailor; you have to do something for the simple joy and the love of it. If not, there is no point to anything in this world."

Steve mulled over her words as he prepared himself for the third degree evaluation. "So what do you need to ask me?" He asked as he walked around her to make his way over to her divan.

"You should go Steve." Said Sam.

Steve, still not used to her low and sultry voice, found himself stepping closer to her against his better judgment.

"I'm sorry?" He asked, he was sure he misheard her. Sam was a professional, she could not possibly be giving up on him, what with her god-complex and her need to assert her dominance, Steve didn't know her well, but from what little he knew about her, this seemed unlike her.

"I said you should leave." Sam repeated.

Steve was genuinely confused. "But what about the evaluation? What do we say to Commander White? I need to return to my team we have an important mission in a few days."

Sam smiled arrogantly at him, her smirk lighting up the room. "You can return to work Steve and I assure you, Commander White shall not be a problem. Rest easy my sailor, I will handle everything."

Steve could not believe his luck, as well as the woman before him. Joe will know that he wasn't questioned properly, that a proper evaluation had not been carried out and that proper protocol had not been followed. He was old in the game. However, all of these troubling thoughts seemed to vanish in the wake of Sam's confidence. He didn't know why, but he trusted her.

"Thank you Doctor. This means a lot to me."

He wanted to touch her again, one last time, even platonically so he held out his hand to her. Sam's gaze never left his as she took his hand in a loaded handshake.

"You are most welcome my sailor and please, you can call me Sam."

* * *

Steve turned his phone back on as he left the hospital and walked out to his truck. Anyone important, including his team and the Governor, knew that it was military protocol to put his phone off for the evaluation. He was heading to the office now, where he knew everyone would be waiting for him. The only missed calls were from Danny, three of them. He knew they were all waiting to hear what happened and how the evaluation went. He got into the truck and connected his phone via Bluetooth. As he drove out of the Tripler, he called the office line.

"Hey babe!" It was Danny. "How did you do? Please tell me you saw unicorns and baby pandas in the inkblots!"

"That's cute Danno" smiled Steve. "All's good, I have been cleared."

"God bless the Good Doctor Harris!" Hailed Danny dramatically and Steve could hear the laughter and ruckus in the background as the others heard the good news.

God he loved these people.

"So how did Dr. Harris put up with you SuperSeal?" laughed Danny.

"Please Danno; I can be the most charming guy in the world when I want to be!" Steve laughed right back.

"Get your ass over here Mr. Charming, besides, who has ever said that about you?" ribbed Danny.

Steve could not help being cocky in return, "Just ask any lady who has ever bought Girl Scout cookies from me and Sarah. I'll see you soon Danno, on my way!"

And with that, Steve McGarrett cut the call and cranked up the music on his radio. Thanks to Dr. Samantha Harris, nothing could possibly ruin his good mood.

* * *

**Thoughts?:) - Az**


	4. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

**Disclaimer:** **Same as before, not mine, not gonna change anytime soon.**

**Author's Note:** **A huge shout-out to Prislynn and the Guests for your Kudos!!! Means the world thank you:)**

**I wish everyone a happy holiday:)**

* * *

As Steve walked into HQ the others gathered around to congratulate him. "We knew you knew how to fake an inkblot test!" smiled Lou, clapping him happily on the back.

"Ha-ha" said Steve dryly.

"So when does the report get filed?" asked Kono.

"Dr. Harris didn't say, but I am assuming I will be cleared officially sometime this week, next week at the latest." Steve confirmed.

Danny knew why Kono was asking, they had all been worrying about Steve ever since he had been kidnapped by Wo Fat and since their long-standing enmity had culminated in Wo Fat's ultimate demise.

Steve himself would never forget how vivid his dreams were under the influence of the drugs they had pumped him up with.

For a second, Steve lost himself in that dream. He remembered how relieved he had felt when he heard that his father had been rescued, he remembered feeling like a sixteen year old boy again when he had hugged his father and he remembered dying a little more inside when he had found out that it was nothing but a drug-induced hallucination and he had to re-live the trauma of hearing about his dad's death all over again. He had never spoken about his moment of weakness to anyone else except Danny, and that was a just over a week after everything went down. They had sat out on Steve's lanai...

***Flashback***

" _I know that maybe you aren't ready to talk about it just yet, but I just wanted to say how sorry I am about everything you had to go through." Danny's usually boisterous demeanour was unnaturally subdued and Steve looked over at him in surprise. Danny continued, "I wish that bastard was still alive when we got there, I wish I could kill him again and again, in a hundred different ways because of everything he did to you."_

_Steve didn't have to look into Danny's eyes to see the guilt that wracked his best friend, his brother. "There's nothing you could have done Danno." He said. His voice was unusually tame but there was resoluteness to it, a force behind it that needed his brother to believe that he was not the one at fault here._

" _It was always meant to go down like that between me and him, it could never have happened any other way, unless the roles were reversed and I was the one who ended up dead, or we both could have killed each other."_

_Danny did nothing to hide the horror on his face. "Don't you ever talk about dying Steven do you hear me? I will never forgive you. If you ever make me tell Grace and Charlie that their Uncle Steve is not coming home, I swear on all that is good in this world that I will never ever forgive you!"_

_Steve was actually sorry he had said it. Danny didn't deserve his grimness, Danny didn't need his darkness, his demons. He was too good, too pure for that. "I'm sorry Danno." He tried to smile to make light of the situation._

" _Damn right you are you putz!" Danny smiled through misty eyes and just like that, all was okay between them again._

_They sat in companionable silence. Things were going to change from now on. This was actually Danny's last weekend without Grace and Charlie. Rachel and Stan's divorce was being finalised this week and she was almost done packing so that the kids and her could move in with Danny. He couldn't be happier, his family was finally complete and Steve couldn't be happier for his best friend as well._

_Steve's relationship with Rachel had improved steadily and even though they had a long way to go in terms of Rachel foregoing her preconceived notions that Steve was a 'danger-magnet', they were both willing to forgo any bitterness for the sake of Danny and the kids._

_Danny and Rachel were in counselling again, not because there were any problems between them but because they wanted to do things right this time, they already knew that they were madly in love with each other and that they were meant to be but they were working on their communication and easing their way back into the dynamic of being a family._

_Steve was positive that a wedding would soon be on the cards and the thought had him turning his mind over to a certain dark-haired naval intelligence officer out on the Enterprise. Catherine had been gone four months and his chest ached at the very thought of not only the physical, but the emotional distance between them as well. He still couldn't bring himself to believe that everything was truly over between them and even though Catherine was very clear that he should move on, Steve found himself alone with her thoughts on many a dark and lonely night. He drowned silently in the void that was his life, wondering if he would ever be blessed with a conventional family, like a woman who loved him and a child to call his own._

_He shook his head quickly. He needed to snap out of it. He had plenty to be grateful for. He had his team, his sister and he had a beautiful little niece in Joanie as well as Grace, Samantha, Will, Sarah and Nahele who were like his own children. The one thing he couldn't deny though was that he missed waking up in Catherine's arms._

" _Have you heard from her?" asked Danny. He knew his friend well enough to know that he was thinking about Catherine and the truth was, the more he watched Steve pine for her, the angrier he felt that Catherine did not value what she had. Danny had watched Doris breeze in and out of Steve's life time and time again, taking away a little piece of his partner with her every time she abandoned him and when Steve had finally learned to open up and find the inner strength to tell Catherine that he loved her without any reservation, she had walked out on him without leaving him with even a glimmer of hope for a future for their relationship._

_Danny would bet his last dollar that Steve would have waited for Catherine until the end of time if she had asked. He knew that beneath all the bravado and the SEAL training, Steve craved love and acceptance above all else. He hated that his best friend, one of the most loving and loyal people in the world had to fight so hard for every morsel of happiness. He had to risk it all for the relationships that normal people took for granted, for a mother and a lover, only to be left bereft time and time again, yet Steve still found it in his heart to be genuinely happy for Danny and to be there to support him as he picked up the pieces of his family and began to join his home together again._

_Danny vowed then and there that he would do whatever it took to make sure that Steve got his share of happiness, even if he had to fight the world for his best friend._

_The look however, in his Steve's vacant eyes stoked Danny's worry anew. "Have you spoken to Dr. Latham about what went down with you and Wo Fat?" asked Danny. Dr. Latham had been their original HPD therapist assigned by Governor Denning. She was a sweet, motherly old woman with a no-nonsense attitude and an astute nose for bullshit._

" _No... I just can't..." Steve said simply and then heaved a heavy sigh. Danny stayed silent, he knew very well what that sigh meant. Steve was preparing to open up to him and Danny dared not move a muscle lest he spooked Steve and sent him back into his shell._

_It was extremely difficult for Steve to open up about his feelings, especially crippling emotions that rendered him weak and vulnerable._

" _I was happy Danno, I was beaten, burned and bruised but for a few moments, I was genuinely happy. The drugs didn't allow me to register the pain but I had never felt such a strong rush of emotion like when I had gotten to hug my dad. I just wanted to carry that feeling with me forever. I hadn't spoken to him in over a year by then, and as I held him I had promised myself that this time would be different, that I would call him more, that I would visit more. I vowed to myself that I would forgive him for sending me away, for crushing my dreams of going to college and playing football and uprooting my entire life." Steve blinked away the unshed tears in his eyes._

" _I wanted to tell him that I wanted to be the best SEAL to make him proud, to make my grandfather proud. He should have gotten to know that his decision to force me into the military was actually a good one. He deserved that much from me. I wanted him to be proud of me. For a moment there Danno, I was happy, so happy that I had not lost a chance to mend what had broken between us the day my mom had left. When I found out that none of it was real, I felt like dying in that moment. I could feel the life being drained out from me. You don't know this, I haven't told anyone this but it took me this entire week to accept that he was truly dead. I just carried on in a state of denial because I couldn't accept that Fate could be this cruel to me. I kept wondering what I could have possibly done to deserve this..."_

_Danny stood up from the chair and walked in front of Steve. Steve was broken, he had his head bowed as he spoke, as if physically facing Danny while he confessed was something he was ashamed of. Danny bent over and took his partner firmly by the shoulder. Steve looked up at him, his red-rimmed eyes blowing Danny's heart to smithereens._

" _Now you listen to me Steven, I swear on the life of my children that I don't know anyone as deserving of happiness as you. It hurts me buddy, it hurts to see Fate let you down time and time again but Steve, for my sake, you have to believe that you are worthy of love. I know things seem bleak right now but trust me; anyone who can't appreciate having someone like you in their life is the most unfortunate person in this entire world. Do you have any idea how many lives you have touched? How many lives you have saved? All of that good karma has to turn around and bless you in some way. If I can't believe that, then life has lost all meaning for Me. I promise you this brother, even if you don't have it in you to believe in yourself, to fight for your happiness, I will be here to fight for you every step of the way. I believe in you more than enough for both of us._

_Steve's eyes misted at Danny's sincerity. "I don't know what I have done to deserve a friend like you Danno or the team or anyone else..." Steve barely whispered._

_Danny's heart was anchored in sorrow for Steve at these words. "I am not giving up until you believe you do deserve all of this Steve, because you deserve all this and more..."_

**_*End Flashback*_ **

The others all celebrated and hugged Steve. They congratulated him on his freedom but Danny knew that Steve's silence heralded turmoil inside him. Danny knew that Steve was thinking about his father and Danny himself could never forget Steve's words out on the Lanai that day. Steve would have rather chewed on broken glass than admit it, but he was drowning and he desperately needed a lifeline.  _Maybe Dr. Harris should have booked him in a little longer_  thought Danny but he didn't dare voice this thought out loud.

The phone rang and Jerry picked it up. The others waited as he spoke to a hushed and disjointed voice on the other end but Jerry himself did not make a sound thus leaving the others without a clue as to what was going on.

As soon as Jerry cut the call the others gathered around. "Everything okay Jerry?" asked Chin.

"Yeah all good, but that was Sang Min, his contact called him tonight to the Haloka'i docks. Apparently the shipment arrives on the docks next Monday and not next Thursday as per our original intel. Our mission just got moved up" said Jerry worriedly.

Danny watched as Steve's brows furrowed at the time change. He was mapping the plan out in his head for chokes and was in full "SEAL mode" as Danny liked to call it. Danny was relieved that this mission would distract Steve for a bit. He always slept better after another bad guy was put away. They would have plenty to do between now and Monday to get this mission off the ground. He knew that he spoke for everyone of their team members when he said that they needed for Steve to be all right, not just as a boss or partner but as their family as well.

As they geared up to meet Sang Min and brief him about how things were going to go down on Monday, Danny filed away a mental note to try and convince Steve to speak to a professional about his issues, even in his personal capacity and unrelated to work.

* * *

To say the mission went well was an understatement. In fact, the op had run so smoothly, that after the bad guys had been booked and Sang Min left after promising to keep in touch with his 'spicy', the team went back to the office and went through the entire file again with a fine-toothed comb. It seemed too good to be true.

"Oh let's just call this a win!" huffed Grover. "We have been busting our asses for weeks so when life gives us a green signal, I say don't look a gift pineapple in the core." Everyone raised their eyebrows quizzically at that but even they had to laugh and admit that maybe Grover's 'analogy' was not so far off the mark after all.

They all decided to pack up early and leave the paperwork for the next day as they had no pending cases.

Danny thought again about his mental promise to get Steve to reconsider therapy. He sighed when he thought how Steve would give him a hard time and say that he was 'okay'.

If someone had told Danny Williams in that moment that Steve would agree to therapy in about a week without any fuss he would have sighed in relief, after he would have laughed in their face of course. But that was exactly what had happened. Only it was under what circumstances that it had eventually happened that would eventually leave Danny with a sinking feeling whenever he would think about it thereafter.

Joe called that afternoon while Five-0 was chilling at Kamekona's to congratulate Steve on passing the eval and were celebrating the successful op. To be honest though, Danny was surprised to see the shock and apprehension on Steve's face when he took the call.

"Sam gave you a glowing report Steve." Joe said proudly and Steve could hear the smile in this gruff voice.

"Umm... What did the report say exactly?" asked Steve trying to keep the nervousness out of his voice.

"That you are a fit leader, you show compassion to your fellow man, you are able to observe and form tactics that are beneficial and that help you achieve your goals, that although you do have psychological scars, they don't impede your judgment and you aren't triggered and incapacitated by displays of PTSD." Joe listed, the pride shining in his voice.

Steve was shocked.

His body actually jerked up off his seat as the realisation hit him...  _Sam had indeed conducted the evaluation. She had just tricked him into it._

Steve thought back to the basketball game. Sam wasn't just watching him out of chemistry and attraction, she was watching him focus, testing his co-ordination and his physical strength. She wanted him to see that she was inept at basketball to see whether he could form a tactic that would help him beat her. She had called Mason to see whether Steve himself would break down on seeing how PTSD had affected Mason. She had made Steve play Mason to see if he would be kind to him, to see if he could take charge of a situation. Sam was the one pulling the strings all along.

_That little megalomaniac was his puppet-master!_

Steve however, could not bring himself to be upset at Sam's creativity. She really was the most fascinating woman he had ever met, and that included his super-spy mom.

All of a sudden, it was as if someone had pulled a curtain before his eyes. He began to see her cat-eyes glowing as if she stood before him. Steve didn't know whether to be amused by Sam's stunt or to be afraid that she could manipulate him so easily. Steve brushed it off and smiled as his heartbeat slowed and calmed. Sam was remarkable and he was free. Joe had given the all-clear. He had nothing to worry about.

* * *

It had been around a week since the Sang Min op and as much as Five-0 was happy that the island was safe, the quiet office was secretly driving everyone mad. The next Thursday had rolled around and it was almost the end of the week. Their last week had been uneventful and inundated with paperwork and even Danny and Steve had run out of things to bicker about.

"I say we open a side business." touted Danny.

"Doing what?" laughed Kono. "You hate the sun so working outside is out, you hate the water, you hate the humidity. Actually..." She mused, "You hate literally every element on this Good Earth, so why would you give up any leisure time to take on an extra job? The only thing I think you could do is review video games from the bottom of an air-conditioned basement."

Even stoic old Chin smiled at that one.

"Actually!" Steve grinned. "He would bitch that the dust down there would activate his allergies and the air-conditioner would aggravate his condition by sending the dust particles flying into the air."

The others laughed.

"Oh bite me Steven!" shouted Danny who couldn't help smiling himself.

"Rawr" Growled Steve in response.

It was really turning out to be a good week for everyone, until the next five minutes when everything was shot to hell...

Steve's phone rang, Danny found it chilling how a sound, a simple ringtone that he heard everyday could suddenly sound so ominous.

"Yeah Duke... We got a case? Hang on I got the team here can I put you on speaker? Yeah... Okay..." Steve held his phone away from his ears, placed his phone on the smart table where it immediately connected to the system and pressed the speaker button as the rest of the team gathered around the smart table. The smart table automatically began to record.

"Steve we have a guy at the Molau'i street corner. He has gone into a school and he is holding one of the mothers at gunpoint. She came to pick up her seven year old daughter at school and he grabbed her in the parking lot. He says he will only talk to you Steve. He is blaming you for all this."

"Wait what is his name?" asked Steve. He looked around questioningly at his team but he knew they would be as clueless as he was. He needed a name.

"Michael Shane." said Duke.

Steve shook his head, trying to place the name, "I have never heard of a Michael Shane Duke, listen we are heading to the cars, please stay on the line with me, fill me in on the road."

"You gotcha..." Confirmed Duke as the team raced off.

Danny had just gotten into the passenger seat of  _his_ car when the engine roared and they were speeding out the parking lot. With the sharp turn into the main road he nearly dropped Steve's phone but he managed to connect it to Bluetooth after he caught it.

"Go ahead Duke; we got the rest of the team on conference." said Danny.

"Well guys I am at the scene right now, Michael seems highly unstable. I have blocked all routes within a five mile radius to keep civilians and press away. We don't know what could set him off. He keeps asking the woman why she has betrayed him and he keeps repeating over and over that he wants to kill Steve." Duke had to raise his voice in the chaos that seemed to be aggravating around him.

"But Duke I swear I have never heard of the guy. What do we know about the woman he is holding hostage? Any prior connection? Maybe he is a disgruntled ex?" continued Steve.

"No Steve, they seem to have no prior connection. Her name is Karen Aldridge, 35, your average soccer mom. She and her husband have been in love since they were in diapers and she has no prior military connections. She had never even set foot on a military base before Hawaii when they moved here three years ago. I got her husband Caleb right here next to me. They both don't seem to know Michael." Duke's end of the line muted for a second before firing up again.

"Duke why did you mention military connections?" asked Danny, as Steve made a sharp swerve to the left, running a red light. The Camaro did not even feel like it was kissing tar as they burned rubber to the scene.

"You'd better hold on to your hat for this one brother..." Sighed Duke as he continued. "Shane is a former SEAL. A Lieutenant."

Danny looked over at his partner and felt his heart break at the anguish he saw on Steve's face. This was the last thing Steve needed right now.

Danny barely noticed them turn into the school before Steve hit the brakes with a sharp knock.

Steve shifted into park and turned the engine off but was out of the car before the roar died. Steve looked out in front of him and felt his insides constrict at the sight.

Michael was around six foot two. His stance, shaky as it was, oozed military. His muscles jerked almost involuntarily but the veins beneath them belied an ominous strength. He had Karen in a vice grip. His one hand securing her chest, the other shaky hand held a pistol to her skull. Karen, to her credit, tried to breathe calmly but she was terrified; everyone could see it in her eyes.

She kept looking towards her husband Caleb and Danny saw her eyes ghost over a nearby ambulance, where he would later learn that her daughter was being kept, safe and sound.

"Duke." Steve called. Even in the midst of the commotion, Steve's voice carried to Michael's ears.

The two SEALS locked eyes and Steve was startled by what he saw.

Michael's pupils were as big as saucers and Steve couldn't believe that he missed the track marks on Michael's arms at first glance. Shane was so doped up he was zoned. From the flushed skin, the shivering and the heavy breathing, Steve guessed heroin.

"Michael... I am Lieutenant Commander Steve McGarrett. It's gonna be okay buddy, we can figure this out."

Michael's features twisted into a cruel, sardonic grin. A split second later, he flared with anger. "There you are you sonofabitch!" Michael screamed at Steve. He looked like he wanted to attack but remembered he had Karen with him and tightened his grip around her visibly.

Steve could feel her husband Caleb shudder next to him as the delusional SEAL in front of them nuzzled her hair, almost lovingly and ran his hand over her chest.

"Your lover is here now, watch me blow his brains out Mel!" He shouted at Karen. Everyone around them, every officer, every onlooker, even Karen and Caleb themselves froze in shock...  _Mel? Who the hell is Mel?!_

Steve could not help the shudder that seemed to radiate from his very bones. This was a sadly familiar sight. He had seen brothers who had been jilted before. He couldn't always blame their spouses. Being married to a SEAL was no easy feat, but watching his brothers, who were practically invincible in front of some of the most dangerous terrorists in the world, being broken by the very people who claimed to love them was unbearable. He thought of another one of his brothers and the mission that had torn his entire unit apart. Steve could do nothing but watch then...  _Randy..._ Steve remembered...  _Randall Sommers..._

**_*Flashback* Afghanistan 2005_ **

" _Shut the fuck up! When did this happen?!" Shouted Tyler as the rest of the crew gathered around for dinner._

" _Well you know my swimmers are as strong as I am!" laughed Randall._

_Steve moved closer._

" _Sir did you hear the good news?!" Asked Jack practically in delight. He was the youngest in their crew, fresh out of BUDs. This was his first official mission. His innocence was yet to be marred by the ghosts of war. He was, at this point, more of a Boy Scout than an actual SEAL. "Randall's gal is pregnant." Jack smiled as he hugged Randall._

_Steve could not be happier. The morale amongst his men was running low of late, especially Randall's. Steve was well aware that Randy had been having marital problems. His wife Amy and he were in marriage counselling but with a baby on the way, things may be looking up for them. Perhaps the worst was truly behind them. Steve, as Commander was sceptical about bringing Randy on for this mission. Granted it was a simple recon, but Randy's long-awaited leave had been cut short and Steve did not want this to have a detrimental effect on Randy's marriage. He also could not risk the rest of his boys' lives if Randy's head was not in the game._

" _Well congratulations bubbah!" smiled Steve, putting his game-face on._

" _Thanks Doggy!" smiled Randall._

_As they all exchanged hugs and felicitations with Randall, Steve could not help but notice that their sniper Dom (Dominique) was sullen and aloof. Steve filed this mental note away but decided to ask Dom later if everything was all right. Today was Randy's day and he would be damned if he let anything ruin this moment for him._

_Steve was woken up later that night by shouts outside his tent. He knew it could not have been an attack because he could hear his brothers shouting but no gunfire, however, even he could not keep a growl from escaping his throat as he realised that the ruckus was because of a fight outside._

_Randall had Dom in a death-grip as the other men tried to separate them. Jack tried grabbing Randy's arm but Randy was blinded by rage. Tyler was trying to stop Dom from retaliating, trying to contain the situation._

" _Randy come on man!" Tyler whisper-shouted. "You will wake Dog up!"_

_Steve marched outside angrily and the sight outside both shocked and angered him. He could not believe that some of the world's most elite soldiers were acting like a bunch of five-year-olds in the fucking sandbox. He put on his Commander voice. These men were his buddies sure, but they needed to be reminded of who was actually in charge here. "What the fuck is going on?!" Steve growled._

_Randall let go of Dom but Steve could see his eyes were red-rimmed with unshed tears. Dom had the good grace to look embarrassed and the rest of the men fell silent._

" _Well?!" Asked Steve. The lack of sleep and their bitching was really getting to him. "Someone wanna tell me what the fuck all this was about?"_

" _Nothing Sir..." Started Tyler, they were back to being formal with each other._

_Attacking a SEAL brother was no small act. They were in enemy territory; a break in their ranks could be fatal out here._

_Steve sighed. He knew bringing a wildcard like Randy on was not a good idea but Joe had insisted. He never told the rest of the team about Joe's instruction to bring Randy along. They all were under the impression that it had been his call._

_Steve had covered for Joe and now Joe was sipping cocktails in fucking Florida while Steve was dealing with two whiny bitches in the middle of fucking nowhere a few miles south of the town of Ghazni._

" _Randy what the fuck?!" asked Steve, deciding pointedly to ignore Tyler's attempts at bullshitting him._

" _This sonofabitch is sleeping with my wife!" Shouted Randall as he lunged out of Jack's grip and socked Dom hard in the Jaw. Dom threw his fist out at Randall and the fight started anew._

" _How could you, you sonofabitch?!" Randy kept shouting as he rained punches at Dom. "You sonofabitch!" He screamed over and over._

" _Knock it off!" Steve shouted and the fighting came to an abrupt halt, but even he could not help giving Dom a death-glare. SEAL spouses were sacred. They were to be respected; honoured and protected above all else and to eye another SEAL's spouse behind their backs was unforgivable. They all knew that their job meant that they had to sacrifice their families and homes. They all understood how each brother as well as their families had to fight to keep their home intact, how hard it was for their spouses to keep their marriage going with only one side contributing to the relationship and for one SEAL to step into another's crumbling marriage was beyond contemptible._

" _Randy are you sure?" Steve struggled to remain the voice of reason, to remain diplomatic._

" _The sonofabitch admitted it to my fucking face!" Randall shouted at them._

_Randy kept whispering "sonofabitch" with every breath he took. "I even called Amy now, she isn't even sure the baby is mine! I cornered her and she had to admit it." Randy was shaking with rage and hurt by this point._

_The colour drained from Steve's face and he could see the others' bloods run cold in their veins at Randall's admission. They all knew what this meant._

" _What?" Asked Jack in a small voice. "You called your wife? Here? Now?"_

" _I had to!" Randall was near tears._

_Tyler saw red. "You stupid bastard! We were supposed to go dark! Those fuckers are tracing our communications and you led them right to..."_

_He didn't have a chance to complete his sentence before a hail of bullets showered over their heads._

_The SEALS ran for cover._

" _Formation!" Steve called as they put their night-vision goggles on and picked up their weapons._

_Randy had just sent them all to their graves..._

**_*End Flashback*_ **

* * *

**Please be mindful of the swearing. I know for a fact that Steve would not be able to maintain any form of control over his men without being harsh and there is some mild swearing in the show. I did put up a warning for swearing but I am trying to use it sparingly to make it as realistic as possible but still readable.**

**I made a creative call using writer's discretion to have Danny and Rachel end up together. I mean I love Melissa but it is clear that Rachel still loves Danny very much and Gracie and Charlie deserve a happy family:) Also, the history and the cross-border romance between Danny and Rachel really appeals to me:)**

**Any and all feedback shall be appreciated. This story is about 60% written but I will upload slowly until I can complete it.**

**Please leave a comment and/or a Kudos:)... Thank you!- Az**


	5. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

**Author's Note:** **A huge shout-out to Prislynn, Ontara and all you wonderful guests for your Kudos:) Means the world. A special thank you to Tired Reader for commenting. I appreciate it even if you don't like my story or my writing. It's okay to have an opinion. I really appreciate the support of everyone on this site,and a final thank you to all who have read even if you haven't commented or hit that Kudos button because the traffic itself means just as much to me:)**

**Disclaimer:** **Usual... Not mine... This chapter contains a strong warning for PTSD. Please proceed with caution.**

* * *

"What's wrong you sonofabitch?" hissed Michael as he stared pointedly at Steve. His red-rimmed eyes kept pulling Steve back to Randy's face before they were attacked in Ghazni.

" _You sonofabitch!"_

The words may have been coming out from Michael's mouth again and again, but Steve could only hear those words in Randy's voice. Steve had wanted to die that night.

Chin put a comforting hand on his shoulder.

Every piercing cry, every accusation that Michael hurled at Steve felt like a knife to his gut. Steve could not help but place his hands unconsciously on his right shoulder, lightly touching the scars from that day, the scars that would never let him forget the screams of his brothers. The same scar that he reopened on every anniversary of that fateful mission to make sure he could never forget the screams that would haunt him for the rest of his days...

Danny knew that look. Steve was caught in a memory. He knew that Karen's life depended on them; he needed Steve to focus, to talk the man down.

Michael was on a bad trip. He could easily kill a few people before his high wore off. The veins bulged in Michael's neck. He had probably injected quite a bit for him to be flying this high.

"Why did you do this to me Melani?" He cried softly into Karen's hair, his gun now trained firmly on Steve. "I love you so much. I will do anything for you if you leave him and come back to me. Remember? Remember how you would visit me every day at the Tripler?"

Steve nodded silently to Kono who understood immediately what to do. She placed a call to Five-0 HQ and asked Jerry to look up whether anyone would visit Michael in the Tripler and whether he was actually a patient there.

"What do you see in McGarrett huh? What's he got that I don't have? He is only pretty but what else? Huh?! Answer me Mel!" Michael's mood swings were giving them whiplash. His expression of love suddenly turned violent as he pushed Karen aside and focused his clouded gaze of Steve. He was getting progressively worse. His words were starting to slur and his gaze became even more unfocused. His face was red, his skin looked hot and flushed and beads of sweat trickled steadily down his forehead.

Kono returned then and whispered a confirmation to Steve, Danny and Duke that Michael was indeed a patient at the Tripler. His doctor was Andrew Holden but the strange thing was that there was no woman named 'Melani' in the visitor's log. The only women who ever visited Michael were his mother Jane and his sister Mikayla. They called Dr. Holden and he promised he would be there as soon as he could.

"Leave instructions at the perimeter to let Dr. Holden in as soon as he arrives" ordered Steve. Holden was perhaps their last hope. Steve's stomach turned at the prospect. He didn't think that shmuck Holden could handle this. He hated leaving the life of a SEAL brother in the hands of an amateur like Holden.

Chin went off to make sure the cops at the perimeter were briefed.

"He thinks that Karen is his girlfriend" said Duke, clarifying unnecessarily for the rest of them.

"And he thinks I stole her from him" Steve finished for him.

"I don't care about all that..." Caleb said in a shaky voice, "Please just get my wife away from that psychopath."

Steve flinched at those words. Michael was doped sure, but he was not a psychopath. He was a brother, and he refused to leave him behind. Steve resolved himself at that second; he was not only going to get Karen out of this safe and sound but Michael as well.

"Michael!" Steve called to him. Steve holstered his weapon and put his hands up in a submissive gesture.

"Here we go." Danny sighed angrily and flailed his hands in the air, his go-to sign when Steve was about to do something exasperating and stupid.

"Come on buddy look at me." Steve tried to draw his focus away from Karen who was kneeling on the floor, and away from the hordes of cop cars that surrounded them. Steve stepped forward, hands still in the air. He could see Michael's eyes get heavy and he blinked twice at Steve to retain his focus. Steve felt his heart constrict sadly in his chest. Michael must be scared, disorientated and confused.

"Listen man, I am sorry, I am so, so sorry. I should never have eyed Mel. She is your girl and I should respect that... okay? But please brother, if you love her so much you won't hurt her. I will talk to Mel..." Steve looked to Karen who shook helplessly on the floor a few feet away.

Karen was frozen to the spot in fear but Steve could see her drawing strength from his presence. She glanced over at Caleb, her trembling husband and nodded to him, comforting him. She was counting on Steve to save her life. She was a simple woman who was at the wrong place at the wrong time. She was caught in this SEAL's delusion and she was trusting Steve to protect her.

 _She's not Amy..._ Steve could not help but think.  _She is loyal to her husband; she loves him with all her heart. She didn't betray Caleb like Amy betrayed Randy. She does not deserve to have this happen to her and I'll be damned if I don't save her..._

Michael saw Steve looking at Karen and it seemed to fuel his anger. He mistook Steve's reassuring glance of protectiveness for affection towards Karen,  _his Mel... His Melani._

"Look at me you bastard!" Michael shouted manically. His hands began to shake wildly, his gun trained on Steve. Steve immediately snapped his head back to Michael. "I'm sorry Michael. I won't look at Melani again, but you are going to have to meet me halfway and put the gun down okay? Can you do that for me?" Steve asked and dared to take a few steps closer.

"Oh my god Michael!" Steve heard Holden's grating voice behind him. If the circumstances weren't so dire Steve would have turned around and socked the asshole straight in the jaw. His frantic flailing and shouting would only aggravate the situation.

 _Sam would have soothed Michael in a second..._ Steve was shocked at the direction his thoughts had suddenly taken.

The closer his steps took him to Michael, the more worried Steve got.

Grover, clearly seeing that Holden was about as useful as a pin in a balloon shop, decided to drag him into the back to question him instead of placing him front and centre in the situation.

Heroin could trip a person up for up to twelve hours and Steve didn't know how long ago Michael had taken a hit or how much.

Suddenly, Michael's left hand began to twitch, the same hand that held the gun towards Steve. He gulped in pain and tried to use his right hand to steady his left arm, while his left hand still held the gun.

 _Oh my god he is overdosing..._ Steve thought.  _His left arm is numb and his heart is giving out..._

The next few seconds were the longest of Steve's life, as if they had happened in slow motion.

As his heart was letting him down, Michael's trigger finger was accidently engaged. The first shot hit Steve on his right shoulder, the same spot ironically, where his old wound remained. His Kevlar protected him but Steve felt a crushing pain on his back as Chin tackled him to the floor.

His shoulder knocked painfully on the tar as a sickening orchestra of bullets rained over his head.

"No!" Steve shouted but he was too late, HPD had engaged and they riddled Michael's body with bullets. The sickening sound of metal tearing through flesh undid Steve completely as he launched Chin off and tried to run towards Michael.

Karen was far away enough for HPD to render it safe to shoot. They had been ready for him and when Michael had fired at Steve they had no choice but to engage.

"He is not well stop it please!" Steve shouted and begged at the same time as three HPD officers and Danny held him fast and tried to steer him away. Steve struggled.

"Steve please, hold on buddy." Danny tried to soothe him.

* * *

The air still vibrated with the echo of the gun battle.

 _Execution..._ Steve thought numbly.

They had just executed his SEAL brother before his very eyes and he could do nothing to save him. The smell of gunpowder in the air threatened to turn his stomach. The HPD officers restraining him let go slowly as the shock settled in and his body began to numb. Steve sank to the floor. His back resting against the Camaro, he pulled his knees tightly to his chest and he began mumbling incoherently.

"That's enough guys, thank you, I will take it from here." said Danny, kindly dismissing the HPD guys.

They nodded in understanding.

Steve needed space.

Danny put his hands on Steve's shoulder. "I am so sorry partner." He whispered, his voice breaking. "Steve? Please babe talk to me."

Steve looked up at Danny, his eyes piercing and vacant. It was as if he was looking  _through_  Danny instead of  _at_ him.

"Steve?" Danny whispered, he was terrified for his partner.

Steve looked down, wrapped his hands over his knees and resumed his rocking motion. His child-like expression of grief ripped Danny apart. "Please buddy, say something."

Steve began mumbling again and it took Danny a second to comprehend what he was saying... "Randy... Randy...Oh god Jack..." Were the only coherent words Steve kept mumbling over and over again.

Danny trembled in fear. Chin, Lou and Kono came around to check in on Steve. Holden would spend the night at HPD headquarters answering questions. The Tripler was already informed that he would not be in the next day. Kono could not help but let a small sob escape her lips as she took in Steve's pale face and his foetal posture.

"I am taking him home" said Danny taking charge as he lifted Steve to his feet.

Steve got up and let Danny lead him to the passenger side of the Camaro. He was completely anaesthetised even as Danny checked on Steve's gunshot. Danny was satisfied that it was only a bruise as he examined the bullet lodged in Steve's Kevlar. His bruises from being tackled and his crashing into the pavement would turn nasty and blue soon but Danny decided to take him to the hospital later, if needed. He needed to make sure that Steve was okay mentally first and he knew Steve would be aggravated and upset if the medics began hovering over him. Chin and Kono nodded silently to Danny and went back to the scene to take over. Kono whispered to Duke that Steve was not well and he was more than understanding. Chin hit a quick call to Governor Denning to debrief him on the situation and to update him about Steve. Unlike his usual perpetual displeasure, Denning seemed to understand that the situation called for a shoot-out and Duke backed their story.

"You guys make sure Steve gets plenty of rest okay?" said Denning calmly.

"Tell him he has all the time in the world to sort himself out. I don't care I just need him to be all right" said Denning kindly.

"Yes sir." Said Chin gratefully.

Kono thanked Duke for his support as the Camaro pulled out of the parking lot and made for Steve's house.

* * *

Danny led Steve inside; he punched in the alarm code and locked the door behind him. Steve was so quiet on the car ride over and Danny knew it was the shock that had kept him paralysed, if not Steve was about one touch away from a panic attack.

Steve himself tried to blink back the sight of blood from his eyes. The numbness had rendered him unable to feel the pain radiating from his shoulder and his sides. He nearly jumped out of his skin in surprise as Danny tried to place an ice pack on his bruises. He was so out of it he hadn't even noticed that Danny had left the room to fetch ice.

"We should get you to a hospital partner." Danny didn't even make an effort to hide the concern from his voice.

Steve could barely hear him. He was still stuck in Ghazni. As the screams echoed in his mind and the blood almost blinded him, he felt he would go mad, perhaps he already was, who knew?

Then it hit him with the force of a truck directly to his chest... One person would know; one person would have all the answers. He closed his eyes and called her soothing voice to mind, he looked into her eyes and the blood-curdling cries faded into background noise. Steve was afraid, he didn't know why she calmed him, why she was suddenly the centre of his insane world, but he let his mind drift to her, it brought him peace.

"Buddy you okay? Steve are you asleep?" asked Danny.

"N...No buddy." Steve stammered. He forced himself to respond to Danny but his voice sounded automated, even to his own ears. "D...Danno can I get a glass of water?" asked Steve. He just needed a minute without Danny hovering. He knew his partner meant well but he needed to breathe. He needed a moment to think, to act.

"Sure thing babe. In fact, I will make you some chamomile tea. You are shaking Steve, maybe it will help calm your nerves. I thought I would bring you somewhere familiar and comforting to calm you down before we went to the hospital you know? I mean you were pretty freaked out and I know you needed a few minutes to regroup" whispered Danny, his voice dripping with fear and concern.

Steve forced a smile for Danny. On the inside though, he couldn't have felt more grateful for such an amazing partner and friend. "Thank you Danno." He whispered. Those words loaded with an emotional form of gratitude that he would never be able to express out loud, but an emotion he knew that his brother understood fully well.

"You got it." Danny smiled, Steve seemed to be coming around, but he wasn't taking any chances. He left to put the kettle on and prepare the tea.

Steve didn't know why he waited for Danny to leave the room before he did this. He figured he didn't want Danny to watch him in his moment of weakness.

Steve actually felt ashamed of himself at that thought. Danny was his best friend, the best friend a man could ask for. He shouldn't be afraid to show his vulnerability in front of him. Yet Steve waited for him to go into the kitchen before he picked up his cell and made the call.

His fingers trembled so hard, he could barely dial.  _Buck up McGarrett_ he chided himself. He needed to do this. He needed to get on top of what happened today if not, the memories would drag him under faster than he could say  _drowning_  and he needed to be okay. He needed to be able to lead his team. He needed to be able to trust his instincts and even if it meant swallowing his pride and asking for help; then Steve McGarrett was not going to back down. He needed his team to be safe with him at the helm. It was only his concern for them that gave him the strength to stay on the line as the phone rang.

She picked up on the third ring, her voice was muffled though, as if she held the phone to her ear using her shoulder and chin instead of her arms.

Steve figured that he had caught Sam as she was leaving her office for the day. For a second after she picked up, he could barely breathe.

"Hello you have reached Dr. Samantha Harris, can I help you?" Her voice was quiet, crisp and clear like fresh mountain air. In that moment, Steve stayed silent and breathed it in, taking courage, taking heart.

"S...Sam?" He tried, not trusting his voice.

"Oh my god Steve?" Sam's voice lilted in surprise. "Wow it's so nice to hear from you. How did it go with the evaluation? I know Commander White was very happy with the results."

Steve could hear the smile in her voice. He tried again. "Sam, there has been a s...situation. I need your help, please."

Sam did not miss the hitch in his otherwise deadened voice. "Steve? Talk to me what is going on?"

"Not like this please, can I see you? Like an appointment? Are you free tomorrow?" He responded in his lifeless voice.

His voice was barely a whisper but she could hear his silent plea, his cry for help. "Of course Steve, I'll see you first thing in the morning if that's what you want. How's 09:30?"

"That's fine, thank you Sam." He cut the call after that.

Something lost in his deep and usually confident voice had Sam's entire world spinning off its axis.

Steve took a deep breath. That was one of the hardest things he had ever done. Asking for help went against everything he was as a person, everything he was as a SEAL, but then he thought of his team and he knew he had made the right call. He didn't know why, but he felt that Sam would be able to help him through this. He could have called their HPD therapist Dr. Latham but Sam seemed like a better choice. She was a military psychiatrist which meant that she was especially equipped to deal with issues like his.

 _Not to mention that she is seriously attractive..._  His mind filtered the thought to the forefront almost involuntarily and Steve found himself ashamed, once again, of his thoughts. His chest became heavy again. The fear of Sam's hold on him setting in and making his blood curdle. It was in the midst of these tumultuous thoughts that Danny returned with tea and water. Steve forced a grateful smile. He chugged the water but looked at the tea like a suspicious enemy.

"Look I can't even begin to understand what went on down there..." Danny started and Steve's heart constricted at Danny's concern.

Steve knew that Danny must have spent his entire time in the kitchen working himself up to talk to him just as Steve had worked himself up to call Sam. Looks they had both needed the space.

"Listen if you need some time..." Danny continued; each word seemed like a great labour to him. He was no expert. He didn't know if pushing Steve to talk would help or make things worse.

"I understand that this stuff is classified Steve but your life depends on this. I swear on my life I wouldn't tell a soul even under fear of death..."

"Danno..." Steve decided to make this easy on him. The very idea of Danny dying seemed to crack his chest open. He knew he trusted Danny with his life, he knew that he needed help and he knew that he needed to talk about it. Steve may not trust Sam just yet, but he felt like if he could open up to Danny then maybe it would be good practice for when he put his life in Sam's hands the next day...

"It was Afghanistan, 2005..." Steve's voice, rough to his own ears began hesitantly.

Danny listened with rapt attention as Steve gave the introduction. He listened quietly as Steve told him about Randy, Tyler, Dom and Jack. He told Danny about Dom's unforgivable act of sleeping with Randall's wife Amy.

The story flowed smoothly and automatically from Steve's lips at first. He spoke mechanically, he had to distance himself from the story he was telling, otherwise it would be stuck in his throat forever. Then he got to the part of the ambush, and he felt his stomach clench.

Danny put a hand on Steve's shoulder, trying to transfer some of his warmth and comfort into the SEAL's trembling body. He didn't say a word though; he didn't want to break the spell Steve was under. He knew Steve would talk if he kept silent and listened and sure enough, Steve didn't disappoint.

"We were ambushed from both sides we all took cover but held our positions firm. It was a formation that screwed us. I partnered with Tyler because he had taken a bullet to the lower leg the night before and it was agreed that I could cover him best. He was limping but was still efficient enough to be able to match me. Dom, Randy and Jack were on their own. Soon we started to notice breaks in the firing, we were yet to hit a single hostile. They knew the terrain better than us. They had a better idea of who we were. We were blind compared to them." Steve's voice hitched but he swallowed the lump in his throat and pressed on.

"The breaks in the firing meant they had to reload their weapons, the more frequent the breaks, the more we realised that they were running low on ammo. We thought we had finally caught a break. The shooting stopped altogether and once we made sure the coast was clear we all got up to take stock. I was hit in the shoulder but I wasn't incapacitated. Randy was hit in the knee and he couldn't walk. Tyler wasn't hit again but he was not a hundred percent. After we checked, Dom was the only one that was fully operational, and then our hearts sank when we saw that Jack was missing. What we thought was an ambush was actually a diversion. They snatched Jack from right under our noses and we didn't even notice."

Steve clasped his shaky hands in front of his eyes; he began sobbing quietly into his hands.

"What happened Steve?" Danny had promised himself he wouldn't speak but he knew that Steve was struggling. He decided to press a little. He prayed Steve would not clam up and he was relieved when Steve sniffed slightly and heaved a deep breath before continuing.

"My God Jack was so young Danno. We had celebrated his twenty-first birthday a week before we had set off on the mission. He was a kid and we... we..." Steve paused to compose himself.

"He was a SEAL Steve." Danny tried to console him. "He knew the risks like everyone else. Whatever happened out there was not your fault, or your team's. You have to know that right? You guys did your best to protect him."

Those words broke the dam for Steve as lowered his head onto the dining table and sobbed bitterly.

"Steve you have to know there was nothing you could have done." Danny held onto his shoulder and his own body shook with the force of Steve's trembling.

"We killed him D...Danny... M...My God we...we k...killed Jack!"

"What are you talking about buddy? That is just your guilt talking Steve." Danny tried to quell the terror in Steve's eyes.

"No Danny you do get it." Steve's voice had gone quiet and ominously chilling.

"It's not guilt or a delusion Danny, we literally killed him."

* * *

Steve squeezed his eyelids shut. He felt like a little kid again, hiding from the monsters underneath his bed. He used to feel that if he shut his eyes, the monsters would not see him.

Now he prayed and wished that if he didn't see the shock and judgment in Danny's eyes after his confession, then things would stay the same as they had always been. Danny would not see him for the murderer he was.

He forced his eyes open after what felt like forever. He didn't feel Danny's hand move away from his shoulder or slam the door behind him as he left the house, abandoning Steve forever. He looked into the eyes of his partner whose eyes held unabashed tears for the pain that Steve was suffering.

"Go on..." Danny whispered to him. "I am not going anywhere so get it off your chest."

Steve blinked in shock. For a second he thought Danny was a mirage, a figment of his imagination.

 _How could you not hate me?_ He wondered.  _What have I done to deserve you?_

Steve felt at that moment, that for all Danny's love and support, he owed him the truth. Even if it would kill him to relive what happened that night, by God he would do it. He forged ahead.

"The rest of us could not believe it. We knew we had to find Jack. They could have been torturing him or worse. He was a child for f...fuck's sake. We had to split up. I had to go with Tyler. I hated leaving Dom and Randy alone with each other given what went down between them but I had no choice. Dom and I were both snipers, it made no sense for us to partner up as the other two would be at a disadvantage. Tyler was our medic and he patched us up as best he could, but with the bullet hitting a through-and-through on my shoulder, there was no way I could support Randy who could barely walk. And Tyler as you know was also limping, he and Randy would be sitting ducks, either of us with Randy would be so we had no choice but to let Dom take Randy as we fanned out to search for Jack. Randy and Dom took the route leading into a dense jungle where there was some cover and because Tyler and I together were in better shape, we took the drier, more open and arid route with less cover. As we began searching we heard Dom shout in the jungle, just after the entry point. They had found a hostile. He was on the move and we needed to catch him to find out where Jack was. As Tyler and I entered the jungle we heard the shots ring out. We knew the sound of our automatic weapons and we knew those shots came from Dom or Randy or even both of them. We began to follow the sounds when Randy's blood-curdling screams echoed through the entire jungle. Oh God Danno... I... I will never forget that sound as long as I live." Steve sniffed but didn't wait for Danny to egg him on this time. He started up again quickly, like ripping off a Band-Aid before he could change his mind...

"We reached the clearing and we saw Dom and Randy sobbing over the hostile's body, but it wasn't a hostile it was... it was J...Jack."

Danny gasped before he could stop himself. "Randy had shot Jack without realising it? Was he so far gone in his grief?" Danny could not help but ask.

"N...No Danny it wasn't Randy's fault. Those bastard terrorists had done this. They... God... They dressed Jack in a long shirt and turban to look like them. They bound his hands beneath the long shirt they put on him. They g...gouged out his eyes and cut his ears so he was deaf and blind. They stitched his mouth shut and set him loose into the jungle. He couldn't call to us or scream that it was him. He couldn't ask for help." Steve shut his eyes and sobbed uncontrollably.

Danny himself was openly crying now.

"Randy mistook him for a hostile and shot him. He was dead before he hit the ground. W... we killed Jack Danny. It was all my fault. I was in charge and I left Randy with Dom knowing about the bad blood between them. Maybe if they had been a little more focused, they could have seen how lost and uncoordinated Jack was and maybe they would have stayed fire. Danny I murdered a SEAL brother. I don't deserve to live."

Danny didn't respond. He knew there was nothing he could say to alleviate Steve's suffering. He didn't even pretend to understand because it was impossible for him to put himself in his partner's shoes at that point. All he knew was that Steve was traumatised and exhausted.

Danny walked silently into the kitchen and came back with a glass. He went to the cabinet and pulled out a bottle of whiskey, poured the contents of the amber liquid into a glass and handed it wordlessly to Steve.

Steve looked up at him, "Thanks" he whispered before knocking the drink back in one swift gulp, his face screwed up slightly as the liquor burned his throat.

Danny took the glass back and poured him another one.

"Might as well leave the bottle here Danno." Steve's voice was roughened by the alcohol.

"I can't do that buddy. Losing yourself at the bottom of the bottle is not going to make this go away. Look before you say no, I think you should hear me out Steve. I think maybe you should talk to a professional. Please don't take what I am saying to mean that I think you are weak or that I don't believe in you, but buddy you have to understand, it kills me that I don't know how to help you, it kills us all. We are all here to support you every step of the way, but there is only so much we can do when we aren't qualified to help you or even understand how to help you deal with the pain you have suffered."

Steve hugged Danny at that. "You all have helped me more than you know Danno. The only reason I haven't lost my mind already is because I have my  _ohana_ to take care of me."He let go and did his best to meet his partner's eyes.

"You are right though Danno. I won't fight you on this brother. I will get help. I have already called Sam while you were in the kitchen. I have made an appointment for tomorrow 09:30 am sharp at the Tripler."

"I am proud of you buddy" Smiled Danny as he poured himself a drink as well. "Are you sure you want to go to the Tripler though? I mean are you sure you won't be comfortable with Dr. Latham?"

"Sam is a military trained psychiatrist Danny." Steve responded as he poured himself another whiskey. He threw it back. He could feel himself getting slightly light-headed. He hadn't eaten since breakfast and the alcohol was getting to him.

"Well I'm driving you there in the morning." Danny said, in a voice that brooked no argument.

"I wouldn't have it any other way Danno" said Steve. His eyes burned but he was honestly too afraid to close his eyes at this point.

"Lemme tell you what..." said Danny. "I'm gonna make you a grilled cheese sandwich, you clearly haven't eaten all day the whiskey is kicking your ass." He tried to smile.

Steve shook his head, the motion intensifying his dizziness. "I need this Danno." He practically begged. "T...The voices, the screams, they won't stop. At least they won't tonight."

"I promise you Steve, you will sleep tonight." Danny was sure of it. "After you eat, have this tea and I promise you will be fine." He had put Valium in the chamomile. He knew Steve showing up to his appointment hung over would not bode well so whiskey was out but he knew his partner still needed a good night's sleep.

Steve was too tired and numb to argue. He freshened up in the washroom while Danny prepped their sandwiches. He choked down a few bites of the grilled cheese and drank all of the tea.

Steve got up a few minutes later to get ready for bed. Big mistake. The sudden movement nearly knocked him off his feet. He swayed precariously as Danny rushed to grab him.

"W... What was...?" He couldn't get the rest of the words out.

"Easy babe." Danny soothed him. "It's just Valium. It will help you sleep tonight."

Steve tried to catch the thought but his head felt like a sieve with random words running through senselessly and he was helpless and was unable to retain anything. Danny's words floated away from his mind. He let Danny steady him and lead him upstairs.

Once Danny tucked him in, Steve was caught in a hazy fog of sleep. He was about to give in when he heard Danny's footsteps leading out the door. It felt like someone had kicked his slowing heart into action...  _Fear..._ he didn't want to be left alone as Jack's bloody ghost flittered before his eyes and Randy's screams razed anew. He tried to call out to Danny but his mouth felt like it was stuffed with cotton and his eyes were heavy.

Then slowly, the sounds began to fade... The screams seemed to die, as if someone had muted an amplifier.

Steve heard her voice, drowning out all his pain, all his guilt. "Sleep well my sailor." She whispered. Her voice lulling him closer to silence and peace. Her eyes were a melting pot of every element of nature. The blood in his nightmares seemed to swirl into fire and that fire formed an earthy chocolate ring that wreathed itself around her dark pupils. The fire cooled along the edges into the most amazing spectrum of forest green, aqua blue, and then an airy steel grey. "Take rest my sailor..." The voice soothed him again and Steve felt compelled to obey.

Steve couldn't even comprehend why Sam's voice and eyes were the last things he felt surrounding him before he gave in to oblivion.

* * *

**Hope you guys like it:) Kudos and comments are my ultimate motivation:)**

**P.S. I am well-aware that this story has been nothing but disjointed WWP (Whump Without Plot) but I can assure you, if you managed to stick with it, my next update will finally reveal what the rest of this story will be about.**

**Thank you once again! Next update tomorrow hopefully- Az**


	6. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

**Author's Note:** **I am back with another update:) I wish to send a huge shout-out to the Guest who hit that Kudos button and a special thank you to Krashmor for bookmarking:) Lastly, to all silent readers, thank you for the traffic.**

**Like I said, this update will finally let you in on what this story is actually about. I really hope you like it.**

**Disclaimer:** **I know it sounds repetitive but I am too legally minded not to mention that nothing canon belongs to me. Just the plot and my OCs are mine. This chapter carries a strong warning for language and sexual content. You have been warned. So... Shall we?**

* * *

_Sam's Diary- That Same Night_

_He called this afternoon. I could hear the pain in his voice and I was almost regretful... almost. Sometimes things have to be broken to be moulded anew._

_Every man needs to be immersed in a crucible, he would have to face trials and tribulations that can break him, shatter him in the most cruel way in order for him to be forged once again into a better, more perfect form._

_Steven John McGarrett..._

_When he had first walked into my office, when I had laid eyes on him, my first thought was,_

" _Perfect. This is the closest that any man has ever come to perfection. He is handsome, strong and wild yet he has the ability to follow orders, to be the perfect soldier."_

_There is only one thing standing in the way between this man and perfection, that one thing is the fact that he is not mine... yet..._

_Now that I have broken him I will ensure that he will rise like a phoenix from the ashes of his old life._

_He will belong only to me._

_I must remember to thank Randall for this most amazing gift. His old Commanding Officer will be the most amazing addition to my 'dollhouse'._

_Even if Randall hadn't told me about Afghanistan during our session I still would have been able to stack the deck in my favour, just maybe not as poetically or perfectly._

_I decided that it was time to prepare to welcome my precious new doll into the fold. I had to have him, even if it meant sacrificing another one of my precious toys._

_One G.I Joe in exchange for another._

_If Steve was going to be a part of my 'dollhouse', my other SEAL Michael, had to go. I had access to and had read Michael Shane's file even though he was Holden's patient and not mine. Holden is sweet like that. He is a puppy eager to please. He would be eager to do anything I asked just so he could have an opportunity to sniff my cunt. I would never let him any closer than that..._

_Pathetic little waste of flesh._

_I loved visiting Michael. As a recovering heroin addict he was especially prone to withdrawals._

_Poor thing._

_I told him that my name was Melani and that I was there as a volunteer. I spent a lot of time with the handsome SEAL but it took him barely an hour before he was eating out of my hands. I have to admit the lack of the challenge did threaten to bore me into abandoning him but I always have to be ten steps ahead, and even though he is crazier than a cat in a cornfield, a pretty girl like me can never go wrong with a SEAL in her corner._

_My name never appeared in the visitor's log. I could walk freely in the Tripler without caring about hiding from security and surveillance cameras and I always met Michael alone, I know he told Holden I was his girlfriend but since the only women who visited him were his mother and sister, Holden in his egotistical arrogance chalked Melani up as a figment of Michael's imagination._

_The nurses would huff in annoyance as he would slur my name in a withdrawal haze and I could only smile for I had the perfect doll to play with. He amused me, entertained me, fed my ego, warmed my loins and helped me to hone my craft. Yes there were others before him, Randy on the mainland for example, but Afghanistan had left Randy's mind as nothing more than a maze, where one could have fun exploring for a while only to find that it lead nowhere. Randy was far from perfect. I don't like dolls that cannot be fixed. But I am glad my superiority complex forced me to break Randy into talking back then. Michael was proving to be less than worthless and I needed a new SEAL to fuel my appetite._

_Steve..._

_I have watched Steve, in my office and on my court. He is as intelligent as he is lethal. He has a goodness that shines through and as I watched him with my other precious doll Mason on the court I couldn't help but think that this man could definitely take me to heaven. Then I shook my head and I had the foresight to plaster a smile. A normal dullard of a human would have reacted that way as they watched the boys play basketball. I didn't want Steve to take me to heaven just then. I felt an overwhelming and primal urge to drag him straight to hell..._

_After Steve had left my office I had sat and planned. A lot of higher intellectuals lack any form of patience and while I don't suffer that same affliction, I also have determination in spades to boot. If I want something I can bide as much time as I need to make sure that not only do I get what I want, I keep it, forever._

_Steve McGarrett would not be easy to obtain. A man like him has to be unmade; he has to want to run into my arms of his own volition, of his own free will. He needs to learn to come when he is called, he needs to know his new master and when he is called, he must walk into a cage and get so used to living in that cage that even if I have to spring the lock and open the cage door, he must be unable to see his freedom. He will stay in the cage and never leave me until I wish it so. I would prepare for every possible outcome so that even if my Steve has to leave the cage... He would be compelled to return to me. Yes all of this takes time but trust me, for a specimen of a man like that... I can wait._

_And so I got to work. I went out into the streets a few nights after my appointment with my new G.I Joe. I could not help the rush of excitement as I imagined how much fun I was going to have playing with him. I do volunteer work counselling for anonymous street addicts and it wasn't hard to find a dealer. The only thing I hate is wearing a blonde wig, gloves and contacts when I work._

_Flawlessness especially in terms of beauty is, in itself, a flaw, make no mistake about that. My eyes and face are unforgettable._

_My fingerprints and DNA could not be found in the heroin or on the gun I had bought anonymously from the drug-dealing dirt bag._

_I wished to gift them to my Mikey._

_I paid cash. Always have a few thousands lying around; never withdraw large sums at once as this creates suspicion. A few hundred dollars each week should do fine as long as you do this routinely and with my lifestyle and high income as a doctor, my regular withdrawals are more than justifiable._

_Sure medicinal heroin is available to me as a doctor and would be much easier then the cloak-and-dagger routine but why take the chance of leaving a paper-trail?_

_Ah the glow in Michael's eyes when I snuck in through the bars to see him. I had loosened the bars gradually over a number of days. No-one was any wiser as I always fit the bars into place whenever I snuck in and out to visit Michael so it wouldn't look like I was spending more than a normal amount of time with a patient who wasn't mine in the first place._

_I gave him his little gift that day. I do love spoiling my dolls. He hadn't had a hit in months but I knew I had to dose him correctly. He needed enough for a bad trip that would eventually kill him but not until he forged the cage for my new pet... and that cage... was Afghanistan 2005._

_As I watched Michael dope himself I drudged up a few tears. "I'm sorry Mickey." I cried and I caressed his hand as he injected himself. "I love Steve. Steve McGarrett. He is a SEAL too. God Mickey when he touches me I melt, I have never felt that with you. Please understand baby he is just so... so pretty. I know you would think he is a sonofabitch, but I choose him."_

_I kept emphasising the word 'sonofabitch'. I knew that was the insult that Randy had kept hurling at Dom in Afghanistan and I wanted it to permeate Michael's clouded mind. He had to hurl that insult at Steve. I wanted Afghanistan 2005 to flash before Steve's eyes, breaking him once and for all and sending him straight into my arms._

_I watched Michael's eyes fill with rage as they became heavier and larger. I could see the bulge in his temples as he steadily lost himself to the drugs. I wanted to clap in glee as he began to slur... "Steve McGarrett that sonofabitch... Steve McGarrett that sonofabitch..."_

_I forced my eyes to press out more tears. "I love Steve McGarrett." I whispered again. "He may be a sonofabitch to you but I choose him over you."_

" _That sonofabitch. Steve McGarrett that sonofabitch." His rage spilled over into tears._

_I filled one last syringe vial with heroin and potassium chloride. My poor Mason suffers from low potassium so I have to prescribe potassium chloride for him. I simply pilfered from that supply so no one would suspect. Potassium chloride would enhance the heroin high and since my Michael doesn't have a potassium deficiency, the excess potassium in his blood stream would cause a cardiac arrhythmia which mimics a heart attack and simply stop his heart completely thus ensuring his death and his expulsion from my 'dollhouse'._

_I had to give myself props for the potassium touch. It would never show up if they decided to do an autopsy on Michael. With the amount of heroin injected into Michael his heart would have naturally suffered tissue damage. The body would naturally produce more potassium to help repair tissue damage and that would explain the additional potassium in his body._

_I gathered the remnants like the used vials and needles and left his first floor window open with the bars loosened so he could eventually escape. I watched him inject himself with the last vial which I then picked up. I couldn't have the police coming to know later that he was doped at the hospital. Never defecate where you eat. It was that simple._

_I decided to enter and leave through the very same window then as I didn't want to be caught on camera near Michael's room today. I would make it look like Michael had used his SEAL training to loosen the bars to go on little 'excursions' out of the facility and he therefore escaped, doped himself away from the hospital and went on a rampage._

_If anyone would question why I was in this wing on other days I could always tell the truth and say that Holden had asked me to check in on a few of his patients. I made sure to check in on at least five of his other patients including Michael. Never underestimate the convenience of working with a lazy fool like Holden. Someone who thinks his pretty face would get him out of any tight situation. Most people would find working with such an egoistic baby a pain and a chore but not me. Always make the best out of a bad situation. Sure it can be a bitch but look at my prize for all my troubles... Steve McGarrett._

_I snuck back into my office from the blind spots on the grounds. I know every angle of every camera in the Tripler. Chalk it up to spending so much time with military men but I love knowing I can become invisible especially when I strategise. I disposed of the vials and needles in the medical waste basket. It would go straight into the incinerator at the end of the day. I did some paperwork to while away the time and then I took out my phone to check the news, Michael did make the news but there were roadblocks so there were no on-site updates which wasn't surprising in itself but irked me nonetheless._

_I stretched languidly on my divan thereafter and decided to relax. My mind was flooded with a wave of peace as it only does when a plan comes together. All I had to do was wait for Steve's call and he did not disappoint._

_I did not know Steve's number because Joe had made his first appointment, but something deep in my very bones told me when my phone rang that it was him. I quickly tucked my cell phone between my ears and my chin to make him think I was preoccupied. Just hearing his voice again stirred my yearning anew. I could feel myself getting wet and I could not help licking my lips in anticipation. I could see him now, in my mind's eye, in my mental dollhouse. I had decorated a cage in my mind specifically for a glorious creature like him._

_Steve and I hung up after setting an appointment for tomorrow. I got up then and walked to reception where I punched in the code for Mason's room. I had promised my Mason that he could come and see me every day before I clocked out for the day._

_He had come to me that afternoon after my first appointment with Steve. He had been a good boy that day. He always followed my instructions to the letter. My rock star doll Mason deserved these small rewards._

_Mason walked in a few minutes later. I was already reclined on my divan. He walked into my consulting office and immediately locked the door behind him. I smiled but I didn't say a word as I removed my pants. My panties were already soaked from when I had spoken to my sailor, my new prize. I needed release. I spread my legs, exposing myself to Mason who knelt down with a smile and buried is head between my legs. His tongue lapped at my folds, nipping at my clit gently. I had taught him well. My toys had to know how to pleasure me. As he drank me in I could feel my release building and I wrung my hands around his scalp, a signal for him to increase his tempo. He obeyed eagerly. His tongue did not let up, bless him. I bucked under him as I closed my eyes and imagined, as I had been doing these past few days that I was running my hands through Steve's thick, dark hair. I could vaguely see his tattoos flex as he massaged my legs and his blue eyes gleamed mischievously as he pleasured me with his tongue. Oh yes... Soon it would be Steve between my legs. Those delicious and wicked thoughts brought me to a thundering climax as Mason lapped all of me up. Mason had done well. I got up and brought his lips to mine. I could taste myself on his lips as I kissed him. I opened his fly and massaged him until I felt his release. He deserved it. I would never let him inside me though. He had to know his place. As good a foot soldier he was, he was definitely not worthy. Mason left soon after and I prepared to leave for the day. My thoughts focused entirely on my mission ahead._

_I see Steve tomorrow at 09:30 am. I have broken him, traumatised him, played with him and unmade him but it is time for the next step. He needs to come to me; he needs to run into my arms willingly. It may or may not happen tomorrow but it will happen eventually for sure. He will be completely dependent on me, his new master. I can feel it as strongly as the air that I breathe..._

* * *

Sam closed her diary and stretched. She looked over to her fireplace where the fire roared and licked the brick surrounding it. Sam's eyes travelled above the fire to the focal piece that hung over it in her living room and smiled.

_Ah, Fournier's last painting._

It was abstract with a variety of his signature frantic strokes in various shades of red blazing like the fire beneath it. Ruby, wine, scarlet, sangria... all varying shades and strokes of blood...

Sam remembered sitting in front of him as he created his  _magnum opus._

He had snorted, injected and drank a heavy cocktail of cocaine, LSD and wine. She could still taste the heady and fragrant Shiraz on his lips and could smell the powder on his nose as he sliced every piece of his own flesh and sprayed the canvas. The blood from various parts of his body created a kaleidoscope effect and Sam could not help but marvel at its magnificence.

Fournier had given her the ultimate gift of his devotion. He had spread the colours drunkenly on the canvass and smiled at Sam before he breathed his last.

Sam had taken a leisurely bath in his bathroom tub while he bled all over his wooden floored apartment. She didn't worry about her DNA being all over because it was well-established that she visited him often. Because she had gotten creative and had him mutilate himself, the coroner would undoubtedly rule it a suicide.

Sam dried herself off slowly, allowing her mind to relax and even helped herself to some of his lotions. She picked up her new dry painting, filled its empty space with a few blood spatters to leave no trace for the forensics team. She did this by flicking Fournier's bloody hand all over the negative space to make sure the empty space left behind by the canvas was filled. She took care not to get a drop of blood on herself. No one would be able to tell that someone had picked up anything, let alone an entire canvas while the pathetic painter slobbered and drenched blood all over his shitty apartment. She walked out to her car before heading off to his gallery to buy out the rest of his collection which was on display at the first shithole who gave him a space.

She wrote a cheque to the gallery manager under an alias. She emptied out that entire account in the gallery so she wouldn't have to close it.

Fournier had never signed his paintings in the front but behind the canvas instead so that his paintings could be slipped under the radar and sold under the banner of more reputable artists at the gallery. The gallery managers didn't care as long as their spaces were full but not one of his abstract pieces of shit had been picked up yet.

 _Sell-out bastard..._ Thought Sam angrily.

Fournier may have been an abstract artist but he had always wanted Sam to pose nude for him. Sam always refused him. She would never give herself and her beauty to a man who claimed to be a tortured artist but who actually pimped out his talent to rake up a few bucks in order to buy a few lines of coke.  _Fuck that..._  Sam huffed in exasperation.

Sam bought a few other anonymous pieces to remain inconspicuous. She knew she was getting Fournier's pieces at a steal; she wanted them as her trophies. His pieces would be worth ten times more the next day when his death would be publicised.

She then played the role of tearful and grieving friend to perfection. Fournier had nothing to his name so money was no motive. In fact, Sam showing her devotion to her 'friend' by buying his paintings negated her as a suspect altogether as she actually put money into his estate instead.

Sam had never let him touch her pussy but according to the police, she was the only woman he fucked... oops... sorry...  _loved_  so sex as a motive was out of the question as well. The only motive left would be revenge and Fournier's apparent suicide and forensics at the scene confirming self-inflicted mutilation resulting in death had blown the theory of a vengeful motive away like an autumn leaf.

Sam left France with her treasures two weeks later with goodbyes and blessings from the French police.

 _Ah you gotta love France... C'est La Vie._ Sam smiled at the memory.

She stood and wondered why her previous homeowners had owned a fireplace in sunny Hawaii but she was glad for the addition. Its flickering light brought her painting to life and she knew that one day, she would stand before her former doll Fournier's masterpiece in the arms of Steve McGarrett.

* * *

The drive to the Tripler the next morning was silent but still comfortable. It was Friday. Danny silently prayed the entire way there that Sam Harris had the balls to get through to Steve. His friend's sanity may depend on this guy getting through to him.

Steve stared absently through the window. His heart was racing, not just from nerves but from shame, shame at the excitement it felt at the prospect of seeing Sam again.

They pulled into the parking lot. Steve stepped out and saw Danny coming round to his side.

"Danno?" Steve asked his voice quiet and strangely subdued.

"Yeah buddy?" asked Danny.

Danny never thought there'd be a day where he'd ever hear Steve McGarrett sound like a scared child. He cursed Michael under his breath silently. He knew his anger was misplaced and that Michael was just as much a victim as Steve, but Danny couldn't help it. He held Steve's shoulder in silent support and when his anger still refused to subside, he proceeded to curse the Fates who seemed hell-bent on making his poor, unfortunate partner suffer with no sign of peace on the horizon for him.

"Danny, would you hate me if I asked to go in alone?" Steve's whispers were starting to rip into Danny. He was surprised though. "Are you sure Steve? You know I want to be there for you right? I wouldn't want to be anywhere else right now. If you are worried about the office I can assure you that the others can handle it."

"I know Danno, it's not that. I trust you all with my life, the office is nothing. It's just that, I feel like this is something I need to do alone. If I can't conquer this by myself now, there is no hope for me. I... I p...promise Danno, I will keep the appointment. Please can I just try this my way?" Steve was panicking.

"Hey hey buddy, it's all right calm down now. If it means this much to you of course I will let you do this. But I want you to promise me something okay? Promise me that you will never forget that we are all with you. That you can come to anyone of us and we will rally to you if you feel, even for a split second that you can't do this alone. Promise me Steve..." Danny held out his hand.

Steve's eyes misted with emotion as he took Danny's hand in the promise. He hugged his friend fiercely. "I promise Danno... I promise... Please give everyone my love."

"I will Partner..." smiled Danny, though his heart seemed to bleed even saying this little goodbye.

Danny Williams was a mother-hen, born into a family of nurturers. To leave family alone in situations like this went against everything he believed in. He also knew however, that Steve was raised differently, he dealt with pain differently and right now, Danny was willing to do what was best for Steve, even if it meant ignoring his strong visceral instinct that said that leaving Steve alone in therapy was a bad idea.

Danny heaved a sigh as he saw his partner walk into the Tripler. As much as he hated the Fates at that point, he still sent a prayer of thanks that at least they had given Steve the strength to seek the help he so desperately needed.  _Let it never be said that Danny Williams is an ingrate..._ Huffed Danny as he looked to the sky.

As Steve walked into the Tripler, the smell of the ocean outside and the warm morning sun seemed to dissolve in the pungent aromas of sanitizer and ammonia and the cold air-conditioning permeated what was left of the outside warmth.

The reality of where he was hit Steve hard.  _Calm down McGarrett_ he lamented.  _Take it easy man, one foot in front of the other..._  He took his first step tentatively...  _That's it, there you go._  He spent the rest of the walk focusing slowly on his feet, if he began to rationalise what he was about to do, he would bolt faster than a colt about to be broken in. In a way, there was not much of a difference between him and that colt at this point. If that colt was about to be broken in, he was about to be broken down. His jaw would be pried open by his need to talk, his need to heal. The fear held his heart in a vice grip and threatened to freeze his feet.

He was outside her door before he knew it. Steve stood outside for a second just to catch his breath. He looked at his watch...  _09:17..._  He decided not to indulge himself in apprehension in these last few spare minutes and forced himself to open the door to Sam's waiting room.

It was empty inside. Steve wondered for a split second what the point of the reception was when Sam did not seem to have a receptionist. He secured himself into a seat but was too preoccupied with his thoughts to pick up a magazine. He looked up again, at the reception desk, then...  _the paintings._

The rebellious splashes of colour, the very same hues of Fournier that had piqued his curiosity the last time he was here, now filled his mind with a strange sense of foreboding. Her hushed whispers permeated his mind, like a toxin...  _"I love that his work is so subjective yet his strokes are so brash, so brazen and almost apathetic. There is a peace in his chaos, a peace we all long for, a smile... even in death..."_

Steve's heart seemed to slow as he remembered Sam's words. The paintings no longer held the same appeal to him as when he had first laid eyes on them. Sam was right. They did eventually yank the rug out from under you.

He could no longer distract himself from his dark thoughts. Steve closed his eyes in that moment and sighed in defeat into his clasped and trembling hands. He breathed heavily and tried desperately to keep a panic attack at bay.

* * *

Sam had heard the door to her waiting room open. His combat boots were quiet on her floor outside. She felt her stomach flip pleasantly. He was just beyond the door, but not beyond her reach. She wanted to act pricey and make him wait until 09:30 precisely but decided she had roughed her new doll up enough. Besides, she could scarcely contain her curiosity. The first time she had seen Steve he was every bit a Commander. It was time to examine her handy work. She didn't bother to fix herself up in front of the mirror in those last precious moments. She had never felt the need to even try to be pretty for a man or for anyone else. She opened the door and stepped out.

Steve sat in one of the waiting room chairs. Even though the chair had a comfortable backrest, he was hunched over. His beautiful features hidden behind his clasped, trembling hands. His face was pale.

It was in this second, for the first time in her life that Sam's heart constricted in pity for another person.

Steve looked so absorbed, trapped even, in a dark memory. He was so lost in himself that he didn't even hear the door open which was definitely a troubling sign for a SEAL. He hadn't registered that Samantha herself stood a few feet away from him.

Sam blinked away the sudden film of tears in her eyes and forced her emotions into the recesses of her mind. It was game time.  _Don't worry my sailor..._  She thought, for his consolation as well as hers... _I will make your pain disappear... You will soon be happy and you will soon be mine..._  She straightened her shoulders and held her arms to her side loosely, keeping her posture deliberately open and inviting. She needed to test him. She needed to see how far gone he really was. Was he distraught enough to let go of his instincts and training? Was he traumatised enough to trust her?

"Steve?" Sam called in a hushed tone. She didn't want to startle him.

Steve's shoulder jerked slightly before he straightened. He lowered his hands and looked at her. His eyes were rimmed a moist red. The tears held captured in his glowing blue orbs.

Sam's eyes filled at the sight of his sadness and this time, she didn't stop her tears from drenching her marble skin. "Oh my god Steve..." She whispered again.

Steve looked into the very eyes that had haunted him since the day he first walked out of this office. He didn't think it was possible but his imagination and memory had not done this woman justice. She was even lovelier than he remembered.

"Steve..." She called his name again.

Hearing his name flowing gently from her supple lips like a prayer was his undoing. Her voice had carried him through many a rough night since he had first heard it.

"Sam..." His voice shook and before Sam had time to analyse how far she had pushed him, Steve was off the couch swiftly and he launched himself into her arms. He held onto her tightly, like a lifeline. His shoulders sagged in relief and his body melted into hers. His heart warmed in wonder at how this tiny woman's body moulded perfectly into his, like she was crafted specifically to fit into him. The dam broke and he buried his head into the crook of her neck. She smelled like vanilla and sugar cookies.

It was a scent that Sam preferred and one she had on her at all times. It was not hard-hitting and obvious like a perfume but a scent she infused into her skin to become a part of her. Vanilla radiated innocence and made her seem sweet and approachable and the sugar from her icing flavoured shampoo gave her an enticing fragrance.

Sam wrapped her arms around him. He was much taller than her but his body enveloped her perfectly. She felt shielded and needed. His muscles radiated strength, power and pure adrenaline but his heart beating frantically against her collar bone gave away how vulnerable he really was. She could not believe that her plan had worked so well. He was actually in her arms. He felt even more amazing then she could have possibly imagined and she didn't think that could be possible. He felt like heaven, he felt like shelter, he felt like...  _home._

Sam was surprised at the direction her thoughts had taken. She always had her mind firmly under control. Whenever she had found a new doll, she would be thinking of her precious 'dollhouse', she had never associated a doll with a sense of home.

Steve McGarrett was more than traumatised, he was completely shattered. Her mind raced with the possibilities but she kept the tears flowing freely from her eyes for Steve's benefit.

"Sam..." he whispered as his voice hitched. "I'm falling apart Sam, I need you to fix me..."

Steve was buried so deep in her neck and was so lost in her sugary vanilla scent that he couldn't see or feel Sam's evil smirk over his shoulder.

* * *

**Well now you know where I am going with this.**

**So, after reading this chapter, everything from Chapter 1 down ought to make some semblance of sense. If you are still lost at the Prologue don't worry, it will come up eventually.**

**Now that you know what the story entails, please comment or bookmark or please smash that Kudos button! I would really like to know whether this idea is something you are interested in. - Az**


	7. Chapter 6

 

**Chapter 6**

**Author's Note:** **Hi everyone! Here is the update. But first... Huge internet hugs to Dee Ann Korth from Texas for your amazing comment:) Means the world to me so thank you from the bottom of my heart <3 Huge thank yous to the Guests who left Kudos as well:) If I get names I will leave shout-outs in my Author's Notes:)**

**Disclaimer:** **Same as always, I personally find the repetition tedious but I am pedantic.**

* * *

Danny had just made his way back to the office. He had stopped on the way to pick up some coffee and malasadas for the rest of the team. If he knew them half as well as he did, he would bet his bottom dollar that none of them had slept a wink the night before thinking about Steve. He called Rachel on his way in. She was still packing so she was not too upset that he had spent the night at Steve's. Danny had called her the night before and he was happy that their therapy was helping them understand each other's needs better and was definitely improving their communication skills. Tomorrow would be the day she, Danny and the kids would finally move in together and he couldn't be happier. He knew that things between him and Rachel were not always perfect before but now that they were older and wiser, with two kids and therapy to support them, Danny genuinely felt that he and Rachel were the real deal. He had seen her make an effort to become closer to Steve as well and that told him how much she loved him more than if she actually said those words to him (and she had, many times, as she had lain in his arms after they had made love).

Danny got off the elevator and literally could not take a step further as his way into the office was blocked by his anxious teammates. Kono looked at if she had her heart in her throat, Chin's brows were furrowed in concern, Jerry shuffled on his feet in anticipation and Grover looked like he was ready to water-board poor Danny for more information.

"How's our boy doing?" asked Jerry. He was not at the scene himself yesterday but just hearing that Steve could fall apart was enough to scare him beyond belief. Danny sighed at this. It was so easy for all of them to forget that Steve was human and not Superman.

"He was not good yesterday. I had to dope him with Valium so he could rest" said Danny regrettably.

Kono choked a sob.

"But is he alone now? How is his shoulder? Did he rest properly? Did he tell you anything?" asked Chin anxiously. Danny was less surprised by the torrent of questions and more shocked by the fact that it was Chin who led the interrogation. Danny could have sworn that in all the years he had known Chin Ho Kelly, this was literally the longest length of time he had ever spoken in one breath. It spoke volumes about how scared they all were for Steve.

Danny knew he could not tell them about Afghanistan and he knew they would understand if he didn't, but God knows they deserved an update.

"He opened up to me guys. I can understand him falling apart like that. But you guys don't need to worry. He knows he is not alone. He sent his love for you guys. He even said he trusts us all with his life. He knows we are there for him no matter what." Danny felt a deep sense of pride as he watched the others square their shoulders and lift themselves in determination. They were poised and ready to fight for Steve and rally to him and nothing could stop them from protecting their own.

"I didn't leave him alone by the way."Danny continued. "I dropped him off at the Tripler this morning. I didn't even have to force him into therapy; he called Sam and set up an appointment himself."

"We just need him to be okay" said Kono quietly.

Danny made himself a mental note to look up the good doctor Harris but the thought quickly evaporated from his mind as a mountain of work fell on their heads.

* * *

Danny had to take a breath. It was an hour after he had walked into the office and he was still giving out updates on Steve. He was happy that his partner had touched so many people but the constant calls were disrupting his focus. Kamekona called first, sending regards from Nahele and Flippa as well. Max, Charlie and Noalani were next. Then came Duke, Eric, Adam, Toast, Governor Denning, Odell, Mary and even Dawg. Danny had to calm Mary down though; she was so distraught after she heard about her brother that Danny had to reason with her not to take the first flight out. He knew that Steve and Mary were everything to each other but he wanted to ask Steve first whether he would be comfortable with Mary and Joanie around. He knew Steve would be uncomfortable breaking in front of Mary and Lord knows Mary was dealing with enough after Aunt Deb's recent passing.

Alicia Brown called as well; she gave Steve her love and offered to help out with whatever they needed. Danny himself was grateful for her offer. Alicia was amazing at her work and Five-0 and Steve needed all the support they could get. The only calls that did not come however, were from Doris and Catherine, but in their defence, they probably did not know what was going on. When Joe had called last, Danny had made sure to play up the fact that Steve was fine. He didn't know yet whether Steve wanted Joe and the Navy knowing that he needed to see a therapist.

Governor Denning had not only wished Steve the best for his recovery but had asked to see Danny later that day at his office. Danny's curiosity was peaked but he could not dwell on that, they had to get justice for Michael...  _For Steve..._

Danny eventually thanked the stars when he was able to get back to work. "Hey Duke called, Holden is still at HPD if we want to question him" said Grover after he walked into Danny's office.

Chin and Danny decided to go question Holden while Grover and Kono decided to see Max and check whether Michael Shane's autopsy was complete and if it would reveal anything. Jerry decided to stay and liaise with Eric via web chat as they went through what little the crime lab had picked up at the scene.

* * *

HPD seemed still when Danny and Chin walked in. Danny knew that it was because they were all curious as to how Steve was doing but he refused to say anything. Steve's health was of no concern to anyone here except Duke who was family. Five-0 would never turn Steve's suffering into water-cooler gossip.

After updating Duke and perusing the case file, Danny and Chin went to question Holden. He was sitting in an interrogation room. The door itself was unlocked though, he was not being charged with anything... yet.

Another man with sharp features, slick grey hair and reptilian skin sat next to Holden. Danny knew the snake-like arrogant demeanour of a lawyer any day. Holden had come strapped and prepared but at least the baby-faced asshole was co-operating.

"I will tell you the same thing I have been telling Honolulu's finest here all night, I don't know where Michael had gotten the drugs from. The cops have already cased my office and Shane's room" sighed Holden in exasperation.

Danny and Chin had already read the report when they were by Duke. Apparently Michael's room window was open and the bars were removed. It looked like he had taken days to chip away at them without anyone else's knowledge. The room was swarming with DNA because a number of doctors and nurses would care for Michael. Apparently his room had a revolving door of people checking in on him.

"And why would you have other doctors checking in on your patient?" asked Chin, his face contorted in suspicion.

"Psychiatry is not an exact science officer" replied Holden, his voice dripping with a superior sense of disdain. "The human mind is tough to pin down, it is only natural and even encouraged for therapists to consult with each other and ask for a colleague to examine the patient and give a second opinion."

The case file that Chin and Danny had perused in Duke's office confirmed that Holden's senior had said that this was not uncommon in their field.

"Well a second opinion is not uncommon, but you have had not one, not two but  **three**  other therapists look in on  **your** patient. I mean are you that thorough or are you that incompetent?" Huffed Danny.  _Wow Steve was right, the man is an idiot. He knows fuck-all about psychiatry and he thought he could evaluate Steve!_

* * *

***At the same time at Max's office***

"What do we have Max?" asked Kono. Max had already called in the morning to ask after Steve so once he was satisfied that Steve was all right, he was able to focus and, with Noalani's help, they managed to complete Michael's autopsy.

"I have ruled that Lieutenant Shane's death was due to multiple gunshot wounds as you may have already guessed. Noalani and I have deduced that a gunshot that ripped directly into his heart was the ultimate cause of death. Since all the HPD officers who shot at him were doing so under proper authorisation and had followed proper police procedure, the report will be filed and no further action shall be taken. In terms of the drugs however, you see..."

Max droned on in his monotonous explanation.

"Lieutenant Shane had enough heroin pumped into him to paralyse a horse. The track marks and the angles of the track marks indicate that the heroin was injected using the left hand and were self-inflicted. Lieutenant Shane is left handed you see, and the fact that there was no sign of a struggle means that he had dosed himself. I did note however, that the levels of potassium in his body were elevated."

"Wait potassium? As in banana juice?" asked Grover.

"Well if by that you mean if it is the very same potassium that one can obtain by consuming a banana Captain Grover then yes I agree with you" said Max.

"It's not unusual for victims of long-term drug use to have internal tissue damage. When the internal organs begin to weaken, the body produces extra potassium in order to heal itself." Noalani supplied by way of explanation.

Max nodded his head at Noalani in the affirmative then continued. "I have made a special note of this, but I cannot conclude that there were any signs of foul play. I am thus forced to conclude our report here as Lieutenant Shane's family wish to make arrangements for him at the earliest."

"Thank you Max" said Lou as he and Kono prepared to leave.

Kono called Danny and Chin once they reached the car. "Danny, Max and Noalani have the autopsy report..." And Kono proceeded to fill Chin and Danny in on the autopsy.

* * *

Danny cut the call after thanking Kono for the update from Max. "Max ruled that the cause of death was a multiple gunshot wounds." He said to Chin.

"Well that would wrap up the investigation" said Chin matter-of-factly.

Chin was right. Five-0 jurisdiction did not include deaths due to police firing. Now that it had been concluded definitely that there was no foul play, the case would get kicked back to HPD who would wrap up.

Danny called Duke to inform him of such and to tell him about the autopsy report that was due to be filed in HPD.

"Thanks for the update Detective" said Duke kindly. "We just have some due diligence left. I will question the other doctors who had examined Shane and do a preliminary search of their offices for evidence. I can only do this tomorrow though because I am waiting on the warrants, but after that we will wrap it up if we don't find anything. I will keep you posted though and I wish to thank you and Five-0 for helping with this. I am... I am just so sorry that Steve had to pay such a heavy price for this." Sighed Duke regretfully.

Chin and Danny definitely concurred with him.

"Don't be sorry Duke." Chin tried to offer some comfort. "Steve would be proud knowing that at least, because of his involvement; Shane's family can bury him with proper closure. Sometimes that's all you need to be able to grieve properly and some people don't always get that when they lose a loved one tragically or to crime. As law officials we see that every day. At least Michael's family can say goodbye to him knowing what happened to him and knowing that we had done everything we could. Sometimes, we just have to take that as a win."

"I hear you Chin,  _mahalo_ brother" and then Duke was gone.

* * *

Danny dropped Chin off at the Palace before heading off to see Governor Denning. He called ahead to apologise that he was running late and Denning's secretary Stacy promised to relay the message. Danny did not miss her squeak of anticipation. She loved ogling at him and Steve whenever they came over. Well she was only getting one today... Danny hoped she wouldn't be too disappointed.

Danny was a full ten minutes late when he walked into Denning's waiting room. Stacy, bless her, stood immediately to attention.

"Ah Detective! How nice to see you" she said, her voice dropping an octave so that she could sound husky and sexual.

Danny could tell her face was freshly primed and powdered and her blonde hair was flipped and combed in anticipation. She gave Danny a mega-watt smile and subtly looked over for Steve. Her eyes flashed in disappointment but only for a fraction of a second before she had her game-face back on. She still got to see Danny and he was definitely no consolation prize. He was a prime catch all on his own.

"You can go on in Detective. Governor Denning understands your tardiness. He started the meeting without you and said you could join them whenever you came in."

 _Started without me? Them? Who else was supposed to be a part of this meeting? ..._ Wondered Danny in surprise. He had a bad feeling about this. Nothing good ever came out of a meeting with Governor Denning  **and** a third party. Danny tried to shake off his negative thoughts. Sure they clung to him like a second skin but that didn't mean he had to show it or indulge these thoughts.

"Well thank you Stacy." Danny tried to turn on the charm. This poor girl went a long way to ensure he and Steve stayed in Denning's good graces.

Yes Stacy was busty, leggy and gorgeous but in Danny's eyes she couldn't hold a candle to Rachel. Sure there are always going to be beautiful women, for every gorgeous woman on this planet there was always someone more stunning then her, but for some men, the ultimate woman would always be the mother of their children. Danny was that type of a man.

 _Hmmm maybe I could talk Steve into dating her..._  thought Danny. After the ship-wreck (he smiled slightly at this) that was Steve and Catherine, his boy deserved a fresh start. With that final thought on Stacy, Danny knocked briefly to announce himself, opened the Governor's door and went in.

"Ah Detective Williams come in, so nice of you to join us." Denning was suspiciously pleasant but Danny did not miss the worry lines marring his forehead.

Denning was concerned about Steve's health, Danny could tell. Sure Denning was a ball-buster, but he genuinely cared about Five-0 and that's why he never hesitated to dole out the 'tough love' so to speak.

Denning was sitting behind his desk and in front of him, in the visitor's chair, sat a petite young woman with her back to Danny. She had a halo of rich golden locks. She seemed familiar to Danny somehow and he felt his right eye involuntarily twitch with a feeling of  _déjà vu._ He didn't have to suffer his curiosity for long though. The seemingly pretty woman turned her head and Danny looked into the eyes of their former teammate and profiler... Lori Weston.

"Wow Lori! It is so nice to see you, when did you get back?" Danny asked politely. He was genuinely happy to see her. With all the trials ahead of Five-0, every familiar face was more than welcome.

"Hello Danny, it's good to see you too." Lori smiled genuinely before getting up and shaking his hand.

Denning smiled at this. Considering how averse Steve and Lori were to working together on their first go round, he was surprised to see the camaraderie between her and Danny. Sure he had forced Lori to resign once he had seen how attached she had become to the team, but now he wanted Steve to be well-rested. Denning knew it would ease Steve's mind to have Lori around.

"I called Agent Weston so that she can transfer back to Five-0. I want to make sure that Steve gets enough time to heal properly and that his worries are kept at bay" supplied Denning.

Lori's eyes widened as she swiftly turned her head from Danny to face the Governor. "Wait what do you mean Governor? What has happened to Steve? Oh my gosh is he all right?"

Denning was taken aback by Lori's strong reaction but Danny finally received confirmation of a hunch that he had a long time ago.  _Lori had feelings for Steve... Scratch that... Lori_ _ **has**_ _feelings for Steve._ Danny was somehow happy for this. Maybe Lori and Steve had a chance after all.

Lori saw the two men staring at her. Flustered at her sudden outburst, she suddenly became very self-conscious. She cleared her throat daintily and tried to reel herself in, trying to put the mask of professionalism firmly back onto her face.

"It's all right Agent Weston; I understand that you were very close to not only Steve but the entire team" said Governor Denning. He was graciously letting Lori off the hook. If he had any idea about Lori's feelings for Steve, he gave no inclination to the Agent or the Detective before him.

"Steve has suffered an unfortunate set back during a hostage situation. He is all right physically from what Detective Williams and the team has told me, but the incident has left him exhausted mentally and I insist that he needs to take it easy for a while" said Denning trying to fill Lori in.

Lori's eyes narrowed in scepticism.  _Unfortunate set back? Exhausted mentally? What was Denning not telling her?_   _Was Steve really going to be okay?_

Danny saw the pain in Lori's eyes. He could not stop looking at her.

Lori could feel Danny looking at her and locked eyes with him. Danny nodded slightly to her, offering silent comfort and his eyes made her a promise that he would fill her in on everything later once they left Denning and could talk freely.

"Well I wish you both everything of the best" said Denning, clearing his throat and forcing Danny and Lori's attention back to him. "Agent Weston I gave you the directions and keys to your new apartment. Should you or anyone else in Five-0 especially Steve need anything, and I mean anything, please do not hesitate to contact me."

"Thank you Governor" said Lori.

Danny followed up with a warm "thanks" and then they both excused themselves and left.

As they walked out of Denning's office, Danny waved goodbye warmly to Stacy. He was shocked to see her fix Lori with the iciest stare. Lori herself did not back down and glared right back.  _Women..._ Danny would never understand women or how they had such sharp instincts. They just knew when they were stepping into each other's territory and Danny was positive that if Rachel were here, she and Stacy would probably have a stare-down as well if not worse. His proper English Rose was fire when she felt someone moving in on what was hers. Rachel may be uppity but she definitely was not above staking her claim.

 _Oh well_... Danny thought...  _Lori is better suited to Steve compared to Stacy anyway..._

* * *

Once they were outside the building, Lori enveloped Danny in a warm but platonic hug. Danny returned her hug happily.

"It is so good to see you Lori" Danny smiled.

"I'm sorry Danny, I know the polite thing to do would be to ask after you and the team, but I am really worried about Steve" said Lori, her eyes twinkling precariously.

"Three years..."Smiled Danny."Three years and you still could not get over him huh."

Lori's eyes widened in surprise.

"I don't know what..." She started to say but Danny interrupted her.

"Steve is completely shattered Lori. He needs us all, now more than ever." He didn't think it was possible but he could actually see Lori's heart break for his partner.

"What happened Danny?"

And Danny told her what went down with Michael. He didn't tell her about Afghanistan, only that Michael's death had broken something in Steve.

Lori's breath hitched in her throat and she tried as hard as she could to school her features.

Danny could only think about Steve's welfare at this point. Catherine and her abandonment briefly came to his mind but looking at Lori and how she must have loved Steve, Danny could not help wondering if things between Steve and Catherine were really meant to be. He knew that Steve did not love Lori, not by a long shot and Danny was not going to give Lori false hope, but Lori was apparently here to stay, unlike Catherine. Danny knew that if she hadn't gotten over Steve after she was away for so long, her feelings would definitely not disappear now that she was back in their lives and in their  _ohana._

"Please don't deny it Lori, I had always suspected it and from the way you reacted in there, now I know for sure. Not only was I not off the mark but I hit the freaking bulls eye. I always thought you had feelings for Steve." Danny may have his doubts about Steve's feelings for Lori but he couldn't help feeling smug that his gut feeling about Lori's feelings was right all along.

Lori swallowed heavily.

Danny sighed at this. "I don't know how he feels about you, and I am definitely not going to make you any promises Lori, but Steve needs to know that we are all here for him."

"But Catherine..." whispered Lori. She remembered how her heart had cracked irreparably the first time she had seen Catherine with Steve. They were so happy. She had felt like a fool in that second, of course Steve had someone who loved him. It was impossible not to love a man like Steve. Lori hadn't wanted to give up on a chance at a relationship with him back then. She knew it was wrong to move in on another woman's man, but she had never felt this way about any man before Steve and she needed to know if there was a chance for them.

When Denning had forced Lori to resign, she confessed her feelings to Steve. He was being so good to her. He had offered to speak to Denning to try and convince him to let Lori stay. He refused to accept her resignation and his refusal to let her go fuelled her courage so she threw caution to the wind and went for it.

Steve's silence however, after her earth-shattering announcement was her undoing. He had hugged Lori as a friend in that moment and it was that hurt that gave her the courage to leave him and Five-0 behind that day. He had chosen Catherine over her. She may have left Hawaii then, but she had left her heart with Steve.

"Catherine is no longer a part of Steve's life" said Danny as a slight tinge of sadness crept into his tone. There, he said it. He put it out there, but even as he said it, his anger at Catherine and her lies seemed to flame anew. She had stood at his most sacred place on the island and had promised Danny that she would never abandon his friend. She straight-up lied to Danny but Danny knew regrettably that Catherine would probably never be completely out of the picture.

Lori however, suddenly felt her hopes being renewed.  _Steve was all alone. Steve was free._  "I need to see him Danny" said Lori, her voice steeled with new determination.

"You will definitely meet him" Danny promised.

"But first we have to get you set up at Five-0. You have to meet our new members Lou Grover from SWAT and Jerry Ortega. He was a special consultant who has just earned his badge with Five-0. We are all family now Lori and you can meet Steve after you settle in with the rest of us."

Lori smiled gratefully. She may have grown up in Washington D.C but now, after arriving in Hawaii, she felt that this was her true home. She and Steve at Five-0 together, having the team as her family.

"I'll follow you in my car Danny." Lori smiled, her eyes alight with hope. She hopped into her Land Rover and followed the Camaro out of Denning's parking lot to meet her new family.

* * *

**I thought I'd let you guys know what Five-0 would be doing while Steve was in therapy. I personally don't ship McWeston but I needed Lori back. You will see why later.**

**I am sorry if I have offended any attorneys. But as a lawyer I can tell you, some of us are scum:) And Danny hates them so his assessment of Holden's lawyer would naturally be negative so I had to make it look realistic. I am sorry once again.**

**So... Thoughts? Sorry for the lack of Steve in this chapter. Do you want to what is happening with him? Next update is ready:) Please smash that Kudos button and please leave a comment:) It's free and it keeps me going:) A huge thank you to all those who have liked and commented already, positive or negative, I really appreciate it:)- Az**


	8. Chapter 7

**** **Chapter 7**

**Author's Note:** **Hi everyone:) As promised, here is the update. This chapter explains what was going on with Steve and Sam in their therapy session while Danny and the rest of Five-0 were busy investigating Michael's case.**

**A big shout-out and thank you to Dee Ann for her love, reviews and support and a thank you to the guests for your amazing Kudos:) They are my lifeline:)**

**Disclaimer:** **Need I say it? Okay fine! Not mine blah blah blah... I am just playing. Sam though, is mine and mine alone.**

* * *

***Meanwhile at Sam's office in the Tripler***

It was Sam who broke the hug first. She hadn't wanted to but she had to break the spell in order to start conditioning him. Her mind was suddenly filled with inexplicable thoughts, questions and possibilities and the only way she was going to regain control was if she could find out what was on Steve's mind. She had to know what she was dealing with.

The minute Sam let go of him, Steve realised what he had done. "I... I'm sorry Sam, I shouldn't have done that. I just basically ambushed you, I'm sorry I don't know what came over me." Steve whispered. The earlier confidence and bravado in his voice was now gone.

Sam hadn't realised she would miss it. She missed all of it actually, his ego, his playfulness, his strength and even his smile. She consoled herself with the thought that this was all a temporary arrangement. Steve was becoming a problem in that he was starting to affect her. Sam was no fool, oh no. She knew she would have to condition him before things got out of hand. She had to be in control at all times and no broken toy soldier was going to change that. She felt tempted to rush him but her methods, if rushed could fracture his mind permanently. It had been done before. She had lost many dolls due to her experimentation. Some had succumbed to the drugs; others just killed themselves in a moment of insanity. Nope, she would just have to deal.

No one would guess this now, but she had felt what it was like to be on the other end of the spectrum. She was always referred to as a 'little doll'. It was the first words she remembered hearing. The first title anyone had given her in the orphanage where she was raised. She was not given a proper name, and she vowed that she would make a name for herself. Her grades ensured her scholarships to the most prestigious schools and eventually landed her in Johns Hopkins and her fortunes changed. Sam however, attributed nothing to luck. She made her own luck and her own fortunes. If she could bend her own destiny and mould it to her will, then moulding Steve McGarrett was nothing. She was the most important doll in her 'dollhouse' and she needed a new playmate.

She had earned it.

She knew that once Steve knew his place then he would be happy with her. She could be good to her dolls... Until she wasn't. She hoped that it wouldn't come to that with Steve. He was the hardest doll for her to obtain by far and while there were many unhinged soldiers already admitted at the Tripler who would give her much less grief, Sam was bored and needed the challenge.

Steve watched her as these thoughts amongst other disturbing fantasies ran through her mind. Sam's neutral expression however, betrayed nothing of her dark and sinister psyche.

Steve took her silence to mean that she was offended that he had hugged her and launched into a nervous torrent of apologies, entreaties and justifications. "I'm sorry Sam. I know there is no excuse for what just happened and I promise that I won't touch you again, unless you ask for it. Wait what am I saying? Wait I didn't mean it like that I just..."

"Shhh... Shhh... Take a breath my sailor." Sam's voice soothed.

She placed her right hand comfortingly on his shoulder, pressing it to release his pent-up tension and placed her left hand, palm up over his racing heart. Steve's lips may have quietened instantly but his heart raced on.

"You are trembling Steve, come into the office. We can talk there. You have nothing to apologise for. I myself acted unprofessionally. I shouldn't have gotten emotional." She removed her hands from his body then linked her one hand into his and intertwined their fingers. It was such a small gesture but Sam made it feel deliberately intimate.

She led him into her office before shutting the door behind her and sat him down on the Divan. She didn't know whether anyone else could ever lead Steve or whether he was so compliant because he was numb and desensitised. Sam had to admit; she hated not knowing and vowed to get to the bottom of his psyche in this very session itself. If it meant drugging him into talking then so be it.  _Wait... Drugging him..._   _Not a bad idea._

She looked at him sitting hunched over on the Divan. She knew from his posture that he was subconsciously curling into a foetal position. He would put up no resistance and from the look of things, he really needed something to calm him down.

"Steve?" She whispered to him.

"Hmm?" Steve looked up, almost startled. His eyes widened and he swivelled his head quickly as he looked around, as if he was surprised where he was.

 _Intervals of semi-consciousness... slipping into an almost fugue state..._  The therapist in her kept making mental notes. She didn't know if he was on any medication so she decided to go herbal.

"Steve I am going across the room to the coffee bar. I am just going to make you some tea, maybe a cup of coffee of myself." Sam tried to assure him.

Steve nodded but said nothing.

Sam made her coffee first then made Steve's tea and brought the cups over, one in each hand. She handed him the cup.

"Thanks" he whispered. It was clearly steaming.

Steve took a tentative sip and felt the warm liquid open his tight vocal cords as it slowly made its way down his throat. Contrary to what Danny believed, he actually drank tea as well as coffee so the minimal caffeine did not irk him.

Sam sat opposite him with her cup and they both took a few moments of comfortable silence as they sipped their drinks.

His tea cooled slightly and he cupped it gently in both hands, savouring its warmth. As it became a little more drinkable, Steve took a proper sip. Now that it was not so hot he could actually taste it. It did not taste like regular tea. He was familiar with a variety of flavours having been so well-travelled. Lemons, greens, cinnamon, star anais, cardamom and Indian chai among others, he had tried them all. The tea that Sam had given him tasted naturally sweet, he could tell there was no sugar added to it. It was not too dark in colour even though he could tell she hadn't added any milk. What hit him though was the slightly bitter aftertaste as it slid down his throat. It smelled like green tea, a Chinese variant maybe but did not have the proper colour. It wasn't bad though, just unique.

"What tea is this? I have never had it before." He asked.

Sam smiled at him and took a deep drink from her coffee cup before lowering her hands and the cup tentatively.

"Yes" she said, "You wouldn't have tasted it anywhere and I actually recommend you don't finish it."

"Umm what?" asked Steve.

"Don't drink all of it" Sam repeated. "Keep sipping it and I will tell you when to stop."

Steve's brows furrowed in confusion.

"What you're drinking is an herbal tea made from an ancient plant called Ayahuasca." Sam clarified for him. "It is capable of inducing altered states of consciousness. I give it to some of my patients when they are panicky or unstable and it acts like a mild sedative. They are immediately calmed. I write prescriptions for this herb but because you have not consented to letting me put you under, I don't want you to feel I am drugging you. So I will let you have enough to calm you, lower your inhibitions enough so that you can talk to me but I won't let you compromise your faculties. I wouldn't betray you like that."

Her openness shocked Steve. He could not respond. He felt humbled that she considered his feelings like that. Most doctors would do whatever they wanted and would justify their actions by saying that he was erratic and that they were doing what was best for him, but not Sam.

He nodded, conveying his gratitude wordlessly and took another small sip.

Sam smiled warmly at that. If giving him small little titbits of honesty would get him to trust her more, then so be it. He hadn't chucked the tea or refused to drink it and this was a good sign. If she handled him with kid gloves and took things slow then maybe it would be easy for him to see things her way and she would not have to unleash her more extreme methods of conditioning on him.

Administering the harsher methods with Steve would also be difficult as he was not an admitted patient. An in-patient offered her more options but Steve had to be functional in the outside world as well. He also had a dangerous and highly focused job so she needed him functioning at his optimum if he were to survive. She was the only one who controlled the lives of her dolls... Only her. They lived and died by her whims. Their very lives belonged to her.

They sat in companionable silence and Sam watched as Steve's posture relaxed. He sipped the tea slowly, obediently.

"What will happen to me?" He whispered. His pupils were slightly dilated at this point and his breathing seemed to have evened out.

"Nothing will happen I promise you." Sam assured him. "I won't let it go that far. I just need you calm enough so we can focus on the session. I still need you lucid so don't worry."

Steve nodded and lowered the cup unconsciously.

"Drink" Sam ordered.

"But I feel better" he said.

"Your hands are still shaking my sailor... Drink" her ever-silent voice held authority.

Steve took another sip.

He had only finished about a quarter of the cup and was as relaxed as Sam needed him to be but she decided to indulge herself and kept silent, making sure that he kept drinking. Sure she promised not to break his trust but still, she wanted his control to slip a little. She felt that she earned this treat, to break all barriers between them, even if it was for the next two hours of their session.

Sam finished her coffee first and took a small trip to leave the cup on her desk.

She turned and watched Steve reach the middle of the cup as his eyes began to get heavy. She went to him and took the cup away silently and left it next to hers on the table.

She walked back to him and looked into his eyes. They were glazed and unfocused but his body was no longer shaking.

"How are you feeling?" She asked him.

"A little light-headed" he responded.

He was still lucid but barely. Sam thought it was all right. She could work with this. She took him by the shoulders and pushed his body to lie back on the divan.

Steve obeyed, and lay there quietly. He kept shaking his head from side to side and tried rubbing his eyes in order to wake up. The herbs held him though, just under, not too deep. Other soldiers found it relaxing but Steve was not used to the sensation. It was as if his mind was floating but his body was anchored. His body was now only pliable under Sam's touch. He shut his eyes for a second and tried to centre himself. He squeezed his eyelids shut together then felt one of Sam's soft, warm hands as it ran through his hair. She caressed his forehead and he felt his control slipping. Her hand moved down his cheek and her touch got lighter as she grazed over his neck then rested against his chest over his heart, her touch feather- light by this point.

"That's good; your heart rate is lower." She practically sighed in relief and smiled.

 _Why does she have to talk so softly?_ Steve wondered. Her voice was making him sleepy.

"Steve? I want to talk about what happened yesterday. I know that since our last session, something happened to hurt you, and it hurt you deeply. I need to know Steve, tell me now and hide nothing." Her voice was firm this time, still silent but firm. Her authoritative voice tethered his mind to reality; otherwise he would have floated away. Her order was the only thing that permeated his hazy mind.

Steve felt his lips loosen, and soon, he was spilling everything. He started from what happened with Michael and then told her everything about Afghanistan. He didn't feel the constricting pain though, like when he had told Danny. His voice sounded strange and musical to his ears, as if he were listening to someone else talking. He felt so far removed from everything that had ever happened to him. He spoke his mind without breaking down. It was a foreign but not unwelcome feeling.

Sam didn't say a word as he spoke. Sure she had heard this story before but to hear it from Steve exhilarated her. Steve himself had never felt so good letting go before.

Sam tried to hold his focus, "What happened after you had found out that you guys had killed Jack Steve? Tell me everything."

And Steve did.

"We were completely distraught. We sat and cried for what felt like forever. As our tears dried we became resolved. We would get the sons of bitches that did this."

In his altered state he hadn't thought to mind his tongue in front of a lady but Sam didn't care. She was enraptured. Looking into his clouded eyes, listening to his husky and lyrical voice and feeling his pliant body beneath her fingertips made Sam feel almost wet with pleasure. She couldn't get enough of him.

She listened as Steve continued...

"We took stock. Then we were able to retrace Jacks steps. We didn't want to leave Jack behind so Randy had to stay with him alone. We needed Dom. Tyler could at least walk as well. Randy himself was in shock and was still talking to Jack and crying for him to get up. We had to leave him because he refused to leave Jack. We gave him a gun and told him to stay put. We then followed the trail and Jack's steps. They were erratic but left a definite mark. We had a chopper fetching us at a rendezvous point the next day; we only had today to get this done. There was also blood, so much blood on his trail. Our anger surged with every drop that led us to the enemy. We promised ourselves and Jack that we would ensure the desert would rain with their blood that night, and we kept our promise.

We reached their terrorist cell. It was against protocol and even I wasn't thinking straight. Our grief had made us go rogue. I was no longer their Commander and we were no longer SEALs, we were there solely for vengeance and we ambushed them. Normally, in a gun battle we are distanced from the enemy. It is a game of hide-and-seek as we attempt to shoot each other down but that day, we did not fight a battle, we stormed in and slaughtered each and every single one of them. I myself used a Bowie to disembowel their leader and I couldn't believe myself but I actually smiled as he bled out at my feet."

If Steve was fully himself he would have been appalled at his confession, he would have thought of himself as a monster but in that moment, all his inhibitions were lowered. He spoke from his heart. He managed to spill the truths from the deepest recesses of his mind.

Sam nodded silently, encouraging him to continue.

"None of us had sustained any further injuries at that point. Somehow, the death of one of our own seemed to turn us into something other than what we were. Our anger had carried us until that point but after it was over, it were as if a light went on in our heads and the energy drained from our bodies. The enormity of what we had done threatened to cripple us. I called Dom and I ordered him to walk a few miles to the nearest village. I ordered him to tell the local cleric to come and perform the proper religious burials for these men. Dom was about to argue but I yelled at him. I did not want any argument on the matter. We may have killed them but I would never be able to face myself if I denied them a proper ritualistic burial. I told Dom to meet Tyler and me by Randy and Jack when he got back. From there we would make our way to the rendezvous point."

Steve's pupils widened. Sam was riveted. "Did help come?" She asked, egging him on.

"They came for us the next day. We spent all night huddling against Jack. He was stone-cold by then but we couldn't let go of him. We just couldn't leave him, and that's how the rest of our team found us. I barely remember the next day; we were all exhausted and spent. All I remember was Sam Hanna, Sam like you, yeah Sam, my other SEAL buddy calling my name over and over, he shook me as if I was in a stupor and he was trying to hold me. I couldn't comprehend what was happening; all I knew was that I couldn't leave Jack.  _Leave no man behind..._  That mantra was playing in my mind over and over and I don't know for sure but I think I was mumbling it over and over. Sam told me later that I was struggling like a madman and that he had to literally pry me away from Jack's body. Apparently the others were just as bad. They sedated us all and we were all transported to the medical camp in Kabul. Apparently while I was unconscious Randy had a panic attack and slit his wrists. The decision came from higher up that because there was no longer a threat in the area thanks to us, we were allowed medical leave and so they transported us back to the States. I would only find out later that there weren't any enquiries made as to why we ended up taking out the threat on a simple recon mission but apparently, we were off the hook. Don't ask me about the journey home though, I couldn't tell you even if I wanted to. I woke up in a hospital in LA four days after we got home. Apparently I had gotten out of control and began to panic. They had to restrain me as I kept yanking out my IVs. The doctors doped me up with Ketamine because they thought I might hurt myself. I had no idea by then that Jack's funeral was over, that Tyler and Dom were discharged and that Randy was institutionalised because he had completely lost his mind by then."

Steve suddenly went quiet. His eyes felt heavier by the second. He couldn't understand what made him go into so much detail. Sam didn't even have to prod him but his sudden silence forced her to intervene and direct his thoughts. She ordered him to continue so he did. "Steve? How did you manage to heal? What saved you my sailor? Tell me... Don't stop please..."

"It was Jack... Jack's parents. Jack's dad is A...Admiral Jason Reynolds. His mom and dad came to visit me at the hospital. His mom cried and held me that day. She kept thanking me. She told me they knew everything and they didn't blame me for their son's death. She told me that after Tyler and I had left the terrorist cell, D.. Dom had taken out his disposable camera and had taken pictures of the carnage. It was against protocol as the mission was classified but I was too drugged to register this. He had shown the pictures to Admiral Reynolds. He told him that each and every one of those bastards had paid for what happened to Jack and that we... we risked our lives to bring their boy home. Admiral Reynolds said that his son had died with honour. They had tortured him m...mercilessly but he never broke."

Steve paused. It was getting harder for him to speak and his voice began to thicken. His speech was starting to slur.

"Please Steve, a little longer." Sam pleaded, she tried sharpening her voice to keep Steve's focus.

"Admiral R... Reynolds was the one who shocked m...me back to reality. He told me that if I broke that day, h... his son would never forgive himself. He... he said I still had many more missions to go on, m... many more l...lives to save and that I needed to snap out of it... For... For his... s...son's sake." Steve could stay awake no longer, he tried fighting, and his thick voice was barely a whisper now... "He s... saved... saved me..."

"That's good...Hush now my sailor..." Sam soothed him. She had everything she needed.

Steve had been a good soldier and a good doll. He had given Sam everything she needed.

"Sleep now Steve, take rest, you deserve it, you have done well and you have made me very happy." She ran her hand soothingly through his hair and watched Steve lose his battle to sleep and slowly slip away. His breathing evened out.

Sam sat and watched him as he slept. The steady rise and fall of his chest. He looked like a statue carved from the finest marble and her loins ached for him. She ghosted her hand tentatively over his cheek. When Steve didn't react and she was sure he was asleep, she decided to indulge herself. She ran her hand under his shirt. She had longed to feel the bare skin of his body under her fingertips. He felt like steel wrapped in pure muscle and velvet. Sam's desires stirred anew but she restrained herself as she touched him. He belonged to her, there was no doubt in her mind but she would savour the challenge. Steve slept on, blissfully unaware of her sinister intentions.

Normally as her patients were sleeping off the high, Sam would sit at her desk and complete paperwork but there was something about Steve that made her stay put. He looked so peaceful. Sam did not touch him again. She took the opportunity to study his chiselled features and just sat and admired him. Her thoughts anchored her next to him. She felt an internal and unfamiliar struggle, as if her mind and her heart were no longer on the same wavelength. It was definitely unsettling for her but definitely not unmanageable. She had to know her own mind; she had to figure out what Steve McGarrett meant to her. He would only be able to serve her if she knew her own intentions for him. She didn't realise how quickly the time passed as she had been caught in the quagmire of her own mind and before she knew it, half an hour was gone and she could see his eyelids fluttering.

* * *

One of the reasons Sam loved Ayahuasca; the effects were quick but effective. Ancient civilisations had been using it for centuries, if not millennia to ascend to a different plane, to communicate with their gods and spirits. It took about half an hour to forty five minutes to sleep it off. Steve was waking now, and they could go through whatever he had told her. They still had about an hour left of their session, for which Sam was grateful. She always ensured that she booked long sessions with her patients. She could not always get the whole story within an hour.

He felt as light as a feather. The only things that felt heavy to him were his eyelids. He felt so peaceful he just wanted to stay asleep. He had no sense of time, or where he was. All Steve knew was that he wanted this feeling to last forever, no pain, no worries.

"Steve?" Her lilt permeated the darkness.

 _Her voice, the pretty doctor... Her name?_  Steve searched his memory but came up blank.

"Steve? Come on Steve pull yourself out of it... You will wake up now my sailor, not too suddenly... Slowly... Slowly..." Sam instructed him.

It felt as if Steve was underwater and he slowly swam, propelling his body and his mind upwards towards the surface, towards the real world and his eyes lifted gently as he broke through. The sun felt so good after the darkness. He felt rested. His eyes adjusted and he couldn't imagine a better sight to wake up to then looking into Sam's shining eyes.  _Sam..._  His memories seemed to wash over him.

Sam smiled at him. "Welcome back to the world my sailor. I am so proud of you. You did very well."

"I told you everything." Steve said in astonishment, "I told you everything and it didn't hurt."

"Yes you did, and I am so happy you chose to do so." Sam gifted him with a mega-watt smile. Her perfect pearly teeth glistening against her marble skin. Her dimples in full view.

"I wanted to." Steve was completely amazed. He remembered everything. He was trained to withstand torture and drugs and to protect classified state secrets, but it was not the drugs that had got him to talk to Sam, it was his desire to open up to her. He wanted to unburden himself and he felt a million times better. Sam had not broken his trust, in fact, she had earned it.

He lifted himself up off the Divan and for the first time since Michael, Steve actually smiled. Sam's eyes twinkled and she launched herself into his arms. Steve held onto her for dear life.

"Sam you're amazing, thank you Sam, thank you." He whispered into her silky locks.

Sam broke the hug and looked at him beaming.

"I have done nothing Steve, this was all you."

Her expression clouded over thereafter. "I know it feels good to talk about it now but we aren't out of the woods yet though. Talking about it is one thing, but dealing with it is a completely different ball-game."

Steve was too ecstatic to care. "I know you will solve everything Sam. I know you can fix me."

Sam's smile tempered but her eyes still sparkled with mischief at his words. "I know I can Steve."

"I trust you" said Steve.

"No you don't Steve, not yet. Trust handed out so easily means nothing. For me to truly heal you, I will have to earn your trust, your implicit trust... and I am willing to do whatever it takes for that to happen."

Her words buried themselves into Steve's mind, and the seriousness of the matter began to permeate through his ecstasy. "What do you mean? I mean what kind of treatment are we talking here?"

Sam could hear the hesitancy and worry in his voice and decided to comfort him. "Please don't worry my sailor I will explain everything when the time comes. I think we need to get to know each other better before I can assure myself of the best cause of treatment for you. The human mind is extremely fragile. No two people can be treated the same and I will not push you to into a treatment that is not right for you or one you cannot handle."

"You are a miracle-worker you know that?" Steve smiled, he felt as light as air and after wallowing in misery for so long, he just wanted to savour the feeling and take the win.

"Well my name Sam means 'Listener' after all." Sam grinned and wiggled her eyebrows.

"You serious?" Steve asked.

"Yeah, why? Don't you know what Steve means? Sam asked him.

Steve was actually shocked that he had never thought about it. "No, wow I actually don't know what it means!"

Sam's eyes widened. "Your parents never told you how they named you?"

"I mean they did..." Steve responded. "I was named after my grandfather who had passed during Pearl Harbour. He went down with the Arizona. The commemorative inscription is there in the museum."

"Wow your grandfather was a real hero" said Sam, she managed to sound awestruck. "I would love to visit there."

"I will take you one day." Steve promised.

He hadn't realised that he was already making plans with her, he was thinking of ways to socialise with her outside the confines of her office, outside the barriers of their therapy sessions.

Sam however, as astute as she was, never missed a beat. She would definitely take him up on that.

"I guess because I was named after someone, I never really gave any thought to the meaning" said Steve.

"Well to me a name means everything" said Sam almost wistfully. "It is more than a title, it is an attribute given to you, something you must live up to. Your name is the first gift you are given when you are born and trust me, as someone who had to earn one, it should mean everything."

"You earned your name?" asked Steve. He was confused.

Sam's eyes suddenly filled and her tears were captured in her beautiful orbs. "Some orphans have to earn their names Steve."

Steve felt as if a stone had dropped on his chest. "Oh my god Sam, I'm sorry I didn't know." Steve was shocked. He had made so many assumptions when he had first walked into her office. He assumed she came from money, not that she had to fight an earn everything she had. He didn't think it was possible but his respect for her shot through the roof.

"Sam I'm sorry I said anything. Please don't cry." Steve tried to comfort her.

"No it's okay Steve. I am all right. I learned how to toughen myself up from my days at the orphanage. I was tiny, scrappy, I was a non-entity." Sam smiled and dashed the tears away from her cheeks furiously to assure him that she was alright but the tears tipped slowly over her lids.

Steve could not stop himself from taking her into his arms. He held her fast. "You don't have to tell me..." He whispered into her hair.

Sam lifted her head off his chest and looked up at him, her eyes shining. She smiled at him trying to put on a brave face. "It's all right my sailor, really. I made a name for myself. I refused the name they gave me."

Steve's eyes widened questioningly. Sam felt as if their emotions as well as their bodies melted together. She may be fighting an internal battle but one thing she was sure of, was how she felt about him. She decided that she wanted to tell him. "They named me Anamika."

Steve dropped his arms in shock. His eyes steeled and his jaw flexed in barely controlled rage.

Sam was actually taken aback. "You know what that means don't you."

It wasn't a question; the hurt that Steve felt for her was clearly reflected in his aqua-grey orbs.

"Tell me it's not what I think" his voice gravelly.

"You understand Hindi?" Sam asked.

"It's one of the languages I speak." Steve said, brushing off this achievement nonchalantly.

"Then it is what you think." Sam confirmed.

_Anamika... One who has no name..._

* * *

Steve felt his entire body tighten with uncontrollable rage. A name... A name was something everyone in the world had and took for granted, and Sam had been deprived of even that. He couldn't believe that the world could be that cruel to someone as sweet, amazing and wonderful as Sam. She was the closest he had ever come to seeing an angel.

"Well I tell you what..." said Sam, trying to lighten the mood. She could feel her resolve weakening as Steve's concern for her shone through. "I am going to give you your first piece of 'homework'. You have to go find the meaning of 'Steven' and next time you come in; we will discuss the meaning and how you live up to your name. It would only take a second to Google it anyway." She smiled at him reassuringly.

"So when do you want to see me?" Steve asked, he decided to take the bait and allowed her to lighten the mood.

"Well since it is Friday we could try next Tuesday, same time?" asked Sam as she tapped her index finger on her chin, pondering her diary for the next week. Steve found the gesture undeniably cute.

"Sure I can make that." He smiled.

"Great it's a date." Sam's pupils flashed a rich purple with thrill.

Steve literally felt his heart stop at her words. This little puppet-master was definitely dangerous. But he couldn't help being drawn to her. The more his misconceptions about her were cleared, the deeper he found himself ensnared in her web. He knew she wasn't oblivious when it came to her effect on people, she was definitely not the  _Mary-Sue- Oh- I'm- pretty- but- I- don't- know- it-_ type. But it was not just her beauty that seemed to capture him; Sam was intelligent, strong, resourceful and empathetic. He had melted when he had seen the tears in her eyes for him in the waiting room earlier and when she had seen him caught in the clutches of a panic attack.

Even if it was just a session, he would definitely be seeing more of her and the thought made his stomach flip and not in a very unpleasant way.

"Yeah, it's a date." He managed to choke out even though he knew the little minx was baiting him. He didn't think it was possible but Sam's pearly whites looked like they could outshine the sun.

Steve suddenly felt the air rush of his lungs,  _Five-0... The team_. He was not going to be able to return to active duty. He felt good for now but he clearly had some serious issues that he needed to resolve. Sam saw the change in his mood, the panic in his eyes.

"Sam, my team... I can't be taken off active duty, If Joe... I... I mean if Commander White found out then my enlistment is in jeopardy. I mean I am a few steps away from ranking up to Commander I..."

"Whoa take a breath there sailor." Sam panted.

She held both his hands and breathed deeply, trying to lead him into the calming exercise. Steve automatically followed suit and began taking deep breaths and long releases to calm himself. He didn't know why these little things began to frazzle him but he knew that it was not normal. He had to keep his wits about him if he was going to convince Sam to clear him. The fact that she had to hold his hand and lead him through a breathing exercise to calm him though, dashed his hopes mercilessly.

Sam looked at her beautiful, melancholic and damaged doll. She could see the devastation in his eyes and the hopelessness that marred his otherwise perfect face. His career as well as his enlistment was dependant on her coming through for him. Sure it was a challenge to ensure that he could work while she conditioned him, but Sam thrived on challenges. It was unlike her to indulge her playthings and their whims like this but Sam seriously gave this some thought.

 _He would be more useful to me as a SEAL and as a cop then as a vegetable here at the Tripler anyway._  She satisfied herself with these justifications. Besides, if he was not cleared for active duty and he had to be admitted, then what would be the difference between him and Michael? Sure she wanted him caged but she wanted a toy, a plaything, a lover. She had no desire for another charge to babysit.

Steve was in absolute possession of his faculties and Sam was slowly realising she liked him like this, strong, smart and lethal. She wanted him to desire her and chase her. She wanted him to love her, honour her and obey her, to revere her the way she deserved to be revered. To have a powerful man like Steve McGarrett kneeling and worshipping at her alter would be her ultimate success and to strip a man like him of the power she lusted along with him seemed counter-intuitive and counter-productive to her goals. It took her a split second to make up her mind and once she had, she was already ten steps ahead.

Her hands were still intertwined with his. She knew it was inappropriate but she wanted to feel him close. She already knew he desired her so he probably wouldn't object. She pulled her arms back and used the force to propel her body forward into his arms. She felt her firm, ripe curves mesh into his rock-hard abs, his hands sat trembling on her lithe hips and before he had a chance to object, she stretched her arms out around his head, looping her arms around his neck and pressed her chest to his. She would have had to stand on her toes to reach him if it weren't for her heels.

Steve's body jerked in shock. He couldn't believe how slow his reflexes were around this little witch. She was actually curled into him. He opened his mouth to protest but once she fixed her eyes onto his he was a goner and any objections died on his lips as her full breasts cushioned themselves against his chest. He felt his body, long dormant of such sensations wake as if from a deep slumber. His erection pressed hard against her lower abdomen. Steve himself was mortified. He had not had a reaction to a woman like this since Catherine.

Sam could feel his manhood against her stomach and she felt herself getting wet in response. He felt magnificent. She longed for the day to feel him inside her, when there would be no barriers between them. His eyes had turned into a molten blue fire and her ego touched seventh heaven.

She knew she could have him in an instant. Instead, she lifted her chin and pressed her moist lips to his ears and whispered, "I will clear you for active duty my sailor, but you must promise me something."

 _Anything_... Steve thought dazedly.

He wanted to move away from her, to try and salvage some semblance of his control by tilting away from her to hide the evidence of his obvious desire but he was completely paralysed in her arms. His relaxed mind was kicked into high gear as adrenaline coursed through his veins. His thoughts were racing a thousand miles a minute and he felt his emotions scatter like toys in a child's playroom.

Sam herself stood perfectly still, she seemed unaffected, completely in control but her precious doll was completely innocent as to the turmoil that raged within her.

Sam had seen his face turn beet red as his steel blue eyes lowered. She had embarrassed him...  _Good..._  She thought. Men like Steve knew the effect that they had on women. She had felt his confidence and his arrogance before but she wanted him to know that as handsome and as charming as he was, she could still make him lose control. She wanted him to know that his boy-next-door appeal would only affect her as much as she allowed, and this would put him on a back pedal.

"I want you to promise me my sailor, that you will let your team take the reins for awhile. You can still be there but until you and I are confident that you are all right, I want you to let go a little and learn to trust the people you work with, can you do that for me?" Her breath was hot against his ear, her words a sweet poison that intoxicated him in a way that he had never felt before. His throat felt tight and his manhood hardened.

"I promise..." he managed to choke out.

Sam was elated at his docile response. Her precious new doll was a fast learner.

She lifted her head away from his ears and tilted herself closer to his face, her lips a hair's breadth away from his, taunting... teasing. Then, as quickly as she had baited him, she let go and took a step back. She deliberately did not look down because she did not want to acknowledge his desire for her but her instincts and her body could feel him, in every fibre of her being. She had never felt a connection like this. She was starting to feel how special he truly was to her. It was as if he had been made for her.

She knew he was still feeling awkward so she decided to lessen his discomfort. Sam was not worried that he might not want her as his therapist. No... That was the least of her worries. She had established herself as a force to be reckoned with. By telling him the truth about the tea she had earned his trust and respect and by getting him to talk about Afghanistan she had established herself as his saviour. He would never leave her now.

Sam decided that she had played with him enough for the moment. They had made their next appointment, he had gotten his 'homework' and she had told him the terms and conditions for his return to active duty. Before she let him go though, she had one more little confession to make in order to win his trust, but before she told him, she had to lead him back to his story.

Steve felt as if someone had doused him with ice cold water the minute Sam moved away from him. The strong reaction to her sudden distance sucker-punched him. His arms felt cold and empty. It was then that he realised that his physical reaction to her must have been awkward for her. She had held him sure, but to any on lookers it could have been a platonic hug. She didn't deliberately whisper to draw him to her, her voice was that soft and smooth. Steve suddenly felt like an inexperienced schoolboy around her. This woman was formidable. She made him feel things to a degree that he didn't think was possible.

This was exactly Sam's intention. She decided that on occasion, she would give him physical comfort but on a whim, she would have to withdraw from him. This would keep him feeling unsure and agitated and would condition him to please her. He would learn to ensure that he had to keep her happy if he wanted to feel her warm touch, because if she was capable of showing him affection, she was just as capable of coldly shutting him out and withdrawing from him. From his file Sam could tell that he came from a broken home, she knew that he would psychologically crave intimacy and love and she would use these as weapons to control him.

"Steve? I want to ask you one last question about your team from Afghanistan" said Sam distracting him from his thoughts.

Steve was shocked by her indifference. Here he was, a total mess and she was once again in full-therapist mode. She had to be fucking with him.

"What happened to the rest of your team? Just answer this last question and we can call it a day. I can see you are exhausted but I will tell you, you have done well."

"Well uh, Tyler went on to lead his own SEAL team, he made Lieutenant Commander the next year. Dom ended up marrying Randy's wife Amy and raising his child. The DNA test had proven that the little boy was actually Randy's." Steve's breath hitched. "They named him Eric after Dom's father though. Randy doesn't even know the boy exists."

"How could he not?" asked Sam, injecting just the right amount of shock into her otherwise indifferent voice.

"R... Randy could not get back on his feet after that mission" said Steve, his eyes misting slightly at the thought. "After his suicide attempt he had a complete mental breakdown and he was transferred to a mental facility in Tampa, Florida. T... The doctors doubt that he will ever see the outside of his cell."

Sam's heart cracked a little as she saw his eyes cloud over.

Sam, having known everything beforehand could not believe that the stars were aligning so perfectly to unite Steve and her.  _So Steve did not know everything._  She thought. She knew from her time on the mainland that Dom was dead. He had fallen off a cliff while hiking in Arizona. If Steve did not know yet, then breaking the news of Dom's death could also be an advantage to her, one that she had to wait until the next session to use unfortunately. Her precious doll's fragile mind would not be able to take it right now.

"I know..." She whispered.

"Know what?" asked Steve in a deadened tone.

"I know everything about Afghanistan my sailor. Randy himself told me..."

Steve's eyes widened as he looked at her in shock. He leaned slightly against the arm rest of Sam's wing chair because he felt as if his legs might not hold him up and that he would collapse then and there.

"R... Randy told you? But h...how? I visit him once a year and he has never spoken to anyone."

"I managed to get through to him on a brief locum in Tampa" confessed Sam. "I knew all along what happened but I needed you to tell me yourself, for your own good. I had to be honest with you though. I want you to trust me Steve and I want you to believe that whatever I do, I do because I know what is good for you." Sam's eyes shone with expectancy.

"I know Sam, I know we only know each other for a short time but, but I..." Steve hesitated. He stood straight again and struggled to meet her piercing gaze. He was not good at expressing himself very well. He was scared that his truth might send Sam running for the hills, as far away from him as she could get.

"But what Steve?" Sam prompted him. She needed to know what was on his mind. She could see him struggling with his thoughts. Her G.I Joe was quite emotionally stunted.

Steve knew he had to get this out. He decided that he was thinking too much. He felt the easiest way to be truthful to her would be to try loosening himself up, to just say the words that were on his mind before he had a chance to over-think it. "I feel like you've been sent to me." The words tumbled out of his mouth quickly, like ripping off a Band-Aid. The words were rushed but it was a truthful as he knew how to be. He saw Sam as his angel, his messiah, his saviour.

Sam herself felt her heart expand in her chest at his confession. Every man she had ever been with had only looked to her physical beauty. Steve did not see her as a toy, or a fuck. He saw her as a woman. Sam vowed in that second that she would soon become his world.

They stood and let Steve's words hang in the air between them. Steve thought for a second that by speaking his mind he would feel vulnerable and exposed but instead he actually felt free. He had spoken a lot of truths in this session and he had never felt more liberated in his entire life.

Steve's self-doubt however, had not been cleared.  _What if I am never fit to lead the team again? What if I lose Five-0?_  His heart dropped to his knees. Sam, ever intuitive, noticed the lost look in his eyes.

"Steve?" She whispered. She didn't need to push him further. Steve already trusted her enough to tell her the truth.

"What if I will never be able to lead my team again?" His voice was suddenly small. His entire body seemed to be weighted by a sense of defeat.

Sam refused to go to him this time. She refused to comfort him with her touch. Instead, she smiled at him reassuringly. "I believe in you my sailor, I believe in you more than enough for both of us. I know you will be at the helm of your team again. I would bet my appendix on it." She smiled at that as she tried to lighten the mood. "If you can't trust yourself then place your trust in me."

Steve was grateful for her kind words but felt robbed of her touch. He was shocked at how much he had been looking forward to feeling her creamy skin against his. He saw the hopeful look on her face and he decided to indulge her and tried to smile convincingly.

"Your appendix?" He smiled at her joke. "That means you don't have faith in me at all."

"What do you mean? Of course I believe in you." Sam laughed lightly; glad to see the lift in his spirits.

"No you don't" said Steve in mock seriousness. "If you believed in me you wouldn't have wagered your appendix. It's a vestigial organ. You have no faith in me!" He clutched his chest in mock hurt and horror. He began to pout.

Sam laughed again. She had never seen this childish, playful side of his. It was too adorable. "Well my sailor, what would you like me to bet? Open table, raise the stakes."

Steve's pout suddenly turned into sad smile. His eyes flamed with an intensity that threatened to melt Sam's ice-cold heart.

"Would you bet your heart on me?" He whispered and Sam felt her entire world tilt on its axis, she could feel the tidal wave in her body recede into a calm fizzle, her internal battle finally over, her conscious mind victorious as she finally found what she needed in the deep recesses of her 'Dollhouse' and as she realised why she needed Steve in particular. He meant something to her... He meant everything to her...

It was the first time in her entire life that Sam struggled to meet the gaze of a doll. The fire in his eyes seemed to touch her very soul. A soul that, until now, she was confident she didn't have. Other men wanted her body, her face and her cunt. Steve McGarrett was the first man who had asked for her heart, and in the process, he may have unknowingly claimed her soul as well...

* * *

The magical ambiance however, was shattered by the trill ring of Sam's intercom. The person on the other end did not wait for Sam to respond before a shrill and loud feminine voice sliced the air like a hot knife. "Sam! Hey baby we are here for lunch! Tina and I are waiting for you outside."

As relieved as Sam was for the temporary distraction, she also wanted to throw a vase in annoyance. The voice on the intercom belonged to her 'friend' from med school Hailey and Hailey's roommate Tina who was Sam's other 'friend'. Sam personally could not stand either of them, but she had to be shown as being social. If she were a complete loner, people would be suspicious of her and she would not be able to maintain her 'dollhouse'.

She plastered a smile on her face for Steve's benefit before heading to the intercom 'excitedly' and pressed the speaker button. "I'll be right out hun; I am just wrapping up a meeting with a friend."

Steve felt a slight discomfort as she covered for him. He was her patient. She had done the same for Mason before and while Steve thought it admirable; his heart sank when he felt the comparison to Mason.  _Was he just a patient to her?_ Sam smiled at him reassuringly but his spirits continued to sink at the dark turn his thoughts had taken.

"I'm so sorry my sailor, they are early." Sam whispered regretfully.

Steve squared his shoulders and forced a smile. It was show time.

Sam went and opened her office door and Steve's eardrums nearly burst as two voices outside rose in girlish squeals. He heard Sam's deep lilt as she told them how happy she was to see them and the other two erupted in chatter. Steve took that as his queue to walk out and the second he did, the waiting room fell silent.

Tina and Hailey could only stare in wonder. Steve was possibly the most handsome man they had ever seen. Tina's jaw was practically on the floor. Sam smiled in pride. Steve was definitely a prize and he was the pride of her 'dollhouse', her most precious jewel.

"Hailey, Tina, may I introduce Lieutenant Commander Steve McGarrett of the United States Navy and Commander, these are my friends Dr. Hailey Nolan and Dr. Tina Abrams." Hailey and Tina, to their credit, at least tried to make an effort to hide how they undressed Steve with their eyes.

Even though Steve felt uncomfortable, his chivalry won out and he held out his hand to each one of them and shook their hands in turn.

Sam had to make a conscientious effort not to roll her eyes as her 'friends' gawked at Steve. She was not jealous in the least, in fact, she loved it when her dolls were admired but honestly, it was like her 'friends' had no sense of pride or propriety.

"Thank you for taking the time to meet with me Commander" said Sam in an even yet clear tone. Her formal voice and demeanour managed to reel Hailey and Tina's hormones in.

Steve cleared his throat. "It was my pleasure Dr. Harris." He verified her ruse even though his insides turned to lead as he thought of the comparison to Mason again.

"Commander I must request you once again to please give me the files for the men in your team, I will not be able to complete their mandatory evaluations without it" lied Sam as she pleaded to him silently with her eyes to go along with her.

Steve's phone vibrated in his pocket before a  _ding_  went off signalling a message. He fished it out of his pocket and immersed himself into his phone for a second, relieved for the distraction and the small respite. The text was from Danny. ' _I'm outside babe... Take your time.'_

Steve quickly looked up and remembered Sam's pretence. "I'm sorry Doctor please understand, those files are classified. I understand your predicament so I will make one last attempt to get Admiral Hudson to release the files to you.'

Sam's eyes sharpened as she focused on Steve. The rest of the world, including Tina and Hailey seemed to fade around them.

Sam's next words were loaded but they were no ruse... "Promise me Commander." She silently beseeched him.

It was as if Steve's entire body was in tune with hers. He understood immediately that she was not furthering their lie but was silently referring to the promise he had made her inside that he would let his team take the helm as he recovered.

"Promise me Steve." Sam whispered pleadingly. She needed to know she could trust him. By clearing him for duty she was sticking her neck out for him. Steve promised himself he would not break her trust. He nodded at her silently to signal to her that he understood what she was trying to say. Sam exhaled visibly in relief. Tina and Hailey looked lost but they were too busy eye-sexing Steve to bother.

"I promise Sam." His voice sounded husky and loaded to his own ears. The promise was also his way of saying 'goodbye' as he turned silently and walked out. He couldn't bear to turn around and glance back at her. His heart felt frozen in place.

Sam watched her precious sailor turn away from her. She could practically feel the aura of melancholy that followed him out the door and her eyes remained focused on his retreating form until he was completely out of sight, taking her newfound soul along with him...

* * *

**So what do you think?**

**Shout out to all the NCIS:LA fans! I love Sam Hanna and the entire NCIS team, for those of you who aren't familiar with NCIS:LA, in canon, Sam and Steve served together. he is portrayed by the amazing LL Cool J.**

**I will post another chapter a little later on where Sam's thoughts will be explained further in her diary. I mention that she is suffering an inner turmoil so I shall revisit parts of this chapter from her point of view but that will be a little later on.**

**By the way, what do you think of the diary? Is it useful in explaining Sam and her perspective? (Not that I would change anything, I want to write this my way but it is nice to receive feedback lol).**

**Please leave a comment or hit that Kudos button! It is really hard bringing this story together. - Az**


	9. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

**Author's Note:** **Hi everyone:) Hope you all had an amazing Christmas. Here is the latest and last update for this year which I wanted to post before the new year so here it is!**

**Just a small comment though before we get started, I have been getting a lot of feedback about how I write Steve as 'weak' and 'vulnerable' and while I respect everyone's opinions and thank you all for your feedback I must respectfully stand my ground on how I portray him. I don't see a character who suffers from any mental illness including PTSD to be 'weak'. I see them instead, as someone who has been strong for too long.**

**I set this story in season five deliberately because I felt that this show treats Steve like a crash-test dummy. He has all these terrible things happen to him and he bounces back like it is nothing. To me, that doesn't make him 'tough' it makes him less human to me and less relatable. I mean he is drugged by Wo Fat and has to relive the trauma of his father's passing and in the next episode he is giving his aunt Deb away at the altar. While I thought that episode was beyond sweet, I just wish that the show would give us more of an insight into Steve's psyche. That is how this story was born in the first place.**

**Anyone who has been exposed to combat for too long will suffer some sort of mental setback. It is a scientifically and statistically proven fact. In my story, Steve seeks help because he is afraid he cannot do his job properly and is risking the lives of his friends, which I personally feel is extremely brave considering how hard it is for him to open up to people. He feels responsible for the death of a SEAL brother, he had to relive the trauma of his father's death, his girlfriend and he have broken up and he had to watch another SEAL brother being gunned down and he was helpless to stop it. Any one of those things happening to me would have caused me to have a mental breakdown and yet, all this happened to Steve and he is supposed to just tough it out.**

**Well... Not in my story...**

**Here Steve will have PTSD, he will suffer psychologically and he will fall for a girl who is wrong for him, we all know Sam is evil because I am a snitch who has posted her diary but Steve is innocent to this little titbit of information. To me, him falling for a bad girl makes him more human in my eyes, I mean, haven't at least some of us fallen for someone who is bad for us? It doesn't make him less of a good person in my eyes. It is different, sure. Most of you will hate it, I get that, but maybe our hero will come out of this in a better position because of this experience (Smiles).**

**I do miss 'SuperSEAL' like all you amazing readers, and we will get him back eventually, but I do reserve my right as author to fulfill my selfish desire to whump Steve psychologically.**

**I do sincerely hope that you still stay on this journey with me and your comments are always welcome... Positive or negative.**

**Phew I am done with my lecture. I am sorry normally I would let it go but mental illness is a touchy subject so I wanted to have my say.**

**In this chapter, there is more of Steve being 'weak' and I understand that it is tough to read, you are more than welcome to skip it but I would appreciate it if you manage to power through:D**

**Sorry guys, I am not mad I swear, I just wanted to say my piece.**

**Disclaimer:** **Not mine... Except my OC's**

* * *

**Chapter 8**

Steve walked out the front entrance of the Tripler and sure enough, Danny, bless him, was there waiting for him outside the Camaro.

It was extremely humid outside and the sun was merciless but Danny's tie was fastened and his coiffed hair was gelled to perfection.

Steve had seen Danny before Danny had a chance to spot him so he quickly used these few seconds to school his features so that Danny would not pick up on his anchored mood. He knew deep down that it was practically useless though; he could never hide anything from Danny.

Danny spotted Steve as he walked towards him.

"Hey Steve!" He waved, a little too enthusiastically.

Steve sighed. He knew that Danny was struggling as well. Dealing with him on a daily basis was tough enough for the Detective without throwing PTSD into the mix. But Danny and the rest of the team were trying hard. He knew it was a balancing act with him. They wanted to be able to comfort and coddle him when he needed them to but still give him his space and not suffocate him or make him feel like an invalid. Steve resolved to be as open with them as he could. He would have to rely on them to run Five-0 and even though it went against his control-freak nature, he knew that delegating to the rest of the team would strengthen them as a unit, as a family.

Steve got closer and Danny couldn't help it, he enveloped his best friend in a warm hug. "How was the session buddy?" asked Danny, trying hard to sound non-committal but still needing to be there for Steve in case he wanted to talk.

Steve decided to start on his new resolution to be open with his team. Danny broke the hug and fished for the Camaro keys from his pocket while waiting or Steve's response but when he finally found the keys and held it out to Steve, Steve folded Danny's fingers over the keys and handed it back to him instead of taking the keys from him. Danny's fingers clasped the keys in surprise. "It went well Danno but I think you should drive, I got some issues I need to work on" said Steve, his voice barely above a whisper.

Danny's jaw nearly dropped to the floor at Steve's words. He didn't believe the SEAL for a second. He almost expected Steve to reach out with his lightning quick military reflexes and snatch the keys away from him, saying he was joking. He thought Steve had to be messing with him.

Steve could not help his impish smile at Danny's comical expression but made no beeline for the keys.

"Who the hell are you and what have you done with my neurotic, idiotic, control-freak partner? Are you a cyborg? Did they brainwash you in there? Are you a clone?" Danny's arms lifted up in exasperation and his hands began to pick up speed.

Steve's smile didn't fade. "Where do you come up with this stuff Danno? They don't brainwash or clone soldiers, that's crazy."

"Excuse me this is not crazy!" said Danny, his arms actually causing the leaves on the small bush behind him to rustle. "Have you not seen the Stepford Wives? Or A Few Good Men? The Manchurian Candidate? What about Smallville huh? You do know that if they actually had managed to brainwash you or you are clone,  **you**  would be the last person or thing to know!"

Steve tried to suppress a laugh. "You watch way too much TV Danno. Come on, let's head off and we can talk in the car." Steve got into the passenger side, fastened his seatbelt and waited for Danny to get in.

Danny had to get a few more seconds of air. This was weird. Steve was acting weird. But he had no time to ponder on it. He decided to get inside and talk to Steve a little more, just to see what had brought on this sudden 'maturity' in him. Danny Williams was officially freaked out.

Steve and Danny were both silent as they made their way out of the Tripler parking lot. Danny put on his turn signal as they waited for right of way at the edge of the parking lot in order to turn into the road.

Steve noticed that he was indicating to turn the wrong way. "Danno? The office is the other way." He said.

"I know babe, but I am taking you home. Everything is okay at the office and I think that you have had it rough these past two days, you need a break... And please babe, don't fight me on this."

"Danny?" Steve's voice was lowered to a whisper again. His small voice troubled Danny and Danny, for a second, felt a primal urge to grab him by the shoulders and shake him hard in order to get him to talk properly.

Steve, unaware of Danny's thoughts, continued. "Danno could we please go to the office? I know you said I need rest and I promise I won't fight you, but I have to make an announcement to you as well as the team. Sam says there needs to be some changes and I am all for doing whatever it takes to ensure you and everyone else are safe around me."

Danny was shocked at Steve's tame and docile response.  _He is not going to fight me? Sam thinks there needs to be changes in Five-0? Fuck Sam! Who the fuck does this guy think he is? He thinks he can tell us how to run our own taskforce? Why would he make Steve feel like we aren't safe around him? And why is Steve suddenly his remote-controlled doll?_

If only Danny knew that he had hit the bull's eye on that last thought.

He just didn't know yet that Sam was actually a woman. He and Steve had not used pronouns when referring to Sam, at least not with each other. Danny hadn't realised that he referred to Sam as a man, and Steve did the same, only he referred to Sam as a woman. It wasn't deliberate and both of them had not noticed that they had not referred to Sam in a gender-specific way in a conversation with each other yet.

"Steve, babe, whatever it is we can sort it out tomorrow" said Danny. He knew that Steve had just walked out of what was probably an intense therapy session and he was probably drained and not thinking clearly.  _Maybe a good night's sleep would do him good._.. Thought Danny.

He was planning on spending the night at Steve's and was going to call Rachel once they reached Steve's house. He just didn't feel right leaving Steve alone right now. He just hoped Rachel wouldn't be too upset. The move was stressing her out enough as it was.

"Please Danno?" Steve whispered again.

He looked up at Danny with such pure undulated hope that his innocent, child-like expression actually sucker-punched Danny. "I promise things will be better after this."

Danny was worried, very worried. Something was wrong and he hoped and prayed that 'tame Steve' was just a side effect of whatever was going on with him and not his new permanent setting. Sure Steve and he bickered like an old married couple but he lived for their fights and their banter. They complemented one another and if Steve was going to keep acting like a wind-up toy, things would definitely change at Five-0 and Danny was not entirely sure that it was for the better.

"Okay babe, you win this time." Relented Danny, unable to resist Steve's puppy eyes but vowed this would be the last time he fell for this ploy of Steve's.

Steve actually smiled. His face seemed to radiate some form of hope. "Thank you Danno."

Danny inhaled a deep breath. He made a mental note to check up on Steve's therapist. Danny hoped this guy was as good as Joe thought, if not, Sam Harris was in for a world of hurt if he could not fix his partner and especially if he broke his partner even more, if that were even possible right now. Danny shuddered at this thought; he never wanted to find out if Steve could be more broken, ever.

Danny was not at all happy entrusting his Five-0  _ohana_ and particularly Steve to a total stranger, especially one who might be a brain-dead as Dr. Holden.

The Camaro glided like warm butter on the road.

"Danny? Could you update me on what happened with the case today please?" asked Steve.

 _Please? Since when is Steve Mr. Finishing School?_  Huffed Danny.

"Steve I think you need a little distance from all this babe." Danny tried. If Steve was going to act like a dog fresh out of obedience school then God damn it, Danny Williams was going to treat him like one.

"Please Danno?" asked Steve in that grating whisper again. "I just need to talk about something else for a bit, just a distraction." He turned the full power of his baby blues on Danny.

Danny sighed. He was already breaking his don't-fall-for-Steve's-baby-face rule. But at least Steve hounding him about a case was more like his usual 'SuperSeal' self then the zombie he had been sharing a car with for the last fifteen minutes.

So Danny indulged his suddenly robotic partner and filled him in on Michael's autopsy, how HPD was wrapping the case up after final statements and how everyone including Governor Denning wished him well. Danny deliberately left out Lori's arrival from his update. He wanted to surprise Steve. His partner had been through hell these last couple of days and he knew that a familiar face could only lift Steve's spirits.

Lori's arrival at Five-0 had been a warm welcome for her. The team had welcomed her back with open arms and Lou and Jerry were happy to finally meet her. Lori would fit in perfectly with Five-0, and just maybe, she would be a perfect fit for his partner as well.

Danny was secretly hoping that Steve and Lori would hit it off. His friend had pined long enough for Catherine and if she was too stubborn to see what she had lost then his boy deserved to move on. Lori had been carrying a torch for his partner for the last three years. She deserved a chance to prove her love for Steve and Steve deserved someone who loved him and who would never abandon him. Lori had almost sacrificed her career for him by defending Five-0 to Governor Denning, and this was while she had known that Steve was dating Catherine. Danny could only imagine how well Lori would care for his partner if Steve actually gave her a chance. These thoughts lifted Danny's hopes for the future. The sooner Steve recovered, the sooner he could slam Sam Harris' door behind him and maybe start fresh with Lori.

Danny looked over at Steve who was staring pensively out the window. Let alone exert control over the background music playing in the car, Steve hadn't even tried to touch the radio. Danny may have felt lighter, but his brows furrowed in concern at this.

Steve felt like the luckiest man in the world to have such amazing friends. The more he thought about it, the better he felt taking a back-seat in favour of his  _ohana_ running things. He would still be able to work but he would not be pressured holding his team's lives in his hands. He already decided how he was going to delegate the duties amongst his team. He thought suddenly of Danny and the sacrifices he was making for him. He had stayed over the night before and had been driving him back and forth today.

Steve knew that this was a critical time for Danny and his family and he resolved that he would ensure that Danny would spend more time with Rachel and the kids. Rachel was really starting to grow on him, and even if she and Danny hadn't gotten back together, she would always be  _ohana_ because she was Grace and Charlie's mother. But now that she was with Danny, Steve was ready to fight for their family and their happiness. Danny would not have to make any sacrifices for him; he had Sam to help him fight his demons.

 _Sam_... He thought wistfully. He couldn't understand why he hurt so much when he thought of her. Sure she was ridiculously attractive and unbelievably intelligent and kind to boot but he had to fight whatever feelings he thought were developing because of her. She was helping him and he could never put her job in jeopardy or call her ethics into question by allowing himself to indulge a soft spot for her. He could do this much to protect her after everything she was doing for him. Besides, from the way she spoke today, he was just another patient to her. There was no difference between Mason and him. It was not Sam's fault. She was just too empathetic and sweet for her own good. She knew she was beautiful but she couldn't fully comprehend the power she wielded over everyone around her. She was a helpless little witch and it was up to Steve to protect her from himself. He didn't even know if she had a boyfriend or a husband and this thought nearly blow his heart into pieces.  _Of course a woman as incredible as Sam could not be alone..._ Steve knew that it would kill him inside, but he would use every ounce of his training to resist her. Sam deserved a life full of light and joy and Steve decided that he would rather die than let any of his demons ever touch her.

* * *

Their arrival at Five-0 was no less than a celebration. Despite the fact that everyone tried to act normal and not crowd Steve, they could not help how relieved and happy they all were to see him and the entire team could not stop themselves from enveloping their leader in a group hug. Steve was touched by their concern and their love.

It was only Lori who stood at a slight distance with her heart in her eyes.

 _He is even more beautiful than I remember..._  She sighed. Her heart clenched when she saw how pale he looked. He also seemed thinner to her. His eyes were like shards of broken glass. Lori vowed then and there that she would do whatever it took to be there for Steve. She steeled herself and spoke, her voice causing the entire room to quieten...

"What about a hug for an old friend?" She asked.

Steve looked up. He hadn't even noticed that she was there but he could not help the smile that broke out on his face at the sight of his old teammate. He could not believe Lori Weston stood before him. She had always been the most amazing friend in the world to him and he knew that Five-0 could only benefit from having her back.

"Lori..." He whispered. His friends let go of him, each of them smiling at Lori. Steve raced toward her and launched himself into her arms. It felt amazing to know that his friend Lori was back. "It's so good to see you Lori." He said as he held her.

After a few seconds, he wanted to let go but Lori held him fast, the hug no longer just friendly.

It felt amazing to have Steve back in her arms. She had longed for him for three long years. Sure she had tried to replace him but no one could ever come close to Steve McGarrett. She remembered lying in the arms of random conquests after meaningless sex, hoping to feel some semblance of the connection that she had felt with Steve in a simple eye lock, but was left bereft every single time. Sure Steve and she had never actually been together or had sex but Lori felt her entire body sing even at his innocent touch. She vowed then and there that she would heal him and make him hers, and she would devote the rest of her life to making him happy.

Danny and the rest of the team looked on in happiness. Maybe Lori's arrival was just what the doctor ordered.

 _Doctor_... Danny remembered.

He called Jerry aside while the rest of the team went over as Lori and Steve broke their hug.

"Jerry I need a favour, completely off the record" said Danny.

"Sure Detective, whatever you need." Jerry, bless him, was ever-obliging.

"I need you to do a background check on someone, the doctor that conducted Steve's eval, Dr. Sam Harris. The good doctor is now Steve's unofficial therapist and I just want to make sure our boy is in good hands. Think you can fly under the radar and pull this rabbit out of your hat?"

"Sure thing Detective, I'll get right on it" said Jerry, as he turned to race off, ever-eager to be of service to his new teammates.

"Wait hang on pal!" Danny whisper-shouted. "SuperSeal has an announcement to make, you can go after."

"Oh" said Jerry then he and Danny nodded at each other conspiratorially and went off to join the others.

After Steve and the others caught up with Lori, Steve gathered everyone around the Smart Table.

"As you all know, things have been a little rough these past few days" started Steve, putting on as brave a face as he could.

The others all looked down, not wanting to meet his haunted gaze. They didn't know exactly what happened during the mission that had ripped their boss and friend to shreds but they all shuddered to imagine how bad that mission must have been to have crippled 'SuperSeal'.

Steve forged ahead. "Well I wanted to let you all know that I am getting help. You guys are my  _ohana_  and I would never hide anything from you. I had my first session with Dr. Sam Harris this morning, as I am sure that Danny has already told you."

The rest of them nodded almost subconsciously but they hung onto every word that Steve said.

"The thing is, Sam and I have already discussed my being cleared for active duty. We have decided that I will still work but I wish to step down as leader of Five-0, at least temporarily."

The others, except Danny, were stunned to silence. Danny himself had already had some sort of advanced notice about these 'changes' so not only did he have enough time to process this turn of events, he was also the only one to huff loudly in disagreement. The others just couldn't believe it.

When he was met with silence, Steve decided to continue. "I want to leave Danny in charge overall, he will be leader and will also handle administration. He is well-rounded and he understands what this team as well as what I need better than anyone. He is also my partner."

Danny's stomach did a somersault. He couldn't believe Steve would entrust him with such a huge responsibility. He looked over at Steve as their eyes locked over the SmartTable. Danny couldn't believe how emotional and grateful he felt.

Steve's eyes however, reflected confusion at Danny's apprehension. It took Steve a mere second to realise the feeling behind the spark in Danny's bright blue eyes and he smiled at his partner in realisation.  _I would trust you with my life Danno, let alone Five-0..._  Steve's eyes seemed to say. The others basked in that emotional moment. Steve and Danny's relationship was truly an example for all.

Steve went on, "Lou, I want you to take charge on our field operations. Your vast experience with SWAT will prove invaluable in the field." Grover sniffed loudly and tried to hide his emotions by simply nodding to Steve in acknowledgement.

"Chin and now Lori, you are both now in charge of interrogations and profiling respectively but you will also participate in the field. I do however need you two to please work in sync. Chin, no one on this team has the control and experience you have. Your ability to control your emotions and your poker face makes you the best at interrogation and I want you to take the lead in negotiations during hostage situations as well. Lori, you are a profiler by nature and from what I have seen, you are fantastic." Lori blushed at this but kept her eyes fixed on Steve. "You both will work together to create criminal and witness files as well as profiles. You shall also be working on occasion with Agent Alicia Brown who is not here today but Lori; you will get a chance to meet her soon. She is amazing Lori you will really like her."

Lori felt her insides burn unpleasantly at Steve's praise of Alicia. One thing she knew for sure, she already was not fond of Kono working so closely with Steve so she was a hundred percent sure she would not like Alicia. How much Lori would hate Alicia though, would depend on how close she and Steve were and Lori would have to wait for the moment to find out just how well Alicia fit into the team.

Chin's face betrayed no soft emotion but his eyes held a hardened determination. He would not let Steve down and Steve did not even consider the possibility that Chin could fail him. It was simply impossible.

"Kono and Jerry, I want both of you in charge of intel-gathering, research and tech support. Kono will also be our sniper and where needed, she shall also work the field with us." Kono and Jerry both smiled and stood to attention.

Lori however, was not pleased. Steve was well-aware of her shooting and combat skills. For a second, she was lost in her selfishness and her desire to be sniper, but then she consoled herself. Kono, as sniper, would be far away from Steve at different vantage points to get clear sight of criminals but she, Lori would be right by Steve's side at all times. This thought thrilled her more than she dared express.

There were a few moments thereafter of awkward shuffling around the SmartTable as everyone considered their new responsibilities. Under normal circumstances, anyone would be thrilled to be given a leadership role and to be provided with an opportunity to prove themselves, but to literally everyone on the Five-0 team, it felt weird not to have Steve at the helm. He was and would always be their  _Kahuna,_ their  _Kekoa._ He was their leader and warrior. The only comfort to them as they all hugged Steve one last time before dispersing into their own offices was the fact that this arrangement was temporary.

* * *

As everyone left to catch up on paperwork, Danny cast a meaningful glance at Jerry who was heading to his basement office. Jerry nodded at him silently as he pressed the elevator button that would take him to the basement of Five-0 so he could get to work. As Jerry disappeared behind the elevator door, Danny prayed that Dr. Sam Harris checked out. The more he saw Steve put stock in this guy and believe in him, the more worried Danny became. He had no concrete reasons for his apprehensions therefore he couldn't share his doubts with everyone and that made him more tense. Sam was too good to be true. He felt in his gut that Steve needed not only to be helped but to be protected. He wanted to like Sam, he really did.

The next half hour passed in silence before everyone saw Steve pack up. He walked out of the office when he was stopped by Danny. Chin, Kono and Grover stepped out of their offices. Lori was currently sharing offices with Chin but she was already by the SmartTable so she just looked up. Jerry was in the basement.

"Where are you off to babe?" asked Danny. He tried to sound pleasant but he was walking on eggshells. Steve was suddenly very unpredictable and his new attitude was really throwing Danny and the rest of the team off-kilter. One thing Danny had always liked best about Steve was that his military training and lifestyle made him set in his ways and predictable. He woke at a set time, swam at a set time, he ate at a set time and so forth. Now Steve was leaving the office early with no explanation. This was literally unheard of.

"I am going home Danno" said Steve. There was no expression whatsoever in his voice. No snort of derision, no grin at surprising everyone, no smile, no frown.

Everyone began feeling very unsettled at how robotic he seemed.

"Let me take you home buddy" said Danny. He had been Steve's ride for the day so Steve's truck was at home.

"I'm all right Danno, I'll take a cab. I got some stops to make on the way so don't worry, I will be fine really. Don't worry" said Steve, trying to garner some sense of independence.

Danny was caught between the Devil and the Deep Blue Sea. On one hand, he didn't want to leave Steve alone but on the other hand, he didn't want to coddle Steve and make him feel like Danny thought he was incapable of taking care of himself.

"Danno please don't worry." Steve tried to assure him. His quiet tone not only startled the team but began to grate on Danny's nerves once again.

Normally, on seeing Danny's 'mother-hen' behaviour, Steve would usually pass some smart-ass comment to irk him then go ahead and do whatever the hell he wanted, earning himself a 'Danny rant' as well as Danny's ire.

"Please I will be fine" said Steve one last time before he waved goodbye and stepped into the elevator.

Danny felt like there was a huge hole in his chest. He missed his goofy, idiotic, trigger-happy partner with his badass ninja skills and child-like demeanour. He missed  _Steve_  and he hurt inside because he didn't know if he would ever get his moronic partner back.

He resolved to meet Steve back at his house after work and resolved to tell Rachel that he would be spending the night at Steve's. With this plan finalised in his mind, he felt a lot better knowing that he would be checking in on his partner later today.

It was barely fifteen minutes later when Jerry rushed out of the elevator and made a beeline for Danny's office. He tried to be brisk but also tried not to run because he didn't want to draw too much attention to himself. He also didn't want to draw attention to his and Danny's secret operation.

He glanced over at Steve's office and allowed himself a sigh of relief at not having to face him. _Maybe he's gone to the bathroom..._  Jerry thought.

Jerry entered Danny's office panting.

"Whoa Jerry, take a breath my man" said Danny.

"We have a problem Detective" whispered Jerry as he tried desperately to breathe some air into his starved lungs.

"Why are you whispering?" asked Danny in surprise.

"Commander McGarrett could be back any second, I need to be quick" supplied Jerry.

"Steve's gone home buddy so you can relax, now tell me what did you find? And this was quick work by the way, well done" said Danny.

"Don't thank me yet Detective" sighed Jerry as his shoulders slumped. "There is a reason I was so quick. I couldn't break the surface of Dr. Harris' profile, forget getting an opportunity to dig deeper."

This brought Danny to his feet. "What do you mean Jerry? Everyone has a profile or a record."

"I know Detective, and I am not saying that Sam Harris doesn't have a profile or that he is not documented. What I am trying to say is that this guy's entire file is classified by the Navy. I am talking James Bond level of secrecy. I made some enquiries from my contacts and I have found out that certain military psychiatrist's have their entire record kept secret and even have false identities given to them by the military. The reason for this is that they are privy to many classified missions. They have unparalleled access to details and intel on ops as their patients don't hold back when consulting with them. This Sam guy seems to be one such therapist. I can't even find out what his name 'Sam' is short for, whether his name is Samson or Samuel or if Sam is even his real name."

Danny could literally feel his mind vibrating in his skull with questions. It was a horrible feeling. "We should get Toast to take a crack at hacking into the military database and decrypting the file" said Danny.

"I spoke to Toast about this already" confirmed Jerry and not for the first time, Danny found himself admiring Jerry's thoroughness and due diligence.

"Toast said that he doesn't mind doing this job for us, but the problem is that every hack leaves a trace, no matter how good the hacker is. If these files are hacked into, it could be a matter of national security and if we are found to be the ones responsible, we could be compromising not only Steve but dozens of other Black Op specialists. We could get into huge trouble and Steve would never forgive us."

The reality of their helpless situation had Danny's hopes crumbling like a house of cards. He knew that perhaps the best way to find out anything now would be to just ask Steve directly but he would wait to do so. He did not want to shake Steve's faith in his treatment without just cause yet and he wanted to see exactly how Steve's treatment would go. Steve's wounds were still fresh and he had only had his first appointment. It would be unfair of Danny to condemn Sam without at least giving this guy a chance to prove himself as a therapist. Danny decided to wait a few sessions and to give Sam the benefit of the doubt. He just hoped that when he finally did ask Steve to elaborate about Sam, Steve would be in the right frame of mind to give Danny an objective answer.

The cab pulled up at his house. Steve paid and tipped the driver before getting out and breathing in the fresh ocean air. Sure he had stood at the entrance of his home a countless number of times, but after everything that had happened, he realised he had not had a peaceful, panic-free moment to himself since Michael's shooting. It's not that he had not appreciated the company of his friends; on the contrary, he was more than grateful that he had people in his life that cared about him so much that they would never leave him alone in a crisis. It was just the fact that he felt a rush of long-lost independence.

He still felt vulnerable sure, and he knew that the nightmares would return under the blanket of darkness but for now, with the sunlight streaming through his skin and warming his bones, he felt as if he should make the most of the day before his anxiety crippled him once more. He picked up the keys to his van and headed out to the garage before getting into the Silverado and pulling out of his driveway, his destination set in his mind.

* * *

Steve pulled up into Rachel's driveway and she let him in through the automated gate. It was already late afternoon and he knew Grace and Charlie would be back from school by now. He was therefore more than happy when a little bundle of blond energy raced across the lawn and bounded into his waiting arms.

"Uncle Steve!" yelped little Charlie in delight.

Steve hugged Danny's son for all he was worth, drawing strength and comfort from his love for this little boy.

"Hey Charlie! How are you buddy?"

Rachel and Grace were out a second later as Grace enveloped Steve in a warm hug as well. Her teen years may have tempered her innocent enthusiasm but it certainly hadn't dimmed her love for her Uncle Steve one bit. Rachel beamed at him and hugged him warmly in greeting as well.

Rachel could not help looking over Steve's shoulder, hoping to see Danny. It was not an unreasonable assumption that Danny would be there too considering that Steve and Danny had been inseparable these past few days. Steve smiled at her. Her love for Danny was clearly evident in her eyes and Steve could not be happier for his friend.

"Danny is still at the office Rachel; he doesn't know I am here" said Steve a little hesitantly.

Rachel's brows furrowed in concern. It was not that she was not happy to see Steve but she certainly hoped that Steve wasn't playing hide-and-seek with Danny. She knew her Daniel was a mother-hen and a 'worrier' to Steve's 'warrior'. She took in Steve's glassy eyes, pale expression and his soft voice and her heart constricted in pain for him. Danny had mentioned that Steve was battling some demons but it was only at this moment, when she could see the fight draining the life out of Steve that she realised that he must have been dealing with some terrible issues. She knew firsthand how strong Steve was, he was Danny's emotional crutch and a formidable shield to her children and to see how broken he was actually shook Rachel to the core.

"I know you have been battling with the move." Steve started awkwardly, his hands shoved unceremoniously in his pockets to keep them from trembling. "I figured I could come and help you. It's the least I could do since Danny has been so preoccupied with me and my..." He paused at that, not only because he felt uncomfortable talking about his demons out loud but also because he felt it would be inappropriate to bring it up in front of Charlie and Grace.

Grace herself, was not only mature enough but had grown into a very astute young woman. She didn't need to know the details of what her Uncle Steve was going through for her to throw her arms around him and give him another comforting hug. Steve hugged her back. He loved her like the child he never had...  _And probably never would..._  He thought heavily.

Charlie himself, was completely innocent. "Uncle Steve plane!" He squealed excitedly as he lifted his arms to be carried. Steve plastered a hollow smile on his face as he lifted Charlie over his head and sailed him in the air making Charlie feel like he was flying. Charlie giggled in delight and Rachel felt her heart swell seeing how much Steve loved her children. She mentally cursed herself for ever thinking this man could ever put her children in harm's way.

"Steve come on in" said Rachel warmly. She was beginning to see exactly why Danny went to the lengths he did for Steve and she did not want to waste another second in getting to know him better. She knew he was here because he was worried about hers and Danny's relationship.

"Steve you don't have to worry about the move" said Rachel kindly. "I am already packed. I just left the kids' packing for the last minute because they still have school and I didn't want to upset their routine. It will all be complete in a day or two."

Steve felt light and buoyant at Rachel's warmth. In these last five years he had always heard Danny badmouthing her and her attorneys, but behind the condescension and the bravado, he could only feel Danny's love for her in every single one of his rants. The hatred and the bitterness had come from a place of love in his partner and he had lost everything when he had lost her.

Despite the fact that she had made questionable decisions by hiding Charlie's paternity at the time, Steve knew that she loved her children and Danny more than anything and he was going to do whatever it took to make sure that the Williams' were a rock solid family once again. Their children as well as Danny and Rachel deserved this much.

Steve walked into the house after Rachel with Charlie still in his arms and Grace in tow.

"I know that you have had your work cut out for you Rachel, and Danny not being here has certainly made things rougher" whispered Steve, his voice dripping with regret and guilt.

His lost voice unsettled Rachel. She had always seen Steve as someone who was confident and in-control.  _When did he start talking so softly?_  She wondered.

She was used to Danny with his huge gestures and loud fruity voice. By comparison, Steve's silence unsettled her.  _Just what had happened to him?_  She wondered with a heavy heart.

"Listen, since you are almost done, I thought I could help you out" said Steve hopefully, not realising it but he had suddenly turned the full force of his lost puppy eyes on Rachel.

"Oh Steve..." said Rachel kindly. "You have nothing to feel bad about really." As these words flowed from her lips she realised that she truly meant it.

Steve was surprised at her kind words. He set Charlie down gently and Charlie ran off with Grace chasing after him calling his name over and over again to ensure he didn't hurt himself.

"Rachel I appreciate you being so nice about this, but there is no excuse for me keeping Danny from you." Steve mumbled.

Rachel was shocked at his self-deprecation. Steve was clearly suffering and if he needed help, then she was not going to back down, let alone allowing Danny to do so. Not that Danny ever would of course. She didn't know when she had started thinking of Steve as family but the truth is that was exactly what he was.

"Let me help anyway, I could use the distraction." Steve tried. "Being in the Navy so long, I have learned how to pack fast and live out of a bag better than anyone. We could actually get you moved in with Danny by the end of today." He tried to smile.

If Steve was here offering an olive branch, Rachel was certainly not one to back down. She smiled and nodded in assent. Steve sighed in relief as they mapped out the rest of the day.

"Since you are packed I will take your stuff over to Danny's in the van while you start packing the children's things. Danny gave me a key so no worries. I will just leave your stuff inside and lock up before coming back here to help you wrap up the kid's packing. We can load the van and go together to Danno's to unpack. We'll be done before you know it." Steve actually managed to bring some enthusiasm to his otherwise deadened voice. Having a plan of action and something to do to make himself feel useful seemed to calm him and Rachel was, in fact, grateful that he was considerate enough to help.

Steve hadn't noticed though that he had called Danny 'Danno' in front of Rachel but she certainly had and she thought it was beyond sweet.  _Boy when Daniel said he was like a child sometimes he certainly wasn't exaggerating..._  Rachel thought in amusement. Given her husband's propensity for exaggeration though, she was not surprised that she had to see Steve's innocent demeanour herself before she could believe it.

They got to work and the sun had dipped away from the sky when they had finally gotten Rachel's as well as the kids' things to Danny's house. They still had quite a bit of unpacking to do.

Steve had been so busy that he had left his phone on Danny's counter and hadn't noticed it vibrating continuously, killing his battery.

"Umm Uncle Steve?" Said Grace as she plugged his phone to charge in her attempt to be helpful.

Steve and Rachel had just brought the last of the boxes into the house and both of them sighed in relief. Steve had done most if not all of the heavy lifting and Rachel marvelled at his efficiency. They would not have managed to move everything today if it weren't for him.

"Yeah Gracie?" Steve smiled at her warmly.

Grace could not help the wide grin that threatened to split her face in two. "Your phone looks like it's been ringing off the hook. You have 16 missed calls from Danno."

The phone rang again.

"Seventeen" Deadpanned Grace.

"I didn't hear it." Said Steve surprised. He gulped audibly. Danny was going to kill him.

"Uncle Steve the battery had died. I just plugged it in for you" said Grace, before handing Steve his phone while it was still connected to the charger.

"Whoopsie" sighed Steve.

"You better call him back Uncle Steve, you know what's coming so you rather get it over with" said Grace wisely but with no lack of amusement. She smiled at her mother as Rachel looked on curiously. Her mother was in for a treat, her first Steve-Danny argument.

Steve groaned audibly as he dialled. Danny answered even before the first ring completed.

"Where in this godforsaken pineapple hell-hole are you?! I have been trying you for the past half hour! Steven John McGarrett just wait until I get hold of you, I am going to chop you up into little mincemeat pieces and feed you to the Galapagos sharks! You stupid, clueless, insensitive, inconsiderate..."

"Danno..." whispered Steve, trying to get the compact Detective to take a breath.

"Don't 'Danno' me you ginormous putz! And would you quit that incessant whispering?! We are not in a museum!"

Steve pinched the bridge between his eyes, using his thumb and index finger while holding the phone away from his ear with his other hand, a good arm's-length away.

Rachel could not help but smile. Her man definitely had lung-power but they had better alert Danny that his children were in the vicinity before he said something inappropriate without realising it as he was caught up in a torrential rant. They didn't have to worry though, Charlie alerted Danny in no time.

"Danno hi!" He called into the phone.

Danny immediately ran out of steam. "Oh hey buddy! Uncle Steve is by you?"

"Grace and I are here too Daniel" said Rachel, unable to keep the laughter from her voice.

Rachel's voice was music to Danny's ears. He sighed in relief.

When Danny had wrapped up at the office he immediately set off to Steve's place in order to check in on him, but he had found the alarm activated and Steve's truck missing. He tried calling a few times but Steve would not answer. Soon, after a few attempts, Steve's number had stopped going through all together. Danny began to panic, not realising Steve's battery had died. He tried getting Jerry to ping Steve's location by tracking his cell but Steve's cell was officially off. Danny and the rest of the team nearly had a heart attack.

Danny shuddered now as he remembered the horrible scenarios that he could not help running through his mind.

Danny relayed his last few hours to Rachel and his moronic partner and Steve cringed with guilt at his carelessness. He should have checked in with Danny and now he had worried not only Danny but the entire team for nothing.

"I'm sorry Danno" Steve whispered remorsefully. He suddenly remembered that he was mumbling again and cleared his throat in an effort to be able to speak more clearly. "We are at your place Partner" said Steve "We got all the packing done; we are just about to start unpacking. Why don't you come join us?"

"I'm on my way you goof!" sighed Danny in exasperation. "Let me just call the others so we can call off the APB."

Steve once again felt himself deflate in guilt. "Could you please tell everyone I am sorry Danno?" He asked softly.

Danny felt his chest tighten. Steve had spent all afternoon helping  _his_ family with the move.

"Sure thing buddy."

He realised now that Steve must have been scared that he, Danny, spending so much time with him would put Danny's relationship with Rachel and his children in jeopardy. He must have worked hard all afternoon to make sure that he made up for Danny's absence. Danny felt guilty now for yelling at Steve so much. Sure the moron was irresponsible but as always, his heart was in the right place.

Danny realised now that Steve himself was doing everything he could to fight for Danny's happiness despite the shit storm that had landed on McGarrett Island. The realisation that Steve was so emotionally invested in his family touched Danny beyond belief. He realised that if he and Rachel could not make their relationship work again, then Steve would be just as devastated as Grace and Charlie and that thought nearly had his eyes misting up.

Danny understood Steve's child-like fear. Steve himself came from a broken home, with a late father and with a mother who couldn't care if he lived or died. Steve had only seen the bitterness between Rachel and Danny; he had yet to see their love.  _Rachel and I are rock-solid partner..._  Danny thought emotionally as he vowed then and there that Steve would only see happiness and love in his entire  _ohana_  from now on.

Danny cleared his throat as he was brought to the present. "Hey I'm taking orders for pizza, who's having what?" His family on the other end of the line sighed in relief and Grace smiled as she responded happily, "Anything with pineapple Danno!"

* * *

After Danny arrived they all ate in comfortable silence as literally everyone was ravenous from the long day. It was Friday evening and it was pitch black outside by the time they had completed the unpacking. Charlie was the only one who slept.

Rachel watched Steve and Danny work and she marvelled how they could get any work done at Five-0. She had never heard anyone bicker the way they did. Grace giggled at her shock.

"Now you know why everyone thinks they are married mum." She laughed.

Taking every single item out of the boxes had become a chore as Steve and Danny squabbled like old women about where the item should be placed in the house. Well, truth be told, Danny griped and Steve just silently breathed his justifications for putting the item where he thought it should go in the first place.

Grace picked up on Steve's anchored mood. She was actually worried about her Uncle Steve. He was usually a lot more brash when he and Danno fought and he went out of his way to irritate Danno in good humour. Her Uncle Steve was too quiet now. Something was wrong.

Danny himself felt some semblance of relief as he got a 'rant-routine' going. He wasn't moaning without reason. He was trying to pull 'SuperSeal Steve' out of his shell by trying to get an argument going.

Steve responded to him, albeit not very enthusiastically and his half-hearted responses gnawed away at Danny. He felt as if a part of him was missing when Steve felt so incomplete.

Danny finally quit his little experiment when Rachel smiled exasperatedly and huffed, "Boys, as much fun as this is, I am exhausted and would really love to get this done before Charlie turns twenty-one!"

"Why would you say that?" sighed Danny.

The kids were already growing up too fast for his liking but he quit troubling Steve so they could get the unpacking done in companionable and efficient silence.

They ended up finally unpacked by late evening.

"Hey you want a beer?" Danny asked Steve.

Danny was so grateful to his partner for today, Steve had truly gone above and beyond and seeing the newfound friendship between Rachel and Steve really warmed Danny's heart. It was what he had wanted most in the world, for his partner who was like a brother to him to finally be friends with his wife.  _Yes she is still my wife and she will always be..._  Thought Danny happily.

Things were just a little hectic with the move but once Rachel and the children were properly settled in and comfortable Danny was not wasting another second, he would propose to Rachel again and make everything official.

Danny went to the fridge without waiting for Steve's answer and pulled out two beers.

The kitchen was an open plan and in clear view to the living room with easy access. He was about to open the beers when Steve called out to him from the living room.

"No beer for me thanks Danno. I'm heading home."

Danny's mind began to race. He still didn't think it was a good idea for Steve to be alone. He didn't have to worry about voicing his concern though, not when Rachel walked in and beat Danny to the punch.

"You aren't going anywhere Steven, at least not tonight. It's late and you are exhausted. You have been invaluable to me today and I insist you stay the night."

Danny nearly dropped his beer and Steve's eyes widened.

"No thank you Rachel, I mean I appreciate it but I..." Steve muttered.

"I wasn't asking Steven" said Rachel in a firm voice, her posh British accent leaving no room for argument.

Steve was about to open his mouth to protest again but had no opportunity to do so as a huge duvet and pillow went hurtling towards him.

Danny actually laughed at Rachel's quick thinking and her quick reflexes.

"The duvet will make the couch comfortable enough." Rachel called over from where she stood.

Before Steve had a chance to bunch up the duvet and pillow in his arms, Rachel had already breezed out of the room.

 _Steve was right she really is cool..._  Thought Danny with pride. He did not even bother trying to hide his admiration for her.

Danny looked to Steve who had suddenly turned visibly pale. He began to take deep breaths. It was as if he couldn't get enough air into his lungs no matter how much oxygen he took in. Danny's stomach sank at the realisation. Steve was having an anxiety attack.

"Oh my God Steve!" called Danny as he rushed to get his partner a bottle of water.

Rachel heard Danny's gasp of horror and his strangled voice and ran into the living room in a panic.

Danny brought the water over to Steve and forced him to sit on the couch as he tried rubbing his shoulder and his upper back to soothe him.

Rachel was actually afraid. She had always thought of Steve as a superhero, but the pure terror in his eyes threatened to unmake her. He looked so scared and Rachel suddenly felt her chest clench in pain for Steve and her Danny. Steve was truly in a terrible place and it was only now that she understood how hard it must be for Danny to be able to balance taking care of his family as well as being there for Steve who was clearly suffering.

 _You will never have to choose again Daniel..._  Rachel vowed silently as the tears pooled in her chocolate orbs.

Steve had finally lost to himself. He had sacrificed himself to protect his country as well as his family and had paid a heavy price. Rachel resolved that she would ensure that Danny would never be far away from his partner again.

Steve continued to tremble as Danny tried to talk him down.

Rachel's fear had rendered her frozen. She had no idea what to do in such a situation.

Danny however, seemed to be an expert.

 _How many times had he had to do this for Steve?_ Thought Rachel as her heart bled for what the boys had to go through. She could see that Danny was the only one who could possibly handle Steve when he was like this. Steve had no one else.

Rachel watched on as Danny tried to calm Steve down. She was grateful that Grace had her headsets on and Charlie had been tucked in two hours before and was fast asleep.

"I... I c...can't stay here D...Danno... Please I just need to leave!" Steve got off the couch, his eyes wide as he made a break for the door.

Danny however, knowing exactly how Steve would react, ran for the door and locked it by turning the key with lightning speed. Normally Danny would have no hope of outrunning Steve, not only because Steve was quicker but because he had longer legs. Steve's entire body however, seemed to shake uncontrollably and he couldn't beat Danny to the door.

Danny grabbed Steve by the shoulder once again and before he could protest again, forced him to sit on the couch again. Steve could only focus on his breathing. He kept mumbling "I can't stay, I have to go" over and over again.

The guys hadn't even noticed that Rachel was standing by the living-room doorway watching in fear.

"Steve?" Danny called to him, trying to get Steve to follow his calm yet firm voice. He was using his even tone to call Steve's name over and over until he could get Steve to break to the surface of the panic he seemed completely submerged in.

Steve was drowning and he needed someone who could keep their cool and reason with him in order for him to weather the storm.

"Steve, breathe babe, deep breaths, in and out... There you go, you're doing great babe... keep going..." Danny soothed, as he got Steve into a breathing exercise to soothe him.

"Babe I need you to stay calm. No one is going to force you to do anything but I need you keep taking deep breaths okay? Forget about everything else just focus on getting air into your lungs... In and out. Close your eyes babe it will help okay? That's it, there you go, you're doing great Steve."

Steve closed his eyes and used Danny's voice to centre him as he breathed obediently.

Danny himself only breathed a sigh of relief when he saw some colour return to Steve's face.

"Babe I need you to talk to me, you don't need to fret about anything. I will be here for whatever you need." Danny tried coaxing Steve into talking.

Steve looked up at Danny with pure undulated terror in his eyes. His breathing seemed to have evened out but his shaking seemed to have gotten worse and his fears were definitely not being held at bay.

"Danny you have the kids, I... I can't be near them right now. The n... The nightmares... If I hurt them or frighten them... G... God Danno I'd die. I can't risk Grace and C... Charlie. I can't be with them right now... Please... Please let me go..." Steve's eyes were misty with unshed tears and he resorted to begging Danny. He wanted to get out of there. He needed to ensure that Grace and Charlie were safe from a monster like him.

Danny tried to calm him but Steve was inconsolable.

The sight before her threatened to tear Rachel's heart in two. She had always thought that Steve and Five-0 were the reason her children were in permanent danger. She fretted whenever she would send Grace and Charlie with Danny for weekend visits or when Danny did school pick-ups and field trips. Looking at how scared Steve was for her children, Rachel finally realised how wrong she had been. Steve was willing to die to protect her children. She cursed herself once again for all the suffering she had put Danny through, the legal battles, the fights and the restricted visitations.  _I had even hid the paternity of his own son from him! He lost out on all these years with Charlie because of me..._ Rachel thought bitterly.

Danny was so focused on reasoning with Steve that he hadn't even noticed Rachel was there. She came up behind him and squeezed his shoulders in support.

Rachel knelt down so she could be eye-level with Steve who was doubled over himself while seated on the couch.

"Steve?" Rachel called to him gently. Her voice was barely a whisper but it seemed to permeate Steve's fogged and panicked mind as he looked up.

"R... Rachel. Rachel tell Danno to let me out. I can't be here. I am a risk to Gracie and Charlie. I..."

"No Steve..." Said Rachel firmly, silencing him.

"I could never have asked for a better guardian for my children than you." Her eyes began to overflow with tears and her voice hitched as the dam finally broke.

Rachel sobbed bitterly as she took Steve into her arms and hugged him warmly, sobbing with concern and regret.

"I'm sorry Steve, I am so so sorry. It is my fault that you think you are a risk to Grace and Charlie. That horrible notion should never have been born in your mind and it's all my fault."

Rachel let go of Steve for second before looking at Danny, the love of her life.

"Please forgive me Daniel, for everything I am really sorry." She sobbed as she collapsed into Danny's arms.

"Shhh... Rach... Sweetie it's all right." Danny, whose heart was ten times bigger than his loud-mouth and compact body was ever-ready to see the best in everyone.

Rachel was his only love, the mother of his children. He could forgive her anything.

Rachel smiled at Danny in silent gratitude before enveloping Steve in another warm hug. Her hand was still clasped firmly in Danny's.

"You are never leaving Danny or my children Steven, ever" said Rachel resolutely.

Steve himself was too numb to say anything.

The strength and iron will seemed to return to Rachel's voice and her spirit seemed to comfort both Steve and Danny.

"I am going to make tea and you are going to have a cup Steve, then you are going to lie down and rest. If you move from that couch tonight you have no idea what I am capable of." Rachel practically scolded him but she could not keep the care and concern from dripping through her voice.

Danny smiled at that and took the moment to lighten the grave atmosphere. "Trust me buddy, you don't want to get on her bad side. Remember when you and I first became teammates and whenever Rachel called her ringtone on my phone was the Funeral March? Truth is, we were actually getting along and were at least civil then... So just imagine..."

He didn't get a chance to complete his sentence before Rachel elbowed him in his ribs in mock anger.

"I'll make us some tea" smiled Rachel.

She squeezed Steve's clasped, shaking hand in one more gesture of comfort before going into the kitchen to get the kettle going.

Steve looked on and realised he couldn't be happier for Danny. Steve knew of no one in the world who loved their family more than Danny and he definitely deserved this second chance with them. Try as he might though, he could quell the torrent of terror that seemed to have etched itself in his mind. He had to ensure that Grace and Charlie were protected.

"Danno?" Steve whispered.

Danny heard him loud and clear though.

"Yeah buddy? You need anything?" He asked in concern.

Steve flinched slightly. He couldn't believe what he was about to ask Danny. The idea shamed him to his very core but he would do anything to ensure that he wouldn't lose himself inadvertently during the night and risk hurting or scaring Grace and Charlie.

"Danno you still have some of that Valium?" asked Steve as his cheeks heated.

Steve McGarrett had never relied on medicating himself to alleviate his suffering his entire adult life.

His plea to Danny only proved further how much he was willing to sacrifice for the safety of others.

Danny felt his lungs constrict in pity for his partner. Despite his and Rachel's assurances, Steve did not trust himself. If medicating him a little would give Steve some semblance of peace and allow him to rest better, then Danny would give him whatever he needed.

Danny went to the medicine cabinet and brought the Valium as Rachel set the tray.

Rachel brought the tray over to the living room and after she made tea for all of them, she watched in sorrow as Danny crushed two pills and poured them into Steve's cup.

"Sam didn't prescribe anything for you?" asked Danny bitterly. Try as he might, Danny could not leave out the tinge of condescension in his voice.

"No, Sam said that I need to be functioning at my optimum if I wanted to continue with my enlistment and remain a part of Five-0" responded Steve. The thought of Sam once again made his chest ache. He didn't know why he wanted to be different to her, to be special. Steve shook his head to rid himself of his melancholic thoughts and accepted the cup that Rachel offered. "Thank you." He said to her warmly.

Rachel took her cup and saucer and decided to leave the boys alone for a bit. "I am going to check in on Charlie and get Grace to put her laptop off so she can sleep" she offered by way of explanation.

After Rachel left, Steve and Danny sipped their tea in companionable silence.

"I don't know where I'd be without you Danno." Steve said gratefully.

"Please Steve don't start..." Danny retorted humbly.

"I mean it..." Steve whispered as he could feel the Valium running through his veins like ether. His mind began to fog and his eyes became heavy. Danny took the dishes and by the time he returned from cleaning up in the kitchen, Steve was lying awkwardly on the couch, fast asleep.

Danny smiled as he adjusted the sleeping SEAL. He covered him with the duvet and tucked him in.

Steve was oblivious to the world. His body paralysed by exhaustion and by the Valium. His mind floated away in the darkness, into the arms of a beautiful therapist who made his entire body burn because he could never have her...

* * *

Danny checked the locks and began putting the lights off as he got ready to turn in for the night. Rachel walked silently up to him as he looked in on Steve one last time.

Rachel threaded her fingers through Danny's lovingly as she rested her head gently on his shoulders. They looked on at Steve sleeping peacefully, his earlier anguish subdued in a deep, drugged sleep.

"Always be with him Daniel." Rachel whispered sadly to her Danny. "Never leave his side, promise me."

Danny's eyes clouded with emotion as he took Rachel into his arms and kissed her for everything he was worth.

* * *

**I wanted to say another thank you but this person deserved more than to have my gratitude message to them sandwiched in my lecture above so I wanted to say it down here... Thank you so so much to Dee Ann Korth for your amazing comments. I really really appreciate it and you definitely are an inspiration to me:) Thank you to Tired Reader and Thank you to every guest and to Prislynn and Ontara for your kudos and to krashmor for bookmarking <3**

**Sorry once again for the lecture above guys, I am not mad I promise, I just wanted to say my piece, not to defend my writing but to speak out for people who suffer from PTSD and other mental illnesses. I still welcome any and all comments and even though I moderate, I will even post negative comments about my story, everyone is entitled to their opinion.**

**Happy New Year one and all! Wishing all of you every happiness and success for 2018 and may all your dreams come true! - Az**


	10. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

**Author's Note:** **Hi everyone:) Here is my first update for 2018! I hope you all had an amazing New Year! In this chapter, we see what was going on with Sam when she and Steve had their session and why she was actually tense. So we are delving into her mind again. Yup, it's a diary entry. I love snooping in this girl's journal. I write it more in a 'stream of consciousness' style as one would write in their journal so there is not a lot of editing going on here. Any mistakes are mine.**

**A huge thank you and internet hearts and hugs to all of you.**

**Thank you all for your Kudos as well:) And thank you silent readers... I appreciate you too!**

**I also love hearing predictions on how you guys feel this story might turn out. It may not turn out the way you guess or it could, but is it true that NOT knowing is part of the fun?**

**Disclaimer:** **They don't belong to me. Only my OCs like Sam and the other SEALS are mine. This chapter carries a warning for explicit sex.**

* * *

_Sam's Diary_

_When he had launched himself into my arms today in my waiting room it had felt like a culmination of all my planning and all my goals. His body enveloped mine perfectly and I could feel our heartbeats synchronise. He was so lost, so broken and he had finally found an oasis in my arms._

_I was his home, I was his hope... I was his everything._

_When he had asked me to fix him I felt a current that ran from my mind straight into my heart. I have never felt such a strong urge for a man before. My desire went beyond owning him, way beyond. I wanted to be his shelter, I wanted him to live in my arms and as I felt his trembling body melt into mine I knew in that second that I was his only destination, I was his destiny. He would have nowhere else to go. He would always return to me._

_As I held him, I was hit hard with the realisation that I had missed him. I could feel how shattered he was and I yearned to have him disarm me with his charming smile and his witty retorts. I missed_ _**him** _ _. I wanted to feel his confidence, marvel at his intelligence and bask in the splendour of his lethal strength._

_The change in my preferences was mildly surprising. I say 'mildly' because there is never a single second when I am not in control. I usually loved my dolls docile and compliant. But Steve was different. He was special. I was starting to feel the change in my mind as a strong wind upended one of Fournier's pieces in the passageway of my mental 'dollhouse' . Steve pressed his body closer to mine and I smirked in delight._

_I closed my eyes as my chin rested on his firm shoulder. I walked through my 'dollhouse'. I picked up Fournier's piece and put it back in place, I went around then, righting all the pieces and straightening my frames. I walked past Mason's room. I had it decorated like a child's room, with a pirate theme and a deep blue wallpaper. It was how I saw him. Mason had a small desk where he would do the puzzles I brought for him every week. His window overlooked the basketball court where he and my Michael would play all the time. The room itself reflected Mason's innocence, and his mind, now completely dulled by the medications he would have to take for life. Every piece in his room was symbolic of a simpler time; a youthful playfulness permeated every corner, every space... All except the King-sized bed where I would Iet him fuck me with his tongue whenever he deserved it._

_Michael's now empty 'room' was next. It was a literal opium den, once filled with Turkish rugs, bongs and hookahs and Arab silks. His space was also in full view of the basketball court which I had installed specifically for him and Mason. I really do love spoiling my dolls. He only ever got to fuck me in an orgy of pillows, embroidered cushions and a tangle of rich silks that clung to our wet and writing bodies. His tongue was masterful and I would love watching how erect he became but he was never allowed inside me either. I would love it though when Michael would cry out his release and cum into my hands. At one stage, he was my most powerful doll... My SEAL... The pride of my harem... But even he was not worthy enough to enter me..._

_I walked along the long, winding passages, past the classic sculptures and priceless artefacts. I barely ran my glass eyes through the paintings that were worth a king's ransom and didn't even bother to glance into the rooms of my other dolls. They are irrelevant to me at this point. I only had a few more seconds, a minute at the most, before I would have to release Steve from my arms and before I did release him, I had to see him in his 'room'. I needed to make sure that my mind and my heart were on the same page. If not, I would have to reign myself in and plan accordingly._

_My body shivered in delight as I opened the rich, ornate and intricate double-doors to the newest room in my 'dollhouse'. It was a room fit for a king, for a warrior. I had spent nights with Steve in this room, in a cloud-like bed that melted beneath us and pierced our thundering bodies with the sweetest and most erotic pain, like thorns wrapped in velvet as we made love. The bed was surrounded by a solid gold cage. I had never felt the need to secure any of my other dolls like him. He was gorgeous and docile sure but he was also the most extraordinary and he pleased me immensely. I could never lose him. When his tongue was inside me it felt as if the entire bed was on fire and I was immolated in pleasure as I found my release again and again. I was insatiable with him._

_Today though... Something had changed..._

_Steve usually waited for me, his bedroom eyes would sparkle as he looked at me through the confines of his golden cage. He would always wait for me, he lived to pleasure me but today, as I burst into the room, he was not there. I shook with unspeakable rage at this travesty but quickly composed myself. I had to find my lost doll, my most precious doll._

_After breaking him I had realised that he was not meant to be my G.I Joe. Those dolls were meant to be roughed up and soiled but Steve was a gorgeous exotic porcelain collector's dream. He would be caged forever, to be looked at, to be admired and treasured, he was meant to be handled with care. I needed to make sure I remembered that from now on and I vowed that I would not break him again. He would never leave my shelter, my 'dollhouse' cage. I just had to find where my mind had hidden him first..._

_I had held his physical form in my arms long enough. I had to let go of him. I felt the void as soon as the cold air dissolved any semblance of warmth that still dared to cling to life between us. The spark in my sailor's ocean-blue eyes seemed to darken to a deep sapphire as I felt the strong grip of dread cling to him once more. My spirited sailor was lost to me... for now... I would soon find him and bring him back, into my arms physically as well as into his 'dollhouse' cage where he belonged._

_I lead him into my office and he had followed me numbly. I had made my psychiatric notes as I observed how suggestive he was. He followed me as if in a trance. My impatience to know his mind was tempered and still measured with control as I fed him the Ayahuasca tea and I could literally feel my panties moisten as the hypnotic herbs lulled him into my spell. As I directed his mind and as he poured his heart out to me, I felt as if he was giving himself to me and that was the strongest aphrodisiac imaginable to me. It was as powerful as if he stood before me, naked in all his glory, with no cloak, no barriers, physical or otherwise between us._

_As he slept thereafter, I savoured every second of his strong, pliable body beneath my fingertips. I gave in to temptation, running my hands through his luscious, thick, soft hair. I ghosted my hands over his neck and felt my fingertips tingle as they caressed him over his heart and under his shirt._

_My body may have trembled with naked desire as I caressed my sleeping SEAL, but my mind was boiling with rage and concern for my missing doll. I turned the 'Dollhouse' inside out, throwing Monet paintings and Cavendish sculptures like they were trash in my anger. I could see some of my mental dolls retreat into their 'rooms' in fear of my sudden mercurial temper. I did not let a sigh escape from my actual lips though. As long as I could feel Steve beneath my fingers, I could always find him in my mind later. I took a few deep but silent breaths to regain my control and to get my poker face back on before my sailor woke up but I continued to search my entire headspace feverishly._

" _I know you will solve everything Sam. I know you can fix me." His words will ring true. I will heal him, I know it. It still echoes in my mind as I feel his trust infusing into my very skin. I could have taken the trust he so blatantly and breezily offered me. I could have taken his trust at face value but I refused. I would go above and beyond to earn his trust, because that is what you do when you covet something; you put your everything into claiming it as your own._

_Steve was the epitome of goodness. He always saw the best in people. He handed out his trust too easily. Sure he was betrayed time and time again (here's looking at his bitch of a mother as per Commander White's notes) but that is why I would make sure he trusted me on a much deeper level. He would never go against me, even at the cost of his morals, his life, his very soul..._

_When I had told him the meaning of the name 'Sam' I was surprised that he hadn't considered the importance of having a title and attribute. 'Sam' is not my name. It is an alias. It's a name I gave myself this time around to make myself accessible to my patients. 'Samantha'... 'Listener'... 'Sam'... A unisex name, I could be a sophisticated desirable woman, I could be the hot cheerleader that boys creamed over in high school, but I could also be 'Sam', one of the guys... Someone you would feel comfortable to 'shoot the breeze with' or whatever guys did. I went by many names, Sam and Melani being two of them...but to Steve... I wanted to be his everything... his lover, his friend, his confidant, his salvation and his own personal hell. I would be his other half as well as his shadow._

_With this goal in mind, I squeezed out a few tears as I told him about the poor unfortunate little doll 'Anamika'... The doll I once was... Some may wonder why I had tipped my hand. Some may even think I am lying about my past but that is not true. I am Anamika, I am no-one._

_Most people love looking into my eyes, but no one could really see the world through my eyes, no one could possibly want to._

_I had said it before and I shall never tire of saying it, flawless beauty is, in itself, in its very essence, a flaw. Either people refuse to believe that your beauty is real and tangible or they believe that your beauty is all there is to you. Their jealousy, desires and bitterness blind them to everything else about you. They eventually feel like there is nothing else within you to take seriously, not your loyalty, not your wisdom, not your valour, not your soul. Beauty can be a blessing, a weapon if used correctly and to your optimum advantage if you have it. Beauty can also be a curse that consigns you and your very existence to anonymity. It reduces you to nothing as it had done to me when it had foisted an attribute of nothingness upon me... my name... Anamika._

_I would strip myself before my handsome sailor, physically and emotionally. Any good tactician knows that you have to give to get. A victory without any effort is shallow. The more I bared myself to him, the more he accepted me. His protective instincts taking over him, obliterating any hesitation he may have had about getting closer to me. I could feel from our very first meeting that my new SEAL was a protector and I would be his damsel. The more he accepted me as no-one, the faster I would become 'someone' to him. I still don't know if he has a lover or a girlfriend. I know from his file that he is not married yet (Thank you Bitch Mother Doris) but even then, the idea that he could have another woman does not bother me at all. I could remove her from the equation faster than I could snap my fingers and no, I would not get my hands dirty and cause her physical harm. I am not some crazy, unhinged, 'bunny-boiling' stalker. I am yet to follow a doll with my pussy wet between my legs. My toys always come to me. No wife, girlfriend, fiancée, whore or pleasure-fuck has ever been able to stand in my way._

_He told me he had been named after his grandfather. I remembered reading that in his file. I wonder what it must feel like, not only to know your who your ancestors were but to be able to take pride in your heritage, knowing that the blood in your veins was descended from a noble and strong human being. I had blurted out deliberately that I would love to take a tour of Pearl Harbour and he had readily agreed to take me on a tour. I never say anything without considering every possible scenario. Every word that has ever left my lips is measured with forensic precision. I 'blurt' things out to sound spontaneous but there is no possibility I have not already considered beforehand._

_By asking for a tour of Pearl harbour, I was taking the next step with my sailor. I was propositioning an engagement outside the confines of therapy and by asking to see where his grandfather passed away, I was weaving a relationship and a connection in his fragile mind that would link me as his ultimate love, someone he would have subconsciously wanted to bring home to his parents had he grown up in a normal, functional family. I wanted him to yearn for a mended home, a normal life and I wanted him conditioned to believe that a dream like that could only be a reality with me by his side and no one else._

_I kept assuring him that he would be able to return to active duty and that he would be able to return to Five-0. I was happy with his reaction when I had told him the truth that I had met Randy and that I had known about the shit storm that was Afghanistan 2005 beforehand. I had even decided how I was going to condition him by intermittently doling out and withdrawing physical affection from him._

_I had felt his manhood probing my stomach and I felt myself yearning for his touch. I lusted after dolls all the time, but my yearning for Steve was not just lust, sure it was about sex but also something beyond that, like a desire to feel every aspect of his being completely in sync with mine, it is an amazing feeling, one I don't fully understand yet but one I definitely want to analyse. I don't know how long it will last once I have him in my bed, but I wish I could capture this feeling and preserve it somehow. I could sense that his manhood and his complete form would be glorious, just like him, and I couldn't wait to have my way with him. Somehow I knew that my imagination would not do him justice._

_This session definitely went well and things are looking promising, except for when I would eventually have to break the news about Dom's death to him. Well, Dom's death was definitely no accident but I have resolved that his death would not affect Steve's progress, not if I could help it. I may have destroyed Dom, I may have fucked Tyler over, I may have abandoned Randy and I couldn't give two shits about Jack, but Steve was mine, and I protect my own._

_I was suddenly excited with my plans and the idea of going to see Pearl Harbour with Steve. I didn't care that as a therapist, it would be improper to socialise with a patient outside of work. I was beyond every boundary, every rule. I was beyond the law, beyond society and beyond every care in the world. Steve was subconsciously infusing me into his life outside the Tripler. He was starting to associate me with his life in the outside world and not just my consulting room and I was very happy with the pace with which our relationship was developing and the trajectory it was following until..._

_He asked if I would bet my heart on him..._

_It was such an innocent question, an attempt to read my mind through a haze of light-hearted banter but his small, simple request had changed something in me, it had completely unmade me, my construct, my apathetic nature..._

_It made me care..._

_I may have looked at him blankly in that second but my mind was suddenly caught in a storm of upheaval. I ran frantically through my 'dollhouse', Steve's question about my heart fuelling my legs as I screamed for him in agitation in my mind. I needed to know where my mind had hidden him. I had even resorted to searching for him in the rooms of my other dolls while he had slept off the effects of the Ayahuasca on my Divan. I was that desperate._

_I was afraid I had lost him but I had managed to keep my cool until he had thrown that one curveball at me... "Would you bet your heart on me?"_   _He had asked. He made it sound so easy, like we were two kids in a sandbox in kindergarten; just exchanging niceties and toys and suddenly we were friends for life._

_My heart... Was it an organ that I was willing to put on the line for him? No man had ever asked for my heart before. No man had cared to. They had either wanted my face or my cunt, but never had a man been interested on what was inside me, what was on my mind, what was in my heart and what made me what I am._

_The question he had asked me carried a note of brevity but I could see the seriousness and depth in his eyes as he asked me. Steve was not a man to joke around about something like this; he was not a flirt or a Casanova. He was devastatingly handsome, that was a fact, but unlike me he would never use his looks to destroy someone else._

_That was me... Not him..._

_It was a question that not only propelled me into the future, imagining a possibility of a life with Steve but it also flung me into the past, my past, one that could have been horrifying had I not taken control of it. When I had told him about my title and my anonymity, I had seen the rage that pooled in his eyes when he found out I had been denied something as simple as a name. I am well aware that if I had told this story to anyone else they would offer me a stranger's comfort and the polite sympathy that always accompanied a sad story told by some random person that one cannot relate to._

_Steve however felt my pain as his own, and maybe it was in his nature to empathise with people in pain but in that second, he had connected to me on a different spiritual plane altogether, it was like he was there with me whenever the Headmistress at my orphanage looked over my head as she walked past me, as the volunteers would marvel at how my eyes sparkled and would pinch my cheeks, as the prospective parents would look me over and race to the Headmistress to beg, bribe and plead to adopt me because I was the "cutest and most precious doll" they had ever seen and they just "had to have" me. Steve was suddenly there with me when they finally pawned me off to an attractive but elderly couple who had paid the best price for me. He was there in the car with me as I drove off with the couple out of the orphanage, my life about to change forever at thirteen years old and he was there when I stormed out their door just two days shy of my eighteenth birthday, my adoptive mother crying on the floor and my so-called 'father' staring lustily but regretfully at my ass as I walked away and slammed the door shut behind me. He was suddenly infused in all my memories, because he had placed himself there. My pain was his pain; I could see it in his eyes._

_He had asked for my pain... He had asked for my heart..._

_I was steadily running out of places to search in my 'dollhouse'... after overturning the room of another worthless plaything the realisation of where he could be hit me and threatened to knock me out cold. It was as if someone had tossed me out a window into the midst of an avalanche. My lungs were burning and every other organ of mine seemed to have turned into ice... It suddenly became eerie and dark in my 'dollhouse', a sinister calm stole over me... The tidal wave, the quagmire receded and the calm that followed seemed to carry its own aura of emotion and stillness._

_There was only one room that I was yet to search. My room... The master bedroom... The room Steve had asked for... The room in my heart. No doll or plaything had ever been allowed in there. Not one of them was worthy. I knew the possibility that I might find Steve there would be slim but there was only one way to find out... I turned the corridor and took the stairs to my personal chambers... I wondered how I would feel if I saw him in my bed. Would I be thrilled? Would I be angry that he dared to invade the one room that belonged in my heart instead of my mind? I was on the stairs now._

_My eyes were widened in shock at Steve's question and he kept looking at me, waiting, his eyes filled with his vulnerability. I myself struggled to meet his intense gaze. His icy blue-grey eyes held an emotion too strong and foreign for me to interpret. This had never happened to me before. What was barely ten seconds felt like a lifetime in those moments... and then his spell and my feverish search was broken by that shrill, annoying intercom..._

_Hailey and Tina... Fuck me..._

_Searching my room in the "dollhouse" would have to wait._

_I saw Steve's hopeful expression morph into intense sadness when I told Hailey and Tina that I was wrapping up a meeting with a 'friend'. That expression I could read. Steve, being the Boy Scout that he was, was uncomfortable with my lie. I lie for patients all the time, therapy, unlike my previous vocation of surgery, requires a greater degree of discretion and the lie slipped from my tongue as easily as wax melted off a hot candle wick._

_Steve's wounded expression however, sucker-punched me._

_He was hurt that I was covering for him. He thought I was just doing what I would for any other patient. How could he not know? How dare he compare himself to every basket-case that walked through my doors? He was so beyond them that he was playing with me in a completely different league. He was so special to me that I was willing to turn my valued 'dollhouse' inside-out for him. I was willing to destroy the most important thing in my world for him. And he thinks he is like Michael? Like Randy? Like Mason? They could never hold a match to him, forget a candle. I wanted to go to him in that second, I wanted to rush into his arms and comfort him; I wanted to assure him that he was the most important thing in the world to me at that point. I know exactly how it had gotten to this; he was the crown jewel of my harem. Without him, my 'dollhouse' was worthless._

_I was so proud to introduce him to Hailey and Tina but I wanted to cringe with second-hand embarrassment as those dumb bitches made fools of themselves tripping over each other to impress him._

_Tina and Hailey are so inconsequential to me but I need them to maintain a cover. It was for this reason, and this reason alone that I stood by them and resolved to keep my lunch plans with them as I watched my precious SEAL walk away from me, a cloud of melancholy hanging over his head and his shoulders slumped in defeat._

_I walked out soon after with Hailey and Tina, ready to head off to lunch when Trudy, one of the lower order nurses walked past me into my office waiting room to clear out my medical waste bin that I leave out at reception when it is time for them to pick it up. I smiled at that. I knew that by the time I returned from lunch the last traces of Michael's vials and syringes would be in the hospital incinerator in the basement. The waste is not checked because it is always sealed in a medical waste bag. Wouldn't want anyone accidently pricked by stray needles... I am definitely in the clear._

_Lunch was draining to me._ _These dumb bitches and their incessant chatter makes me want to slit their throats open with a butter knife._ _Okay that is mean... no wait... fuck that... those dumb bitches annoy the shit out of me! I kept my cool but I was impatient to have a moment alone with my thoughts. I needed to find my SEAL._

_They prattled on about how Steve was the hottest guy they had ever seen, they grilled me about how I knew him and they kept hinting at how stupid I was not to ask him out. Girl-talk is draining to me... I'd rather pull each of my fingernails out with a pair of hot tweezers if I could help it. The last half hour of our 'girl-time' was spent with Hailey and Tina analysing each millisecond of their brief interaction with Steve, searching for any hint of a sign in his body language that he may actually like me._

" _My bet is that he will ask you out within a month!" squealed Tina._

" _I give him less than two weeks, our Sam here is a killer, and he would the dumbest guy in the world to hold out on her!" said Hailey._

_Wow their elevated opinion of me is sweet, now I remember how I managed to stick it out with them for so long. And yes they are both gorgeous in their own right, Tina is a dark-maned beauty with lush chocolate skin and doe-eyes that you just want to shoot and Hailey is the golden-haired, green-eyed, all-American goddess that made your high school fantasies. We make an eye-catching threesome._

_Walking back into the hospital from my parking space after I said goodbye to them at the restaurant, I was not surprised at all to see two police officers from HPD in my waiting room._

_Michael... they probably wanted to take my statement about my interactions with him._

_The one officer was well-built but not tall, with dark long hair and a stern expression while the other was lanky and tall but seemed to hunch as he walked. He was bald. I read their badges... "Lanky's" name was Kai Puhaela and "long- haired stern" had a shiny new-looking gold badge which read "Derek Cress"._

" _Lanky" was clearly the senior of the two and I didn't miss his beady little eyes linger on my breasts before they both stood up to address me. "Stern" was trying and failing miserably to act like the "bad cop" but he was too much of a rookie to pull it off. He reminded me of a virgin at a strip club; all starry-eyed and horny with no fucking clue what to do, so they put on a bored nonchalant expression to look as if they knew the ins and outs. I wanted to snicker but I held it in._

_I greeted them politely and made sure to keep my expression quizzical. I did not however, ask them why they were here. That would be laying it on thick._

_Sure I remembered I was not supposed to know about Michael's death. The press had not released his name and they were not on scene at the time of his death. The area had been cordoned off by Five-0 and HPD. I was also not aware if Holden had come in today or not, I didn't even bother to check. It would look too suspicious considering that I went out of my way to avoid him, even in boardroom meetings._

_I heard that the cops had been sneaking around Michael's room in plain clothes all day (even the nurses had figured them out I mean come on!), they had been taking samples, picking and poking, looking for something. I knew they hadn't found anything, if they had they would not be looking at me like my cat died._

_They had been taking statements discreetly from different levels of staff as well, valets, nurses, security, management, admin, doctors... They were trying to figure out if Michael's escape had been an inside job but they had no motive. I knew they would be checking bank accounts for large unusual transfers, to see if anyone received a pay-out._

_Idiots!_

_I wouldn't pay two cents to have a nut-job released from this dump. I'd rather blow that cash and hire a proper mercenary. Michael was a loose cannon. The chances of him even getting_ _**my** _ _job done properly had been slim at best, and damning at worse. Luckily, my endeavours always worked out for the best because of meticulous planning. I had to get rid of this particular G.I Joe doll and the idea that I would get to fuck Holden over in the process was just a bonus._

" _Are you Ms. Harris?"asked "Stern" the rookie._

_My face contorted in rage._

_That unimaginable fucking bastard!_

_He knows I am a doctor. I did not graduate Magna Cum Laude from one of the most prestigious medical schools in the world to be dressed down by some dime shop cop._

" _Doctor" I seethed. "I am_ _ **Doctor**_ _Harris Officer Cress and just as I am addressing you by your proper title I would expect you to do the same."_

_The rookie's eyes hardened in anger but I refused to back down._

" _Lanky" however, seemed to be impressed._

_You would think I would be proud of myself but I hate it when my spunk would surprise or impress people. What? Just because I am tiny I can't stand up for myself? There is no need to look at me like a cute little kitten that can scratch and bite._

_I am a tigress, and if I get you by the balls I can make sure you live to regret it._

_I had no reason to be afraid of these clowns._

" _I apologise for my partner Dr. Harris" said "Lanky" smoothly. He held out his hand to me and smiled. I knew he was trying to get into my good graces so I decided to drop the 'tough bitch' act and I shook his hand._

_I pasted the quizzical look on my face again but refused to play their game by asking them why they were here. They were on my turf, if they had something to ask me or something to say, they could damn well open their mouths, I wasn't going to make it easy for them._

" _We wanted to ask you a few questions about Michael Shane" said the rookie._

_They waited for my reaction but I refused to rise to their bait and kept silent. They would have to give me more than that. The seconds ticked by and their surprise grew as well as my impatience, but I waited them out._

" _Is he a patient of yours?"asked "Lanky", testing the waters._

_I was in no mood for this nonsense._

" _If you are really HPD officers, which by the way I cannot be sure of because even though you dress the part you have yet to follow protocol and show me your credentials... but if you were... you would not have come here without doing your research. You know already that Michael Shane is Dr. Andrew Holden's patient. You would have also seen that I have made case notes and recommendations in his medical file from the sessions I had with Michael as well. I was acting as a medical consultant for Dr. Holden at the time. So obviously something has happened with Michael and you are here to take my statement, so why don't we skip the foreplay and you can tell me exactly what is going on." I smirked at them haughtily._

_I used the word 'foreplay' deliberately. I love using sex to make people uncomfortable._

" _Lanky" licked his lips unconsciously at the idea of 'foreplay' with me but I deliberately kept my gaze focused on "Stern". I would rather torch my vagina than let "Lanky" anywhere near it._

" _Michael Shane is dead Dr. Harris" said "Stern" with no attempt at sympathy while he flashed his credentials for my benefit. He even emphasised the word "Doctor" to mock me._

" _Lanky" shot him a dirty look for his lack of tact and while the two clowns were focused on each other I used those precious few seconds to get my act ready. I quivered my lower lip deliberately, shut my eyes and squeezed out a few measly tears. I knew that I didn't care enough to go on a fully fledged crying spree. Even I am not that good an actress, so I settled for "shock". I began to tremble, my hands "shaking" uncontrollably and I began to breathe heavily and choked a few sobs. "Lanky" wasted no time in taking me into his arms so I heaved and 'sobbed' on his shoulder for dramatic effect and pretended I was too shocked to notice the bastard feel me up._

_They bought the act. They gave me the details of Michael's "escape' as well as the shoot-out. I heaved and choked appropriately and hid my face behind the tissues that "Lanky" so generously offered me as I pretended to sob. They then asked me the standard questions, like what was my assessment of Michael, what treatments had I recommended and the like. This was too easy._

_I stuck to the stories I had written in the medical file and they asked me if I had ever seen Michael out of the confines of therapy._

_I confirmed that I did._

_When they looked at me in surprise, I simply supplied that I looked in on him whenever I happened to be in the wing. I did this for a lot of patients._

_This was true._

_I decided to keep my lies as close to the truth as possible so that they would not be suspicious when they picked me up as a regular on the corridor security cameras in Michael's wing, if they hadn't done so already._

_You miss quite a bit when you are entertaining morons for lunch._

_I do check in on random patients, I do this to keep up the 'sweet' persona and to make sure that I am the 'doll' of management (pun intended). I do puzzles with the veterans, I shoot hoops with the soldiers and they laugh at how cute I am when I miss baskets because of my height. I am their sweetheart and I intend to keep it that way._

_They kept up the interrogation, but it was not too hard to answer them. I did not need to have an explanation for where Michael had got hold of the heroin or how he got out._

_I could tell that "Stern" was bored after fifteen minutes when they could find nothing suspicious. "Lanky" however was having the time of his life. When they had run out of questions they politely got up to leave but for some stupid reason, they stood where they were and kept staring at me like I was the fucking Venus De Milo. I dabbed my eyes daintily with the tissues and then used a fresh one to rub my nose until it turned adorably red._

" _I apologise for not offering you two gentlemen anything... I just can't believe that Michael..." I let the sentence hang as I grabbed another tissue and hid my face in a fresh wave of 'sobs'. I was annoyed now. These assholes had everything they could possibly need so why were they still hanging around? I had not offered them anything because I was hoping they would be quick, I just used the shock as an excuse._

" _You take care Dr. Harris... Here is my card if you need anything... And I mean anything..." said "Lanky" suggestively. His hand grazed mine as he handed me his card and I nodded gratefully, making sure my hand trembled at his touch. He could think it was shock or sexual attraction, I didn't give a shit._

_They turned to walk out of my waiting room and I made sure my eyes burned holes into their backs as they left. I did not miss their cursory glance into my medical waste bin by reception when "Lanky" pretended to throw away some tissues. He turned back to "Stern" and shrugged._

_The bin was empty, I knew it._

_Well...Mickey's chapter was now officially closed. May he rest in peace... Poor baby..._

_I kept "Lanky's" card in my work diary, seemed useless now but you never know when a horny cop could come in handy, although, once I finally had Steve once and for all, I would need no one else._

_I had my calendar fully booked the rest of the day as I also had rounds. I was extremely annoyed and I was exhausted from the charade I had to put on the entire day. Some days are more taxing than others. I did not have time to go back to my "dollhouse" to look for Steve the rest of the day..._

_Until now..._

* * *

Sam closed her diary gently. She got up and stretched languidly. She usually wrote in her downstairs study/library which opened into her lounge with the classic Victorian fireplace and her painting. She left the leather-bound diary on her desk and walked out.

She went to her kitchen and pulled out a bottle of wine from the rack. She was too lazy to go down to her cellar in the basement for the particularly good stuff. She licked her luscious lips in anticipation as the glorious red vintage coloured her glass.

She walked over to the fireplace and looked up at Fournier's painting and smiled. There was no fire lit tonight. It was simply not practical. As the fruity rich wine coated her throat she felt the burning annoyance in her blood cool down. She was now completely relaxed. She finished her glass and washed it in her sink before leaving it on the tray to dry.

Her last diary entry had been long. She was exhausted.

She had debated with herself on her way home from work that day... no... She had warred with herself. Should she complete her diary entry for the day? Or should she continue her search for her precious Steve in the last room of her 'dollhouse'? She had settled on writing her diary entry first. She had to chronicle her day, it was her priority. She wanted to make sense of the world that she pretended in.

Sam knew she was making excuses though, the truth was, she was apprehensive.

She didn't know if she would find Steve in the one room that she kept in her heart and she was even more apprehensive not knowing what would happen if she did.

She went upstairs and walked past her  _en suite_ chambers and set her focus on a room at the far end of the hall. The stars were bright in the night sky. She could see them through the  _avant-garde_ sky-roof that coated her hallway. She loved that the house was so exposed to the outside and well-lit by nature but was still panelled strategically to offer maximum privacy. It was truly an architectural marvel and she was proud of her investment.

She entered the room at the end of the hall and smiled peacefully.

The centrepiece of this room held a huge Victorian dollhouse. The entire house was hand-crafted from the finest marble and granite making it look like ancient stone.

It was a masterpiece.

The floors inside and the furniture was made from signature oak and each piece was hand painted. There was a lush green garden with a huge yard and an ancient model carriage and stable.

The bushes and flowers were hand-embroidered with the finest chiffons, silks and cotton. She had taken a lot of pride in them and it had taken her years to perfect. The garden, bedding, curtains and the doll clothes were the only aspects of the model that she had done herself, the rest of the pieces, dolls and the actual house itself were bought from specialist antique shops which had cost her a small fortune.

The dolls themselves were specialised porcelain and fit perfectly into her house as well as her theme. She would buy them as she found them and she was constantly expanding her collection. Her favourites though, were a tiny ballerina in the music box that rested on a stand next to the grand piano in the ballroom, and the little toy soldier that hung on the mantelpiece in front of a small fireplace in the family room. They were toys for her dolls, they were that tiny.

The other porcelain dolls were scattered throughout the mansion and the yard. Their wardrobes full of clothes that she would sew for them herself. Their bedding and linen changed once a week and a little storage cupboard in the tiny attic held hand-knitted quilts that she would labour over when she felt particularly creative.

This dollhouse was strictly for display. The pieces were her pride; they were beautiful and fragile... _Just like her sailor..._  She would change the doll clothes and linen once every week or two just to give the house a varied and fresh look and change the positions of the dolls in each room. She even had little doll servants for the affluent family that lived there and her little kitchen, with its granite counter-tops and tiny steel appliances, was enviable.

The room that held her dollhouse itself was bare except for her model, a neat work table and chair as well as her craft equipment which was kept hidden from sight in a simple storage ottoman in a far corner of the room. The room was well-lit with a gorgeous bay-window that was scattered with colourful cushions and held the most glorious ocean-view. It was truly magnificent and this was definitely one of Sam's favourite rooms in the house.

Sam did not have a single regret about her obsession with her dollhouse or about the amount of money she spent on it. She would spoil herself with every toy that she had ever been denied when she was a little girl. After living in a hole in the orphanage and then in a large prison cell in her monstrous foster-home, she was glad to be able to splurge on whatever her heart desired. She loved the good life and she had absolutely no complaints about living lavishly.

* * *

Sam closed her eyes as she lounged by the bay-window, trying to breathe deeply to centre herself as she plunged back into her 'dollhouse', continuing on her arduous journey through her heart chambers.

It was quiet, too quiet. Her dolls were all hiding in their rooms in her mind.

The most important doll in the 'dollhouse' was upset and she was temperamental at best, but livid at worst and no one wanted to cross her path.

She stormed into her  _en suite_ bed chambers in her 'dollhouse' and the sight that greeted her threatened to set her blood ablaze with lust as well as rage.

There, in the middle of her king-sized bed, on the raised platform, lay her most valuable doll, her SEAL.

Steve lounged on her bed, in nothing but a black vest and dark boxer shorts, looking as if he belonged there. His eyes were soft and his lids were heavy with sleep and lust.

His bare arms held no markings though. Sam knew he had some impressive tattoos and on occasion she fantasised about the tribal markings on his arms using nothing but her imagination. She had seen a hint of them through his t-shirt on the basketball court but she was yet to be honoured with a proper sight of his ink. She knew once she saw them though, her mind would fill in the blanks in her 'dollhouse' sailor but for now, his biceps were gloriously tanned but bare.

The duvets and pillows were scattered around him in disarray, as if  **he**  lived there and not Sam. His shirt, shoes and pants were strewn on the floor and her throw pillows were dusted all over the bay sized window that overlooked a lush green landscape garden which tipped into the sea.

The waves roared outside, sensing her anger and her lack of control. The sky was ink black.

Steve's blazing blue eyes focused on her, his eyes twinkled at the sight of his Master but he made no effort to stand to attention to please her like her other dolls did. He simply stretched leisurely, flexing and relaxing every muscle in his tanned and toned body. His hair was ruffled, and a shadow of dark stubble graced his chiselled features. His bedroom eyes were warm and inviting. Sam had never seen anyone so sinfully sexy in her entire life.

Her anger however, had peaked at his insolence.  _How dare he come here? How dare he refuse to acknowledge her supremacy?_ No doll had ever dared to set foot in her private chambers. It was an offence that would be punishable by death had it ever happened before.

"What are you doing here my sailor?" Sam asked him. Her voice shook with her effort to control her temper. Yes he was her favourite, but he would pay dearly for his audacity.

Steve smiled that cocky mischievous grin of his as he got off the bed. His eyes darkened into a deep steel blue-grey as his expression suddenly turned serious.

He was turned-on... Sam could tell.

Her entire body, including her anger froze in the face of his virility. He truly was all-man. He sauntered over to her, lifting his vest off his body, the movement ruffling his hair again before he stood before her, completely shirtless. He took her in his arms, yanked her roughly towards him, his hands on the small of her back, steadying her. Sam looked into his heated azure eyes. Her entire body became enveloped in his arms and began liquefying at his scorching touch.

Steve smiled at her. He bent over and brought his lips to hers in a searing kiss.

Sam felt as if a jolt of lightning had run through her entire body. Her eyes became heavy with desire and as she closed her eyes she could stars beneath her eyelids. She quivered uncontrollably as his tongue probed hers. His lips were supple and soft and his stubble tickled her cheeks, igniting a fire in her womb. She had never felt so out of her element. Her body responded to his with a powerful and primal urge, unlike anything she had ever felt before. His arms caged her with a force so strong that she knew that it was solely his strength that was holding her up... Her legs had practically melted. He was hard and erect against her. Every muscle in his body tensed with heat and for the first time, Sam felt a tremor of trepidation at his strength, he could devour her if he wished so.

He was a dangerous beast that she had to get back under her control.

Steve broke the kiss gently and lifted her so that her eyes were level with his. His strong hands cupping her ass. Sam felt her entire body ignite as she was lifted towards him. His hands gently kneading her ass in a panty-melting motion as he bent his neck and peppered hot little kisses and nips on her neck. Sam moaned involuntarily at his ministrations and her legs wrapped themselves around his waist seemingly of their own accord. Her body began to rock and grind against him almost unconsciously.

Suddenly, she placed a trembling hand on his chest and shoved him gently to get him to stop. Steve obediently left her neck and turned the full force of his cerulean gaze on her. Sam felt as if she had been doused with cold water and she felt herself coming back to her senses. She could not believe she could lose control like that. For the first time in her life, Sam knew true fear. Steve McGarrett could obliterate her control, he could destroy her.

She had to regain her composure and loosened her legs around him. "How did you get here Steve?" She asked again, this time, her voice held no anger, only curiosity with a tinge of apprehension.

He smiled at her warmly as he lowered her to the floor. He bent his head over to her until his forehead touched hers, his lips a hair's breadth away from hers.

"I live here Sam..." He whispered huskily. He held her fast as he rocked her gently in his arms.

Sam stiffened in shock. She pushed him and then practically leapt out of his arms.

"Impossible..." She seethed.

Steve only smiled at her indulgently. He was the one in control here all of a sudden, not her.

"Look around love, what do you see?" He asked simply, his voice as smooth as melted chocolate.

Sam looked around. She saw her room as she always had; only now his clothes were strewn all over the floor. Her pillows and throw-cushions, once so carefully and meticulously placed were scattered all over. The duvet was bundled on the bed.

Her room... once pristine... Now looked lived-in, it actually looked homely.

She ran to her cupboard and opened it. Her clothes and dresses were now sectionalised in a corner of the wardrobe. The other end of the clothes rail held his dress blues, his uniforms, his shirts and his pants. Her shoe closet was now  _their_ shoe closet, where her stiletto rack was stacked next to his combat boots, loafers and his running shoes.

She opened the drawers. If one set of drawers held her underwear, delicates and accessories then the set of drawers just next to them held his vests, swimming trunks, underwear and his socks. The medicine cabinets had prescriptions written for him as well as her. It was just so... domestic.

Her dresser held his lotions, perfumes, deodorants and creams as well as hers.

Sam didn't even bother to close her cupboards, drawers or dresser as she ran into the bathroom. Next to her toothbrush case was his case. He had  ** _his_** toothbrush and case in  ** _her_** bathroom.

Sam's entire body began to shudder.

She opened the mirrored cabinet in the bathroom. There, next to her soaps and face products sat his blade, his cream, his aftershave, and  **t** ** _heir_** toothpaste.

It all seemed so innocuous but it heralded a change that threatened to crumble the entire hierarchy of the 'dollhouse'.

He was telling the truth. He lived here. Not in his cage in her head, but in her room... In her heart... In her life... He was infused into her very being... Into her very soul...

Sam ran out of the bathroom and looked at him. Her eyes pooled with moisture... and fear.

Steve's smile faded as he saw her trembling. Sam could see his muscles tense in concern for her. He is the one doll who would always cares for her. Sam could suddenly not meet his gaze as she turned to the bay window and walked towards it. Her eyes gleaned over the horizon. The waves crashed mercilessly onto the shoreline. Sam crossed her arms defiantly over her chest in denial; her shaking would not ease up.

She felt him come up behind her. He gently enveloped her in his arms as he held her from behind. The ocean faded in her vision as their reflection in the glass sharpened. They made a devastatingly gorgeous couple. Sam closed her eyes and leaned into Steve, lapping up his warmth and his comfort. Here, in her 'dollhouse' he would always be anything and everything she needed, always do anything she needed and right now, she needed his warmth and reassurance.

Steve lowered his head to her neck, and then kissed her shoulder gently, his arms resting over hers which were still crossed protectively over her chest.

"What are you afraid of?" He whispered in her ear gently. Sam turned to look at him, the flaming ring around her dark pupils flaring.

"What are you running away from? From us? From me? From my love for you?" His eyes suddenly clouded over, that haunted look from her waiting room returned to his shattered countenance.

Sam realised that she never wanted to see him that broken again.

His questions though, were all very good, and they all rang true. She was running away emotionally, from everything.

He kissed her again, this time more urgently. His mood lightened as he felt her grant his tongue access.

Sam felt her clit tingle in anticipation. She wanted to feel him  _down there_. She thought of his sinful and delicious tongue. Steve broke the kiss and he smiled devilishly at her... He had other plans.

He swept her into his arms, his eyes never leaving hers. Sam let out a small gasp in surprise.

He carried her gently to the bed, laid her down and climbed on top of her, his weight held on his arms so as not to crush her and he began to kiss her anew.

"You are so beautiful... You are so amazing..." He whispered against her lips. His lips then left hers as he began to trail kisses down her neck and to her chest. He ripped off her top and with one swift motion, he unhooked her bra.

The cold air made her exposed nipples hard and the walls of her pussy clenched in anticipation.

He looked at her so ardently, like she was a Goddess, like she was his Angel.

He unzipped her pants and ripped them down along with her panties to her ankles, tearing her panties as he yanked, and then he came back up to lavish his attention on her breasts.

He rolled his tongue over her one breast and his hands gently kneaded the other.

Sam could barely keep her eyes open. Her body thrummed with lust, like an instrument that only he knew how to play. She was wound so tight. She was so wet, she was so ready... For him...

Steve switched hands and rolled his tongue over her other breast. He took her completely into his mouth and Sam felt her entire body arch off the bed towards him. The entire bed felt like it was on fire.

She opened her eyes, her cheeks flushed red.

His hair was gorgeously mussed; his eyes were twin pools of flame.

Then... in a fluid motion, he shucked his boxers and lay over her... His manhood hard and throbbing as it grazed over her thighs.

Sam felt her entire body clench. She locked her thighs together in fear. She had never let a doll take her between her legs before. They were only allowed to pleasure her with their tongues.

She remembered with a bludgeoning hurt what had happened the first time man had entered her with his penis. It had been forced into her not only the first time but every time after that, it had crippled her emotionally. Her virginity and her virtue had been shattered and stolen from her and it had ruined her life ever since. She had never found a man who was worthy enough to enter her.

Sam's pupils constricted as the colours in her eyes swirled. Steve lifted his head from her breasts and looked at her with such intensity and love that she felt her entire body go numb with passion.

It was that look of his that undid her. The pure undulated trust and love in his warm blue orbs.

The realisation did not hammer into her with its intensity but rather washed over her in a bountiful stream... This man was her home... Her salvation... Her everything... He would die before he hurt her...He was worthy...

Her legs opened for him, as if on their own accord and she took the reins as she enveloped him into her arms and pulled him over her. He entered her with such care, such reverence. He treated her like she was made of porcelain, he coddled her like she was an actual doll, and not merely a doll in name like the rest of the cruel world had always seen her. He treated her like his most coveted treasure as he plunged into her depths.

He filled her completely. He was huge but she was so wet and prepared for him that they fit together as perfectly as pieces of a puzzle. Her clit thrummed with pleasure. He rocked her gently as he began to move inside her. She was too tight. Her pussy clenched with urgency. The delicate treatment was no longer enough. She needed him, more of him... Harder... Faster... She wrapped her legs around him and pulled him towards her. Her nails digging into his back in her urgency, sending a sweet trail of pain down his spine as he tuned into her. She guided his lips to hers.

There was no part of his body that wasn't joined to hers. They writhed together in heat. Sam had never known it could feel like this with another person, that she could feel treasured, and that even she deserved to feel special. Steve was buried completely in her but she could still not get enough of him, she could never get enough.

He was in to the hilt, his tip massaging her womb and her body signalled her needs and desires to him. He began to thrust, gently at first until Sam picked up on his rhythm, forcing him to thrust faster, harder and with more urgency. The first time she came she didn't just see stars behind her eyes, she saw fireworks. Her entire body erupted, explosion after explosion, as if she lay on a minefield.

Steve himself, ever the generous lover looked to her pleasure first, again and again until Sam could take it no more, she wanted him to come with her... She wanted to ride this wave with him. She wanted to see the love in his eyes for her as he came for the first time. There were no barriers between them and when they came together and Steve spilled his seed inside of her... Sam saw for the first time what love could possibly look like; she saw the whole world in his eyes, the tenderness, and the promises of tomorrow. Sam finally felt like a woman, like an actual person... She felt like her life was complete and that she finally meant something to someone...

They were both spent as he collapsed into her arms... He was still inside her as his breathing gently evened out...

* * *

Sam woke with a jolt and looked around in surprise. It was nearly dawn. She had actually fallen asleep by the bay window. She had finally found not just her doll but the very foundation of her entire existence.

She ran downstairs to her study. She was so shocked that she could not stop trembling. On shaky feet she entered her study and grabbed her diary, opening it as she sat down. She wrote her last account feverishly, her writing jagged and splayed as she recounted how she had found her doll along with the epiphany of how he was the only man worthy of her. Her eyes began to mist with tears as she recounted her account of their earth-shattering joining.

For the first time in her life, 'Samantha Harris' prayed. She prayed that she would be able to live her dream. This was not just a passing fantasy, she realised, but her dream, her innermost desire. She prayed that it would come true, that this was what it really must feel like to actually make love for the first time... Making love... Not just sex.

As she wrote, Sam tried to analyse herself, her every emotion and her every reaction to Steve as he had taken her to heaven. A place that she thought had long forsaken her...

As she remembered and relived everything from her imagination through her writing, it finally dawned on her, what she was feeling, who Steve was to her and what she thought of him. She paused to take a breath. She gulped down a sudden lump that had lodged itself in her throat, tightened her grip on her pen and pressed on... She had to write it down; she would never be able to make sense of it otherwise. The last part of her diary entry read...

_There was only one logical explanation for what was happening to me and ironically enough that sole explanation could never be defined logically..._

_I was in love with him..._

_Fuck me..._

_I was in love with Steve McGarrett..._

* * *

**Well now we know what was happening with Sam while Steve was at Danny's. Hmmm... I wonder how he will take the news about Dom's death, but we may have to wait for a bit before we find out.**

**And now we are learning a bit more about 'Sam' and her past. At least we know that 'Sam' is definitely not who she says she is. She is 'no-one'and this journey is as much hers and it is Steve's. Maybe she could find herself along the way as well, who knows? Oh that's right... Me (Evil smirk). You guys unfortunately may have to wait awhile... I got a promotion at work so I updates are not going to be frequent. But yay, I made associate in my law firm:D**

**Would love to hear from you guys... Until next time - Az**


	11. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

* * *

**Hi everyone! It's been a while I know:)** **I have no excuse for you, save to say that it has been a tough year for me. I want to thank you all especially Dee Ann for favouriting and following:)**

**Steve's treatment has officially begun. While I have researched my material for this story it does require suspension of disbelief. So please enjoy it for what it is... A story...**

**Without further ado... Here is Chapter 10:**

**Disclaimer:** **The usual... Not mine... Except my OCs... Warnings for all types of assault, rape and PTSD in general not only this chapter.**

* * *

"I haven't been sleeping well." Steve's voice was a monotone. Tuesday was not off to the best start. The words leaving his lips suggested that something was definitely amiss but his voice, though crisp and clear held little to no emotion.

Sam could not take her eyes off him. Ever since she had come to terms with her love for him, it was as if someone had thrown a complete sun into her shadowy world. His image was emblazoned in her mind and carved into her very soul.

She finally understood the damage that she had done to him. She had no regrets though, because breaking him was what was going to make him hers. She just knew that they had a long road ahead of them for she would be damned if she didn't make him whole again, not just for himself but  _for them... For their relationship._

"It is understandable Steve..." She decided to offer shallow, generic comfort at first but she sealed her lips thereafter, forcing him to pick up the loose thread of the conversation.

"It's the second time that I had to be medicated to be able to knock myself out cold..." Steve could keep the hurt out of his voice no longer. He had never felt so ashamed. This admission of weakness, though seemingly small had tilted his world off its axis. He hated being reliant on medication to live his life. What hurt him more than anything else though was that he loved his team's children more than anything else in the world and the thought that he would have to drug himself from now on in order to spend time with them and to ensure that they were safe around him was more than he could bear.

His defeated posture woke a beast in Sam. She had officially had enough.

"I need you to tell me everything my Sailor" she whispered but her voice was determined and directing. She would have to be a bit firmer with him in order to snap him out of his self-pity.

Steve took a deep breath and plunged ahead compliantly. He told Sam about the Valium and how he couldn't bear to spend the night at Danny's because he was afraid to hurt Rachel, Grace and Charlie.

Sam knew that Steve was removed from himself. The man confessing in her temple of medicine was a mere shell. He would never be able to be so open with her otherwise. It spoke volumes of his desperation to feel better as well as his selflessness. Steve was fighting not only for himself but for his  _ohana_  as well.

Sam felt the familiar comfort of her mind shifting into high gear. She had to solve this problem. Her Sailor needed his rest. He had a job that put him through his paces and he needed to be functioning at his optimum.

Steve himself could practically see the wheels turning in Sam's head. Her eyes radiated nothing but light and promise and as much as he tried to resist her, he could feel himself gravitating towards this light. He could feel her spell taking over him but even knowing that made resistance impossible for him. His instincts, once loud and vibrant in his mind seemed to evaporate into the ether and the silence in his mind, though scary, was refreshing. He felt himself put his trust in her. She was the solution to every problem, the answer to every question.

Suddenly she was, as she had put it... God.

Sam sighed as she cut the umbilical cord of a newly formed idea in her mind. She was not concerned that it had not been incubated properly though. She trusted her intellect and Steve's strength and there was no doubt in her mind that this idea would work. All she needed was his consent, and then no one could stop her. "I would never do anything to hurt you... I hope you know that Steve" she started cautiously.

The fact that she was asking for his trust again should have alarmed him. He realised that she was about to suggest something drastic, something not only beyond his comfort zone but something that his instincts would not normally be amenable to.

"I am listening..."Steve said neutrally. Yes she seemed to be good at what she did. Yes she had not broken his trust thus far but her words seemed to pierce him like thorns. How far was she going to push him? Was she no different than every other therapist he had ever met? Was he just another statistic to her? All he knew was that he wanted to trust her. It terrified him that he wanted that more than anything in the world.  _Who is this woman? What is she doing to me?_

Sam said nothing. She got up from her wing-back chair and walked quietly to her drawer behind her desk. She bent down over the drawer as she pulled it open and began shuffling its contents around with her nimble and dexterous fingers. When it became apparent that she had found what she was looking for she looked up at him and held his gaze, trapping him with her hypnotic eyes as she pulled out a small transparent bottle with a clear liquid sloshing inside, a long black piece of silky fabric and a case with a sterilised needle and injection.

Steve felt his entire body freeze at the sight of the injection. His heart seemed to leap into his throat. Every cell in his body told him to fight this. To put a stop to whatever was about to happen but the words died on his lips.

 _Listen to her..._  his very heart seemed to say... _Don't jump to conclusions._

He said nothing and sat under her spell as she made her way back to him.

"This is Ketamine. I wish to inject it directly into your bloodstream but I promise I won't give you too much. I want to try a form of pseudo-hypnotherapy. I could try to hypnotise you without it but I need to know that you are fully under if this is going to work. From what I can see and from what I know of your training, you would not be very susceptible to hypnotic suggestion on your own."

She stood over him as he sat on her divan. She stood not much taller than him but she cut an imposing and statuesque figure nonetheless. Her words, though simple, were clinical and distant. She directed her words to him bluntly. As with the Ayahuasca, she was once again giving him a choice. He was well within his rights to refuse.

"It is not always recommended to hypnotise someone who has seen active combat" said Steve automatically.

"You are right, it's not. But I know that I can handle whatever happens." Sam's confidence was practically absolute. She knew she was not asking for something small.

Soldiers in general were apprehensive when it came to hypnotherapy. The fear was that if a troubling memory was called upon, it would be difficult, if not impossible to pull them away from re-living their past horrors experienced during enlistment. The trauma could either cause them to regress severely or to even hurt someone else who was present when these memories were invoked.

By asking for this, Sam was inferring that she trusted him with her life and that he needed to put his life in her hands in return. This was certainly a huge deal but she couldn't help it. She needed him to be all right. His health was suddenly her number one priority. His well-being and sanity took precedence over everything now, over her career, her desires, over her very being.

Sam held his gaze still. The intensity of the moment seemed to have robbed her of breath. She practically became a statue.

Steve got up off the divan and began to pace nervously, partly because he was actually considering her suggestion and partly because he felt a desperate need to look away from her in order to make sure his faculties were not compromised.

Steve turned and once again looked into the countenance of the woman who, to him, was the embodiment of an angel. Yet even as he familiarised himself with every inch of her, something in his very soul told him that perhaps the woman who stood before him was just as broken as he was, if not more. Maybe his trust was just as important to her as it was to him. His breath hitched at the thought.  _Why do I feel like this?_ He wondered. Sam had given no inclination that she had ever needed him for anything, yet something in every depth of his being felt like Sam needed to be saved as much as him. The very idea that he could be so in tune with another person felt ludicrous to him but this feeling was enough to sway him to a decision, one that may cost him his very life...

He asked a familiar question. "What will happen to me?"

Sam smiled.

Her mind was practically flourishing as a flower unfurls in full bloom. He was actually considering her suggestion. He was actually thinking of trusting her. The realm of possibilities and boundaries that she could soar beyond with him suddenly seemed limitless.

 _He is my soul mate..._ She realised. He was meant to be by her side forever. He understood her in a way no one else ever had. Trusting her seemed to come as naturally to him as breathing. He was proving time and time again to be her perfect mate. His compliance, his obedience and his reliance on her were the wind beneath her wings and she would ensure that he would always be with her.

"This time you will be completely under Steve." Sam whispered resolutely. She was going to be as honest with him as she can. He had already placed remarkable stock in her and now that she knew that they were meant for each other, she would never lie to him to condition him as she had originally intended. "You will be asleep and I will be the one to lead you into your subconscious. I am doing this to make you believe that even if you are asleep or if your conscious mind is dormant, you are no threat to the people you love. It is all in your head my Sailor. Your insecurities are compromising your rest and once you dispel with your fears, you will be able to rest without medicating yourself and you will know that your friends and your family are safe with you."

"How do you know that they are safe with me?" asked Steve sadly.

Sam took a step forward and found herself standing so close to Steve that she could smell his musky aftershave. "I know you Steve. You may not feel like I do but if you believe nothing else about me ever again... Believe this..."

She did not blink for a second as she wrapped her arms around his neck and rested her head gently against his shoulders. If her gestures seemed intimate, they were nothing compared to her words. They could caress every inch of his body stronger than the physical touch of any other woman he had ever known.

Steve was not just hesitant, he was downright terrified, not only of what she was asking of him but of her confession. She seemed to know everything without being told, she was so in sync with him it were as if they had been bonded since the beginning of time.

 _Impossible..._  He thought skeptically but even his own instincts seemed to mock his skepticism.

"Give me a chance Steve... I will prove it to you..." Sam smiled and he could hear the lilt of understanding and assurance in her tone as her chin tapped on his shoulder. Apparently the Good Doctor could read minds too.

"O...Okay... But any sign of trouble and you call for help... Promise?" He tried to sound authoritative but it came out more as a plea. He could not bear the thought of hurting anyone,  _especially her_.

She lifted her arms away from his shoulders and crossed them behind her back. She looked up at him and began rocking on her feet between the tips of her toes and her heels like an innocent little girl.

Steve could only watch her in wonder. She was the picture of innocence but the schoolgirl-act was unsettling. There was something sinister in her dimpled smile.

Sam knew that her 'doll' deserved a reward. He was so good and Sam could not be happier with her choice.

She stood on the tips of her toes and without warning planted a seemingly chaste but loaded kiss on Steve's left cheek. Her lips had barely touched his cheekbone in such a superficially innocent act and before Steve could even register the effect of her touch she had moved away from him and walked into her washroom to sterilise her hands and put on sanitised gloves. She then began to prepare the injection without another word.

He felt his blood thrum in his veins. It was all he could do while he watched her prepare to take him away from himself. He eyed the syringe suspiciously.

Once Sam was prepared she offered him a shy smile of comfort.

She walked towards him and gently took his one hand in her gloved one and led him to the Divan.

Steve marveled how she could lead him around like it was nothing and try as hard he could, he could not take his eyes off her. He sat on the Divan as she pressed his shoulders down in a silent order to relax and before he had a chance to say anything, she placed the silken fabric around his eyes and tied it as a blindfold over his eyes and behind his head.

His heart stopped at her ministrations, a strong sense of panic threatened to engulf him like a tidal wave as his sight was suddenly taken away and the darkness curtained before his eyes but Sam was well aware of every twitch of his body. She placed a comforting hand over his heart and despite the fact that her hands were gloved, her very pulse seemed to seep through his chest straight to his heart that immediately slowed and began following the beat of her rhythm as if of its own volition.

She wrapped her other hand over his neck, gently at first then she grabbed on firmly and tugged softly, guiding his neck to one end of the Divan in order to get him to lie down. His body followed her fluidly and without objection. Her other hand pushed on his chest tenderly and once he lay down she slowly removed her one hand from behind his head and swabbed the crook of his elbow with a cool steriliser. Steve, despite his apprehension, did not move a muscle.

"This won't hurt Steve, I promise..." She whispered. It was as if she knew her voice could drowse him and Steve felt the slight pinch of the needle and the icy clear liquid as it entered his veins.

The Ketamine did not work like the Ayahuasca at all. The Ayahuasca had lulled him into a dull and foggy sense of security but the Ketamine seemed to attack every cognisant part of his body. He felt his muscles go slack and his eyes widened in panic beneath his blindfold. Every raw nerve in his body began to fog and his mind seemed to dissolve. He began to thrash about, trying to grasp onto even a single coherent thought. His eyelids began to get heavy and despite himself, he fought to keep them open but the blindfold began to confuse him. He wasn't sure what was real and what was an illusion. He couldn't tell whether he was awake or asleep and he began to struggle almost limply as his training began to kick in despite the energy being zapped from his body.

Sam disposed of the needle and tossed the now-sealed bottle on her wing-back as she knelt over Steve's writhing body. She ripped the gloves off her hands and began stroking his arms in silent comfort as she placed a cotton and plaster over his entry wound. His training was forcing him to fight the effects of the drug. His mind had perceived a threat to his senses. Sam needed him to calm down. If he let his guard down and trusted her now, there would be no need for his instincts to fight her or the drugs. He would not sense any danger.

Steve's body seemed to be slowing but the fight had not left him, the medication was slowly winning but Sam did not want to see him resist. She knew it was not his fault. Being drugged was one of the most unsettling feelings but she kept stroking his arms as she felt his veins pop as he clenched his fists and tossed his head from side to side, trying to shake the effects of the medication off.

"Just give in my Sailor..."She whispered as she began directing him. "I promise you, you are safe with me..." and it was those words that anchored him to her.  _Give in and embrace the darkness my love..._ Her touch seemed to both beg and beckon him.  _It's only once you give in to the darkness that you can truly belong to me._

He slowly relaxed and the Ketamine, as if a living creature on its own, sensed the fight leave him. It grabbed hold of his senses and his body within a split second and plunged him into oblivion.

His breathing suddenly evened out and his body relaxed completely as if he were under a powerful enchantment. Sam's hands left his arms and she found herself grazing over his chest in feather-light strokes. He was simply glorious, he was magnificent and he was  _hers_  again.

She did not dare remove the blindfold lest the sudden light disturb his rest, she could tell that his eyes were now closed and that he was now completely under and submissive to her conditioning.

She stroked his hair lovingly and she felt herself once again becoming wet as he unconsciously leaned into her touch.

"Steve? My love do you know where you are?" Sam tried to reach him. He was completely gone and she had to tether his floating mind to her if this treatment was going to work.

"Y... Yes..." His warm rich voice was barely above a whisper. His voice was thick with sleep and Sam felt her pussy throb in response.

It was time for action.

"Welcome back to Afghanistan my Sailor... Welcome back to hell..."

Steve's body jerked in panic. Suddenly the acrid smell of rotting corpses, blood and gunpowder assaulted him and he felt his muscles radiate with pain. Behind his heavy eyelids, he could suddenly see it all... The fires, the desert, the dust and the destruction. He saw Jack's eyes staring into nothingness, his body bathed in blood.

He leapt off the Divan, his eyes still bound with the blindfold, trapping his mind behind the curtain in the war zone behind his eyes. He spun round and round trying to make sense of what was happening. The heat assaulted him and he could hear the humming of conversation all around, he caught words in English, Pashto and Arabic but they all seemed to swirl around him. He looked around. Every corpse that was strewn before him seemed to take on a sinister life of its own.

Sam had stepped out of the way the minute his body had awoken. He stood before her, his eyes bound and his body carved into a defensive posture. His hands clenched into fists, ready to strike at any imminent threat. Suddenly he opened his hands and began patting himself down, first his chest, then his back, then his waist, all the way down to his ankles.

 _He is taking stock..._  She understood. Even completely hypnotised his training would not let up.

He was unarmed, he was defenseless... In the middle of the Afghan desert, back in Ghazni where it all began.

She didn't have to paint a picture for him, his memories and his fears would fill in the blanks. He was terrified but he was poised for a fight. Sam decided it was time to test him. She tiptoed next to him and clicked her fingers in his ear.

She just leaped out of the way a second before he lashed out to strike her. For a split second, she knew panic. If the drugs had not slowed him down he could have cracked her pretty little head open.

"Hear them Steve... Hear the blasts, hear the screams..." She hated to torment him but she had no choice.

His features contorted in pain as he slammed his palms over his ears and curled into himself, trying to drown out the explosions and the wailing of the women and children.

"No... No!" He began to panic. "Make it stop please..."He begged her and Sam felt the tears begin to blind her. "Please..." He sobbed quietly, his hands still over his ears.

She wanted to end his suffering but she pressed on. She had to be strong for them both.

She dashed her tears away resolutely and marched up to him, his body doubled over in pain. Before he could register her presence she yanked his arms off his ears and jumped back before he grabbed her again. He flexed again. He was a cornered animal. Even worse, he was a drugged and cornered animal. He could kill her before she drew her next breath.

She watched his muscles twitch and knew he was about to lunge after her. She had to be quick...

"Uncle Steve? Uncle Steve is that you?" She called. Steve immediately froze and tilted his head towards her voice and despite the blindfold; his arms began to relax at his side.

His sobs quietened as he seemed to stare in wonder directly at Sam.

Sam breathed a sigh of relief. He did not sense a threat any longer.

"Uncle Steve, I am so scared." Sam began to sob softly. "I want Danno please Uncle Steve..."  _Danno_  that's what Grace calls her father... She remembered Steve mentioning that when he had spoken to her about his team.

"Grace? G... Gracie is that you? What are you doing here?"

Sam felt his heartbeat slow. He did not attack. He recognised that Grace was not a threat, despite being in a war zone and being surrounded by enemies, he knew who his real family was.

She tiptoed behind him and whispered again, this time as herself, trying to direct him again.

"Steve? Who is that my Sailor? We can't trust anyone out here."

"N...No that's Grace, Gracie is here... I can't let anything happen to her. I have to get her to safety, she... she shouldn't be here... I need to get her back to Danno..." He shook his head again, as if he still could believe that he was seeing Grace in a place where the desert plants were watered with blood.

Sam smiled and stood back in the position where Grace ought to be in Steve's fogged mind. He ran towards her and held her in his arms protectively.

"Don't worry Gracie I am here..." He tried to comfort the scared little girl. He could not even register Sam's luscious womanly curves and the swell of her ripe breasts. All he could feel in his arms was a trembling child... A child that he would give his life to protect.

 _He made it... He is going to be okay..._  Sam felt her body sag in relief as she melted into his arms. She held on for dear life, drinking him in with all her senses but she stopped herself from touching him provocatively. She did not want to break the spell he was under nor did she wish to take advantage of him in this state.

She broke away gently from his embrace.

"Come Steve... Everything is going to be all right..." she said and took his hand as she led him back to the Divan.

Steve moved with her and followed without objection.

She pushed his shoulders gently and sat him down before removing the blindfold. His eyes were still closed completely. She placed her one hand behind his neck again then softly using her other hand to nudge his chest, laying him down on the Divan once again.

"Steve? Please wake up baby... Steve?" She called to him, her voice no less enticing then a siren song. The Sailor in Steve responded to her lilt and he forced his heavy eyes open, ready to crash his ship against her rocks.

Sam looked into his warm blue eyes, still misty from sleep and she could not help the smile that caused her dimples to dent her cheeks.

"You did well baby... I am so proud of you." She could tell he was not fully awake yet, the drugs held him just under the surface. His eyes cloudy and enticing.

He lifted his hand gently and cupped her cheek. Sam could not hide her surprise as he guided her face down to him and pressed his lips against hers in a searing and tantalising kiss.

Her eyes widened before closing of their own accord as his lips, soft and velvety, massaged hers.

He may have been the one who was under but he held her in his spell in that moment. He tasted of the most divine ambrosia and his wooden fragrance made her pussy clench. Her heart seemed to constrict in pure desire and her body tightened with longing.

She completely forgot herself in that moment. She surrendered to him completely. She let herself feel like a woman, she felt him take the lead, his kiss hot and hungry, yet somehow gentle and sweet.

 _He truly does feel like home..._  She thought in wonder.

The circumstances surrounding their kiss suddenly doused her passion out like ice water to a candle flame. He was under the influence of Ketamine. He was not himself. She refused to take advantage of him when he was incapacitated like that. He was not Mason, he was not Michael. He was Steve...  _Her Steve..._  He belonged to her and soon he would be inside her of his own volition. That moment would be everything to her... That moment would be life-defining. It would be  _their_ moment. It would belong to them, not the drugs. She was willing to wait until the end of time for him.

She gently lifted her head away from him and watched in fascination as his pupils dilated in pure desire.

"Sleep Steve..."She ordered and watched him lose his battle against sleep as his eyes closed and his breathing evened out.

She walked into the bathroom. She did not draw a single breath on the way in. She looked at her reflection in her mirror and saw her flaming cheeks and her shining eyes. Her lust was evident and her body was wound tight. She took off her pants and her underwear and began stroking her kitty. She was gentle at first, but her strokes became harsher and faster as her desire built. She thought of her Sailor and his wicked lips. One sugared touch of them and she was wet and ready for him. Her orgasm was strong and earth shattering. Her release shot sparks behind her eyes as she took in her now-sated reflection.

She cleaned herself up quickly and efficiently and put her underwear and pants back on before she went out to see her Sailor. He slept on peacefully. She still had a few minutes before he woke.

She ran her hands through his hair again. He leaned into her and her love for him seemed to expand her chest and swell her heart.

He woke a few minutes later. His lids lifted slowly and his dilated pupils began to constrict in awareness again.

"Sam..." he whispered and smiled. He knew, he remembered Ghazni. The fear suddenly held his chest in a vice-grip. He never wanted to go back there again. Then he thought of Grace and the fact that he was home and safe and he felt the relief wash over him. He had never felt more grateful in his life. He had put his trust in this little megalomaniac at every turn and she always, always came through for him. She was his saviour and she was slowly becoming his everything.

He looked dazedly into her rainbow eyes, the colours seemed to meld together in a kaleidoscope of colour and spin enticingly as he tried to center himself.

 _Could she handle my demons?_  He wondered numbly.

His floating thoughts were anchored once again by her firm whisper.

"Welcome home my brave Soldier..." She made no effort to disguise her relief and pride.

Steve bolted up in shock. He held out his arms to her and placed them on her shoulder as he examined her from head to toe. If he had laid a finger on her he would kill himself.

"Don't worry I am safe." She smiled. Not only did you not perceive any threats but you were able to invoke your instincts to protect someone you care about very much. My professional assessment? You are no threat to your friends and family, you are going to be just fine." She gave him a mega-watt smile.  _He does not remember the kiss..._ She thought. She didn't mind. She knew it was his subconscious mind acting on his feelings but she was still glad, knowing that he felt the same way about her as she did about him, even if he was yet to accept it and accept that he was fated to be with her.

There was something different about her compared to when they had first met. Steve noticed for the first time that she had finally given him a smile and truly reached her eyes; her happiness was not just professional pride but was sincere and reached the very depth of her glittering pupils. She looked beautiful to him.

 _This was worth it..._ He thought happily. He knew deep down that she was hurting, he wasn't sure how he knew this but he did. If he could provide her with a little happiness by trusting her then he was ready to go all in. She was risking everything to help him and Steve McGarrett vowed that Sam would get her share of happiness, and that he would always be there for her, one way or another.

They spoke for a few more minutes but kept the conversation light. It was truly an exhausting session and Steve was spent.

"You take care of yourself okay? And try to get some sleep" said Sam, her smile not dimming for even a second.

"This was exhausting..." Steve admitted though he returned her smile with a shy one of his own.

"Oh I am sure it's nothing for a Crown of the Navy" Sam beamed.

"Crown huh?" Steve grinned at that.  _Someone had done his homework with him._

"Well now that we have gone over my homework, when am I seeing you again?"

Sam laughed at that. The sound vibrated through Steve's ears like a thousand wind-chimes.

"The fact that you knew what I was referring to means that you have indeed done your homework, I am proud of you Boy-Scout" she teased.

Steve felt lighter than air. Every session with this woman was like a revelation. He realised now that he was reluctant to leave. His throat suddenly closed at the idea.

"Well I better get going... Thank you Sam...For everything" he managed to choke out, trying to be as casual as possible, although, after everything that he had just gone through with her, the word 'casual' felt like a rock in his chest.

"I think we are past all that now my Sailor..." she grinned happily, her smile lighting up the room.

"See you around Megalomaniac" He teased and turned to leave, he couldn't bear to look into her eyes as he said goodbye to her.

"Next Tuesday..." She called behind him, stopping him dead in his tracks.  _Another appointment._  He did not turn lest she see the expectation brimming from his eyes so he waved at her over his shoulder and walked out as coolly as he could manage.

 _Jerk..._ Sam thought with amusement. He really was too cool for his own good.

* * *

***That Sunday***

Steve rolled around lazily in bed. He had slept like a baby this past week and every morning when he woke up, he could practically smell her sugary vanilla scent as he thought about how it felt to be in her arms. He sent a silent prayer of thanks to her, for he could feel his life and his future slowly come together before his eyes because of her.

A knock on the door downstairs startled him. He threw on his jeans and a t-shirt and sleepily opened the door to a uniformed Sarah and a smiling Chin Ho Kelly.

"Morning brah!" Chin smiled. He could not be more relieved. Steve not only looked well-rested but it seemed like he had some colour returning to his face. He wasn't as pale as before and the beginning of a healthy tan seemed to make him glow. The ruffled hair and sleepy eyes though, suggested that he had forgotten about today.

Steve took one look at Sarah and all remnants of sleep disappeared immediately.

"Hey sweetie how are you?" he asked happily as Sara launched herself into her arms.

"Morning Uncle Steve! Are you ready to go?"

Steve saw her in uniform and realised that he had promised to take her out to sell cookies this morning.

"Are you kidding?" he beamed at the little girl. "I am ready to sling the sugar with the best of them! Time to clean out the North Shore!"

The little girl practically glowed in delight. Her Uncle Steve was the best.

"Just give me five minutes okay?" Steve said as he bolted upstairs for a quick Navy Shower then back down for a forked-down breakfast and coffee.

Chin smiled as they waited and then was there to let the two of them out the door thrusting Steve's  _Aloha Girls_  waist coat on him as they began packing a wagon full of cookies into Steve's truck. Steve's childish excitement was contagious. He threw on the waist coat and belted Sara in. They had a sales record to beat.

Chin locked up the house for them as Steve and Sara pulled out of the driveway. He finally felt like he could breathe easy now that he could see that Steve was going to be okay. A week ago, Steve would not have had the self-confidence to take care of Sara for the day and now, he was out selling cookies with her again. Chin did not know Steve's therapist, but whoever this doctor was; they were a miracle-worker.

* * *

 _This is awesome... No wonder drug dealers are repeat-offenders!_  Steve thought to himself as he mentally counted the stacks of paper they had made as he and Sara got ready to leave another front door. The high of making a sale was unparalleled to him. Sara's wagon was almost empty and Steve's pocket was overflowing with slips of papers and napkins carrying the phone numbers of not-so-unattractive women that they were selling cookies to. He was officially "Uncle of the Year" and the adorable little girl with him was a total babe-magnet. Steve may have relished the attention, any man with a pulse would, but he knew deep down that the contents of his pocket would end up in the trash soon enough. He had lied to every interested woman who opened the door that he had forgotten his cell phone in the car yet they were so persistent they wrote down their contact information for him on whatever writable instrument they could find at the time. His mind was occupied completely by a certain doll-like psychiatrist with a God-Complex to rival every Olympian in mythology. Her eyes followed him everywhere, even as he helped Sara pull her little wagon up into the next fancy architectural marvel.

Steve rang the doorbell then patted Sara's back gently in encouragement as she prepared to say her opening line. The door opened and Steve's chest tightened as he involuntarily took a step back in surprise.

"Well this is a nice surprise my Sailor..." Sam grinned as she held the handle of the open door. She was freshly showered and wore nothing but a white robe which hugged her ripe curves like a second skin. Her dark sleek hair fell like a wet silken waterfall over her shoulders and Steve was overpowered by the fragrance of vanilla and frosting. His mouth went dry.

"Good morning ma'am. I am Sara Diaz, I am seven years old and I am selling the most delicious cookies for the  _Aloha Girls_  troupe 1138, would you please like to buy some?" Sara rattled off her intro like a pro and threw in her practiced sweet smile for good measure.

Sam looked at the precious little girl and her dimples broke through her cheeks. "Why thank you sweetheart I would love to buy some. Come on in..."

She opened the door wider, her words inviting little Sara and her eyes beckoning Steve closer. Sara walked in first and as Steve passed Sam on the way in, she couldn't resist teasing him... She stood on the tips of her toes until she could reach his ear and whispered seductively, "So I was wrong, you aren't a Boy Scout after all...  _Aloha Girl"_ she giggled quietly.

Steve smiled at her.  _Smart ass..._  He thought.

Sara carried on with her sales pitch, oblivious to the sparks flying between her Uncle and the pretty lady who opened the door. "We have caramel smores..." she started, "... chocolate-mint wafers, coconut oatmeal and my favourite, Hawaiian shortbread."

Sam adored children. She realised that it was the one thing that helped her relate to other people. In every child she saw herself, at a time when no one would give her the time of day. She would never pass up an opportunity to put a smile on the face of an innocent child.

"How many boxes do you have left darling?" she asked Sara sweetly.

Sara looked down at her wagon and began counting. Sam took the opportunity to study the beautiful man before her. Steve was smiling down at Sara with his heart in his eyes.

He looked up at Sam and the world seemed to stop spinning.

"Is this your dad Sara?" Sam asked with feigned innocence. Steve grinned.

"This is my Uncle Steve. He is our den guardian and he is the best ever" said Sara in no uncertain terms, her love for her uncle clearly shining through.

Steve blushed at that. "You have a wonderful home..."He tried in an attempt to move the spotlight away from him.

"It's just brick and mortar..." Sam sighed wistfully. "What would make it a home is a family." Steve did not miss the tinge of sadness in her voice and had to physically stop himself from putting his arms around her.

"We have fourteen boxes left" Sara had just finished her counting and interrupting the poignant moment between the two adults.

Sam's face began to glow with mischief. She knelt down until she was the little girl's height and stated with finality, "I will take them all." Sara did not hesitate to dole out affection if she immediately liked someone. She threw her arms around Sam. The gesture melted Steve's heart. "Kitchen is that way..." Sam pointed him in the right direction, she just hoped his eyes would not fall on the Fournier in her living room as they passed by; she was not ready for him to see that just yet.

Steve began to do the calculations, rolled the wagon into Sam's kitchen with Sam and Sarah in tow and unpacked the boxes onto Sam's counter. After Sam paid Sara she enveloped the sweet little girl into another hug.

"Thank you so much ma'am" said Sara, her manners impeccable.

"I should thank you darling. Now thanks to you I have a stack of treats to last me for a month!" Sam returned her enthusiasm.

Sara giggled.

 _So Baby Girl has a sweet tooth..._  thought Steve as he smiled at Sam in amusement.

"Well now that I have expressed my gratitude to you, how about a little sugar for your Uncle Steve?" Sam's lips tilted up, her eyes dancing with mischief. That look wiped the goofy grin off Steve's face in an instant and he felt his body tighten with desire.

Sam walked up to him, her syrupy scent swirling around him and stood on her toes again. Steve found himself leaning forward towards her against his better judgment, forgetting for a moment that Sara stood only two feet away.

Sam's arms snaked around his neck and her soft, supple lips meshed into his right cheek. She tugged at his cute waist coat and giggled against his cheekbone. She had thought this cheek deserved some love as well after Tuesday.

As his soft stubble tickled her lips she thought about how it felt to actually have his lips on hers. She was a hundred percent sure that he did not remember kissing her but as she felt his body tense beneath her arms she knew that his body remembered. He had feelings for her and those feelings had culminated in that kiss. It meant everything to her.  _He_ meant everything to her.

Sara stood smiling as she watched them from two feet away.

* * *

**Well I want to thank all of you once again. It is only because of you that I managed to grind out this chapter. I am sorry if it feels disjointed because I am getting re-acquainted with these characters. It has been almost a year since I have written anything after all:)**

**Please please please leave a review. Your reviews are what make this story, not me. You guys are my inspiration.**

**Until next time! - A-Z**


	12. Chapter 11

** Chapter 11**

**Hi Everyone! I am back with another update. Hope you enjoy it.**

**Disclaimer:** **Not mine. I just love taking them out of the box and playing with them. I do tend to break Steve a lot but I always try to put him back together (evil smirk). Sam however, is mine and mine alone.**

**Special shout-out to Dee-Ann (Love you and thank you for all your comments!) and to JOMERLEE, FanficTrekkie, ontara, prislynn and all you wonderful guests for your kudos!**

**To aRoseFilledWithThorns and krashmor thank you for bookmarking <3**

**SPECIAL MENTION: To Astrollama, I am sorry I did not thank you. For some reason I missed your comment and I am so so sorry. But I have read your review like ten times since and I want to apologise and give you an honourary shout-out <3 Thank you so so much**

**STRONG WARNINGS FOR THIS CHAPTER: This chapter contains scenes of Rape, Child Abuse, Sexual and Physical Abuse and every possible trigger imaginable. Please proceed with caution and consider yourselves warned.**

* * *

 

“Top that!” Steve smirked as he taunted Mason good-naturedly. They were playing a round of basketball on the Tripler Court and their games had become a firm tradition over the past six weeks.

 Steve had just made his third basket, beating out Mason’s only point. Sure he occasionally let Mason win, but he had to keep the game interesting. Mason laughed; his enthusiasm seemed to infuse the air with his child-like energy.

Mason had come to look forward to Steve’s visits. He would wake early every Tuesday and refused to entertain anyone else for the rest of that morning. He would be waiting for Steve on the court from 06:00 am like clockwork.

Steve had not disappointed Mason for the past six weeks. He and Mason would play one-on-one and the first person to make five baskets would win the game.

Steve had felt bad that he had not been to see Mason during his initial sessions with Sam, but he found that now he was just as excited about his weekly basketball game with Mason as he was about seeing Sam for his sessions afterwards.

_Sam..._

That one session with the Ketamine had changed and developed so much between them. She had opened Steve’s mind to a whole new realm of possibilities which both enticed and terrified him. He found himself thinking of her at the most unexpected moments. When he brewed his coffee in the morning, he could see her sitting at his kitchen table poring intently over case files. He saw her sitting saucily on his desk whenever he entered his office. She sat in the passenger seat in his truck when he drove home sleepily after particularly long days during trying cases. He never had a chance to miss her or mourn her absence. She was always with him, like a shadow, like his own reflection. He embraced her appearance in every aspect of his life, as if she were a glorious sun that shone down upon his dark world in mercy and in hope. Seeing her centred him in some way, it made him feel at peace in some of the most chaotic situations and yet somehow, the very idea that she possessed his every waking thought unsettled him like no other feeling he had ever known before.

He did not know this woman, yet it felt like she lived in every cell of his body. He could envisage darkness in her as if it lived in his very own eyes and yet everything about her seemed to glow.  She encompassed a sense of wisdom that could span eons and yet she was so relatable. She was refreshing... _And she is mine..._

Steve’s sudden feral thought flipped him back to reality. Mason smiled at him from across the court.

Steve’s head began to spin. He hadn’t eaten since last night because Sam had called and asked him to fast for a blood test.

“Can we call it a day buddy? I’m about to faint here” called Steve. Mason could see how pale Steve suddenly turned.

“Are you okay?” Mason asked in concern. He was ready to call a nurse if necessary. He turned to go but Steve caught him by his elbow.

“No I’m good, just starving. Sam has me fasting for some tests.”

“Oh I hear you” Mason nodded understandingly.

Steve twirled his head around at the thought... Big mistake. The sudden movements only made his head spin more crazily.

“Where is that little megalomaniac anyway?” He asked. Sam usually met them at the court. Sure she was late a couple of times but she had never been completely absent before.

Yet once again, even before Steve had the opportunity to miss her, the little witch came sauntering over to them, looking like an apparition in a black tights and a long fitted, chic white blouse that wrapped around her curves with silken lust. Her luscious hair was tied back in a pony-tail which only served to accentuate her sculpted features and her pearly teeth and dimples were in full view.

“Who won?” She called as she began jogging closer to them. Her fluid movements caused her back to arch and her breasts to strain against her shirt.

Steve’s mouth ran dry.

“Hey Sam!” Mason called happily. “Steve won today but he promised to give me a re-match next week. We only played to three points today, Steve is fasting.”

Sam winked at Steve happily. “So you do take orders Mr. Big Task-Force Leader” She teased.

“What are the tests for?” Steve asked in a seemingly cool and casual voice. He evened smiled for good measure.

Sam knew though that he was trying to hide his apprehension.

These past six weeks had seen their sessions decelerate to an almost glacial pace. They talked constantly, about anything and everything that was on Steve’s mind at the time. In fact, try as he might, Steve could not hide his disdain. Sure he loved spending time with Sam but even he couldn’t understand how people could go on about themselves for hours. They talked about his parents, his sister, his _ohana_ and even Catherine.

Catherine had been an interesting topic. Steve did not know why, but he actually wanted to gauge Sam’s reaction when he spoke about Catherine. He spoke about their friendship, how they had eased into a comfortable friends-with-benefits relationship and then how they became everything to one another. Sam listened intently, probed gently when she wanted to ask a question and thanked Steve politely whenever he answered a question in enough detail to satisfy her. But she never even twitched in displeasure. Steve did not know why but her apathetic attitude towards his relationship with Catherine seemed to goad him. It irked him that Catherine and her memory did not get a rise out of Sam.

“We have to go in for your blood test, you must be starving Steve” Said Sam, jerking Steve back to the present.

 _So I am “Steve” again?_ He thought sadly.

Mason simply nodded his head in agreement.

“Thanks for the game Steve, and congrats on the win.” He turned to Sam expectantly, and stuffed his hands in his pockets shyly. “Can I come by to see you before you leave for the day Doc?” He asked nervously.

Sam smiled warmly. “I am yet to see a woman who can turn down a rock star” Mason beamed and lapped up her attention.

Steve felt surprised at the surge of jealousy that seemed to cut through his chest... _Her Rock Star. But in front of Mason I am just “Steve” to her, not her Sailor._

Sam reveled in the sudden flash of hurt in Steve’s eyes.

 _Hot and cold baby..._ She thought. She knew she was being wicked playing games like this but anything worth conquering would be worth the effort. Steve was a prize worthy of every endeavour that she was putting into making him hers. He was meant to be savoured, treasured and kept and she would protect him with her life.

“I am sorry Mason but Steve and I have to go for his tests now, I shall see you later Rock Star.”

Sam gave him a fake dazzling smile then she turned her gaze to her Sailor.

She reached out to him, took his hand in hers. She held his gaze steadily did not free him from her spell until she pulled the syringe out of the crook of his elbow 10 minutes later. She put a band-aid with some cotton on the track mark and begged him as he left to get some food.

* * *

 

“What’s that?” asked Danny as Steve walked into the office later that morning.

“What’s what?” asked Steve around a mouthful of breakfast burrito.

“What’s with the band-aid?” Danny pointed to Steve’s elbow as Steve shovelled the last bit of the burrito into his mouth before washing it down with some coffee.

“Hey... hey! What’s the matter with you?!” Danny shouted in exasperation as he yanked Steve by the arm into Steve’s office.

Steve shrugged his shoulders. “What?” He asked as Danny shut the door behind them.

“What are you an animal? Chew your food!” Danny huffed.

“Animals chew their food.” Steve grinned stupidly. He loved prodding Danny. He hadn’t done it for a while and diving head first into a familiar Danny-rant seemed to bring him some comfort. That is... Until Steve envisioned Sam laughing behind Danny as Danny prepared to lay into him for his “Neanderthal-like” behaviour.

Danny saw Steve’s cocky smirk fade and his eyes glaze over as he seemed to stare over Danny’s shoulder. Instinctually Danny turned around but saw nothing.  The spell suddenly broke and Steve shook his head and stared at Danny.

“What is it?” asked Danny, looking over his own shoulder once again.

Steve knew that Danny had picked up on his little space-out and he was suddenly worried. He could never slip anything past Danny. Danny was his best friend, his brother. Danny always, always knew. Steve felt a sudden urge to spill everything. To pour his heart out to his best friend and tell him about Sam but the words seemed to choke in his throat. How could he possibly explain what he was feeling? How could he tell his best friend that in a matter of weeks, a little witch seemed to have taken up residency in his very soul and that he was officially under her charm? Was this what professionals call ‘transference’? Was he so focused on exorcising all his negative feelings before Sam that he was projecting all his positive emotions on her? Was she a goddess or a false prophet? Was what he was feeling even real?

His heart began to race. _Danny can’t know, not yet... Please... not yet..._

“Well? You gonna tell me what that was all about Steven?” Danny gasped.

“It’s just a band-aid Danno” Said Steve, trying to deflect.

“Not that you shmuck!” Danny almost face-palmed at how deliberately obtuse his partner was being.  “I mean what’s with the... You know what? Never mind!”

Danny wanted to push this, he was worried like hell about Steve and he wanted to make sure Steve was all right, but how could he explain what he had just seen in his partner’s expression? How could he tell Steve that for a split second, he was lost to himself? Danny knew he had a tendency to overreact and jump to the worst possible conclusions but there was no mistaking what he had seen in Steve’s vacant eyes. _I need to keep an eye on him..._ Danny thought resolutely. Sure he was grateful that Dr. Harris seemed to be knocking Steve back into shape slowly but therapy one day a week was not enough to quell the demons inside Steve. Sure he seemed okay for now, the demons seemed to be docile and dormant but Danny knew that it would only take a small trigger to get them roaring back to life and he didn’t know how long it would be before they dragged his partner back to hell.

Danny quickly snapped himself back to the present. “Okay what’s with the band-aid?” Danny asked, taking Steve’s bait. Sure he bit for now but he knew better than to turn a blind eye to these small but disturbing signs.

Steve began to wring his hands together unconsciously.

“Hey where is everyone?”asked Steve in a feeble attempt to change the topic.

Danny wanted to wring Steve’s neck to choke the answers out of him but instead took a deep breath and responded, “Chin and Kono are in Chin’s office. Lori is out on a coffee run and Grover and Jerry are busy transferring some of our closed cases into archives. Now what’s up with your elbow?”

“It’s for a blood test that Sam insisted on.” Steve tried to keep his tone light and airy. Danny was definitely not buying it.

“And why would a psychiatrist need blood samples?” Danny tried hiding the tinge of condescension from his voice but Steve knew him too well.

“I don’t know yet Danno, I can only assume it’s so that I don’t test positive to any medicine allergies.”

“Are you on meds?! Why didn’t you say anything you putz?!” Danny was ready to bring the roof down.

They must have been on at least five high profile and dangerous missions in the past three weeks alone. One of them even involved Steve operating a helicopter and another had him scaling down a cliff to a crime scene at the bottom of a mountain range. Their work was not only dangerous but delicate as well and required skill and precision. If Steve was not fully functional cognitively, he could be putting himself, not to mention others in danger.

“No Danno I am not on any meds!” said Steve. “I would never endanger you guys like that. Sam knows it too and is very careful. I’m... I am trying something, it’s not exactly revolutionary but it’s definitely out of my comfort zone.”

“ What inkblots? God knows you can’t see shapes” tried Danny. He was resorting to humour to stop himself from going nuts.

“Hypnotherapy...” Steve whispered. He didn’t know why he felt the word settle in his chest like a tombstone. It was therapy, it was that simple, but somehow the admission weighed heavily on him.

“You’re kidding right?” asked Danny incredulously.

Steve did not even crack a smile; his silence was all the confirmation that Danny needed.

Danny himself could not believe it. His psycho-mental-control-freak partner was allowing himself to be susceptible to hypnotic suggestion? What the hell was wrong with him?

Danny looked at the man before him, his best friend, his brother as if he were a complete stranger. Hypnotherapy went against everything that Steve stood for. Danny’s heart seemed to drop through trap-door of his stomach. He had never felt more conflicted in his life. On the one hand, the therapy seemed to be doing wonders for Steve but another part of Danny, a more visceral part was terrified, as if he could see his brother slipping away from him and he could do nothing but watch. He knew that Steve hadn’t made it out of the Michael saga unscathed, but even then, he was still _Steve..._ He was still their strong leader, the man who would fight to the death for the freedom and liberty of his country and to see that same man give up his autonomy was unsettling to say the least.

“You okay Danno?” Steve asked silently, almost pleading. Danny reeled back at that. Steve sounded so much like Charlie in that moment.

Lori chose that minute to walk into the common area and Danny saw her through the glass in Steve’s office. Steve had his back to the door and was yet to notice Lori’s presence. She carried the trays with their coffees in her one hand and had her phone in the other. She laid the tray down next to the smart table. She lifted her head casually but seemed to double-over in shock as she saw Steve there. Danny almost felt sorry for her. He knew that feeling. He still felt it whenever he saw Rachel. It was a current that shoots thorough your body when you see the person you love stand before you. You can look at them a thousand times but in that split second, it’s like seeing them for the first time and being shocked that such a celestial being could even grace this good Earth. Then you are yanked back to reality and depending on how lucky you are, you either feel a sense of peace settle in your very bones knowing that you are loved by them, or you could feel the cold emptiness in your chest knowing that they could never be yours.

Danny didn’t want that cold feeling for Lori, or for Steve. Could she be someone that his broken partner could lean on? Was Catherine even out of the picture? Would she ever be? It astounded Danny how Catherine could feel like such a stranger to the team. She had known Steve before any of them. She knew him on a deeper level, had slept in his arms and had loved him. She should know him better than any of them, yet here he was, embroiled in the battle of his life and she was nowhere to be found. Could a love like theirs be forgotten? Even if they had broken up, could she really just sever all ties with him and never even call him again to check up on him? Even if Danny managed to set Lori up with Steve, if Catherine came back and Steve chose her over Lori, Danny would blame himself for Lori’s hurt. His only choice was to wait and watch, as Steve healed, Danny would automatically have a better inkling about where his friend’s heart was. Little did he know, Steve’s heart was immersing itself in the devotion of another. A woman who had not only exorcised Catherine’s ghost already but would ensure that none of their lives would ever be the same again.

* * *

 

_ Sam’s Diary _

_So much has happened over the past six weeks, so much has been gained and held close to my heart and even more has slipped through my fingers yet I cannot bring myself to regret a single second I spend with Steve. He is not just a breath of fresh air to me, it’s like I wasn’t even alive until I met him. He had walked into my office a corpse after Michael and yet he was the one to truly bring me to life._

_I could feel myself drowning in his crystal orbs.  I could feel my resolve to hurt him sliding through my grasp but I was no longer hanging onto my past and my pain. I felt like a real woman who had finally broken out from her boxed identity. My flesh no longer felt like plastic. My blood was suddenly scorching in my veins, and I could feel my heart thumping in my chest as if for the very first time._

_We spoke about anything and everything we could think of and I caressed him with my smile whenever he opened up to me. I felt an inner sense of pride that he considered me worthy of the honour._

_When he spoke about his past lover Catherine I could feel the expectation pulsing through him. I even felt the disappointment radiating from him when I didn’t react negatively to him going on about his ex-girlfriend but I couldn’t help it. I was not pretending or dissembling  for a single second throughout that session. I really was not jealous. Of course he had a past, of course other people have been in love with him and love him still but it is truly of no concern to me. I am beyond such petty emotions such as jealousy. Jealousy can only stem from insecurity and doubt and I don’t doubt for a second that Steve belongs to me. It makes no sense. It was like a few days ago when I was showing off a new dress I bought to Hailey. I modelled it for her and she kept gasping in delight about how gorgeous it was and how I had to let her borrow it for a night out. Did I feel jealous at Hailey’s admiration of the dress? Of course not. The dress belonged to me, so why would I hate for other people to admire it? Unlike my dresses though, I would not lend Steve to anyone else. Sure they may drool over him as much as they liked, but if anyone dared to harm him I would make them suffer a fate worse than death._

_Steve wanting me to feel jealous did however stoke some happiness within me. I affected him. It offered me more validation that what he felt for me was solidifying and becoming more real by the day. A part of me wanted to continue to fight myself and my nature, to make myself worthy of his lofty aspirations._

_It was strange, I had never taken stock of other people’s opinions of me before, not even my foster father when he had first slapped me and rubbed his nimble shaking hands against my vagina. He would call me a ‘cock-tease’ and would choke me as he pumped inside me, cursing me for tempting him and crying again and again in sync with his feeble, mewling attempts at an orgasm. He was so pathetic. It shamed me, not because  he used to fuck me against my will, I had been helpless then, but that a eunuch such as him had once come inside me and I had done nothing to stop him._

_The first time I had struggled. I had been so afraid. He had been so gentle and kind the first few weeks after I had come home with them. He would stroke my hair and would come home every day with a box of candied hearts for me. He was a cardiologist and he always smiled as he would pop a candy into my mouth and lick his lips lustfully watching me savour it. “Only one heart can mend another broken heart” he would always say. But evidently it took a shrivelled up dick to shatter that same broken heart completely._

_I hated myself for struggling that first night. It was weak of me. I was not a scared little girl, I never had been and I hate him more for making me feel that way then I hated him for sticking his penis inside my sixteen-year old pussy without my consent. I lay on the bed for hours after he had left. He hadn’t even bothered to threaten me against telling my foster mother. He had always said that he could see intelligence shining beneath ‘the most beautiful marble-eyes he had ever seen’ and he knew that I would understand that there was no point._

_I rubbed myself against the soiled sheets that night. I writhed in my own blood and his rank cum and I committed the scent to memory. I never wanted to forget this night. This night was the source of my power. It had evolved somehow and had morphed itself into a strength that gave me my power over every aspect of my life. It gave me a sick comfort. It gave me the force to maintain my dollhouse and control my dolls._

_I never struggled after that. I had found my strength. The second time he came to me he had been surprised. He tried as hard as he could to come, or at least as hard as a limp weasel like him could try and I had taken him in, all of him. My pussy was like a python, swallowing up his little pencil-dick like prey. He had expected a fight but I smiled seductively and licked my lips. I was the one in control now, not him. I would never struggle again. I would never give him the satisfaction of overpowering me. If he wanted to feel strong he could stick his dick into a toilet roll. I was not some passive observer in my own life. He had caught me off-guard in a weak moment before but this was a woman he was fucking with, and a fucking lethal one at that. He thrust again, as hard as he could. He drew blood, I could feel it but I didn’t even part my lips in pain. I kept staring at him and I could feel his heart begin to race._

_“Performance anxiety babe?” I asked bitingly. His face scrunched up in anger and he kept thrusting but the pain had dulled. I could feel him deflating inside me like a balloon running out of air. He was going limp inside me. Rape is not about lust, it’s about power. He could find ass anywhere, but he could only find power in his own house, or so he thought.  I laughed and mocked him. “You fucking eunuch...” I whispered, my voice dripping with venom. He slapped me hard and I tasted blood in the corner of my lips. He pulled out of me and walked out with his pants in one hand and his flaccid penis in the other. I laughed at his retreating back and didn’t stop until he slammed the door shut behind him, leaving me in the darkness._

_I have to give the old bastard props though, he was persistent. He came to me every night after that, not even caring if my foster mother was present. She would cry and beg him to leave me alone but I would be the one to stop her. She was a good woman, she was the first person who truly loved me and I would be damned if I saw her beg anyone for compassion, especially if it was for me. She was a simple, rustic woman. She was bound to this devil through a marriage certificate much like I was tied in thorough the adoption papers. She was afraid that if she left him, she would not be able to support us alone and that I might be placed back in the system. I loved my mother and I pitied her ignorance about leaving him but I was still sixteen and at the mercy of the system at the time until my eighteenth birthday. He hit her. He brutalised her continuously to ensure my compliance. He had come to realise physical pain was meaningless to me to he would lash out at the one person I had come to care about._

_My mother would cry pitifully as he fucked me. He at least had the decency to close the door but he grunted loudly like a pig and exaggerated his moans to make her feel bad. But even his pathetic wails could not drown out my laughter completely. He had paid good money to adopt me and to smooth out the procedure and to ensure that questions weren’t raised so I decided to yield to my dear new dad. I even bucked my hips seductively and opened myself as wide as I could like a good girl for Daddy. My very clit seemed to gleam with superiority when it was slick with his pre-cum. I would do nothing to hide my amusement and he would try to shut me up by strangling me. My voice is not very loud to begin with but to see me smiling up at him condescendingly was always his undoing. I also did it to reassure my foster mother. I knew that she was a weak woman, tied to a weaker man but I promised myself that I would work hard and build myself up to the calibre where I could at least look after her in her old age. As for him, I vowed I would be there the day the light left his eyes... And I was..._

_Medical school had not only blazed a path through my directionless life, but had provided me with the independence that I had craved like a drug. I was nineteen. I had left my foster parents’ home two days before my eighteenth birthday and I had only ever kept in touch with my mother. I had never looked back otherwise. Talia Harris cut a sorry figure sure, but if the Universe saw her fit to be a mother to me, then who was I to argue? I had never seen anyone else line up for the job._

_My tuition at the time was substantial. My grades ensured enormous funding and prestigious schools. She would always come to visit me at my sorority, with the weasel’s blessings of course (she would never have the courage otherwise) and despite the fact that I knew that he would take it away, I always thrust some money into her hands, something to help her gain some semblance of independence or at least responsibility. He would close all doors to her freedom, I knew this, but he allowed her to visit me so that I would not cut our pseudo-familial ties so quickly. He may be a quick-draw but he was not stupid._

_Then the day came when I finally caught a break... The day I finally watched that old reptile being dragged straight to Hades._

_I did not kill him. I really didn’t. I had more reason than anyone else to want him dead but contrary to popular belief, not all psychopaths are killers. Well I am not actually a psychopath, or even a fully-fledged sociopath but I am a psychiatrist at the end of the day. I know I am not like everyone else. Crazy people in general don’t know that they’re crazy but I embrace the darkness within, it’s the devil within that had helped me survive, first in the orphanage and then in the reptile cage with my foster family. I am selfish yes, I am manipulative, I am even a killer and I’ll be the first to admit that, but I had not killed Dr. Jacob Harris. But my ultimate dream at that time had definitely come true, as if some dark deity was watching over me... I had always wanted to see him die and I did, in my sorority common room with his belt and his pants hugging his ankles like the pathetic waste of flesh that he had been._

_It was spring break._

_My housemates had left for a party and I had just gotten off the phone with my mother. We had spoken for a while because my father had apparently left for a conference. I was feeling good. I was alone and I was happy. I had passed my exams and sure, I was not in a party mood but I had bought a new surgical journal that I was dying to sink my teeth into. I opened the door to let our mascot cat Chips inside and he bolted in. He was not alone though..._

_I actually smelt him before I saw him. He stank of liquor and some sort of talcum powder. He stumbled through my front door and I did not even bother to resist. I could not help but smile. He looked old... much older than I remembered him, in fact, much older than I could have imagined._

_He almost fell in front of me and not one muscle twitched in my body to help him. He righted himself clumsily but I could see that he was hard... unnaturally hard, in fact, I had no idea his shrinky-dink could turn up the way it did..._

_Viagra..._

_So his performance anxiety had not let up after all these years. I had castrated him without a knife, emasculated him with nothing but my smile and my venomous words._

_He could be overdosing. Chasing Viagra with alcohol was probably not a good idea; I didn’t have to be a doctor to know that, much less a medical student but I honestly did not give a shit._

_His eyes began to twitch._

_“C’me here you litllle bitch!” He grunted. Those were actually his last words the poor bastard. He lunged for me but I did not move away. I rushed into his arms instead and pulled down his pants. I worked him with my hands, massaging him through the stretching material of his boxers until he was so hard I could actually see the blood rush from his face straight to his cock. I didn’t dare remove his boxers lest my DNA was found on his cock should he actually die._

_He began to shake uncontrollably and despite the fact that my air-conditioning was turned up, he began to sweat unnaturally. He yanked down his boxers. He stumbled again and reached for me but the second his hand flew over his chest I knew what was happening. The cardiologist was having a heart-attack. I had destroyed him so badly that all reason had left him. He was so desperate to make me come that he was willing to overdose on Viagra to keep up with a nineteen year old girl. I laughed again. I practically doubled over. I could not get a sound to leave my throat as my body convulsed in a fit of giggles. This could not be more poetically perfect if I had planned it myself. He began to pant like the beast that he was and I knew that soon the breath would leave his lungs and that his heart would flutter no longer. The only part of his body that seemed steady was his usually limp cock._

_He tried to beg me for help but all that left his lips was a graceless grunt. The Universe itself seemed to be punishing him, it had left him in such a pathetic state that he was not even fit enough to beg for his life. That is exactly what should happen to anyone who tries to rape someone else, who takes away their freedom and sense of self-worth. These people deserve the worst possible death and yet somehow, I knew I wasn’t finished with him. As he knelt and began to roll on the floor I began to toss things around in the common room. I began to scream as loud as my usually soft vocal cords would allow, I worked up some tears and broke any item that I could see to make it look like a struggle was taking place. I tore at my clothes, mussed my hair and bit my own lip until I drew blood. The taste of blood, even my own seemed to stir the demon in me and she yearned for her vengeance..._

_Whether it was a happy coincidence or fate, I do not know to this day and I do not question it. People believe that people like me are only good for killing others but that couldn’t be further from the truth. Yes I have killed but it doesn’t mean that I am going to murder everyone that crosses me. My body-count would be sky high if that were true. There are other ways to gain vengeance on those who wrong you. Criminals and mobsters have the wrong idea in my opinion. They use death as a scare tactic because people fear death. Death brings uncertainty and the possibility of eternal damnation._

_I on the other hand, embrace death like an old lover. He is my paramour but never my weapon. He descends his mercy upon me when he sees fit... Like the day Dom breathed his last. Death to me is not the ultimate punishment like others feel, to me the real punishment is life. Life could be cruel and brutal and a person could yearn for death but death may shun them nonetheless. People suffer in life and are freed in death._

_A measly sixteen minutes and forty six seconds after my old man had his pants dropped to his feet; the police were standing outside my sorority house trying to hide their disdain and amusement by wearing a fallacy of reverence for the dead. They did not want to seem disrespectful as the coroner later wheeled out my foster father, found naked from the waist down with his head lolled back and his hand on his heart._

_I was wrapped in a blanket and coddled until long after my graduation. The pity in their eyes haunts me to this day._

_But at least I was free..._

_I phoned my mother after my stint at the hospital. When I was released from the hospital the first thing I did was send money home to her. I would continue to do so until her death last year. She had been so beautiful. She was a fragile, delicate and waxen doll.  She was the closest I had come to caring about another person before Steve. Sure I loved children in general, but my affections had never been directed at another human being in particular. It was because of my mother that I had learned to stop caring about others. When my father had realised that I would not be forced, he would make me miserable by beating my mother. I co-operated still, but less happily and any opportunity to inflict even the smallest iota of pain on me got him off. I have vowed to never yield to a broken doll again and weaken myself until..._

_Steven John McGarrett..._

_Out of the evils and the wrongs of my past something truly beautiful and pure had flourished, my relationship with Steve, a real man... A man who will finally quell the storm inside me, he will douse the fire in me with his passion and his love. In his arms I will finally find my shelter and feel like a real woman._

* * *

 

The next day would herald rain and blood for Five-0.

Donald Lewis, one of the biggest human traffickers had become caught in Five-0’s cross hairs when he had arrived on the island a few weeks back, and now Five-0 had finally gotten some solid Intel as to where his next big deal would go down.

That morning, the team had gathered around the smart-table and had planned their operation. The bad weather however, threatened to upend their efforts but they could not give up now.

“The docks where the meeting is about to go down is strategically located.” Chin called up the aerial view of the dock on the screen. “There is only one entrance that is closely monitored but at least three exit points on the opposite ends of the dock in case they need to make a quick getaway. Visibility is poor to begin with because of the containers but this rain minimises our chances even more.”

“The only way we will be able to take them down is with snipers” Said Danny matter-of-factly. Instinctively they all turned to Steve who was yet to say a word. Steve turned simply to their field leader, Grover. Even Grover had to roll his eyes. They could not go on like this much longer. Having Steve on the back-burner was like having a tightly bound ball of yarn with one vital thread hanging loose, threatening to crumble the entire unit. Yes they were all excellent at what they did, yes they were all experienced enough to lead and run their own aspect of the team but none of them were Steve. They weren’t able to dive head first into danger with nothing but heart and a crazy scheme. He always messed with them with such child-like innocence that sometimes it was easy to forget that he had lived through deployment and combat. Steve was their team and their team was him.

Steve looked to Grover again, “Your call Lou...” He waited for Grover to respond.

In all his years with S.W.A.T, if someone had ever told Lou Grover that he would be passing up an opportunity as a team leader, Grover would have had them committed but now, looking into Steve’s determined eyes, something stirred in the former S.W.A.T captain. He may not have known Steve as long as the rest of the team but he was a brother to him nonetheless. Steve was ready, he was finally ready. Lou knew it even if Steve didn’t, every member of Five-0 knew it and that’s why, despite the fact that Steve was eyeing Grover, not a single member of the team had shifted their focus from Steve. It was time for their _Kahuna_ to take the helm and Grover knew he spoke for every team member present when he simply stated, “Your team Commander, what do we do?”

Steve looked at him incredulously. “Lou I don’t...” he started but the others seemed to overrule.

“You’re ready Steve, please...” Said Chin, his voice turned up slightly in hope.

“We miss you Boss, not that you weren’t here but we miss **you...** ”chimed Kono. She knew she didn’t need to say anything else. They all knew what Steve getting better and coming back to them meant.

Danny grabbed Steve by the elbow and forced him to turn from Grover to Danny himself. “It’s time, and I think deep down you know it.”

Steve’s brows furrowed in confusion. It had only been a few weeks. He was not ready to take over. He hadn’t even addressed all his issues in therapy. _Does it mean I don’t need therapy anymore? Does it mean that I don’t need Sam?_ Even in this pivotal moment, she haunted him. _I will always need her_... he realised, his lungs feeling heavy as his heart filled up.

He looked around the room at the people he loved most in this world and somehow, Sam’s ghost was right there with them. She was one of them in his mind. _She should be here; Sam would know what to do..._ Steve thought miserably. Doubt never lingered when she was around, there was never any confusion.

Danny could see his brother at war with himself. He knew what it would mean for Steve if he became leader again. It was who Steve was and Danny and the rest of the team were tired of seeing Steve run from himself and his destiny. It was time for them to give him a gentle nudge and bring him back home. Too long had he lain in shadow, it was time for him to come back to the light and to rid their island of all the scum that tainted its beauty. They needed to convince Steve that this was what was right for everyone.

Their eyes all pleaded silently with him. Each member was looking for the right words that would bring him back to them, and then suddenly it hit Danny. He didn’t know why he was doing this or whether it would work, but he had to try...

“Think about Sam Steve. Sam has been working so hard for this, working to ensure that you are all right. You taking the wheel again would not only mean you are all right but it would be a victory for Sam as well. Wouldn’t you want that?” Danny asked hopefully.

Lori could feel her eyes mist up and could not stop herself from placing her palm over Steve’s. She could feel his veins throbbing beneath his skin and his very body seemed to radiate a quiet strength that no amount of trauma could defeat.

Steve’s eyes shone as he looked around at his _ohana._ He would go to the ends of the earth and back for them. He closed his eyes and he pictured Sam with them, her eyes shining with pride and her smile so dazzling it could blind the sun. _Danny is right..._ he thought... _For Sam..._

He opened his eyes and squared his shoulders. He simply nodded in assent and thanked his team with his eyes. There were no words to express his gratitude to them, words would trivialise how he felt about them in this moment and the rest of Five-0 felt exactly the same. Chin put his hand on Steve’s shoulder and squeezed it lightly in support and they all smiled when Steve reached out with his lightning-quick reflexes and grabbed the Camaro keys from the table next to Danny using the hand that Lori was not holding.

“I’m driving...” He stated simply and they all broke into peals of laughter and sighed with relief and pride as they all walked to the weapons cabinet to stock up before they went out the door.

* * *

 

**Well? The Big Kahuna has taken his throne once more and Five-0 is officially back in business!**

**I hope you liked it! At least now we are getting a better idea about who Sam is as well.**

**Please note that I DO NOT IN ANY WAY, endorse Sam’s thoughts about Rape and abuse and about giving in to your captor. She is a character, who we have all established, is not normal and I do not wish to project her twisted thoughts and views on anyone.**

 

 

 

 


	13. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

**Hey guys! Thank you all so much for the love and support. It has truly been overwhelming and I love you all.**

**New update:)**

**I am so happy to be updating regularly again. I can't tell you all what your support means to me and I hope you like it:)**

**Disclaimer: Urgh you get the picture!**

* * *

Donald Lewis and his crew of scum were yet to arrive at the docks when Five-0 began taking up their positions. The rain beat down on them mercilessly and visibility was extremely poor.

They all picked their vantage points at ground level, all except Steve who took to the roof of a guard tower overlooking the yard. The rest of the team needed to be at ground level to ensure that there were minimal escapes through any one of the three exit points.

Steve didn't like it, he didn't like it one bit. He hated leaving his team to fend for themselves on the ground.  _I should be down there_  he thought helplessly but strategically, they had no choice. He may have been the furthest away from a vantage point but the entire mission hinged on him making the kill shot. No one had voiced this fact out loud though; they weren't sure how Steve would handle the pressure.

Steve for some reason felt as light as air. Being the leader of Five-0 came as naturally to him as breathing. He was confident that he had mapped out the best vantage points for everyone and he would be damned if he let that son-of-a-bitch Lewis get away.

Lori was not thrilled about being on the ground with Kono, but as good of a shot as Kono was, she just did not have the experience to make a definitive shot under the current weather conditions. It was all up to Steve. Lori could not stop her eyes from travelling up to Steve at every opportunity she had. They still had two hours before Lewis and his goons were scheduled to show up as per their Intel but they arrived as early as possible so that they could be ready. The container in question containing the consignment of women and children to be sold was yet to be dropped off by truck from the harbour which means that there were no bad guys standing guard just yet. Their best tactic would be the element of surprise.

Steve began setting up his rifle and his scope. The familiar routine of mounting his rifle, the clicking of the bullets into the chamber and the cold, clinical feel of the rifle beneath his fingertips brought him a sense of comfort. This was what he was trained to do. This was what he was  _made_  to do.

Lori watched him work methodically, calculatingly. The rain beat down upon them mercilessly on the ground yet Lori could not turn away from the sky as she watched the man she loved more than anything else gear up to take on one of the biggest responsibilities in a life-and-death mission. She could not be more proud of him.

Danny and the others began scoping the perimeter after they checked their vests and weapons. As the others' eyes locked onto the single entrance, Danny's eyes landed on Lori a few feet away. Lori was not facing the entrance like the rest of the team. Her entire body was turned squarely towards Steve. Steve had just finished set himself up and lay down firmly to the ground on his stomach by the rifle mount; his eyes peered into the scope at his team. He caught sight of Lori watching him and waved at her to let her know that everything was okay.

Danny could not help shaking his head at how oblivious his stupid partner was.  _Moron..._  he thought irritably. He was actually waving at Lori while she stared on at him,  _the goof_.

Danny resolved then and there to have a serious chat with Steve about Lori when this was all over with. He looked up at his clueless partner and felt his ribs sink into his spine. Steve waved at him reassuringly from his perch above. He looked... Danny dared to think it...  _Happy... He looks happy._  Danny had not seen a genuine and confident smile from his partner in ages. Just that small gleam of hope in Steve's eyes seemed to reach Danny all the way across the dock. Was Danny really willing to bring up Lori and chase Steve back into his shell? Danny felt conflicted. On one hand, he wanted Steve and Lori to be happy, whether they were together or apart, but he also knew that Lori's affection for Steve was becoming stronger day-by-day. I mean how could you not spend every day with a guy like Steve and not find yourself being drawn to him like he was the centre of gravity? Danny knew that despite the fact that Lori had a hold on her feelings now, things could get complicated in the future if Steve did not address them one way or another. He just hoped that irrespective of what went down with Steve and Lori, He just didn't want the team to be compromised or for Steve to be hurt again. He would fight for Steve's happiness no matter what.

Lori quickly shook herself back to the present as Steve focused his scope again and tested the rifle's mobility on the rotating ground mount.

The rattle of a chain startled them and Grover quickly lifted his hand in a fist indicating that they needed to be silent. The rusted, squeaky and loud iron gate crunched open against the gravelly ground and the lazy but loud grunting of a trailer truck could be heard all the way across the dock. What followed the truck were the ominous sounds of four one-ton Chevy trucks. Five-0 had it on good authority, if one counted Sang-Min as good authority, that Lewis did not travel with less than 12 strong-armed muscular guards. Two always remained by his side and the rest were used to herd the women and children.

They were all there, as Sang-Min had promised. Chin, guarding the first circle of the Five-0 perimeter, counted twelve hostiles, all dressed in camo and black leather jackets. The rain however, was relentless and it rendered poor Chin unable to distinguish their features despite the fact that the team on the ground wore protective goggles. They were an hour early but Five-0 was ready for them.

It was go-time.

Steve's entire body tensed as he watched. He was wound as tight as a top but his very flesh screamed in delight at the tautness. It was practically muscle-memory. He did not have to think about what he was doing, he was acting on pure instinct and adrenaline. He did not allow his focus to stray for even a nanosecond though. His team's life was in his hands.

He could her Jerry humming some statistics through his comms but he was beyond that now. He hadn't realised how much he missed being in 'SEAL-mode'. Yes he was Five-0, yes they were a task force made up of cops but at the end of the day, the Navy ran in his blood as wild and as powerful as the ocean itself. He was a SEAL first, a cop later. He had spent a lot of his time denying who he was and repressing that part of him when he first came to the island to bury his father. He tried to suppress the SEAL inside but something had awoken the sailor within, it was as if the very ocean itself called to him like a longing mistress. Steve however, refused to question in that second why the ocean called to him in  _her_ voice.

Danny raised his hand, palm open and sliced the air, giving them the signal to advance. Kono fired the first shot, taking out one hostile in one clean hit. It could almost be considered artistic if it wasn't the taking of a life. The others raised their guns and began firing.

The container on the truck began to shake. There were people inside and they were scared. The gunfire outside had spooked them and Kono fired a few wild shots to distract the hostiles away from the container.

One however, retreated to the centre of the hostile group as the others surrounded him.

Steve's shoulders perked up as he caught sight of the figure, clearly Lewis himself, as he hid under the elbows of his cronies.

 _There you are asshole..._  Steve could not help the bloodthirsty smirk that curved his lips up at the edges. This was going to be fun.

The bodies began to drop in the hostile circle. They then began to fire blind. They did not know how many of the Five-0 team were out there nor did they know where the shots were coming from but it was only a matter of time before they figured out the points of origin.

They ran for cover near the entrance. They realised that all the exit points were choked up. Slowly they began to focus themselves and Steve could see their postures tighten as they began to take aim. They began firing in unison. One bullet whizzed haphazardly past Kono's ear, taking a few strands of her hair with it.

Steve's blood lit up. That was  _his_ family down there. He was not about to let anything happen to them. In that second, he did not think about how broken he was. Every fractured piece of his psyche seemed to focus at one point, at Donald Lewis. He took aim and checked his wind-gauge. There was absolutely no room for error. If he missed the shot they would take aim for him. Sure he was higher up but not so high that their bullets could not reach him.

He suddenly felt a warm touch graze his forearm as his own fingers tightened on the trigger, feather-light and reassuring like a lover's stroke...

_My sailor..._

Her voice seemed to vibrate in his ear drums and his comms went dead.

The smell of vanilla and sugar filled his nostrils. The lover's hands seemed to direct his own as he took aim. He focused on the scope and sent a silent plea to heaven before he pulled the trigger and not even a second later, Donald Lewis dropped to the ground, a bullet-hole marring the dead centre of his forehead like a bulls-eye.

* * *

They arrived at head-quarters two hours later, after freeing the hostages and de-briefing HPD and the Governor. No one could stop talking about Steve's shot.

"Boss that was amazing! You have to teach me that" smiled Kono as she rushed around the smart-table and hugged Steve. Lori could feel the bile rise in her throat but said nothing. Yes she was ecstatic but she didn't know whether she could bear Kono's presence much longer. The pretty Hawaiian surfer-girl was much closer to Steve than she was at this stage and Lori did not want to take any chances. She had lost Steve to Catherine once before, she would be a fool to leave enough space between Steve and her to let Kono gap in. Yes Kono was married to Adam but she and Steve worked together. Kono also knew Steve longer than Adam. It would be better for Kono if she stayed faithful to her handsome ex- _Yakuza_  husband and left  _her_ Steve alone.

Chin clasped Steve's hand in his and pulled him in for a hug. "That was sweet brah, really..." Steve beamed with all the attention. "Mahalo brother" He whispered to Chin.

The others gathered around as Lou couldn't help reliving the highlights with commentary. They all listened happily but Danny's eyes did not leave his brother.

"The laser-focus, the precision! My man here was on point..." grinned Grover as he recounted Steve's shot. But the minute he said those words, Danny saw Steve visibly pale. He watched his partner, perplexed.

 _Laser-focus... Precision..._  the words echoed in Steve's skull and he felt his throat constrict as if it were in the grasp of a python.  _Laser-focus... Precision..._

What was happening to him? He had felt her touch, he had heard her voice. He had smelled vanilla and sugar-cookies. He was about to take a shot that would either kill an enemy or expose him to lethal gunfire and all he could feel when he fired was  _her_  everywhere around him. It was like she had permeated the very air around him, lighting the fire in his blood when he saw his team being shot at. She chased away his demons and his self-doubt long enough for him to do his job, a job which, until now, he had never needed anyone else to do, and one he had always done well. In fact, some would say that he was the best. Now all he could think about was a little megalomaniac with a body like a sculpture, with long flowing hair and marble-eyes.  _Laser-focus and precision my ass..._  Steve thought miserably...  _I am losing my fucking mind..._

Steve smiled encouragingly at the others and silently tried to excuse himself as he retreated to his office. Danny turned to follow him but stopped dead in his tracks as he saw Lori make her way behind Steve to his office.

Lori stood outside Steve's door and was about to walk away when she saw him pick up his cell and hit a number on speed-dial. Lori's brows furrowed in confusion. Anyone who Steve would have on speed-dial was in this very office. The only three who weren't there was Joe, Catherine and the Governor. Steve put the phone in his ear and tapped his foot impatiently as it rang.

 _Come on... pick up... pick up please Baby Girl..._  His heart raced as the phone continued to ring. His heart leapt in his throat as her voice reached him through the phone... "Hello you have reached Dr. Samantha Harris..."

 _Shit voicemail!_ He was ready to fling his phone into the wall but reeled himself in when he started thinking about how he would never hear the end of it from Danny.

Lori watched Steve pace the length of his office like a caged tiger. She realised from the abrupt way that he ended the call that it had gone straight to voicemail.  _But who was he calling so desperately?_  She wondered as a strange feeling began to gnaw away at her stomach.

It was not the Governor, Steve was never this eager to speak to the Governor. Joe was at the Los Angeles Naval Base after Henrietta Lang of NCIS had put in a special request to see him. He had told them that he would be radio silent for at least a week so Steve would definitely not be contacting him.

 _Could it be Catherine?_  Lori wondered as the gnawing feeling suddenly turned painful, as if a bag of cats with their claws extended were trying to scratch their way out of her stomach.

She was about to knock to announce herself when Steve's phone rang in his hand, the vibration almost making him jump out of his skin.

Steve felt an electric current jolt through his body as his phone vibrated in his hand.  _Idiot!_  He thought to himself. He was waiting for her to call him back and when she actually did call back, here he was, jumping around like a teenager on steroids.

"Steve? Everything all right?" Her voice, so calm and reassuring, seemed to come from a parallel Universe. Steve was perplexed, here he was, every nerve-ending in his body frayed beyond recognition, the very air around him seemed charged like a live wire and the heat in his blood threatened to boil his very bones into a broth and this little witch was unaffected?!

"I need to see you..." His voice was no longer broken. He felt like an asshole ordering her around like this but something in him had snapped in the field today. All reason seemed to have fled when he had called her and sought her out.

He heard her sharp intake of breath. It didn't sound like she was hesitating at all though, it just seemed like she was surprised at the strength and determination that seemed to exude from his tone.

"Name the time and place my Sailor, I will avail myself for you..." She said, and as Steve had suspected, there was not a hitch of hesitation in her soft voice.

"Today, any time after your last appointment" he said, in no uncertain terms. To any outsider, their curt conversation was clipped and business-like and Lori, standing outside the glass door looking in, seemed to sigh in relief at Steve's impersonal stance and posture but what she could not see was the tension that tightened every fibre of his being. The profiler in her was blindsided by her feelings for him, she did not see his desire for a mysterious woman on the line with him because she subconsciously did not want to.

"Come to me at four pm today, I shall wait for you Steve..." her voice was breathy and exuberant. It seemed to cool the very fire in his blood.

"Sixteen-Hundred" he confirmed, his voice barely above a whisper, unconsciously matching hers. "See you then Megs."

""Megs?" She asked, a whispered giggle making her voice seem even more enticing to him, if that were even possible.

"Yeah Megs..." He started to smile too. "I can't keep calling you 'Megalomaniac'; it's too long and uncool."

 _Now he is smiling?!_ Thought Lori incredulously as she watched on. His smile dazzled her. How she wished that she were the reason for that smile. But she took a deep breath to calm down. Soon he would smile like that only when he looked at her. He could be talking to anyone in that moment; Lori was not concerned, as long as it was not Catherine.

Little did poor Lori know that Catherine, as a rival at least, was truly the least of her problems...

"Megs it is my Sailor... See you then..." Smiled Sam and Steve could hear the amusement in her voice as she cut the call without another word.

He inhaled a deep, cooling, refreshing breath and closed his eyes as he felt his heart rate slow and all the pent up tension ease in his muscles. It felt glorious.

He opened his eyes and saw Lori standing outside the door about to knock. He smiled and signalled for her to come in.

"Hey you left all of a sudden, I just wanted to know if you were okay..." Lori seemed genuinely concerned and her apprehension seemed to drain the life out of Steve's momentary happiness.

 _Laser-focus... precision... laser-focus... precision..._  Grover's words seemed to boom in his head again, reminding him of the sudden onslaught of insanity that threatened to cripple him once more.

Lori watched his expression darken and instantly regretted her words. She didn't want to see him upset, especially not because of something that she said. She wished that she could swallow her words so that she could see the Steve from a moment ago, the beautiful man with the care-free smile and the devilishly sexy gleam in his aqua-grey eyes.

Steve plastered a fake smile on his face for Lori's benefit. He meant for it to be reassuring but his fallacy actually pierced Lori more painfully than if he had shot a bullet through her. She didn't want him to be formal and pretend around her. She wanted him to open up to her but he seemed to have erected this invulnerable wall between them that she could not seem to scale no matter how hard she tried. He was cool and professional with her. With Kono he was warm and affectionate but with Lori he could not bring himself to connect with her. It frustrated Lori to no end but she was not done fighting for him. Not by a long shot. She would find a way to forge a bond between them even if it killed her.  _Should it really be this hard?_ Lori lamented sadly.

* * *

 _Can it really be this easy?_ Sam wondered as she put the phone down on her Sailor and bit her moist lips to keep from smiling.  _Is it possible for two people to just click into place together like a perfect mechanism? Is this why it's called **falling**  in love and not just loving? I mean you don't 'fall' into hate with someone. Hate comes with reason as much as it comes with passion. But love... Ah love... Love is like spreading your arms freely overlooking a cliff. Your widespread arms relish the openness of your body, the cool breeze soothes you as your body electrifies in fervour and then you lift yourself gently on the tips of your toes before risking it all and plunging down below without a care in the world. You could eventually be engulfed in the ardour of the ocean or dash your fragile body mercilessly against the rocks of heartbreak below, breaking yourself forever..._

Things were just so easy with Steve. In fact, now that she thought about it, besides her extensive scheme involving Michael, she had not exerted herself since in claiming Steve as her own. He had trusted and supported her at every turn. His entire being seemed to synchronise with hers. It was such an intimate feeling. Sam could not even comprehend how she could be this close to a man despite not joining physically with him before. She could only imagine what it would feel like when he finally took shelter in her, when he finally plunged into her depths and drove himself home inside her womb, into her very core. It already felt like they were two halves of the same soul. When one spoke, the other listened and obeyed. It was not normal; definitely not normal. It was what legendary love stories were made of, but also unspeakable tragedy. Sam had never felt herself being reliant on anyone before in her life, yet suddenly she felt as if she had live her whole life as half a soul. The other half of her soul had walked through her consulting room with an air of bravado for a mandatory psyche evaluation. Yes it sounded pretentious and wishful, but somehow Sam knew that it was not just her feeling this way. She could not explain it exactly, but just as she had one half of Steve's soul with her, she had also left a part of herself with him. She would find her heart race all of a sudden at random intervals during the day. Later she would find out, through their sessions that he had been on a mission at around that same time. He would dive into the ocean in one place and on the other side of the island, her stomach would flip and she would startle involuntarily as if she had been doused with cold water. He would shoot his gun and she would feel her bones rattle. She never told him but somehow, she felt him with all her senses. She began seeing him everywhere. He would be cleaning his guns in her lounge, he would be in her kitchen drowning butter in his coffee, he sat on her Divan at work with his hands crossed sexily behind his head, lazing about while she went through her case files and he would hold her hand as she made her way down the sterile hospital corridors as she did her rounds. She welcomed him with open arms and dare she say it, an open heart. A heart that she thought was shattered beyond repair long before she had met him.

She stretched languidly in her chair, her spine cracking in protest but she could not sit with her medical journals any longer. Mason was due for his session any minute and he deserved Sam's undivided attention. Then she would be Steve's... All Steve's...

* * *

 _Something is wrong..._  Sam felt it in the very depths of her flesh when Steve's appointment rolled around. True to his military training, he had been punctual to the last second, but Sam could feel his uneasiness even before he had walked through the door of her consulting room.

The  _Fourniers_  on the wall judged her as she had stood outside at her reception and waited for him eagerly. She was beyond acting pricey for him. The veil of propriety and pretense had plummeted between them without them even realising it. There was no such thing as telling each other what the other wanted to hear. They had somehow crept into each other's lives and now they were inextricably linked. She stood and waited for him and made no show about acting busy otherwise.

When he walked in, Steve's jaw had been set and his eyes empty but somehow, the minute he saw the little minx his heart seemed to fill to the brim. There she stood, in all her glory at her reception desk, a Goddess ready to accept the adoration from the devotees who were lucky enough to worship at her dais. Her luscious breasts seemed to strain against her simple cream dress as she filled her lungs and drank him in. Her countenance began to shine and her smile dazzled him beyond words.

 _Would it always be like this?_ He wondered helplessly. Would he ever be able to look at her and not feel astonished as if he were seeing her for the first time? It was not normal for him, but it felt right, absolutely right, maybe too right. Beneath her splendour, there was a darkness that drew him in, an enigma that excited him as much as it terrified him, yet he was helpless to resist. He had to know her.

He parted his lips to greet her, he had felt bad about his abrupt call earlier but as always, she beat him to the punch and surprised him with her opening line...

"Let's take a walk Sailor..." and she breezed past him without looking back.

Steve shook his head and grinned at the little siren, and like the Sailor that he was, followed her voice as they stepped out and took a walk outside the hospital.

It was a glorious afternoon. Sam walked briskly ahead, as if she had a destination in mind, leading him away from the Doctors, the patients, the nursing staff and the parking lot, away from the everyday hustle and bustle of the hospital.

They had taken a back exit and she slowed to walk next to him. Steve's amusement quickly faded being in such close quarters with her. This was no run-of-the-mill therapy session. They were outside, walking a path that sloped up through a steep hill.

The wind whipped at their faces, lifting Sam's dark locks over her shoulders. It flowed like fluid silk past her back, the breeze carrying her enticing scent into the very midst of nature. The grass rustled beneath them. Sam took off her heels and carried them loosely by their back strap in her hand as she walked barefoot. The grass crunched lushly beneath her tiny feet.

Everything was about her was so compact to Steve. It was like every quality of nature had been compressed into her tiny body. She moved wildly and free, yet her restraint and control was unmatched and unsurpassed. She was a mass of contradictions; she was the answer to every question... And with that, Sam turned the full power of her gaze expectantly up at him as they walked and suddenly, his mind blanked.

They walked in silence for the next few minutes and Steve was baffled how Sam could navigate herself when her eyes had never left his.  _She must walk this way often..._  He figured. The thought left him uncomfortable and reeling.  _His Sam..._ out here... alone... where danger could be lurking behind every tree and every rock.

 _Reel it in McGarrett!_ He chided himself mentally. Next thing you know they would be putting him in a straitjacket. He was slowly turning into a beast, a feral, possessive beast.  _Moron..._  He thought miserably.

He hadn't even realised that while they were walking, the terrain had evened out and they found themselves completely isolated over a cliff with the most spectacular ocean view. Steve took in a breath and marveled at how beautiful the island could be, how beautiful his home could be, and then he turned to the Goddess next to him, who embodied every speck of beauty that the eye could see.

"This is one of my most favourite places..." Sam sighed in contentment. "I come here when I am troubled and I find peace. I figured you would need some of that after today..."

"Need what?" Steve asked, everything about her stoked his curiosity.

"Peace Steve, you seemed high-strung and upset, I may not be able to rid you of all your troubles, but if I could at least bring you some peace if not happiness, then nothing would give me more contentment."

Her voice seemed to melt into his consciousness and her eyes gleamed with sincerity. Such simplicity, such innocence... This woman could destroy him, completely eviscerate him...

"Talk to me Steve?" She asked sweetly.

Steve felt his voice dry up in his throat. Why was he here? What could he tell her? How could he explain what was happening to him? He was losing his mind and now, he could lose her if he told her the truth. What terrified him was that he didn't know which one was he more scared of losing? He kept silent. Suddenly he could not meet her eyes.

The minute her Sailor looked away, Sam felt a knife go through her heart. He was clamming up. Normally, such a challenge would thrill her but the sudden wall between them seemed to tear her very flesh apart. She needed him to trust her; she needed him to open up to her. More than air in her lungs, she needed him to pour his heart out to her.

She found herself looking down at her feet instinctively as her heart seemed to break. Her eyes filled up and she hoped he wouldn't see. Suddenly, a wave carrying what looked like a boulder smashed into the side of the cliff. They both looked down the cliff's edge.

 _I am in love with him..._  Sam thought... _I am in love with him... I am in love with him... I have fallen in love with him... Fallen... Love... Fallen... Fallen..._

"Fallen..." She hadn't realised that she had said the word out loud. Steve looked at her in astonishment.

"Sam are you okay?" He asked nervously.

Sam did not look up at him. Her eyes remained downcast. "Fallen..." She whispered again as if she were possessed. Suddenly, Steve's heart turned to ash as he tasted a strange sense of fear as it rose in his throat. "S... Sam?" He choked.

Dr. Samantha Harris did not wake up this morning with the intention of killing herself. She did not walk up the hospital cliff to look for an epiphany. All she had wanted to do was make the man she loved feel better. All she desired was his happiness and his trust.

Suddenly she had the primal desire to feel love herself, in all its forms and facets. She wanted to feel the adrenaline of falling, truly falling and to feel the pure, undiluted trust that the man she loved would catch her, he would save her and he always hold her close no matter what.

She trusted him, above all else. She trusted him with her everything, with every fibre of her being, with her very life... and then... without hesitation, without a second of doubt, Samantha Harris turned towards the man she loved with her back to the cliff. She did not want to see where she would land. She wanted to see where fate would place her, in the ocean, in the crevices of the rocks below or in the shelter of the arms of the man she had come to love more than anything else.

She spread her arms freely as her back overlooked the cliff, her shoes still threaded by the back strap between her fingers in her one hand. Her now widespread arms helping her live her fantasy and she relished the openness of her body, the cool breeze soothed her and whipped her hair around as she stood against the forces of the wind and her body electrified in fervour. She gently lifted herself onto the tips of her toes throwing herself off balance and tipping herself precariously forward and then backward like a pendulum. She then applied all her pressure to her heels and let her loss of balance carry her suddenly feather-light body backwards towards the edge of the cliff... towards oblivion...

Time seemed to have stopped in its tracks. Steve could not believe this was happening. He knew she was mysterious, but he had never taken her to be impulsive. Was this impulse? Was this planned?  _Was this trust?_  He thought suddenly and without thinking he lunged forward, every nerve in his body alive with a sudden visceral terror that he would not make it in time to stop her.

"Sam!" He shouted as he grabbed her quickly around the waist and pulled her into his arms so roughly and with such panic that he was afraid that he had broken her.

Sam's pliant body offered no resistance as he crushed her body to his, every inch of him hard and unyielding. If she was sculpted from marble, then he was hand-forged from pure steel. He wrapped his arms tightly around her and buried his head into her neck as he shook in panic.

"What are doing? Are you all right? Are you okay?" His voice trembled as he whispered into her hair. His arms caged her to him as he held her in a panic. Suddenly his lungs could not hold any oxygen.

Sam wrapped her arms around him and for a few seconds, they just stood in each other's arms, next to the cliff, lost to the rest of the world.

Steve broke the hug even though it physically ailed him to do so. He needed to check if she was hurt.

"S... Sam... what were you thinking? What if you got hurt? What if you... Di...What if you...?"He could not choke the words out. The very thought ate away at his insides like acid. If something happened to her he wouldn't know what to do. Such a visceral and strong protective instinct, in such little time... Yet the urge to protect her was ingrained into him as if she were carved into every inch of his skin.

He began checking her over and Sam cupped his face in her hands gently...

"Hush my Sailor..."She soothed.

Steve only shook his head in terror and wrapped his arm arms around her again. In that moment she was not his therapist. Who she was, he didn't know. All he knew was that he would die if something had happened to her.

"You have a death wish or something Megs?" He asked as he laughed nervously and in relief. Try as he might though, he could not stop shaking. "What if something happened to you huh?"

 _Megs..._  Sam thought as she churned her new nickname in her mind. It was adorable. The fact that he had given her a nickname meant that she was special to him...  _Like Danno..._  It was something that was theirs, his first gift to her, a new name and she loved it. Only he would ever be able to call her that, only he had the right. It crystallised an already strengthening bond between them, one that had been forged based on trust and love... Not fire or toil. It was easy, it was passionate and it was all-consuming and becoming more powerful by the day.

"Sam?" Steve shook her gently, jolting Sam out of her reverie.

"Sam are you okay? Why did you do that? What if... What if something happened to you?" Steve held onto her by her shoulders, steadying her in case she was in shock.

Sam felt her entire body vibrate at his shaky ministrations.

"Nothing bad could have possibly happened to me Steve, not while you are here. I trust you my Sailor, more than I had even thought possible. I trust you and you have never let me down, nor could you ever. You saved me, you will always save me."

 _Those words..._ so simple, yet so innocent and trusting coming from a woman who was pure darkness encased in the most lustful and ripe desirous flesh.

She was a wonder, an apparition. She could not possibly be real.

And yet here she was, in his arms and in his heart.

Steve felt his throat constrict. He was not half as good as Sam when it came to expressing himself so he settled for wrapping his one arm around her shoulder before placing his other arm below her knees, lifting her to his chest bridal style.

Sam startled in surprise but she quickly wrapped her arms around his neck. Her shoes were still looped around her fingers and she lowered them to rest between his shoulder blades. She had loosened her grip and found her balance and her familiar sense of comfort in his arms. He simply looked into her eyes, his expression stony and intense.

He lifted her closer and nuzzled her cheek in a small gesture of affection; as if it were something he did every day.

His muscles barely tensed as he held her, she weighed practically nothing to him.

No words were exchanged between them after that, he simply carried her and walked down the slope, barely breaking a sweat. He loved the feel of her in his arms. He felt protective over her and in her he had finally found his shelter. With her arms around his neck like a talisman, he felt like he could overcome anything. He shuddered suddenly though, when the thought of losing her crossed his mind again.

 _He cares... he really cares about me..._ thought Sam, feeling like a priceless artefact in his arms. He was so strong, so confident and then, she saw tension mar his handsome features and she felt his body shudder as if in fear. She knew she had scared him and she was almost regretful... Almost.

 _I'm sorry my love..._  She wanted to say but instead she rested her head against his shoulder and closed her eyes while she inhaled his enticing aftershave. She felt his stubble tickle her and she just wanted to live in this moment for eternity.

* * *

It was after weeks that night that Steve was plagued with a nightmare. The ocean was still as a thief in a museum. He had lain in bed staring idly at the ceiling trying to centre himself. He just could not understand Sam. They had gone back to the hospital and she had acted as if nothing had happened. How could such monumental events mean so little to her? She had almost died today and yet all she had felt, she said, was happiness that her trust in him had not been misplaced. Yet somehow, her little stunt had helped him realise that he actually basked in her trust and if she could trust him so much, why was he afraid of losing her? He may not trust himself, but she trusted him enough for both of them, and somehow it seemed to bolster his self-confidence.

His eyelids began to get heavy that's when he had realised the little witch's plan. She had wanted to make him feel secure about her and she thought the best way to do that was to practically hurl herself off a cliff! She trusted him, completely and she had more than proven that today. He remembered all the times that she had asked for his trust and he had given it to her, freely. But he still remembered that she had asked for his trust to carry out an intense treatment to help him to cope with his past traumas. She was yet to tell him what she was planning and before, Steve had felt his nerves run rampant when he thought about the therapy that she wanted to try but for some reason, in this moment, he realised that it was his turn to jump off the metaphorical cliff. He knew she would not let him fall, he felt it in the deepest recesses of his core that he was ready to do anything she asked as long as she knew that he trusted her...  _I trust you Sam, you will save me too..._

He drifted off and his body began to relax. The images came sharply, jarringly. He found himself in a dark house, a smoky fireplace, the flames licking the last tendrils of the ashes and an ocean breeze wafting gently from the windows. A flash and he found himself on his knees. Another flash and there was blood before his eyes... so much blood...

 _No... No!..._ he began to panic he looked around, trying to find the source of the blood but he saw nothing. He was not in pain; he knew the blood wasn't his somehow.

Another flash and he felt silken, wet hair drenched in blood running through his fingers. Steve looked down in panic as he felt a slight weight in his arms.

 _Sam..._   _Sam?!_

She was pale, her face glistened in the moonlight and she gasped for breath. The blood seemed to spill out from her abdomen and pool beneath her. His one palm held her head up but he couldn't gather all her hair up off the ground as it kissed the pool of blood on the floor. Her scalp was drenched and Steve could not tell whether she was bleeding from her head as well or whether she had lain in the pool of her own blood with her head getting soaked before he had lifted her off the ground.

"Sam! Sam please talk to me! What happened? Who did this to you?!" Steve's mind went blank in panic. He didn't know what he was doing. He just held her close and tried to stem the bleeding with his free hand.

Sam's heavy eyelids fluttered open; her usually luminescent pupils were reduced to slits. She looked up at Steve and tried to smile reassuringly but the second her lips quivered a small sliver of blood trickled down the side of her mouth. She tried to cough but not a sound left her throat and Steve could feel through her taut body that she was also suffocating.

He was suddenly blinded by tears. "Sam who did this?" He could not stop crying all of a sudden. Something inside him knew she was dying, something inside him told him that he could do nothing to stop it.

"Sam talk to me, please baby..." He whispered as he choked on his own tears.

Sam truly smiled this time...

"You did this my Sailor... You saved me..." Her body went limp in his arms and all Steve could hear was his own deafening, wounded screams.

He bolted awake. His throat was hoarse from his roars and his pillow was drenched in his tears.

He felt his entire body go numb. His heart beat like the wings of a hummingbird against the cage of his ribs and voices and screams echoed in his mind. He heard Randy's shrieks, his own screams and yet they were all drowned out by Sam's whispers, Sam's dying words and her gasps for air.

He sat upright on his bed for what felt like ages. He knew he would not get any more sleep tonight so he put on his t-shirt and shorts and decided to run until his muscles turned to lead. He thought of the sleeping pills in his medicine cabinet but he gathered all his willpower to resist. He would not resort to that.

He could not get that image of Sam out of his mind.  _His Sam..._

He put on his trainers mechanically, wiped the tears from his eyes and went downstairs with nothing but his phone, his wallet and his keys and then he stepped out and locked his front door behind him. He could not get out of the house fast enough.

He took off at lightning speed, pushing himself, hoping that the strain would wipe the memories clean, but her eyes followed him like a cloud no matter how hard he raced on. She had taken up residency within him. All he could do was pray as his muscles burned that he would never see the day he lost her. It would truly end him.

* * *

"Hey you all right?" asked Danny, his brows furrowed in concern as he walked into the office a little earlier than usual only to find Steve staring in a practically comatose state at the blank smart table.

He seemed paler and his eyes were like fire and ice as his aqua blue irises flamed red as they burned from exhaustion. He turned and when he saw Danny, he quickly turned away, as if he were trying to hide how tense he was.

Danny's heart sank. Was Steve regressing? Had something happened between yesterday and today to trigger his trauma?

"Steve? Talk to me babe... Is everything okay?"

"Yeah all good Danno"

"Don't you 'Danno' me Steven and stop lying!" Danny was becoming agitated. He actually seriously considered stealing Steve's phone and dialing Dr. Harris. Too bad he and Steve were the only two at the office this early. Danny felt like he could really use some back-up.

 _Dr. Sam Harris..._ Another issue that Danny could not wrap his head around for the life of him was why no one had met the Good Doctor as yet. Normally whenever anyone on a law enforcement unit was under psychiatric evaluation, mandatory or otherwise, the doctor would usually either insist on consulting with the people closest to his patient or at least insist on a few group sessions. It was not mandatory of course, but Steve was definitely not suffering alone, the rest of the team was also on edge and they all needed to talk to a professional in order to equip themselves to help Steve if, god forbid, a situation arose that would push him over the edge and they would not be able to get him immediate help. Besides that, they also were his family. They needed to be able to help him heal. Danny was suspicious why Sam was doing all the heavy lifting and he filed away a mental note to ask Steve about a joint therapy session.

"Steve? Steve!" Danny was practically waving his hands in front of Steve's glazed eyes to try and get his attention.

" I... I'm sorry Danno I didn't get much sleep last night." Steve looked exhausted. He heard the elevator doors open and retreated into his office as he heard the rest of the team file in for the morning.

Danny had heard them too and watched Steve's retreating back with surprise. This was going to be a long day, Danny could just feel it.

He followed Steve into his office as Steve sat down behind his desk and opened a random file to avoid Danny's eyes. Danny rolled his eyes at Steve's pretense. The file that Steve was holding was from a solved case that was a over month old. He had left it in the corner of his desk for archiving and Jerry was going to pick it up to file away today.

Danny could hide his fears no longer. Yes he busted Steve's chops a lot, but yelling and ranting at Steve was actually Danny's defense mechanism. It was how he coped when he was afraid, especially if he was afraid for someone he cared about and right now, Steve had him pretty damn terrified.

"Steven John McGarrett I swear on all that is good and holy in this world that if you don't open your trap right now and tell me what's going on I am going to shoot you!"

Steve smiled sadly at Danny. "I had a nightmare last night Danno, that's all. I couldn't sleep so I gone for a run before getting ready to come in but... I don't know it still has me pretty shaken up y'know?"

Danny nodded silently. What could he say? Were there any words in any language or any form of communication that could help ease his partner's pain? He kept silent hoping that Steve would open up a little more... He was met with disappointment. Steve kept silent but ruffled about his desk, rustling in the space silently like a leaf. Danny knew that the topic was officially closed and he could tell that Steve needed a few minutes alone to marshal his thoughts and slip on his mask of normalcy and fit it firmly in place before he met up with the others. Sure they knew what was going on with Steve but Steve would always try as hard as possible to keep it together for the people he cared about. That's just who he was and Danny hated that life could be so cruel to him. It was these miserable thoughts that kept Danny firmly anchored to the spot in Steve's office instead of gifting Steve with a moment of privacy. Steve had been alone his entire life, ever since his mother had left. He had a family now, and they would never ever leave him alone.

Steve looked up at his partner and felt a shudder ripple through him. Danny had that pensive look on his face, the one that could always see right through Steve and his act. Normally, Steve would love that about the compact detective but today, Danny's scrutiny was unnerving to him. Danny was edging closer and closer to the truth.  _But what truth would that be?_ Steve wondered. He barely understood himself what the big deal was and why he was hiding himself from the man he considered a brother. It was just something in his gut that told him to keep things with Sam on the down-low. Steve could not call it instinct; his instinct had always been about survival during his missions and cases, about protecting his family and the people they saved every day. This feeling was somehow deeper, more ingrained into his subconscious. He knew having feelings for his therapist was wrong and he knew that if he told Danny, Danny would talk him off the ledge he was suddenly so desperate to dive off of. He needed Sam like he needed air in his lungs and somehow he felt that he needed to nurture and protect this relationship with Sam above all others at this point.

Besides protectiveness, the other feeling Steve had was fear. In fact, it was pure undulated terror. He had had nightmares before. He had woken up too many nights in shock and in horror with his pillows drenched in sweat and his sheets tangled around his body. His heart would race wildly and his body was feverish as his flight-or-fight response would take over. These nightmares that he had had all his life were about the terrors that he endured every day, first as a teenage boy whose mother had not come home, then as a SEAL and then as a cop.

But last night... Last night did not feel like a simple night terror, last night was not about his past. Steve felt his chest ache suddenly. He had never thought for a second in his entire life that he would pray for a regular nightmare to terrify him instead of the wretched dread that had practically crippled his senses last night. Normally nightmares were about his past, sure they were horrible but at least he could recognise them from his years of combat and training and there was some part in the recesses of his mind that recognised that these were agonies that he had already suffered and that he would come out of them on the other side. He would not always be a hundred percent all right but at least he would endure. Last night though, was not a bad memory, last night felt like a... like a...  _a premonition..._

Steve startled at the thought and Danny almost jumped out of his skin. "Steve?" Danny tried to keep his voice even and the others, on hearing Danny's barely controlled panic all rushed to Steve.

Steve looked around the room at his family like he suddenly could not perceive them. Suddenly, Sam was back in his arms, bloody and dying. This time, he recognised his dread for what it was. This dream about Sam did not feel like a manifestation of his past but a glimpse into the future,  _his_  future. It was as if someone had cast an eclipse over his very existence and had blanketed him in grief. He was watching a tragedy unfold in his own life before his very own eyes like a movie on a screen and he was helpless to know how he could stop it. He felt completely powerless against this turn of fate and sure, he understood how ridiculous he was being. If the others who were all staring at him knew what was running through his mind right now they would have had him committed. Was he destined to lose everything? Was he destined for nothing but loneliness, sorrow and misery? Could he, Steven John McGarrett, who saved the world on a daily basis, not be able to save the one person who had become  _his_ world?

 _No..._  Steve thought as a sudden flash of anger began heating up his body. It started from deep inside his heart; it ran into his blood which was then carried through to every inch of his body. He took strength from the feeling. It gave him courage and a purpose. He would not give up so easily... Lieutenant Commander Steve McGarrett was no quitter.

"I... I'm sorry guys, I am fine really. I am just a little sleep deprived." The other's looked at him sceptically and Steve threw on a practiced smile for good measure.

"Please guys?" He whispered. He begged them with his eyes to give him a break; he truly was fine for the time being.

The others breathed a collective sigh of relief when they saw that he hadn't suffered a full-on anxiety attack and despite the fact that they were concerned, they began filing out, all except Danny. Every single one of the others, Lori included, knew that Danny could take care of Steve and they were suffocating him by crowding him that way anyway.

 _Soon he will be happy again..._  Lori thought with hope. She would do anything to ensure that Steve would always be happy with her and that he would never want for a family again when he finally melted into her arms. It was only a matter of time.

Danny tried to smile reassuringly at Steve and was about to pass a comment to lighten the mood when Steve's suddenly shrill-sounding ringtone erupted in the silent, crypt-like office.

Steve took one look at the caller ID and groaned.

 _He has aneurysm-face..._  Danny thought, slightly but not yet completely amused.

Steve answered... "Governor..."

 _Aaaahhh..._ realised Danny. He just hoped they didn't have a new case today. They were all being buried alive under a backlog of paperwork and despite the fact that Chin and Jerry were making great headway in assisting the rest of the team with the administrative haul they were all still bogged down with the clerical crap.

Steve continued to listen silently as the Governor droned on. He blew air out of his nose roughly as he huffed, trying to reign in his impatience. If the Governor was aware of Steve's mood, he gave no indication.

"Yes sir, I shall contact the head of security and I will map the choke-points myself... yes... yes Governor..." and this went on for another ten minutes at least.

Steve put the phone down and growled. "Governor wants me to run security detail for a charity event this Saturday. I have to stop by the venue on Friday to map out the area of operation and the choke-points."

"Hey that's not so bad..." Danny tried for comfort, he wasn't the most calming presence but no one could say he didn't try.

"Are you kidding Danno?" Steve was agitated now. "He wants me to supervise the event on Saturday too! I don't wanna put on a monkey suit and traipse around with a bunch of snobs who don't even know which charity they will be donating to so nobly! There's gonna be a ramp modelling show and a bachelor -and -bachelorette auction to raise money and everything. I mean what is this the thirteenth century? Since when do we auction people off like prizes? We are actually regressing as a society!" Steve had to pause to take a breath. He had never ranted before, suddenly he felt as if Danny had possessed him but he knew that the notion was ridiculous. If Danny had  _indeed_  possessed him he would still be going on, he wouldn't have run out of steam.

"Would you relax? Why are you making yourself crazy?" Danny asked, trying to be the voice of reason. "It's just a fun little activity to help people get to know each other and raise money for a good cause, why are you getting so twitchy?"

"It's primitive" Steve griped but his shoulders sagged as he gave in.

"You want me to rally the troops? Make this an  _ohana_  thing babe?" Danny asked. He knew that if he called the others and told them what the Governor wanted they would all be in to help out this weekend, no questions asked.

"No Danno, I appreciate it but don't worry" said Steve, finally accepting his fate.

"You and Rachel have to settle the kids in and have family time this weekend and I am damn sure that the others have better things to do. The fact that Steve himself had nothing to look forward to over the weekend tore away at him like a blunt knife to flesh but he didn't dare voice these thoughts out loud.

"I'll go myself. I can't be that bad... There'll have lobster drenched in butter at an all-you-can-eat-buffet!" Steve smiled.

Danny laughed in relief as he looked at his childish and cheap partner.

* * *

_That Saturday night..._

It was worse than he could possibly imagine. The crowd was demure and snobbish, the food was gourmet yet unsatisfying, the champagne flowed and people were starting to feel the effects slowly but steadily and he was baking under the bright studio lights in his tuxedo as the fashion show began.

 _This is supposed to be for a children's charity?!_  Steve wondered incredulously as he knocked back the crystal champagne in his hand like a wino. He was limiting his intake because he was supposed to be on duty despite the plain clothes act but even he couldn't see how he could get through this evening without alcohol.

Governor Denning smiled at Steve as he was surveying the security. "Would you relax Steve? The security can take it from here, you have done great with the detail" said Denning, having to whisper into Steve's ear as the music from the fashion show was on full-blast. He was trying to get Steve to chill out. "Here have another drink..." and he forced another flute into Steve's tensed hand.

The fashion show was flashy and over-done. The lights were headache-inducing and the boom from the sound system was making his whole body throb. The crowd had clapped decorously when the first models had walked. As the show wore on and the alcohol flowed the crowd got more vocal. They began to cheer and sway to the music and then as the show began its final descent the cat-calls and whistling began.

Steve shook his head in disgust. It was like being at the world's most preposterous frat party. He just couldn't believe that this was supposed to be such a classy event. He had attended countless such events and none were half as boisterous as this one. He took another swig of the champagne and started to feel a comforting buzz and he just felt himself slowly adjusting to the invasive music when suddenly, a silence fell over the crowd. The stillness was so stark against the noise from a moment ago that Steve felt his body tense in anticipation.

The entire crowd was focused on the stage as slow choral music wafted from the speakers, more soothing than the waves that crashed on the island's shores day-by-day. The lights dimmed and the ambiance turned soft and hypnotic.

Steve could feel the crowd focus on the runway, completely entranced. He struggled to get to the front to see what all the drama was about.

Then, after what seemed like an eternity, he nudged past the sea of swaying and enthralled bodies and found his way at the dead-end of the runway and he felt like every cell in his body was set alight.

All the models had lined up on either side of the runway and then, out of a sea of nymphs, an ethereal Siren Empress materialised as if out of thin air and seemed to absorb every iota of radiance in the atmosphere around them.

_Sam..._

She stood before him, in the middle of the runway in the showstopper dress... A shimmering Grecian wrap in that kissed every erotic inch of her body. A pair of nine inch heels shaping her legs finer than a painting and when she walked the outfit flowed around her lush body like liquid platinum. Her kaleidoscope eyes stood out in a highlighting iridescent liner, her hair was teased up and glittered lightly to show off the dress and emphasise her blushed cheekbones. Her lips were plumped and ripened with luscious and enticing blood red rouge and she was dripping in diamonds.

Steve suddenly forgot how to breathe. He had never seen anyone or anything more exotic in his entire life, and he knew he never would again...

* * *

**There are a lot of people I wish to thank for this:-**

**To JOMERLEE, Dee-Ann and Astrollama and all you amazing people who have bookmarked and left kudos... Thank you all so so much!  
**

**And to my amazing WandeRimos! To our ML leader Pokerface, Annelien (especially for your love, inspiration and amazing review which I wish I could post here), Sage, Queen Tasha, Donna, Pippa, Alinda, our dear mermaid Gemma, Ris, Pieter, Leanne, Nelize, Crimson Overlord, Alyssa (our dear ML), Tarryn (my support), Allyson and Chrissie... I love you all so much... This is for you <3**


	14. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

**Hi Everyone! Hope you all are well. I am back with a new update and wow was this chapter my Everest:( It was tough to write but I hope you guys like it:)**

**A special thank you to my WanderWrimos <3 and to my dearest Calla for all your love and support and for allowing me to constantly trouble you and pick at your brilliant brain<3**

**A thank you to **JOMERLEE, Dee-Ann and Astrollama and all you amazing people who have bookmarked and left kudos... Thank you all so so much!****

**Disclaimer:** **Oh you know the drill!**

* * *

The lights blinded her. The loud, thumping, juvenile rave music that she had been counting on to distract her had suddenly died and she was right where she hadn't wanted to be... in the spotlight.

The studio lights made her feel like she was in a kiln and her ridiculous make-up seemed to suffocate her. Her dress was comfortable at least and the heels made her feel ten feet tall but these were small consolations compared to everything else she would soon have to endure.

There was nothing a doll loved more than being dressed up and shown off but Sam was no longer anyone else's doll and she had lived through enough of this bullshit to last a lifetime.

It angered her beyond belief that she had pushed herself right in the very place that she had worked her entire life to run away from, the meat market, the body bazaar, the prostitution promotion. The place where people were treated as objects and she had to sell herself in order to survive but again, she, always being in control the way she was, had placed herself into this position.

_Oh well... Smile and wave... Grin and bear... whatever..._

Sam was just annoyed at the minor inconvenience of the charity function and her anger tended to border on the dramatic.

When the Governor himself had visited the little orphanage where she volunteered a few weeks prior she had actually felt some sort of warmth when he had suggested the idea. The very thought of raising hundreds of thousands of dollars so that little children, like the precious child Caleb that she was holding in her arms at the time, could be taken care of had actually made her feel hopeful for these children's futures. She saw herself in every angel in that orphanage and she spent as much of her free time there as possible.

Governor Denning had visited there as a PR exercise that day.  _Hypocrite..._  thought Sam bitingly as she watched him in his fancy suit and his bodyguards with a camera crew and staff. Elections were still a long way away but, like his predecessor Governor Jameson, Denning had good sense and forethought. He would not have come this far without these attributes and he was here to put an innocent and child-like mask onto the ugly face of politics.

He had been introduced to Sam, a pretty face with a sharp mind. An independent woman with a background much like these orphaned children in a remarkable, marketable profession. She was beauty personified in a sea of little cherubs and he had given her an opportunity that no Good Samaritan in their right mind would resist. If she were willing to model for his children's charity event, then this little orphanage would become a part of the charity and would share in whatever amount was raised, which, if Sam were a betting woman and she was, would be hundreds of thousands of dollars. If her pretty face and doomed her, it could save these children and she would consider it a fair recompense for all she had suffered because of it. She agreed to do the fashion show. After all, what would be the difference between people ogling her whether she was on a stage or whether she was out for a walk? It wouldn't be any different to her but it could change a child's life after all.

Sam cradled little Caleb in her arms and shook Denning's hands in assent.  _How bad could it be?_ She had thought.  _There will be other models there as well so..._

Then Denning the asshole threw in the curveball, after he had taken Sam's commitment of course...

"Oh, would you be all right with a bachelorette auction? I don't know anything about your personal life and I don't mean to be forward, but someone like you could raise a lot of money for such a noble cause..."

Sam heard what he wasn't saying loud and clear...  _A pretty little successful girl like you will fetch a handsome price in the market. You have skills; use them to benefit us..._

 _The bastard!_  Sam seethed.

Their meeting had garnered a sudden surge of attention, not only amongst the children but the staff and the cameras as well. Their earlier handshake had been captured beautifully by an intrusive flash and Sam would bet her liver that the handshake would make it into some form of display during the event.

She was right.

As she stood at the head of the ramp, the picture shone behind her on the grand screen, her meeting with the Governor of Hawaii immortalised as press fodder.

Sam was dressed to kill yet she felt sick... sick and murderous. He dazzling smile however, never let up.

She was blinded by the lights; all she could see was the ramp in front of her and the slaves besides her. She took a breath, garnered her boss bitch attitude, stuck up her chin, straightened her spine, pushed out her breasts and strutted her stuff.

The music was ethereal and Sam, who had heard the catcalls back stage, was very aware of the awed silence around her. She felt the scorch of the hundreds of heated gazes, all directed at her, making her feel like an ant under a magnifying glass.

She got to the end and her heart suddenly stopped. She let nothing show as she posed dutifully like the doll that she was. The dress flowed around her, making her feel like she was floating on a cloud but something in her stomach made her feel like she was sinking and that she was anchored and floating to the bottom of the ocean...

_The ocean... A Sailor... My Sailor... My Steve..._

He was here... He was somewhere here... Sam could feel it in every cell of her body. Her eyes scanned for him, desperately. She searched for him like she would search for an oasis in the desert but she could not see him, not with the glitter and the sparkle and the lights and the heavy and leaden atmosphere.

His very presence though, seemed to fill her with light. The crowd and regained its tempo in sync with the light inside her, as if they could see her glowing inside and out.

Her poses were suddenly filled with confidence. She began to lap up the attention of the ecstatic crowd. Her very skin was suddenly infused with lust as she imagined Steve standing before her and she dreamed that she had dressed only for him, that she posed only for his pleasure and for his eyes alone.

* * *

Her body radiated the promise of pleasure and the crowd around him basked in it in response. It was the most animalistic reaction Steve had ever seen. Did this little minx know that with every twitch of her perfect little body she could drive anything with a pulse wild?

He himself was enraptured but as he watched everyone else drink in her beauty, his heart seemed to turn to ice.

It was as if she was from a heavenly plane, an angel that smiled down upon the broken man that he was once a week to offer him solace and comfort... But she was not meant to be with him. She would have to fly back to her heavenly abode eventually, the question was, whether he would be whole again after her, or would he be left with this gaping emptiness in his chest for eternity?

The very idea that she could have a husband or a boyfriend raising a glass to her in this crowd made him feel like he was dying inside.

And then, her laser eyes wafted through the crowd like she was staring at nothing and suddenly, she locked eyes with him and time seemed to stop completely. He felt like fireworks were bursting behind his eyes and then her luscious lips turned up and the dents in her cheeks seemed to sink more deeply as her dazzling smile seemed to cast a spell on everyone in the room. She ignored the rest like they were insignificant insects; she stared over the Governor himself and looked Steve right in the eyes. She pouted her rouged lips, placed her fingers above them in a quick but sultry kiss, then held her hand out and blew the kiss directly to him. The crowd all turned like a whiplash, every one of them caught in a tornado as they swivelled to where he stood but he was too deep in their own midst. It was impossible for them to discern to whom she had bestowed her gesture of affection. But whoever that person was, they were the envy of everyone present.

"Steve? Steve!" Steve was jolted out of his trance by Governor Denning who tapped him on the back and smiled at him, a little tipsily. "Come on there's a few people I want you to meet."

Steve was dragged away reluctantly by the Governor but before he could turn away he held Sam's gaze for as long as he could. He may have been leaving the ramp area but somehow his mind and his heart were left behind...  _with her..._

Sam watched as Denning dragged Steve away, probably to introduce him to some big-shots. She felt a pang in her chest knowing that Steve was being put on display at this function just as much as she. He was the Governor's law, his literal and figurative blue-eyed boy and every senator present, Sam assumed, would want an introduction. The camera's blinded her but she did not squint once. Her body was entirely in her control, she would not shudder for any reptilian camera-hound. Her profile full of mystique, her eyes full of longing, she looked like a painting and the paparazzi and the crowd drank her in. She did not stop staring after her Sailor though, not until Denning had hauled him completely away from the fashion arena.

The music died abruptly and jarringly, slaughtering the ambiance and atmosphere that had been created after much effort on the part of the DJ. The MC appeared, a former beauty queen still clinging to her youth, the units of Botox injected beneath her skin only outweighed by the champagne in her glass.

The models all loosened from their poses around Sam who was still centre stage. Everyone suddenly perked up in attention as MC 'Hagatha' aka Hilary Stromb cleared her booming throat into the microphone.

"Good evening ladies and gentlemen... I wish to thank you all for being here tonight" Her gaze washed over the crowd nonchalantly and she turned her hawk-like gaze to the models on the ramp. Hilary was an  _Emmy-_ nominated talk show host and had agreed to MC as a personal favour to the Governor. The models had been star-struck when they had heard that she would be presenting them for the auction but Sam had to keep herself from letting out an unladylike snort of derision.

"Don't you like her?" asked Amber, one of the other models.

"I watch her show with my husband every night!" said Chloe.

"I'm just not impressed" cooed Sam nonchalantly. She didn't give a flying fig what these women thought about her as well as her opinions. She found that she could not comprehend anything besides Steve. It was just about the two of them and the rest of the world seemed to pale and fade in comparison. Every norm, every law every boundary seemed to diminish until they were miniscule in Sam's eyes. The people who could separate them were suddenly too small and insignificant to her. Hilary what's-her-face was not even on her radar.

As Hilary glared at the ramp, every one of the models shifted and righted themselves instinctively under her scrutiny, all except Sam who met her gaze without blinking and continued to stare at her haughtily. Sam could tell what the old Hag was thinking as she eyed all of them like they were corpses. She was remembering her youth and wondering how these empty women could squander their beauty on activities that did not suit her inclinations. Sam almost laughed.  _Who gives a shit what this old bat thinks is proper? These foolish women, they bend for society, they bend for the rules and they bend for crones like Hilary_   _and suddenly these washed out rags of women consider themselves the alpha-bitches of society?_   _Wrong!_ Sam thought in amusement as Hilary's eyes circled back to her. The ancient banshee drew in a long breath as she appraised Sam again and she made no qualms about hiding her disdain for the younger woman.  _That's right Grandma... I'm the alpha... I'm the crazy bitch around here..."_

Steve may not have been in the room at that moment but the very essence of his presence seemed to fill Sam with an inner strength and the idea of posing as the showstopper, which she had initially viewed as a chore and then an insult, suddenly became a battle, one that she was determined to win. She held her pose and turned her lips up, her entire body seemed to glow like a diamond and the old lady seemed to wither where she stood.

* * *

They came up to him, clapping him on the back, handing him their contact cards, thrusting trays of food and drinks at him, shaking his hands and fondling his shoulders but Steve's senses were dead. He could hear nothing, he could see nothing, he could perceive nothing... _except her..._ She was here, looking like an angel in an apparition and here he was, stuck in another room while she was being eyed by every eligible bachelor on the island! Steve felt an animalistic rage pool in his stomach at the idea that others were caressing her with their evil gazes.

 _Who are you to get angry?_  Steve thought to himself as his throat choked up and his heart turned to lead. _Who are you to her? You are just another nut-job who has latched onto her... It's an unhealthy infatuation... Here you are getting all worked up but her husband or her boyfriend might be there, reassuring her and comforting her with his presence at this very moment._

He felt his eyes burn but he donned the mask of propriety and smiled for the Governor's guests. Pleasantries were exchanged, champagne flowed free and if anyone were to ask Steve later who he had met or what they had talked about, he would swear that he did not remember. He could not blame the alcohol; his intoxication resulted from a different stimulant, one more damning and destructive than the expensive swill that this place was slinging...

He stood with the senators and called to the forefront every ounce of his training to remain where he stood while the woman he cared for more than anything else was being auctioned off in the next room like a prized brood mare...

The bachelors went first. They weren't models like the women but eligible young men who were at the apex of their respective professions. Sam barely listened as old crone Hilary drone on and on. She extolled their virtues but Sam did catch that there were a few doctors, lawyers, engineers and even a couple of fire-fighters thrown in for sex appeal. Just when Sam thought that the organisers had wrung the entertainment dishtowel dry, they sunk to a new low as the few fire-fighters tore open their shirts and began posing with random women in the crowd for calendar pictures.

Sam felt nauseated at the crass, sexual display. But she dutifully stayed backstage where she had walked to after Hilary had introduced herself as Mistress of Ceremonies for the Auction. Sam's eyes never left the fire-fighters as she studied the crowd. The ladies began acting like wild chimps in heat. Jumping up and down, tearing, screaming and throwing themselves at them. It was animalistic and Sam lamented that she was cut from the same proverbial cloth and that they were from the same species as her. The fire-fighters did not hold one ounce of appeal to her, not when she knew the ultimate man was right in the hall outside. She could never imagine Steve stooping to the level of these showboat men, but she knew one thing for a fact, that if he were to put himself out there, every soul in this room would be transfixed on him. But they were all destined leave here bereft of him; he belonged only to her...

The bachelors came and went, they had all fetched handsome prices for the charity tonight, not a single man went for less than two thousand dollars.

 _This is for the children... For the children..._ Sam kept chanting it like a mantra in her mind because the very idea of being sold revolted her. She didn't care even if it was for a harmless, platonic night of companionship unless both parties on the date consented to more, it was unbearable to her. If she lost it now, she would castrate her date and throw his man-parts into the sea. She had to remember why she was putting herself through this, she had to endure...

The models lined up backstage for their auction as 'Hilary The Hag' began their introductions. Sam would go last as the showstopper.

She heard all about the magazines that the women had posed for, the careers that they thrived in, what their hobbies were and lastly, the sound of her own heart thumping blood into every vessel in her ears.

"And last but certainly not least, we have Doctor Samantha Talia Harris! Give her a round of applause ladies and gentlemen!" The men's growls seemed to echo from beam to beam overhead. Most of the women fell silent as the alpha-female in the room took centre-stage. Hilary began talking about Sam and Sam herself did not miss how the enthusiasm with which she had introduced the other models had faded from her rough throaty voice.

 _Talk-show host my ass!_  Sam thought acidly...  _I would actually pay her cash to shut the fuck up..._

Her eyes searched for her Sailor but he was nowhere in sight. The idea of going out on a date with another man, for even one night made her skin crawl and as the bidding numbers began to climb and the contestants began to bet more feverishly, Sam's apprehension began to heighten. She didn't even know where the bid currently stood. She was not afraid; she just hated the idea of someone else having the opportunity to get close to her besides Steve. She knew that she had made a phenomenal showstopper and the bidders were clamouring over themselves just to win a date with her.

If Sam was angry or disgusted though, she never showed it. She smiled and made eye contact which each and every bidder as the paddles moved up and down. She didn't even act on her impulse to murder Hilary as she boomed proudly into the mike... "Step right up my dear guests, Dr. Harris is young, beautiful, wealthy, talented and  **very much single!** "

The mob grew louder if that were even possible and the numbers climber higher and faster.

"Two thousand? Two thousand! Do I hear a three thousand?"

"Five thousand dollars!" yelled an enthusiastic bidder.

* * *

Steve's heart rate began to climb outside and he found himself loosening his bow tie. He was suffocating but despite that, he never thought he would yearn to be back amongst the sweaty crowd inside, baking under the studio lights.

_Sam was there, his Sam, Sam was about to be bid off..._

He heard the numbers and his head began to spin... Three thousand dollars, five thousand dollars, and numbers kept going up. He hoped that there was still time for Sam to go up. He knew from the itinerary that the bachelors would be sold off first...

* * *

Sam stood dutifully as the old bitch began to get more excited. The bid for her had been going on several minutes and by pledging five thousand dollars, the one enthusiastic bidder had already ensured that she would fetch more than anyone else who had been auctioned off this entire night. Before her, the highest bid had been four thousand seven hundred and fifty dollars. Yet the numbers kept flying and the old bird kept shouting. Sam's eyes kept searching, her heart kept pumping and the crowd continued to hum until one young, virile voice silenced everyone and everything around her...

"Fifteen thousand dollars!" The voice came from directly in front of her and the crowd parted like the red sea as the fervent bidder came into view... It was Dr. Andrew Liam Holden, son of Terence Holden, the man who ran the Tripler where Sam worked. Holden had been Steve's first therapist and Sam's long-term tormentor. Sam realised now that he would not leave tonight unless he won the date with her.

The crowd gasped at the exorbitant bid. That was more than three times greater than what anyone else had fetched tonight and a huge round of applause erupted.

* * *

"What on earth is going on in there?" Asked Governor Denning outside as the ruckus wafted into the outside hall. Steve's stomach did a somersault. He prayed ardently that the bachelor auction was still on or at least, had just ended.

"Let's go and see..." said one of the Senators and Steve did not hear anything after that as he raced back into the hall, grabbing the opportunity to get back to Sam for all it was worth.

He saw the lights flashing and the camera crew grow wild. The applause only got louder as he approached and he did not think that was even possible. He could see something happening on stage but some people at the back were all climbing on top of one another to catch a glimpse of the ramp upfront.

His heart hammered in his chest and he prayed that he would see her before it was too late but he felt every cell in his body shatter into millions of pieces as the female MC shouted in glee over the mob around her...

"Sold to..." She squinted and read a paddle that was upraised by a man in front of him. Steve could barely see his silhouette let alone identify him. The MC checked her list for the corresponding name... "Dr. Andrew Liam Terence Holden! What a generous man! You sir have won a date with our desirable and beautiful Dr. Samantha Harris! She is our Crown Jewel tonight and our showstopper and all because of your generous donation of fifteen thousand dollars to our noble cause!"

Steve stood where he was, dumbstruck. He felt his throat clog and his eyes burn and suddenly, the crowd parted for Holden in front of him. As Holden made his way up to the stage, the crowd seemed to calm and pay rapt attention. Steve finally got his view, and what a view it was...

All Steve saw was Holden walk up to the most beautiful woman he had ever seen, take a rose from her hand as she smiled blissfully at him and then he took her in his arms and captured her lips to his in a searing kiss...

* * *

_A few minutes earlier..._

Sam had caught sight of Holden walking up the ramp towards her, like a predator who had finally managed to latch on to his prey. The talk-show lady, whatever her name was, Sam did not care to remember, walked to her and handed her a rose to give to Holden. The Hag stood with her back to the crowd so that they couldn't see her and signalled to Sam by outstretching her thumb and forefinger beneath her lips to mimick a smile encouraging Sam to look happier and to put on a good show for the paparazzi. Sam hated her for thinking she could order her around like a showpiece. After all, she knew better than anyone how to don a mask and play to a crowd.

She looked through the Hag and straight at Holden. Her stomach turned in disgust at his smug expression of victory but as Holden stalked towards her she felt a warmth suddenly pool in her womb, a strange sort of comfort as if the repulsive man walking towards her was the answer to all her prayers. It was a visceral instinct but as the puzzle pieces clicked together in her mind, she actually found herself almost tearing with joy as she opened her arms to him.

Holden looked as happy as a dying man who had just been promised heaven as his pace quickened in his hurry to reach her but Sam could not see him any longer. Her heart seemed to rip through her flesh and her chest ached...  _Steve..._  Steve was back. Sam could feel him rather than see him and she knew that he could see Holden rushing to her. She felt his hopes wilt and die and his hurt but she could not focus on that now. The die had been cast and the game had begun, a new game which involved Holden, his arrogant father Terence and herself.

 _Just a little longer my Sailor..._  She thought as Holden reached for her as he got closer. Yes he may have been the answer to her prayers, but every one of those prayers involved Steve McGarrett. He would be a fine stepping stone to ensure that she and Steve would be together and that no-one would be able to stand in their way.

Sam had resigned herself to kissing her medical career goodbye when she had realised that being with her patient would constitute a conflict of interest. Her being with the man that she loved meant that she would sacrifice everything but somehow, in her heart of hearts she had known that the prize would be worth it, that Steve would be worth it. But watching Holden yearn for her had opened a treasure trove of possibilities. After shunning her for so long and making her fight for every ounce of happiness that she had ever earned, Fate was finally filling her chalice to the brim with good fortune. Holden was the key to making Steve hers. Holden was her shield against the medical board that would condemn her like the witch that she was to the stake. Holden's lust, his hubris, in fact, his very seeds would ensure that Steve would live in her arms with no consequence. She would keep her Sailor and her career and with those exuberant thoughts, she handed Holden the rose, allowed him to sweep her into his arms, clenched her teeth to prevent him accessing her tongue and smashed her lips to his in a searing kiss full of promise and of desire. The pain in her chest flamed anew as she felt Steve's heart break at their display.

She felt a primal urge to burn her lips with hot coals for pleasuring another man besides Steve and she wanted to slit her own wrists and watch her blood kiss the floor for them entangling themselves around Holden's neck instead of her Sailor's but true love always did come with pain and sacrifice. Every inch of her body that touched Holden screamed for Steve and the thundering applause of the crowd could not silence her body's agony but she persevered and kissed him with a drowsing passion because she would endure hell to ensure that she and Steve would be together forever...

* * *

The madness of the crowd had lulled to a sleepy hum, like a drunk who was finally able to knock off for the night. The buffet was still open and people had broken off into cliques as they ate, drank and hunched over deeply in conversation with their clique peers. The models were attacking the buffet; most of them had probably fasted in preparation for the show. The bachelors milled around. Some couples began to get randy and some of the couples brought together by the auction had found spots to both mingle and marvel at their chemistry or to stutter awkwardly through the whole 'twenty-question, getting-to-know-you' routine.

Steve's appetite had fled much earlier in the night. He watched Holden with a group of people, his chest puffed out like the buffoon he was, gloating about his prize. Steve actually felt acid rise in his throat as Holden pranced about like a love-struck gazelle.  _Sam is not an object or a toy asshole..._  He thought bitterly. She was light, she was sound, and she was music and honey and the embodiment of everything sinful and decadent. She was also poison, a poison that was slowly threatening to overcome him and there seemed to be no antidote in sight. The antidote had not come out with the other models from backstage so Steve could only assume that she was still in her dressing room.

He was tempted to head straight to the bar and ask the bartender for something stronger than the champagne he had imbibed earlier, the archaic urge to lose himself in the bottom of a bottle pervading his every waking thought but he needed to do something first, something that he had to be sober for.

He hopped onto the ramp as the cleaners were sweeping the glitter, rose- petals and confetti off the floor and he made his way behind the curtain. The last of the models were flittering out of the dressing rooms, unable to stomach their hunger any longer. He found her room and walked in without knocking. There she was, simple yet ethereal in the most exquisite gold ball-gown. Her hair fell in loose tendrils around her face and down her back. Her face now cleaned of the heavy and overwhelming make-up. Steve didn't know why the artists had bothered; no make-up could ever improve on what nature had gifted her.

She looked at him through the mirror, her eyes glistening with secrets. She offered him a tentative smile but said nothing. She continued with her routine as if he weren't even there. She removed her show earrings and exchanged them for a simple crystal teardrop that kissed her cheek as she screwed them to her earlobes, her skin free now to finally breathe life into her every pore, giving her a natural gleam. Steve could stare at her for hours and he knew he would never see a single imperfection.

* * *

Sam had returned to the dressing room after she had finally managed to extricate herself from Holden's python-like grasp. She had signalled one of the assistants who had been carrying a tray of liquor. Sam did not care who ordered it, she simply took the strongest looking drink on the tray, poured it into her mouth desperately, gargled and then spat it into the bin nearby. The piercing taste of the liquor told her that she had just gargled and spat out some truly expensive black-label whiskey like a mouthwash and the assistant looked at her incredulously. When she had finally purged herself and her lips of Holden's disgusting touch Sam fixed the assistant with a murderous glare, daring him to say anything but he quickly looked down and scurried away, barely able to keep his tray balanced.

She looked down into the glass and she saw some whiskey still left there so she simply shrugged and threw it back. She deserved it for fuck's sake. She left the glass on some random surface and dragged what was left of herself to her dressing room, wanting nothing more than to change into a comfortable jeans and a sweater and switch out her heels for kicks but the sight that greeted her in her dressing room made her want to scream and torch the place down in pure, uncontrolled rage.

In her dressing table was an outrageous gold dress, with matching shoes and jewellery, expensive obviously with a literal note of arrogance which simply stated;

_"Come out in this... I am dying to show you off..." – Andrew_

Sam put on the dress like a warrior would don their armour. She was preparing for battle and this dress with its gaudy fixings would ensure that she would never forget her motives. She would make Holden suffer, really suffer. No one treats her like a dress-up doll. Holden had just woken the devil inside and this devil had sealed his fate...

She had been putting the finishing touches on her look when her Sailor walked in without announcing himself...

* * *

He swayed slightly. The alcohol and his empty stomach was not conducive to a mature conversation, in fact, he felt like a complete idiot as he stood behind her, his stance screamed determination and purpose yet every coherent thought had suddenly floated away from his mind like an errant kite at the sight of her.

It was in that moment that Steve realised that he could resent her; really resent her. He could resent her games, her indifference and the fact that she could still hold him helplessly in her web. It burned a hole through his chest knowing however, that his resentment stemmed from his feelings for her. He hated that she could strip him of his power and reason and yet, he would always be drawn to her like a dying man to his breath.

She turned her head from side to side and examined her profile on each side. Once she was satisfied she stood up and locked eyes with him through the mirror. Steve half expected her to ask him for an explanation for barging in on her like some demented lunatic but she simply turned to him, brushed her hands across his cheek and walked past him without another word.

* * *

Just the mere feel of his cheek and his stubble beneath her palms filled Sam with undeterred courage and purpose. He was tipsy, not quite drunk yet and the urge to take him into her arms threatened to cripple her.

She squared her shoulders and sealed her lips deliberately. She could not get him involved in what she was about to do, not yet. She gathered every ounce of her strength and ignored him before she walked out of the dressing room.

* * *

She had not said a word. It was as if she were looking right through him. He followed her, got ahead for a second and held the curtain back for her as she made her way back up the ramp, only this time; she walked down the stairs and straight to Holden's clique. She looped her arm around Holden's and joined their conversation, all eyes suddenly on her. Steve watched as she smoothly inserted herself into the world of these pretentious people, she even threw her head back and laughed at some inane joke that Holden had whispered into her ear as he leaned in close to her... too close. His eyes were travelling down her cleavage and his hand cupped her lower waist possessively.

Steve thought he would hurl at the display. They looked like a couple, one that had been together for some time, comfortable with each other and the way their bodies fit together.  _They are sleeping together..._  He thought darkly. His traitorous thoughts were becoming his undoing. He stalked off to the bar and asked for a neat whiskey and threw it back callously, his throat and eyes burning as the hard liquor scalded his oesophagus, blazing a trail right through to his empty stomach. His head spun but before he could ask for a refill Sam breezed in next to him, the voltage of the very air around him charging in her presence.

* * *

Sam had joined Holden's clique dutifully after Steve had let her out through the curtain. Holden licked his lips in delight when he saw her dressed in the ensemble that he had bought and left for her during the show. He knew that he would win this date with her tonight. His father had ensured it. Holden's fixation with the pricey Dr. Harris was no secret around the Tripler but she had never given him the time of day. His father Terence had tried to distract him with other fixations but could never quite get his hot-blooded young son to forget the beautiful doctor with the haunting eyes. It was an embarrassment to him that his young, virile, handsome and eligible son was being played by an orphan psychiatrist who may have served her residency in surgery but was here enjoying her position as a psychiatrist at the Tripler because he had taken pity on her and her pretty face.

He gave his son his blessing to do whatever it took to win the date with Sam tonight and even sprung for the dress, the Manolos and the Tiffany's jewellery. Sam would become a part of his family. The money he was throwing at the Auction would go to charity which would give him good PR and Sam as his daughter-in-law would calm his errant son and ensure that his tastes were satisfied as well...

* * *

Sam watched as Holden's eyes darkened with lust. He held her possessively. "You looked beautiful baby, now let's get this show on the road..." He whispered into her ear as his friends looked on. The fact that hanging out with these people who considered themselves Holden's friends seemed to be a show to him actually gave Sam some appreciation for the asshole. But when Alicia Cadister looked at Holden curiously Sam knew that she was about to call him out for being rude and whispering intimately with his 'date'. She rescued Holden but throwing her head back and laughing as if he had told her a joke and responded, "I am glad you didn't have to go that far to win this auction!" She implied that he had said something funny like he would do trapeze or scale a building. Holden smiled in relief when he caught Alicia's stern expression as she opened her mouth to chide him. She then promptly shut her mouth and she silenced her distasteful snort as Holden put his hand around Sam's waist. Sam turned quickly to Holden's friend Dr. Brady who was sharing a 'delightful' anecdote about how his wife had nearly crashed their yacht in the harbour after an ill-advised sailing lesson. Sam held her expressions, smiled at the appropriate moments and turned sombre when she had to but her mind was on the handsome man drinking miserably at the bar behind her.

Alicia complimented Sam on her dress. Sam thanked her and Holden felt his face darken when Sam did not acknowledge that  **he** had bought her the dress. She had not even thanked him. He could not help his immature outburst, "Well I do have impeccable taste, in clothes and in women."

The others fell silent and Sam's face contorted in rage.  _So the little brat wants an award huh?_ She thought angrily. She had not asked him to buy her the dress, she had not wanted to come out dressed in his charity clothes like a common whore and yet here she was, enduring this vile man and his idiotic friends only for Steve and now, this bastard wanted her to repay him for spending money on her? Money that she hadn't even asked for? Money that belonged to his dictating daddy?  _Fuck that!_  She was so sick of people lavishing her with gifts and attention only to want things in return.

Holden began worrying that he had crossed a line and that she would be upset at him for acting so crassly but Sam simply smiled, pulled Holden's hands off her waist and excused herself before turning around and stalking off to the bar behind her, whatever goodwill she had felt towards him thoroughly spent.

Holden called after her but if she heard, she refused to respond. He watched in anger as she humiliated him in front of his friends and turned her attention to some lame loner at the bar that knocked back a whiskey.

* * *

Sam smiled as she walked over and watched Steve's face scrunch up in pain as the liquor worked him over. To Steve, it almost felt like she was mocking him.

"I'm hungry..." She said simply.

"Buffet's open at the back..." His voice sounded rough and gravelly, even to his own ears.

He gestured to the bartender who was making his way over when Sam placed her hand, palm down, over his as his hand rested on the cold granite table.

"I'm craving a cheeseburger; do you know of a good bar and grill nearby?" She looked at into his eyes with such earnestness that he swore she was fucking with him.

"Shouldn't you ask your boyfriend or fiancé or whatever?" He asked bitterly.

Sam actually laughed at that. "Holden may have bought my company Steve, but he certainly doesn't own me... Now come on, don't make a lady ask twice."

She clasped her hand in his and practically dragged him off the stool. She gestured to Holden and smiled as she waved at him with her free hand, her other hand still clasped firmly in Steve's. Holden looked murderous and Steve could only stare him down. Sam smiled impishly, turned her nose up condescendingly at Holden and his clique as she squeezed Steve's hand tightly. The man who had paid fifteen thousand dollars for her company was left wanting as she held onto another who had not even bid on anything.

Most of the last guests watched in astonishment as she and Steve left together, her head held high and her hand firmly in his grasp.

* * *

Jake's Bar and Grill was buzzing with late night activity when Steve and Sam walked in. It was actually not that far from the charity event.

The Governor had provided Sam with a limo for the event and therefore she had not taken her own car. For some reason the very idea of driving around town with Steve in a limo seemed excessive and ridiculous. She politely dismissed the chauffeur for the night and she and Steve walked on.

They walked past Steve's truck next, both agreeing that it was not safe for him to be driving. He was not drunk, not by a long shot, but it was much better to be safe than sorry. They had resigned themselves to walking and decided to get something to eat nearby.

The casual thrum of the bar came to a jarring halt as they had entered. Every eye in the room transfixed on Sam in her shimmering gold ball gown and heels. She stared back, slightly tentatively.

Steve chuckled under his breath...  _Baby Girl was definitely overdressed._  The club dolls and waitresses gave Sam a once over, their venom practically spewing from their eyes and oozing from every pore of their scantily clad bodies. They wore their jealousy like the cheap colognes they likely splashed on every night before traipsing into this joint, hoping for something to remember, something to forget or someone to lay with.

The sluts at the bar seemed to cream at the sight of Steve, all tanned and rugged; their eyes bypassed all the other tanned and tattooed biker guys in the bar. He seemed to fit right into the crowd despite the fact that his ink was not visible beneath his long sleeves and yet to everyone knew that he was not cut from the same cloth as any of the seedy occupants of the bar.

Steve almost felt embarrassed. This tavern was no place of a woman like Sam. Sure he was a beer-and-burgers type of guy but Sam was most definitely a champagne-and-caviar type of girl. She stuck out in this place like a flowery Persephone as Hades had welcomed her straight into hell.

He hadn't wanted to come here, but Sam had insisted that she was ravenous and refused to keep walking.

The bar looked neat from the outside; it was just the patrons that lurked outside that seemed more unsavoury than Sam was probably used to.

 _Hmmm... Clean in here too..._ Sam smiled. The place was actually decent inside.  _Perhaps the late hour draws in the more daring patrons..._ thought Sam as she sighed in relief at finding a clean, decent and more importantly, an open place to eat at almost 01:00 am. It was also within walking distance. She really was famished.

Cigarette smoke permeated the air, rendering the atmosphere fogged and hazy. The wooden notes of bourbon and hard spirits tickled her nose. What set her stomach alight though was the gentle sizzle of the grill and the charred and sweet greasy smell of the delicious burgers flaming to perfection. She had to get some food in her or she would claw her pretty little eyes out. She closed her eyes and inhaled the wonderful smell of the deep-fried chips and the gooey cheese melting on the sizzling patties. She licked her lips in anticipation and every straight dick in the bar went hard.

 _Wow she really is starving..._  thought Steve in concern. He didn't blame her. Fancy gourmet foods were hardly satisfying and he knew better than anyone the heavenly taste of a perfect barbeque. Sam looked around like she was seeing a whole new world. She examined the tables and the dimmed mood-lights. She gave the bartender a once-off and Steve could practically see the middle-aged asshole come in his pants. He let go of her hand and placed his hands on the small of her back. Sam looked up at him and her eyes warmed as she watched his jaw set in anger and possessiveness. He would skin anyone here alive if they dared to come near her.

She leaned into him and Steve felt his cold, deadened heart suddenly spring to life. Nothing else mattered in that second, not Holden, not Governor Denning, not the assholes in the bar eye-fucking the woman in his arms... All he could see was her...

They took a booth in a corner and Sam drummed her hands on the table and licked her lips unconsciously in anticipation. Her ball gown was glittery and stark against the dimness of the pub. A waitress sashayed over, checking Steve out like a piece of meat.

Steve did not even tilt his head in her direction. "What will you have?" He asked Sam.

"I'll have a cheeseburger with a loaded fries and nachos on the side and whatever beer is on tap to wash it down." smiled Sam politely at the waitress.

Steve looked at her in astonishment. He realised now that he would never understand women. He had thought that she would order a salad or something dainty but the idea of watching her devour a cheeseburger, her lips coated with sauce and melted cheese suddenly turned his dick hard.

Sam was having the time of her life. She had never been to a place like this. This was an adventure! It sounded ridiculous but she had never even eaten a cheeseburger before. Not that she lived under a rock or anything, but Hailey and Tina would never have been caught dead in a place like this and the only time she ever ate out without them was at high-society functions where even the burgers were practically hors d' oeuvres. It just smelled so sinful and tempting that she was dying to try something fatty and unhealthy.

She tried smiling at the hostile waitress. The tatted bitch actually had the nerve to roll her eyes. Sam's sweet countenance darkened.  _How dare she? This fucking bitch dares to think that she is better than me?!_ She could feel her very flesh singe in barely controlled rage. She smiled at the whore, her voice sugar-coated with a sharp edge, like a dagger behind a curtain...

"Anything for you my Sailor?" She asked Steve. She called him 'her Sailor' purely out of habit. She wasn't about to give the hooters bitch posing at their table the satisfaction of staking her claim over Steve in front of her. She was beyond any insecurity.

To her amazement and joy however, it was Steve who dismissed bitch, his voice icy and distant.

"I'll have whatever my date is having thank you." The dumb bitch seemed unable to take a hint as she reached out and practically splayed herself over the table as she reached for his menu. She ignored Sam and the menu in her hand entirely. She searched his left hand for a wedding ring and when she saw none, she became bolder. She practically shoved her artificial breast in Steve's face and despite the fact that Steve was too much of a gentleman to tell her off, he refused to look at her assets despite the fact that she forced them right into his line of sight. He leaned his head away from her and looked at Sam, his eyes shining at her.

After she picked up Steve's menu, she sauntered off, her ass jutted out and her heels clicking on the wooden floors. She had left Sam's menu with them at the table.

"Wow that was cold..." sighed Sam. Steve did not miss the tinge of misery in her voice. Sam really was upset, that waitress was ruining this entire experience for her. She was about to have her first cheeseburger on her first date, out alone with the man she loved. To Steve, this was probably something he did regularly, visited grills with his friends, chilling with beers on the beach but for Sam this meant something, she wanted to live this night for all it was worth.

Some of the waitresses were laughing at her, she must seem ridiculous to them being so overdressed. Steve shot them with a dark glare and they immediately turned away. He reached his hand out towards her and held her hand in his over the table. Sam looked up at him with shining eyes.

Sam smiled at him, trying to hide her disappointment, "Wow that was hostile, I hope she doesn't spit in my food" she had meant it as a joke; she wanted to lighten the mood. She wanted to be free with Steve tonight. She didn't even know if she would like the food but tonight was a night were she was not just his therapist and he was not just her patient. Tonight was a night of firsts; they were just a man and a woman sitting for a meal. There was chemistry yes, but there was no pressure and right here, sitting before Steve and sharing a booth with him in this seedy bar overlooking the beach, Sam would not want to be anywhere else in the world, no matter how exotic.

"I won't let her spit in your food" Steve answered her resolutely. There was a thinly veiled roughness to his voice, it sounded dangerous and Sam felt her kitty clench. "I can see the kitchen and the grill from here. I will make sure that she doesn't pull any stunts"  _Thank goodness for open plans..._  thought Steve as he faced the kitchen in his line of sight.

Sam's cheeks caved in as her dimples emerged.

"I am sorry about earlier, about calling you my date... I just..." Steve started contritely but Sam placed her other palm over their already-clasped hands.

"You don't have to explain Steve... I can't believe you still think that all that matters between us. Come on Boy Scout, take a walk on the wild side" She grinned with a demonic glint in her eyes.

Steve smiled at that, his first genuine smile of the evening as he watched the grill out of the corner of his eyes.

Only five minutes had passed and Sam began tapping at the table distractedly and licking her lips again. She didn't know how much more she could take. Steve watched her in amusement but he also knew from years with Catherine that a hungry woman was a dangerous woman and Sam was bordering on feral kitten territory.

He watched the food being served up and the hooters girl bought their food and beers. She set down the tray and served up the meal. She lifted the tray to her perky chest and looked at Steve again.

Steve felt uncomfortable. The attention was definitely unwanted and was starting to nauseate him. He just wanted a few moments alone with Sam, was that too much to ask for? He just wanted to enjoy her company and eat a meal in peace.

Sam could feel the discomfort rolling off Steve like a tidal wave and her anger returned with a vengeance. Ogling Steve was one thing, but if he was starting to feel harassed then that was the last straw for her. The bitch had brought them their food, Sam saw no reason to be nice to her anymore and besides, the food was hot and inviting. She was eager to dig in.

She turned to the waitress and squared her shoulders... "That will be all thank you" she stated in a firm tone that brooked no argument. The waitress, Sam did even care enough to learn her name, turned to Sam incredulously. Sam narrowed her eyes at her. She had a few choice words for this desperate whore but she was a lady, and she had much more dignity than rolling in the trash with women like her.

The waitress stuck out her fake tits at Sam, as if deliberately trying to make Steve feel like he was missing out. She turned to him one last time but Steve did not turn his eyes away from Sam. Sam's anger seemed to charge the atmosphere and Steve actually found that he liked it.  _So she is not as unaffected as she pretends to be..._  the thought made him feel inexplicably smug. Sam's voice lowered menacingly, "Take a picture, it will last longer. Now if you don't mind beating it, my date and I are trying to enjoy a meal."

Steve smirked at her. He waved his hand at the waitress, dismissing her and she stalked off in disappointment.

Sam refused to let her ruin a second more of this adventure. She yanked her platter towards her. Steve looked away for a second just to pick up some napkins from the pile next to them but when looked at Sam again, she had cast aside her cutlery and her small hands grappled with the huge burger. She opened her delicate jaw as far as it could go and she shovelled as much of the burger into her mouth as she could fit. Steve watched in fascination as the sauces and relish fell out the sides as she squeezed the bun together and the cheese began to ooze out. Sam's eyes closed as she tore away a bite. Her lips were smeared with sauce and her food filled her cheeks as she moaned in pleasure.

"Waow thissh 'ss awaazin!" Her eyes widened in wonder as she spoke around a mouthful of her burger. It was the most childish thing Steve had ever seen her do and he laughed at how adorable she was. She looked so innocent, chomping down on her burger like a kid in a candy store.

"Yeah it's amazing..." Steve smiled in amusement.  _She truly is amazing..._  thought Steve in wonder. A girl with a healthy appetite was hot.

Sam looked at him perplexed. She emptied the food stored in her cheeks into her mouth and chewed quickly. She looked like the cutest chipmunk Steve had ever seen. She gulped loudly as she swallowed the entire contents of her mouth so that she could speak properly again... "You haven't even tried it!" She laughed and stuffed a few fries at once into her mouth and moaned in pleasure as the greasy, cheesy and saucy fries hit her craving g-spot. She waited for Steve to answer as she eyed her nachos with pure undulated lust. It was such an adorable sight, she was dressed for gourmet food and now Steve was worried that she would spill the contents of her burger onto her expensive dress.

Sam watched him expectantly as she took another bite of her burger and then closed her eyes as she chewed again. She didn't even swallow that bite before she laid into the burger again.

Steve quickly took a bite of his own burger to keep from answering her. It was a good burger, not the best that he had but it was passable. He looked up at Sam and scrunched his nose slightly as he chewed. The sauce was too salty, there was not enough garnishing and the patty was practically rubber but Sam was devouring it as if it were cuisine.

Steve began to seriously question her taste buds. "It's okay I suppose..." he mumbled and Sam looked at him in shock.

"Okay? Just okay? This is amazing!" She took another bite, rendering more than half of her burger gone and smiled in glee as she chewed.

Steve looked at her incredulously. "Have you never eaten a burger before?" He smiled. He meant it as a joke but Sam's blank expression startled him.

"Wait... wait... hold on..." he shook his head as he tried to process this unbelievable piece of information.

"You have never had a burger before?! How is that possible?"

Sam shrugged, "Just never had the chance I suppose. Hailey and Tina aren't exactly 'fast food' girls, neither am I for that matter. If I order take-out, it's usually something exotic like Mediterranean or Indian or Chinese. I just never had a burger for some reason. But this is amazing."

Steve could feel his heart actually constrict in sorrow for her. He couldn't understand why this small little trivia about her made him sad. It was like she had just been taken out of a box in mint-condition and played with for the first time. She hadn't experienced such a simple joy in her life before.

He stared at her, dumbstruck. Sam smiled sadly at him and picked up the last of her burger and stuffed it into her mouth. She snacked on her chips and nachos while she waited on Steve. She laughed as he watched her eat.

 _Wow Baby Girl can really pack it away..._  he thought in amusement. He looked her over, her dress was stained in places with little tipples of relish and cheese but she didn't seem to care.  _Where does she put it all?_  He wondered as he pictured her supple breasts, her flat stomach and her ass which was so tight you could bounce a quarter off it.

"You should come to my place the next time I have a barbeque, I'll treat you a real burger" he said proudly and Sam felt herself glow from the inside out as she took a sip of her beer. She didn't particularly take to it but it didn't matter, tonight was the night to cross the threshold of her comfort-zone.

They ate in companionable silence and Steve could feel the carbs soak up the alcohol he had drank earlier. It was turning into one of the most memorable nights and then one of the best mornings for him. The company was a big part of that feeling, he knew that. She overwhelmed him beyond reason. The magic was cut off abruptly when Sam's phone rang. She smiled at Steve but her blood turned to frost. Only one jerk could be calling her at this hour...

She picked up her phone and pressed the power button to silence it. The number was unknown but Sam would bet a kidney on who the mystery caller was. She took another forkful of her nachos and shovelled it into her mouth and Steve smirked at her. She began chewing when the phone rang again... Unknown Caller... Her head began to pound...  _The bastard! Can't he understand that I am busy?_  She deliberately cut the call this time. She knew though, that she would pay for her insolence later. Yes the caller was a doll to her, but he loved to think he was in control. She knew the consequences all too well if she pissed him off and she had to pull the strings very delicately. He took her for a puppet and she had been happy to play along until she had come to the island. Now, everything had changed it was time for her to cut the strings completely. He was a wildcard and a dangerous one at that. Sam unfortunately would have to rein him in, he was slowly becoming out of hand. He wasn't even on the island yet he demanded her undivided attention whenever he tried to reach her. This particular game that she was involved in was delicate and dangerous work and this particular doll needed special handling.

She tried to smile and distract Steve when the phone rang again... Unknown Caller _... For Fuck's Sake!_  Sam huffed. He couldn't take a hint. She cut the call deliberately on him again and Steve's brows furrowed in confusion. He didn't dare voice his concerns out loud though so Sam offered no justification.

_Soon Steve... Soon all these barriers between us will crumble... Anyone who stands between us will be destroyed and soon you will be mine..._

Something however, had been playing on her mind ever since he had first consulted with her after the 'Michael incident'. She had been putting off asking him about it but the call and pressed upon her the need to know the answer to one of her most pertinent questions about the mission in Afghanistan.

"Steve can I ask you something if you don't mind?" Sam's voice had gone quiet, much softer than usual and Steve had to lean in and strain his ears to catch what she was saying. The cheesy '80's music coming from the karaoke machine and the incessant chatter around the bar definitely did not help.

"Sure sup?" he asked as he took a sip of his beer.

Sam hesitated. She knew this would come up eventually. She had planned to ask him about it during one of their sessions but the incessant phone calls from her doll on the mainland had roused her curiosity and a fear within her. She hadn't asked before because she hadn't wanted to know, she hadn't wanted this dream to end, but Steve's answer to her next question could either make her entire life or break her and her future plans for them completely. Her throat closed. She hated the caller in this moment. She vowed that this was the last time that she gave him the upper hand over her, and irrespective of Steve's answer to her question, the bastard on the other end of the line in the mainland was going to pay. Whether or not Steve would be collateral damage though, would depend on his answer...

She hated to ruin the comfortable vibe that had settled between them but she decided to get it over with...  _Rip the bandage off woman!_ Sam chided herself.

She went for it...

"Steve, in Afghanistan, if you knew Randy was not a hundred percent into the mission, why did you cancel his leave and enlist him? It was quite a risk, and we both know what happened as a result..." Her voice trailed off... For the first time in her life, Samantha Harris felt ashamed of herself, but she had to know. It was not just Steve's, but her life that hinged on his answer as well. Steve however, could not know of the burden of the question, all Sam wanted was a simple, straight answer and her Sailor did not disappoint her...

He wondered why such a thing would come up now, but he supposed that it wasn't an unusual question. He felt his chest burn in shame as he thought about the cluster-fuck that went down back then. He looked into Sam's eyes and he could see a spark of desperation, and, dare he think it...  _Fear..._

Tears threatened to spill from her eyes but she held it in as she waited. She suddenly became a statue to him. She didn't even breathe. It was as if she were actually carved from marble.

Steve didn't question her and he didn't voice his concern as to why this question made her feel so emotional. She had simply asked for the truth so he complied. He had never told anyone before but something told him that Sam needed to hear this, whether it was because he wanted her to be the judge and jury at his internal trial or whether he wanted some kind of absolution for his crimes, he didn't know, all he knew, was that he had to tell her and let her decide for herself whether she wanted to save him, to maintain any relationship with him, professional or otherwise or whether this would be the moment that she would wash her hands off him forever. The latter thought however, would turn his heart into stone.

"It was all my fault Sam..." He whispered, not because he was ashamed, quite the contrary. He wanted to confess his sins at her alter but it came out as a whisper because he didn't know how to tell her without his voice breaking.

For the first time in her life, Sam felt her world crumble around her. No one, not even Steve himself knew the implications of his confession, about what it meant to her. His one mistake had cost so many people their lives, hers included. It went beyond the mission. Sure the mission had been a cluster-fuck but what happened after that was just as bad, if not worse. People suffered to this very day because of Jack's death and Randy's insanity and now, in what was supposed to be their most idyllic moment, Sam was learning that the man responsible was the one man that she had come to love more than life itself.

She had not felt this shattered when she had been sold like livestock tonight, not when Holden tormented her each day at the hospital, not when she had been nameless, not when she had been adopted by an abuser and not even, when that same abuser had forced himself inside her while calling himself her father. His sexual advances from the first time to every time after that could not have devastated her more than Steve's confession.

 _No..._ She thought vehemently. Denial swirled in her brain. She was not wrong about Steve, she could never be wrong...

"How? How is it your fault?" Her voice was shaky. They were down the rabbit-hole now. If she had been avoiding the truth before, she was now ready to ram down any wall that stood between her and the truth about her Sailor...

"I... I should have fought harder to keep Randy off the mission. I was following orders but I should have done what was best for my team..." Steve's voice really was tinged with shame this time. His shoulders had begun to curl over his body as he tried to cocoon himself subconsciously.

Sam looked at him incredulously.  _Wait a minute... Wait a minute..._

"Wait you were following orders? Whose orders?" Sam asked. If Steve was following orders that means he wasn't guilty and that she had been right all along. She had always told the caller that judging from Steve's file and his general accomplishments as a SEAL there had to have been more to the story, but the caller always harshly denied it. He was looking for someone to blame and Steve became his target. It was as if he needed for Steve to be found guilty and Sam was just the shoulder upon which he planned to mount his gun, but now, Sam was going to take that gun and shove it up his nut-sack if he touched her Sailor...

_Steve is innocent... He truly is innocent... He was just following orders…_

"It was Commander White's orders. He had insisted that Randy's leave be cancelled. Randy had just toured Afghanistan recently at the time. His intel was still viable, and his contacts were still in place. I tried to convince Joe... Commander White, that we would be fine without the intel, but he insisted that the more intel we had, the better our chances were. The Ghazni desert can be unforgiving and the fact that they knew the terrain better than us meant that things could go south for us really quickly. It would have been a ... a blood bath. But what the hell, it was a bloodbath anyway..." Steve took a deep breath, filling his lungs until his rib threatened to burst open. He just needed to occupy his mind for a second to get his bearings back. Normally confessing to Sam seemed to purge him of his worries, but reliving this nightmare seemed to fill his chest with cement. No matter how much air he took into his lungs he still felt the familiar burn from the lack of oxygen.

Sam's entire Universe and her belief system tilted back into place at Steve's confession. He was truly an innocent, a victim, a target of someone's misdirected hate and her manipulations.

She took a sachet, tore a wet wipe from it and began cleaning sauce and grease off her hands, the thrill of the burger now forgotten. She held out her hands to his and stroked the top of his wrist. She massaged his pulse nerves from the top to each side with a soothing circulatory motion and Steve felt his body still from her ministrations.

"It wasn't your fault Steve. Please believe that, and if you don't then don't worry, I will make sure that the decisions from others that had been foisted upon you shall never break you again. That is my promise to you."

Her eyes shone in relief and sincerity. The mantra of his innocence reverberating in her mind like sounds echo in a cave. Tonight she had moved one game piece with Holden and now she was ready to play a new game simultaneously. This game will ensure that her rabid little doll on the mainland would not become an issue and if he did, she was already making plans to eviscerate him. Sam felt a familiar warmth pool in her belly and her cunt began to throb in excitement as her plans for Holden and her mainland doll sprouted wings and took flight in her mind. She would come out a winner like she always had, this time, she couldn't afford to lose because losing meant that she would either lose Steve or Steve would lose his life, and she found that neither was an option to her. He would live and he would live on as hers... That was the only acceptable outcome, no matter how many people she would have to destroy for that to happen.

They had just finished their meal when Slutty McWhore magically appeared with the bill. Sam and Steve reached for it at the same time but Steve insisted that it was on him. Suddenly, it felt like a real date to Sam. She beamed at him and thanked him. Steve drained the last of his beer and they both made their way out the second exit on the other end of the bar which led out to a pearly beach, all eyes on the attractive couple as they walked out.

They both took their shoes off and held them in one of their hands, their other hands intertwined as they walked, the sand massaging their feet. The sea breeze was chilly so Steve gallantly took off his evening jacket and placed it over Sam's shoulder. Sam was touched beyond belief by his small gesture. For someone so brutally attractive, she was not used to being on the receiving end of men's chivalry but again she didn't thank him just like the first day they had met when he had held the door for her. His military manners were ingrained into him, a sign of indoctrination from people who did not understand him the way that she did, and she would not acknowledge the gesture. She  _did_  however; acknowledge how amazing his jacket smelled, like a wooden musky fragrance, a hint of his aftershave and something distinctly... _Him..._ She huddled the jacket around her petite frame.

The full moon in the sky lit a path for them as the waves lapped at their ankles. Sam glowed brighter than the stars in the sky and the moon slowly crept behind some dark clouds as if in envy of her radiance.

They walked comfortably side by side but they were yet to say a word to each other since they left the restaurant. Sam knew that Steve was stewing over the phone calls and his confession. He was not the type to let this go. She looked around trying to think of a way to cheer him up, her eyes travelled to the buildings opposite the shore and as she got her bearings and realised where they were, her smile suddenly sparkled with mischief.

"I want ice-cream..." She told him. Steve looked at her in surprise. She had said it so simply, the way a five-year-old would. It was not a desire or a wish but a statement of fact, she wanted ice-cream and she was getting it now.

"What? Here? Now?" He choked in surprise and Sam giggled at his shock.

"Yes now my Sailor"

Steve yanked his sleeve up and looked at his watch. It was almost two a.m.  _Which ice-cream parlour is gonna be open now?_  He wondered in amazement.

"Sam where on earth are we gonna find ice-cream at this hour?" Steve laughed. His earlier sorrow temporarily forgotten, brushed under the carpet of his mind for another day.

"See the Sheraton Hotel there?" She stretched her whole body as she pointed enthusiastically, "They have a bar that's open 24/7 and they have ice-cream too... Let's go?" Sam asked as she turned to him with a pleading stare and big eyes that looked like Puss In Boots when he tried to distract people with his cuteness.

Steve looked at his shirt, half-tucked in and the other half hanging down, his jacket now draped over her shoulder and her dress now stained badly with grilled cheese and sauce.

"Like this?"He asked as he ran his hand up and down his long frame, emphasising how inappropriate he looked to dine at a seven-star hotel and he somehow managed to chuckle and cringe at the same time.

"Yes like this... Why what's the problem?"

"Well my shirt is creased, my feet are sandy and your dress is stained. Doesn't exactly seem appropriate to dine at a seven-star hotel." He couldn't help it, he began to laugh openly.

Sam smiled at him. "That's so cute are you actually embarrassed?"

Steve bristled slightly when she described him as 'cute'. Women generally found him to be sexy, not 'cute' but somehow, her words made him feel warm inside.

"Aren't you embarrassed?" He asked in surprise. He would have thought that little Ms. Champagne-And-Caviar would be a little more proper.

"Embarrassment is simply another word for self-importance My Sailor" she said sagely. "Who are you here, in front of the ocean? You are no-one, I am no-one. No one knows you in that hotel so you won't be ruining your reputation, just let go and live."

"What if someone actually  **does** recognise you, or me? What if the Governor finds out?" He knew he sounded ridiculous but he couldn't help it.

"Then I dare anyone make fun of the fearless leader of Five-0, the Governor's Golden Boy" said Sam enthusiastically. "You save this island from disaster every day, God help anyone who stops you from saving a helpless little doctor from dying of ice-cream deprivation, and I am a woman, trust me, it's a real thing. I want Ben and Jerry's chocolate fudge-brownie ice-cream and I want it right now!" Steve burst out laughing at her theatrics.

Sam smiled, she loved seeing him so freely happy. It made her feel incredible knowing that she could make him laugh and that she could make him feel this way.

"If anyone asks, I have taken you hostage Sailor, now, am I getting chocolate fudge-brownie ice-cream or do I have to make this hurt?"

"Ma'am yes Ma'am!" Steve put his hands up in mock surrender then lowered them as he threaded his fingers through hers. They walked away from the beach towards the hotel smiling at their silly antics without a care in the world.

* * *

The hotel was splendid and despite the late hour, international businessmen dressed to the nines were prowling about in the lobby making important phone calls. Steve and Sam looked ridiculous with their bare, sandy feet and stained clothes, with his jacket over her sauced dress and their shoes still in their hands.

Steve could not help it, he was feeling terribly self-conscious. Sam however, was having the time of her life. She had lived her entire life pretending and conforming, but in this moment, she was completely free with the man she loved by her side and she would live this moment completely to rival every moment that she had spent living under the rules of society. Anything was possible as long as Steve was by her side.

"Have you ever had a dream where you were in public, like a stage or even a fancy hotel like this and you were in your pyjamas or totally naked?" Steve whispered to her and he looked around. Sam could see he was flushed red beneath his perfect tan. "I feel like that right now..."

Sam giggled as the concierge walked past and stared at the openly but he did not say a word.

"No I have not had this dream" She beamed at Steve as they made their way to the bar.

"No? Really?" He asked in surprise. "Well congratulations we are officially living it."

"Well I am having the time of my life Steve, and so will you. Just trust me. This dream will never bother you again in fact; I promise it will soon become a fond memory. Now quite your belly-aching Sailor and get me my ice-cream!" She hissed good-naturedly and Steve smiled as he sat her down at a table for two in the dead centre of the bar, not caring anymore that all eyes were on them.

The waiter came over and bless him for he kept his thoughts on their odd attire to himself. "Can I get you anything Sir? Madam?"

Sam drummed her fingers eagerly on the table and began licking her lips again, which Steve was slowly beginning to realise was a sign of her craving something. He wondered if she knew how hot she looked.

"Two Ben and Jerry's chocolate fudge-brownie ice-creams please, and for God's sake man please make it quick before my date turns rabid" Steve held out his hands dramatically in mock desperation.

Sam laughed then she turned the full power of her eyes on the helpless waiter, begging him to hurry up with their treats.

"Very good Sir, anything else?" He asked politely, pointedly avoiding Sam's eyes and her drumming fingers.

"No just ice-cream, and keep it coming" Said Steve as he smiled reassuringly at Sam.

They talked lightly and the ice-cream arrived barely five minutes later.

Sam's eyes lit up like it was Christmas and dived right in with her spoon. She shoved a big spoonful of the glorious, chocolaty treat into her mouth and moaned in appreciation...

"Mmmmmmm!"

"Hey shhhhh!" Steve hushed as he laughed. "Don't do that or people are going to think I'm doing something to you."

Sam rolled her eyes at him as she swirled the creamy dessert in her mouth and swallowed. She grabbed another spoonful and wrapped her delectable lips around the loaded spoon and as the cold brownie bits danced on her tongue she let out another moan, this time load and deliberate.

"Mmmmmm... Oh woooow!" She gasped in pleasure and the other patrons began to look at them.

Steve hid his face beneath his napkin and sunk in his chair and Sam laughed at him.

"You are unbelievable!" He groaned in embarrassment.

Sam smiled at him, the melting chocolate coating her lips like a gloss.

Steve's eyes suddenly darkened with naked desire has he brushed his thumb against her glazed and dewy lips.

The light air around them suddenly charged with sexual tension.

Steve removed his hand quickly as if she had scalded him.

He quickly turned his attention to his own ice-cream and ate a quick spoonful to avoid looking into Sam's eyes which were leaden with pleasure as she licked her lips.

The ice-cream was rich and creamy and Steve's eyes widened in surprise. "Wow!" He said in surprise.

"I know right? They always add their own brownies and hazelnut syrup, it tastes so much better!" Sam beamed in excitement.

They spent the next half hour relishing their ice-cream in comfortable silence as the other patrons watched on in amusement at the oddly dressed couple with the early morning ice-cream fetish.

They left the hotel soon after and sat comfortably on the beach waiting to watch the sunrise. Steve had wanted to spread out his jacket for them to sit on so that Sam would not ruin her dress anymore than she had but for some unfathomable reason, Sam seemed to actively hate the expensive dress made by some designer whose name he hadn't cared to learn.

The truth was, despite the fact that the night's chill had long passed, Sam had not wanted to take Steve's jacket off her shoulder. It not only smelled of him but she felt at home in it even though she drowned in it. She felt as if she had managed to creep into his skin and she loved every second she spent in it.

They sat comfortably side by side as they watched the sun rise over the water. The sun may rise every morning on this end of the island but no two sunrises were the same, they were all unique and each was beautiful. The sky had turned from inky black, to deep purple to navy blue. Then light purple to pinkish-blue thereafter. The light began on the tip of the far end of the ocean and grew brighter and brighter until it was blinding. Steve squinted and turned away from the light. He looked to the side to avoid the sun's rays, the very side where Sam sat next to him. Her eyes soaked up the sun's rays. She blinked once but did not squint in discomfort and every spark of colour in her eyes were highlighted as they reflected the pure light and power from the morning rays. Her luminescence rivalled the glowing orb before her and Steve looked on at the little ray of sunshine beside him and he was mesmerised. The sun rising before him long forgotten.

Sam turned to Steve and smiled peacefully as the sun lit up his serene countenance. His eyes sparkled like the morning sky, a peaceful aqua blue as he looked on at her. She smiled serenely and looped her arm in his. She rested her head on his shoulder and he rested his chin lightly on her head protectively as they greeted the dawn of a new day and a new phase in their still-unnamed relationship together.

* * *

The  _Uber_ -ride to Sam's house was still and calming. She leaned into Steve, nodding off slowly against his shoulder until the jarring halt of the cab stirred her back to consciousness. Steve's eyes had not left hers since they had left the beach arm-in-arm into the cab. She looked so peaceful sleeping on his shoulder, like an absolute angel. He never wanted to let her go. It felt, dare he think it...  _Right..._

The spell was broken when they had reached their destination. Sam rose slowly and looked at him with sleepy, bedroom eyes and Steve felt a jolt race straight through to his manhood. The idea of waking up next to this glorious woman would be heaven on earth. Whether she was for him or not, he didn't know and he was terrified about finding out...

They got out of the cab and Steve told the driver to wait for him as he dropped Sam off at her door. He would then take the cab home, freshen up and go for his morning run. He had to work off the cheeseburger and ice-cream anyway. He would then shower and head off to the event venue to pick up his truck at some point during the day. Somehow his plan did not feature getting any sleep at all this morning. He was too wired to sleep.

He wanted to scoop Sam up in the safely of his arms as she battled to keep her eyes open but he dared not touch her as they walked up her driveway.

They reached her porch and she opened her door. She turned to him and smiled dreamily, "Would you like to come in?" She asked. She genuinely did not want him to leave just yet, it was not a mere formality that she was inviting him into her home.

As tempted as he was, Steve decided that she needed her rest and he needed to get to his morning workout.

"Rain check?" He asked hopefully. He cringed at how pathetic that sounded but Sam grinned as she nodded her assent.

He didn't know why, but he took her in his arms in that moment, and spontaneously grazed his lips over her hair and kissed her possessively over her forehead.

"Thank you" she whispered. "Last night and this morning were amazing. I will treasure it always."

Steve smiled, it was worth it, it always was with her.

She started to shrug off his jacket to return to him.

"No keep it" he smiled. In truth he loved the way his jacket looked over her shoulders. He felt like a teenager when his cheerleader girlfriend wore his Letterman jacket. It was like she was telling the whole world that she belonged to him and it calmed the possessive beast inside him. He hoped she would return it to him with her scent rubbed into it but he knew the chances of that would be unlikely. He still held onto hope though.

"See you soon Megs." And he turned and walked back to the cab but he did not get into the cab until he saw her cross safely over her threshold and lock her door behind her.

* * *

_Megs..._

God she loved it when he called her that.

She had just put her keys onto the stand by her door when her phone blared intrusively, cutting through the silence of her house and the magic that was in the air barely a moment ago.

_Unknown Caller..._

She had officially had it.

"What?!" She may have hissed into the phone but the caller blanched as if she had physically slapped him.

"Good morning to you too Sunshine" he deadpanned. There was not a hint of affection in his cold voice.

"Looks like you have forgotten about me. I have been trying to call you since last night... your time."

Sam drew in a cold breath to try and calm down.

"Considering there is nothing about you worth remembering, I am surprised that you thought otherwise." She replied tartly. She was poking a sleeping beast, she was well aware of this, but after her amazing time with Steve and her body's aching desire for sleep, her patience with this particular doll had worn thin.

"You psychotic bitch!" The caller shouted on the phone. He was highly-strung and agitated but Sam was not surprised nor afraid by his outburst.

"You think you can fuck with me you little cunt?! I will destroy you! I know... Never forget that. You have denied it for so long, but I know for a fact that you did it you bitch, and I will expose you."

Sam had officially reached her boiling point. She smiled and relished the fire in her belly. Her cunt began to get wet as she thought of why he was trying to blackmail her.

He was waiting for her response, waiting for her denial but she would not give the bastard the satisfaction. She loved nothing more than yanking toys out of her dolls' hands when they misbehaved.

"Yes, I did it. I killed Dom. Are you happy? Is that what you want to hear? I watched the light leave his eyes and can I tell you something else? Nothing had made me happier at that point. I heard the crack of his bones breaking and his shrieks of pain, I heard his broken voice still suddenly as his head cracked open and I didn't bat a fucking lash at his agony."

There was pin-drop silence on the other end of the line.

 _Good... That shut the bastard up..._ Sam thought with glee. The very memory of Dom's corpse making her pussy clench with heat. That memory coupled with Steve's jacket around her body made her cream shamelessly as she waited for her dear doll on the line to speak up.

"I will gut you... I will fucking server that pretty little head of yours from your shoulder you hear me?! Bitch!"

There, she had done it. She had poked the sleeping beast and he was awake and snarling. Oh how she wished that she could have seen his face as she told him how she had killed Dom but she also knew about self-preservation. It was better to tell him the truth while he was still a few thousand miles away, so he couldn't kill her in the heat of the moment, something he was very capable of and very inclined to do at this moment.

She heard him breathe heavily on the line. Suddenly he stilled. Sam knew precisely why he had silenced himself. He had realised that she was pulling his strings, she had told him the truth because she had wanted him to lose control and now, he had handed control over to her.

"Listen you little mindfucker, you act like you have your shit together but did you ever think how Steve would react when he finds out you killed another SEAL on his team?"

 _How dare he?! This bastard dares to take MY Steve's name?_ Sam was livid but she was not about to lose control like he just did. Instead, she found another opening and took a shot...

"Don't you worry about me baby, you have much more to lose than I do. Firstly, there is no way you can prove I killed Dom. There is not a shred of physical evidence despite the fact that I was there and secondly, even if you do manage to put the proverbial noose around my neck, how will you explain to Amy and the others that you knew who Dom's killer was this whole time and you were sitting on your ass? You are fucking pathetic. Just remember baby, I am not your slave, I am your partner. Piss me off and I will shoot you with the same fucking gun that you are pointing at me. Remember what I have just said, you have a lot more to lose than I do..."

_Slam dunk baby..._

Her voice was barely above a whisper again but her whole body shuddered as an orgasm ripped through her and she put her nose to the inside of Steve's collar and inhaled his intoxicating scent.

"Crazy bitch..." The caller whispered, clearly in shock now...

"Craz..."

"Oh baby as much as I would like to continue, you have officially bored me, I am going to get some much deserved rest...  _Aloha"_ Sam interrupted him as he tried to mumble 'crazy bitch' again.

She cut the call harshly and went up to her bedroom. She tossed the phone on her bed, took off Steve's jacket and placed it gently and lovingly next to the phone.

She took out a shorts and a t-shirt, a body lotion and her towel and went into the bathroom. She brushed her teeth, showered and dressed before climbing into bed and stretching leisurely beneath her comforter. She grabbed Steve's jacket and placed it beneath the comforter over her small body and drifted into the most peaceful sleep she could ever have had despite the aggravating phone call from the mainland...

* * *

**Wow how will destroying Holden help bring her and Steve together? Who is the mystery caller (I am sure some of you have figured it out...) and will Steve find out that Sam killed his teammate? For all the answers keep tuning into "Dollhouse". (Sorry I have always wanted to do that)...**

**Please let me know what you think:) - Az**


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